Jul 24, 2009
Last night was kind of interesting that nagging voice"not the kind where the walls talk to you" but the one that I think most of us who suffer from anxitey and or agoraphobia have.That nagging voice inside that tells us or atleast me. That I can't do this or that usually it tells me if I do something bad will happen, but last night. It was trying to tell me that I wouldn't be able to go and get the blood test done, because I hadn't left the house since last Friday.Earlier in the day I had finshed a list of negative thoughts vs. positive thoughts.By the time I was done I knew that-that voice was nothing more than a bully,and I haven't backed down from a bully since 5th grade. So at about 8:15 I said to my boyfriend lets go for a ride. We did it was a short ride maybe a 1/2 mile round trip but it shut up that nagging voice. Then alittle later I was playing a game on the comp. and it started again. Trying to tell me that I couldn't breathe so I went into the bathroom"taking what I learned form the Secret and Jack Canfeild" I stood in front of the mirror,and affirmed the two successes I had-had that day. Then I took a deep breath and then I held my hand at arms length in front of my face, and blew. I said outloud see I'm breathing just fine the bully continued for a few more minutes with that and gave it up. Then later when I was doing my nightly reading and prayers it said your dizzy" I thought no duh I was born that way" I said outloud SHUT UP and go back to the pit of hell you came from. Then this morning came I wish I wasn't alittle nervous but I was. I also had another bad night of restlessness and little sleep due to on going pain in my legs at night, I had almost every reason a person with anixitey could have not to go get those test done I was tired and achy , but my mind was in good shape. So I went I got alittle anxious while checking in thats what I actually dreaded the most. I got a bit antsy waiting to be called I had to wait almost 30 mins. something a few days ago I would have swore I counldn't do, but I did it. Then they took my blood 6 tubes of it good thing I have no fear of that. Then I came home. So I statrted this off with that nagging voice telling I wouldn't go today but I did and I was fine. I WIN !!