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The Ultimate Test...
Jul 22, 2009 01:30AM
- 27 comments
This is going to take me forever to write, but i would like to put it down while fresh. Toni, my lovely daughter in law to be, will type it for me.
Home from the hospital (Yeah) on the road to healing finally!!! Gotta say it hurts like Hell! But I will get over it. So far good on pain meds. Right now using 2 percs every 4-5 hours. Last night I made 6 hours! Good and not good lol. Hubby holding them is not as terrible as I thought it would be. It is all about me and how I perceive things. A control freak!! lol I'm grateful I turned control over on this. And taking them this way, they are more effective for pain. They offer break through pain meds. I said no, but hubby hid 6 norco from the week before. I had no idea lol! I was grateful though this morning I took 1 after the 6 hours. Whew - yes I was grateful!
Going into this surgery I was pretty confident in myself, my honesty with the drs, my honor, but I still felt a lil vulnerable. Everyone was on board.. In walks the Surgeon who works this weekend not my surgeon.. He did not like addicts- not at all! It turned into an emotional time. A trial for this girl!!! He treated me like **** Saturday morning. He asked, "Are you ready to go home?" late friday afternoon was my surgery..He was harsh and very distant. After he left the nurses attitude changed. Instead of breakthrough meds given in a timely manner, i had to ask. Then when I did, the gave them to me quietly and gruffly. My husband came in. I was crying. I felt so vulnerable and a fool for trusting! The weekend surgeon had ordered 1 Norco for breakthrough pain every SIX HOURS!! 8 months earlier my husband had his knee replaced and had the drip and another strong drug for breakthrough pain.
Anyway they started to take a hour to come to my room and do the minimal. Hubby got very angry and called in the floor Dr and head of the nursing staff. I explained my situation. They spent a lot of time with me. The nurses changed. I was put on proper med. Even a few other things to help that were non narcotic. They were given in a timely manner and I was taken care of in a respectful manner.
Sunday in struts the weekend surgeon. "You ready to leave?" And he went on disrespectfully with condemnation dripping from his voice. I ask him, "what do you have against me? That I have Hep C?" He said "No. Not That," dripping sarcasm. Then he talked to me like I'm in there seeking drugs! (Yeah, I had an operation that usually takes 2 hours. Mine took 3 1/2 hours and 2 pints of blood! My surgeon told my husband my shoulder was in a very bad way. ASSBITE! I also have things going on with me B.P that is concerning with numbness on the side of my head. I had a CT Scan done. 2 others to do Monday. A Sonogram of my heart. neck arteries and I AM SEEKING DRUGS!)
Anyways, he said I can release you today and I told him to leave. He then said "you have to stay anyway. You have a CT Scan to do. I told him I could leave any time I want and not come back to my room! I was so upset, angry, and frightened and confused!!
Back came the floor dr. She talked me into staying and the need to see to the test and follow up with my dr and told me she has much respect for me. The rest of my stay went well. My night nurses were absolutely wonderful and talked in length with me about being an addict in recovery. Much support. Monday I had all the tests, came home to special pillows bought for me, Kindness and compassion. I'm very humbled by the kindness offered to me. As for the weekend dr, he is narrow minded and I pity his ignorance as it makes him ugly. There are good, kind people in the world, then there are the ones who do not understand and use judgment as a tool. After all, Doctors are people!
I wish it went smoother, but for my trial I received warm support from strangers. I stood up for myself and did not back down from who I am. I received very good care to get to the bottom of my other medical stuff. I see my dr this Friday. I look forward to it and not :-)
I would like to thank you everyone who has taken the time to offer support and prayers and well wishes. This humbles and lifts me. I will try to get back to everyone. It may take a few as my arm is not very cooperative lol! I care so much for so many of you! You are all my rock (Corey LOL)
Going home I was offered percs and a breakthrough med, but asked for only percs- I received 80 of them. I will be using 2 percs every 4 hours until Saturday. Then I will drop to one. On the 3rd week I will stretch time between one and will stop at the end of the week. I am strong in my war and love my life clean!
Home from the hospital (Yeah) on the road to healing finally!!! Gotta say it hurts like Hell! But I will get over it. So far good on pain meds. Right now using 2 percs every 4-5 hours. Last night I made 6 hours! Good and not good lol. Hubby holding them is not as terrible as I thought it would be. It is all about me and how I perceive things. A control freak!! lol I'm grateful I turned control over on this. And taking them this way, they are more effective for pain. They offer break through pain meds. I said no, but hubby hid 6 norco from the week before. I had no idea lol! I was grateful though this morning I took 1 after the 6 hours. Whew - yes I was grateful!
Going into this surgery I was pretty confident in myself, my honesty with the drs, my honor, but I still felt a lil vulnerable. Everyone was on board.. In walks the Surgeon who works this weekend not my surgeon.. He did not like addicts- not at all! It turned into an emotional time. A trial for this girl!!! He treated me like **** Saturday morning. He asked, "Are you ready to go home?" late friday afternoon was my surgery..He was harsh and very distant. After he left the nurses attitude changed. Instead of breakthrough meds given in a timely manner, i had to ask. Then when I did, the gave them to me quietly and gruffly. My husband came in. I was crying. I felt so vulnerable and a fool for trusting! The weekend surgeon had ordered 1 Norco for breakthrough pain every SIX HOURS!! 8 months earlier my husband had his knee replaced and had the drip and another strong drug for breakthrough pain.
Anyway they started to take a hour to come to my room and do the minimal. Hubby got very angry and called in the floor Dr and head of the nursing staff. I explained my situation. They spent a lot of time with me. The nurses changed. I was put on proper med. Even a few other things to help that were non narcotic. They were given in a timely manner and I was taken care of in a respectful manner.
Sunday in struts the weekend surgeon. "You ready to leave?" And he went on disrespectfully with condemnation dripping from his voice. I ask him, "what do you have against me? That I have Hep C?" He said "No. Not That," dripping sarcasm. Then he talked to me like I'm in there seeking drugs! (Yeah, I had an operation that usually takes 2 hours. Mine took 3 1/2 hours and 2 pints of blood! My surgeon told my husband my shoulder was in a very bad way. ASSBITE! I also have things going on with me B.P that is concerning with numbness on the side of my head. I had a CT Scan done. 2 others to do Monday. A Sonogram of my heart. neck arteries and I AM SEEKING DRUGS!)
Anyways, he said I can release you today and I told him to leave. He then said "you have to stay anyway. You have a CT Scan to do. I told him I could leave any time I want and not come back to my room! I was so upset, angry, and frightened and confused!!
Back came the floor dr. She talked me into staying and the need to see to the test and follow up with my dr and told me she has much respect for me. The rest of my stay went well. My night nurses were absolutely wonderful and talked in length with me about being an addict in recovery. Much support. Monday I had all the tests, came home to special pillows bought for me, Kindness and compassion. I'm very humbled by the kindness offered to me. As for the weekend dr, he is narrow minded and I pity his ignorance as it makes him ugly. There are good, kind people in the world, then there are the ones who do not understand and use judgment as a tool. After all, Doctors are people!
I wish it went smoother, but for my trial I received warm support from strangers. I stood up for myself and did not back down from who I am. I received very good care to get to the bottom of my other medical stuff. I see my dr this Friday. I look forward to it and not :-)
I would like to thank you everyone who has taken the time to offer support and prayers and well wishes. This humbles and lifts me. I will try to get back to everyone. It may take a few as my arm is not very cooperative lol! I care so much for so many of you! You are all my rock (Corey LOL)
Going home I was offered percs and a breakthrough med, but asked for only percs- I received 80 of them. I will be using 2 percs every 4 hours until Saturday. Then I will drop to one. On the 3rd week I will stretch time between one and will stop at the end of the week. I am strong in my war and love my life clean!
Wow, I'm sorry to hear about the surgeon and his attitude..that was really sad. I'm glad to hear not everyone there shared his attitude and there were people who were respectful. That was good your husband was there to ride on them and get you proper service. I think even for those who do have nasty attitudes, it was good that you were there and possibly helped them to see how how bad their judgement is. Maybe it won't change their attitudes today, but maybe in the future... I like to hope for every rude person in my life, they get something in their life to wake them up, and get them to change their attitude. (maybe in a way Karma?) Doesn't hurt to pray for God to wake them up. I don't mean praying for bad things to happen to anyone.
Anyways Glad to hear you're on the mend. I hope the pain doesn't last much longer. Sounds like your husband is very wonderful and supportive throughout this process.
Anyways Glad to hear you're on the mend. I hope the pain doesn't last much longer. Sounds like your husband is very wonderful and supportive throughout this process.
I am glad that you are doing so well after the surgery, but saddened to hear of the ways in which you were treated by the weekend doctor that was at your bedside the majority of this time. It takes a strong, educated and wise woman to be able to stick up for herself in a situation like this.. Of course this would be done in a perfected manner by none other than my Lovely Lesa.
We ALL are missing you sincerely here, and pray for your safe return soon... Meaning, as soon as you get better and do you first! I love and miss you very much.
We ALL are missing you sincerely here, and pray for your safe return soon... Meaning, as soon as you get better and do you first! I love and miss you very much.
I know you'll come through this difficult time stronger and more inspirational than before. And that is not easily done. But you are strong and have endurance. In plain words: Lesa, your experience will help you to help others even more than before. - as you always do. Rest as much as you can. We're not going anywhere, we're waiting patiently for your to get strong. Missing you a lot!
Lesa...Glad to here you are doing well...as an addict I know in a way how you are feeling, I will be facing a kidney transplant here in the next couple of months. I already talked to the transplant team about my addicition. They have reassured me that my pain will be well taken care of and that they will be weening me off the hard narcs in a timely fashion to were I will have no problem. they were very nice and i got no attitude whatsoever. I am so sorry you got a fill in doctor that had no compassion. God be with you......brian
Letakos,
Thank GOD you are doing well after the surgery. I'm sorry you experienced some negative people in the hospita
but you know that there's Good and not in good in everything. Just stand up for your rights and be the true
warrior sister that has a warm, kind, gentle, spirit but still you are and will always be a warrior for Good. You are
and will continue to be in my prayers your most Loving Brother =0)
much Love, much prayers, much light....
<3 jimi (little wing =0) <3
Thank GOD you are doing well after the surgery. I'm sorry you experienced some negative people in the hospita
but you know that there's Good and not in good in everything. Just stand up for your rights and be the true
warrior sister that has a warm, kind, gentle, spirit but still you are and will always be a warrior for Good. You are
and will continue to be in my prayers your most Loving Brother =0)
much Love, much prayers, much light....
<3 jimi (little wing =0) <3
Wow, I'm just shocked and outraged that you were treated like that! You poor thing. That is just so wrong! Who died and made that doctor God that he could judge you like that? Actually, God would have had the compassion this man didn't! Disgusting. I wish these doctors could go through what we do and see how it feels to be on the receiving end. Maybe they'd be a little more humble then!
I'm so glad the surgery is over. Just take the time now to rest and recover. I think you have a wonderful attitude and are an amazingly strong woman! God bless you.
Peace to you,
April
I'm so glad the surgery is over. Just take the time now to rest and recover. I think you have a wonderful attitude and are an amazingly strong woman! God bless you.
Peace to you,
April
I'm glad you are home & you are such a remarkable woman. I am thankful i have met you,, Sam
Hi Lesa, You know I had to come home and at least log on to read your journal. Paperwork's not happening at this point anyway lol. I'll have to make an earlier morning of it. It is so great to see you back on(even though Toni is typing). You are doing great with all that you have gone through. Just the anticipation of having to use the meds and all of the pain that you had to endure with your shoulder being so bad before you even had the surgery. I am so proud of you for handling everything so well. I really thought that you were so scared from your posts and talking to you....Your laugh is contagious lol. You sounded as though you were getting a tooth filled instead of major surgery. You are very brave and I know that you will be fine coming off of those meds. I do hope that you are getting some rest as I know that the pain is a little more intense tonight. Welcome back and do what you can at your own pace. Your body will use some of your much needed energy to heal that shoulder.Love ya bunches wabbawabba bff, Corey
PS...Please don't stop that other med...please, please, please<3
PS...Please don't stop that other med...please, please, please<3
I knew Corey and i should of been there to take care of that so called doctor.......She and i would of ruined him!!!!
I am so glad you are home and healing......You are such a strong determined woman. I also know you are stubborn so i hope you are getting some rest. We will be here every step of the way for you when you come off the meds. You have come so far mentally and you know where you want to go. I am so proud to call you my friend Lesa.......much love to you.....sara
I am so glad you are home and healing......You are such a strong determined woman. I also know you are stubborn so i hope you are getting some rest. We will be here every step of the way for you when you come off the meds. You have come so far mentally and you know where you want to go. I am so proud to call you my friend Lesa.......much love to you.....sara
Hey there Lesa....I wish you a speedy recovery and sorry about the tough experience; whats the mean doc's name? Ol' Snoopy will knock him out for you =) ....
You've been great support to me and many others, we all miss you...
Good luck on your recovery and see you soon...
Nick
You've been great support to me and many others, we all miss you...
Good luck on your recovery and see you soon...
Nick
Hi Nick.. I was just getting ready to post a poem I like as a way of Thanking you all and letting you know I miss you.. I'm so Happy to see you back and it would seem with good spirits :)) I'm very grateful for this.. I will be back soon.. just taking the time for myself that I feel I need.. Thank you so much for your very kind support and I'm so very proud to see you right back up.. warmly lesa
well it has been 3 weeks today.. went to the Dr. yesterday and kinda got yelled at for being able to lift my arm.. she said do you not remember I said not to use it for 6 weeks !! Only the exercises provided !! How in the Hell are you not suppose to use it at all if it is not casted ?? I also still have to take this sucky cummiden the blood thinner it requires a blood test every 4 days.. I really em not happy with this as you can not use any otc meds with it and I was really wanting to stop the use of the Norco this weekend.. I have thought about stopping it anyway although I do not think I can handle the pain on my own.. I think Motrin 800 would work better !! I have not abused the meds at all Hubby has been a wonderful support.. I just do not like having to take them.. Thank you to my friends for telling me as long as you are NOT abusing your clean time is safe.. I can not help though but to think other wise.. I want to keep it so bad but I do not want to go crazy with the pain.. just not a Happy camper today.. Have to wear the brace for 3 more weeks and use the blood thinner for one week.. so my plan of stopping the norco this weekend has been put off for a week.. reality is this freakin hurts but the thought of active addiction is terrifying not the wd the addiction.. Oh well.. sorry I did not get back as I have been brooding and just kicking sand.. this has been a difficult surgery and one the Dr. put a lot of work into.. I so much appreciate it and do not want to screw it up I also do not want to screw with addiction either.. Oh well life goes on.. em grateful for the support and my Dr. also grateful for my family and my fear of addiction.. just wish it was behind me as being clean is just that damn important to me.. rambling now but last week.. I will not use my arm as she is worried about all the muscles she had to reattach.. she said that they usually never require a blood transfusion for a shoulder replacement but mine was in such a bad way that it did and it will take the work on my part to make sure it heals.. she also did not recommend physical therapy as my use is above where I should be.. at least this is a good thing as I was fearing PT. I guess I'm my own worse enemy here.. My attitude definitely needs adjusting and I will spend today doing exactly that.. Hope you all are doing well and know I love ya and miss the hell out of everybody.. lesa
Sweet lesa, don't beat yourself up with the meds and give time to your body to heal. I know how much you hate to take them, but after such a surgery, the pain must be unbearable. Give your body a lil break. I know it's hard for you.....
You are doing incredibly good and handling the whole thing with such a positive state of mind, you amaze me every day.
Take gentle care of yourself as you would say! lol
With so much admiration, my so dear friend.
xoxoxo. sophie.
You are doing incredibly good and handling the whole thing with such a positive state of mind, you amaze me every day.
Take gentle care of yourself as you would say! lol
With so much admiration, my so dear friend.
xoxoxo. sophie.
Thank you Sunshine.. my words are lost today.. warm hugs
Ok Lesa from the me that's your friend, I'm sorry you are having such a bad day. I got your text in the middle of the day and as always it brought a big smile to my face in the middle of a sucky work day. It's just like you to be thinking of someone else when you are having a bad day yourself. That is why I am so blessed to have you for my friend.
From the me that is a therapist...Are you friggin crazy lifting your arm up like that this early???? Not only can you tear one of the many muscles that needed repaired to hold your joint in the socket...you could have rolled it right out of the socket (remember that?) The muscles need to heal and strengthen before you lift it as you are placing it in a much less stable position when you lift it." POP" in one second and we could have to go right back to square 1. Imagine a cast on your shoulder to keep it from moving lol. You would be like a mummy. I know it's frustrating not being able to do something...esp. when you see that you can. Please trust me...it needs time to heal. I've seen people damage them from not listening. At least your coming off of the coumadin next week. Do not be upset about the pain meds for an xtra week. You have done really well and this will be behind you. You are not in active addiction. You will probably just have to go through a lil bit of not feeling so well and some head stuff....maybe not. We will all be right here for you and it isn't going to be much better or worse this week or in a couple weeks. Remember your taking as prescribed and not by handful. It will not be the same as someone who relapsed and took their tolerance way up there. Fear is a normal and good thing for an addict to have. We know something about the he!! within our selves and how easy we got there and how hard it was getting out. You don't have to worry about going there because I would come right behind you and together we could do it....and Sara too. Wabbawabba.
Settling in back home tonight:o)) Love you much. Tomorrow is going to be sooo much better. I can just feel it.
From the me that is a therapist...Are you friggin crazy lifting your arm up like that this early???? Not only can you tear one of the many muscles that needed repaired to hold your joint in the socket...you could have rolled it right out of the socket (remember that?) The muscles need to heal and strengthen before you lift it as you are placing it in a much less stable position when you lift it." POP" in one second and we could have to go right back to square 1. Imagine a cast on your shoulder to keep it from moving lol. You would be like a mummy. I know it's frustrating not being able to do something...esp. when you see that you can. Please trust me...it needs time to heal. I've seen people damage them from not listening. At least your coming off of the coumadin next week. Do not be upset about the pain meds for an xtra week. You have done really well and this will be behind you. You are not in active addiction. You will probably just have to go through a lil bit of not feeling so well and some head stuff....maybe not. We will all be right here for you and it isn't going to be much better or worse this week or in a couple weeks. Remember your taking as prescribed and not by handful. It will not be the same as someone who relapsed and took their tolerance way up there. Fear is a normal and good thing for an addict to have. We know something about the he!! within our selves and how easy we got there and how hard it was getting out. You don't have to worry about going there because I would come right behind you and together we could do it....and Sara too. Wabbawabba.
Settling in back home tonight:o)) Love you much. Tomorrow is going to be sooo much better. I can just feel it.
Thank you corey.. wabbawabba. I will listen and in my defense I only lifted it a lil :) Really though I understand the gravity of overuse now. I appreciate you reinforcing it.. Your right about the meds I know.. I have been a drug addict for so very long it became a way of life for me.. be it street drugs like early on prescription drugs or alcohol. It really made no difference to me as long as I had a way to get high and not think about deeper issues.. This is very different... different from anything I have ever done in my life.. I did quit when pregnant with my sons but this is the only time.. it was not for me.. this is totally selfish.. I quit for myself. my family I have always loved and I'm so grateful they benefit but I quit for me.. what it has taken for me to respect myself and care for myself to do this is beyond anything I ever dreamed of.. my fear of loosing it is that great.. I do not think I will but ya know You can never be to comfortable as a addict..
Thank you to the forum and my friends as you all give me strength and confidence, it continues to grow.. I appreciate the fact that you all and my friends especially have allowed me in and in the process gave me confidence that I'm worth the support and em something more then just a addict..
I'm so pleased how things are working out for you Corey.. you have set goals and they are solid and will only advance you in your quest for happiness and contentment.. I'm very proud of you.. I'm so very blessed to have friends like you.. hopefully you are sound asleep and we will catch up tomorrow.. Love ya lesa
Thank you to the forum and my friends as you all give me strength and confidence, it continues to grow.. I appreciate the fact that you all and my friends especially have allowed me in and in the process gave me confidence that I'm worth the support and em something more then just a addict..
I'm so pleased how things are working out for you Corey.. you have set goals and they are solid and will only advance you in your quest for happiness and contentment.. I'm very proud of you.. I'm so very blessed to have friends like you.. hopefully you are sound asleep and we will catch up tomorrow.. Love ya lesa
LOL did you write this before you got my PM that I couldn't sleep? You know what else is a big difference now Lesa? You know just how worthy you are of love and respect and have learned to love and respect yourself:o) I read a story once about a geru in India in the 60s that used to be sought out by many in the US...they would go to India to search for him as this is not something they advertise(unfortunetly). Anyway he had a 90 some % long term recovery rate for addicts. As the story goes, when he was asked how he got this power to arrest addiction in addicts who had tried everything and were considered hopeless he said that the only thing he did was to get them to like their non-addicted self more than their addicted self....on a conscious level. On that note , that was my beddie time story and I have to get some sleep or my tomorrow will not be so great. Love ya girl. Goodnight
I like this bed time story :) and Yes I did and em very pleased you will be sleeping now.. sweet dreams corey.. warm hugs
Hello my friend........First off....put your arm down and keep it down. I mean it....I am pointing my finger and yelling to you!!!
Oh Lesa......I hear and feel your struggles in your head. This seems to be consuming you right now. YOU ARE CLEAN girl and that wont change. You have just gone thru a very major surgery and you are taking those pills for pain.....not recreation. That is the difference. I understand those pills play mind games with us but you know where you have been and you know where you are going. You are fighting with your head so bad right now. I know you want off them ASAP and you will be. This isnt a permanent thing. You didnt have a mole cut out for gods sake. You had MAJOR surgery. Your doctor feels you need to be on the blood thinner for another week. Trust in her as she knows what she is doing. Better to be safe than sorry with that. Try and ease up on yourself and relax a bit. We arent going to let anything bad happen to you. Your family is a great support system to you too. It is always good to keep your guard up with pain meds but right now you need them for your pain. I am not promoting taking these so dont get me wrong here but you are still on course with your goals, you are 3 weeks out with your shoulder and each day you should be feeling somewhat better. Get out and go for a drive(ride) look at the nature all around you and relax girl.......As i said we will be right beside you all the way. You be proud of your clean time and look forward to how much better life will be with that new shoulder. You are a truely an amazing woman who has come from the depths of he!! and survived.....I for one am proud to say you are my friend and i look up to you. Now put that arm down!!!!!!!! Love and hugs to you sara
Oh Lesa......I hear and feel your struggles in your head. This seems to be consuming you right now. YOU ARE CLEAN girl and that wont change. You have just gone thru a very major surgery and you are taking those pills for pain.....not recreation. That is the difference. I understand those pills play mind games with us but you know where you have been and you know where you are going. You are fighting with your head so bad right now. I know you want off them ASAP and you will be. This isnt a permanent thing. You didnt have a mole cut out for gods sake. You had MAJOR surgery. Your doctor feels you need to be on the blood thinner for another week. Trust in her as she knows what she is doing. Better to be safe than sorry with that. Try and ease up on yourself and relax a bit. We arent going to let anything bad happen to you. Your family is a great support system to you too. It is always good to keep your guard up with pain meds but right now you need them for your pain. I am not promoting taking these so dont get me wrong here but you are still on course with your goals, you are 3 weeks out with your shoulder and each day you should be feeling somewhat better. Get out and go for a drive(ride) look at the nature all around you and relax girl.......As i said we will be right beside you all the way. You be proud of your clean time and look forward to how much better life will be with that new shoulder. You are a truely an amazing woman who has come from the depths of he!! and survived.....I for one am proud to say you are my friend and i look up to you. Now put that arm down!!!!!!!! Love and hugs to you sara
Heal gently and quickly! Doctors can be skanks too! Only educated ones with no common sense! Hold yer ground and your head up high and stare em right in the eyeball! You done good! Real Good!
Little did I realize when I named this journal How true it would become.. I had quit the norco 1 month and 2 days after taking it and em feeling all the wd symptoms.. unlike the last time I kicked.. I'm missing the euphoric high of the battle.. the blood lust of killing my addiction once and for all !! The euphoria of the freedom of your emotions and the novelty of being clean..
I miss that part of the wd it was what had pushed me through.. Now that I quit the pain meds I needed for such a surgery I feel like crap with the knowledge that I have no choice but to quit and a desire to feel like I have for the last 10 months.. just the fire is gone.. just need to do this to get to the end of this surgery and process..
I agree with others that the longer the use.. every time you use them even if taken as directed the wd settle in deeper.. the rls is familiar although nothing like last time.. I had even slept 1 1/2 hours.. last time I did not sleep for eighth days.. I'm crying more because I'm feeling sorry for myself lol "must change my attitude" got onto a fight with hubby been cussing like a drunken sailor had hubby turn up the Hot water.. just feel like c-rap !! Ultimate test not for drugs or relapse but to get back what I never thought I would have.. Freedom..
Sorry I have been out of communication.. my arm hurts like Hell and I have nothing to say.. I'm very quiet. did go to dog park and walked around once today.. saw pretty flowers but no desire to capture them.. just trying to gain back what I had.. Thank you for your support.. for your patience with your friend : ) Back to my silent misery.. it really is better this way :)) I will be commenting on the very kind comments on photos lately when I have more positive energy.. still reading and be back soon.. love lesa
I miss that part of the wd it was what had pushed me through.. Now that I quit the pain meds I needed for such a surgery I feel like crap with the knowledge that I have no choice but to quit and a desire to feel like I have for the last 10 months.. just the fire is gone.. just need to do this to get to the end of this surgery and process..
I agree with others that the longer the use.. every time you use them even if taken as directed the wd settle in deeper.. the rls is familiar although nothing like last time.. I had even slept 1 1/2 hours.. last time I did not sleep for eighth days.. I'm crying more because I'm feeling sorry for myself lol "must change my attitude" got onto a fight with hubby been cussing like a drunken sailor had hubby turn up the Hot water.. just feel like c-rap !! Ultimate test not for drugs or relapse but to get back what I never thought I would have.. Freedom..
Sorry I have been out of communication.. my arm hurts like Hell and I have nothing to say.. I'm very quiet. did go to dog park and walked around once today.. saw pretty flowers but no desire to capture them.. just trying to gain back what I had.. Thank you for your support.. for your patience with your friend : ) Back to my silent misery.. it really is better this way :)) I will be commenting on the very kind comments on photos lately when I have more positive energy.. still reading and be back soon.. love lesa
Dont you dare hide.......I will sic Corey on you and i will be right behind her.......sara
Hey,
I know I am only 19 and maybe this isn't my place to say anything because I probably really don't know what I am talking about, but, I do believe that everything happens for a reason and you can always find some sort of benefit or positive aspect from everything. I can think of two right now. One, you are being given an actual physical reminder of how much coming off drugs sucks and will be fresh in your mind in case you ever thought about using again. And also, you once said to me you were trying to "remember where you were at on your own day 6 when I was on day 6 about a month ago," well now that you have to go through this again (although not as bad) you can have a fresh memory of how you're feeling and be THAT MUCH MORE helpful to everyone on here just starting out. Again, I could be really out of line saying this, so I hope I haven't upset you. I really admire you for going through this and your determination through it all and I truly hope things start to get better for you because I think you really deserve it.
-Cass
I know I am only 19 and maybe this isn't my place to say anything because I probably really don't know what I am talking about, but, I do believe that everything happens for a reason and you can always find some sort of benefit or positive aspect from everything. I can think of two right now. One, you are being given an actual physical reminder of how much coming off drugs sucks and will be fresh in your mind in case you ever thought about using again. And also, you once said to me you were trying to "remember where you were at on your own day 6 when I was on day 6 about a month ago," well now that you have to go through this again (although not as bad) you can have a fresh memory of how you're feeling and be THAT MUCH MORE helpful to everyone on here just starting out. Again, I could be really out of line saying this, so I hope I haven't upset you. I really admire you for going through this and your determination through it all and I truly hope things start to get better for you because I think you really deserve it.
-Cass
Thank you Cass.. this was very uplifting. I appreciate it more then you know.. Hugs right back..
And me right Behind Sarah, You need all the support we can Give and will stay United in this most unholy battle
against the demon (addiction).
Love, prayers, blessings and light.....
<3 jimi (little wing =0)
against the demon (addiction).
Love, prayers, blessings and light.....
<3 jimi (little wing =0)
Grab on jimi........we have to take care of our girl here.......
Love you bunches Lesa. You will get threw this and it will not take as long as it did last time to feel like yourself again....I promise. You will feel like cr ap(don't know why we can't say that word) for a few days but not as bad as then and you will get your balance back so much sooner. You don't realize that they are helping your mood so much till you stop taking them. Your head needs to adjust to that shock but it will faster this time. You were pretty much feeling as good off of the pills as you were on them and you knew that what you felt off of them was real. You will be OK.I promise...and it's OK if you don't want to talk on the phone right now. Just please don't isolate yourself. It is a self destructive behavior we addicts have that's not good for us. Let us know how you are or I'm going to be on a plane to somewhere in Cali to hunt you down and take care of you. Be patient and gentle with yourself. I was trying to think of a saying about a caterpillers pain not knowing of the beauty and birth of a butterfly but can't think of it and really screwed it up....but trust me, it was beautiful. Love you, Corey
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