shasy03's Profile
Mood:
shasy03 is
nervous about her doc appointment tuesday!
About Me:
Female, 22, Hick Town - VA, member since Nov 2007
I have been married for three years on August 13th. I have a wonderful husband and he supports me any way he possibly can. We have a dog named Akera! She is our world....and spoiled rotten. I have one niece and my husband has 8 nephews! We are the only ones with no...
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In need to get some things off my chest...
May 14, 2008 08:59PM
- 2 comments
I know that I said that I was not going to be on here as much but I really just don't know what else to do. I work and come home and hubby plays the 360 and I go to bed. I love my life don't get me wrong. We spend lots of time together and honestly it's not even about the dh at all. It's all the drama in my life and I just want it to go away!
First off, I have been trying for a year ONE WHOLE YEAR! I thought that it would happen wam bam...um...no that's not what happened. I have been to two different doctors at different practices and NEITHER of them can tell me what's wrong with me. How hard is it to run every kind of blood test to see if there is something not right instead of just saying it'll happen give it 2 more months. So I start reading about PCOS since I have had cyst on my ovaries since I was 14. I call the doctor and say hey...do I have this? I get the response....You probably do it's like a 90% chance you do. Then I proceed to ask...okay so what do I need to do about this? The nurse tells me well....what do you want to do. I told her I JUST WANT TO HAVE A BABY! So now I am charting for the next 2 months my bbt and my ovulation. They do not think that I am ovulating thanks to be being on the pill for 7 years and being so young. Anywho, then I am told that I only have a 25-75% chance of getting preggers....yeah the way I am looking at the is that's great! But in reality that's not....that's still low. Or at least I think it is. Anywho, then mothers day rolls around and I am torn to pieces. Not because I possibly can't have kids but because everyone is bring up my m/c and telling me happy mother's day...or happy mother's day to be. It hurts....bad. I'm overly sensitive for some reason. So now I'm just this mess that gets so emotional that I didn't even want to hold my new nephew on mother's day because he wasn't my child. That's wrong. Of course I held him because dh forced me too but I didn't really want to because I looked at him and was thinking...what if I can never have this? It's painful.
So, I finally get over this ****...well not really over it but I moved on. My best friend has been trying for months to trap her boyfriend. She got preggers and had a m/c and now every time were together she compares us. It's like it's a contest. She's being completely different to me and I don't even like her anymore. It's like it takes all I have to tolerate her. It seems like my temper is getting shorter and shorter and that's not like me at all. She is doing too many people wrong in her life and it needs to be in the open. I can't stand it anymore.
Work is driving me crazy b/c I have been working 2 jobs since September. One job is just two days of the week that I cut back to one. I love it because I get to see dh. We have different days off and I feel that we don't see each other but for a couple hours a day and it's just not what I want. Then I work at a childcare center M-F and I am beginning to HATE my job. I have just turned into this sour person that I was never before. What's happening to me? I can't stand anyone I work with and the parents are getting to the point where I don't want to go to work in the morning.
Next, we're moving....I'm completely lost on when or exactly where but we know around about where we want to live. My life is to hectic and then I start doubting how good of a mother I will be. I know I will give my child everything I can but at the same time I just don't feel that I can give it enough. I know that I will fail in some areas and surpass in others. It's part of parenting. I don't know I feel that it's all happening at the same time. It's like I am in a whirl wind and I'm just in it for the ride.
Sorry it's so long but the only reason I have my sanity is because I come here and just look around. Sorry to waste your time!
First off, I have been trying for a year ONE WHOLE YEAR! I thought that it would happen wam bam...um...no that's not what happened. I have been to two different doctors at different practices and NEITHER of them can tell me what's wrong with me. How hard is it to run every kind of blood test to see if there is something not right instead of just saying it'll happen give it 2 more months. So I start reading about PCOS since I have had cyst on my ovaries since I was 14. I call the doctor and say hey...do I have this? I get the response....You probably do it's like a 90% chance you do. Then I proceed to ask...okay so what do I need to do about this? The nurse tells me well....what do you want to do. I told her I JUST WANT TO HAVE A BABY! So now I am charting for the next 2 months my bbt and my ovulation. They do not think that I am ovulating thanks to be being on the pill for 7 years and being so young. Anywho, then I am told that I only have a 25-75% chance of getting preggers....yeah the way I am looking at the is that's great! But in reality that's not....that's still low. Or at least I think it is. Anywho, then mothers day rolls around and I am torn to pieces. Not because I possibly can't have kids but because everyone is bring up my m/c and telling me happy mother's day...or happy mother's day to be. It hurts....bad. I'm overly sensitive for some reason. So now I'm just this mess that gets so emotional that I didn't even want to hold my new nephew on mother's day because he wasn't my child. That's wrong. Of course I held him because dh forced me too but I didn't really want to because I looked at him and was thinking...what if I can never have this? It's painful.
So, I finally get over this ****...well not really over it but I moved on. My best friend has been trying for months to trap her boyfriend. She got preggers and had a m/c and now every time were together she compares us. It's like it's a contest. She's being completely different to me and I don't even like her anymore. It's like it takes all I have to tolerate her. It seems like my temper is getting shorter and shorter and that's not like me at all. She is doing too many people wrong in her life and it needs to be in the open. I can't stand it anymore.
Work is driving me crazy b/c I have been working 2 jobs since September. One job is just two days of the week that I cut back to one. I love it because I get to see dh. We have different days off and I feel that we don't see each other but for a couple hours a day and it's just not what I want. Then I work at a childcare center M-F and I am beginning to HATE my job. I have just turned into this sour person that I was never before. What's happening to me? I can't stand anyone I work with and the parents are getting to the point where I don't want to go to work in the morning.
Next, we're moving....I'm completely lost on when or exactly where but we know around about where we want to live. My life is to hectic and then I start doubting how good of a mother I will be. I know I will give my child everything I can but at the same time I just don't feel that I can give it enough. I know that I will fail in some areas and surpass in others. It's part of parenting. I don't know I feel that it's all happening at the same time. It's like I am in a whirl wind and I'm just in it for the ride.
Sorry it's so long but the only reason I have my sanity is because I come here and just look around. Sorry to waste your time!
You didn't waste any ones time! I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right now. One of those things is hard and stressful on a person... but to have all of those at the same time. Ugh. Hold in there girl I know that it seems like it's been forever but I've heard of people who try and try and try and then *bam* one day they get pregnant and then have like 8 children in a row after words. Also your best friend doesn't sound like a very nice person. Its hard because she is your friend and all but you may want to sit her down and discuss how the way she is acting is hurting and upsetting you. Virtual hug sweetheart we are all here for you!
Thanks...God only knows I needed that. I can't sleep anymore. I don't want to I feel if I sleep I cant get anything done. Also to top it off...which I forgot to mention in all my ranting...my Grandmother was admitted into the hospital early this morning and we have no clue what's wrong with her or anything. So between home work work hospital and annoying best friends....ha my life is pretty much a disaster.
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