Bad Day

Since I am pregnant (Hooray!) I find my job as an L&D nurse very interesting and fun. Especially now - I get to see all the emotions and excitment that hopefully I will feel as a mother this December. Yesterday though, tested me to the extreme. I had a patient who was admited for induction at 38+3 weeks for a fetal demise. The pt just came in for a regular scheduled appoinment after an unevenful, normal pregnancy and there were no heart tones. Ultrasound confirmed the babys death and we started her on Pitocin. The pt and her boyfriend were obviously in denial and begging for another US and a stat C/S. The pt said she felt the baby move that same morning as her office appointment. It was horrible to watch. She had the baby after 6hrs. of labor. A perfect baby boy, despite the fact he no longer with us. I can't understand it. I am filled with fear and doubt about my pregnancy so soon after a MC anyway, and to know that even at 38 weeks God can take your baby away. I don't know if emotionally I can deal with the idea of having anything go wrong this time, or ever again. I am just beside myself and I'm trying to stay positive but I am having a hard time. I still can't hear heart tone with the doppler at work and that just makes me even more scared. I know I'm not even 10 weeks yet but I just need some sort of security, some more reassurance. I guess God knows what he is doing, and I just have to have faith. :)