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Still not stable.....

Apr 05, 2014 - 0 comments
Tags:

confused

,

stable



Well another sleepless night.. this is so strange it has been almost a year to the day that I wrote in this journal... I had a small breakdown (FIT) tonight and told my husband to get out again..... I swear I don't know if I really want him to leave or im just  ill..... I have been feeling angry and quiet all week and he started bothering me yesterday and trying to make me feel better so I finally decided I would get up off the couch and take a shower and try to have a good day...
The day went fine but all the while I still felt uneasy and on edge..... so here comes Friday... I got really pissed at my 17 year old stepson and then my husband decided to tell me how he felt and that I was just a *****...... I was so mad I am just now calming down after I told him to get the hell on down the road I didn't need him.... Now confused and feeling all alone I don't know whats gonna happen next.... ??
Since last year I have moved, left my husband (we r back together I moved out and he followed me) pawned the title to my car, and lost the only job I was ever really happy with...... I filed for disability (my Dr told me too) and I have been sitting around and have not even went outside but a few times since November....
I feel like all that I had accomplished and kept together for the past 14 years is all gone... I no longer feel like the good mom that I always swore I would be.... That makes me feel more worthless than anything else..... Lord I do hope I come out of this.....

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