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Male, 32, ON, member since Dec 2007
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How Long Do I Have To Fight This

May 17, 2008 11:00AM - 7 comments

im not having a good day today at all. i went out last night and did something dumb. not coke, but i did drink and ended up somewhere i should not have been. she is nothing but trouble, yet i went there fighting cravings. why can't i just go out and be ******* normal??? why do i have to crave something i have no desire to use. why do i feel guilty for thinking of coke for the past 2 days. i said i would not drink anymore cause it was a trigger, yet here i sit somewhat hungover feeling dirty. the cravings are gone today but i battled them all night long. things have been great the past couple weeks, yet still i have been craving lately and this is ********. i hate when my mind goes in that mode and i made a couple phone calls for support, but still i had to fight so hard. im tired of it today, feeling sorry for myself and guilty for seeing someone i had no business seeing and making a poor decision. you would think after 6 months this would not happen, i was in coke mode last night  for the first time in a long time and was physically sick for awhile. today is going to be better, just a tough couple days i battled through. ok done whinning now feel better.

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by lostdreams, May 17, 2008 11:08AM
Giz....you know we are here for you and we really do care about you! I dont think i am talking for myself here but you are one of the main people around here and you always offer good support.
Saying that........i'm sure you are allowed to whine from time to time, lol.

I am so proud of you for not caving in to these cravings....that shows the strong man you are!!! Give yourself credit for that as i am for you! Stay around today, you know just as well as i do that posting here and lurking helps tremendously....so thats an order, stay around here!

If you need to talk then you know where i am! Your in y thoughts and prayers Gizzy!!! (hey....at least you didnt break ma comp. earlier, lol) Talk soon

by dominosarah, May 17, 2008 11:11AM
I am proud of you for not getting any coke.  I have been reading the cravings list alot.  It helps me.  Stay strong!!!  You can do this!!!!!  sara

by hopeful4us, May 17, 2008 11:22AM
Chris....You should be feeling proud now not down..you have been fighting that urge for a few days now and you are kicking its ***! ..you havent given in ....believe me i know how hard that is and what a great accomplishment that is to not cave and get some. Once that stuff is in your brain i know of very few who are strong enough to stay tough and not run for it. honestly dont know if i can say that i would have been able to do it. You also said you were drinking which we both know is your biggest trigger along with where you were last night another trigger the fact that you woke up this morning with only a slight hangover from drinking and not still going on coke is amazing and such a demenstration of how strong you have become in this battle. You are winning my friend big time!! I am so proud of you and you should be too. You  are and always have been..always will be my inspiration in this common battle that we share and are fighting together. You have shown me and so many others how to do this and win and we are. So hold that head up high today you have alot to be proud of. we know it is a struggle and we will face many days like these but the important thing is you didnt cave...woo hoo!!!! You go brother!!! Keep on keeping on and i am going to keep following you!!! Lots of Love to you!!!

by joann1975, May 17, 2008 12:45PM
I think it is awesome that you didn't use. You should feel on top of the world not dirty at all! I hope your day gets better...have a great weekend! JoAnn

by Rose703, May 17, 2008 01:12PM
Gizzy,

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but you did fight it off just like a champ!! Please give yourself the credit you deserve for staying clean. I know how angry it can make you to know that you started drinking, which for you is a big trigger BUT you didn't give into the craving!!

You helped me more than you can ever know!! Keep posting and let's help one another!!

Your Friend♥

by bobby139, May 17, 2008 06:57PM
Gizzy, I sent you a message asking what happend, daaaaa all i had to do is read lol.

Hon dont be beating yourself up, you are going to go into coke mode and have cravings but what is soooo great is that you didn't get any, you fought back hard and won, thats what is important here, you should be proud of yourself, once it gets in your head it is dam hard not to listen, it takes a very very strong person to do what you did. and about the girl, If you hooked up w her or whatever the girl your talking about well hell who hasn't gotten drunk and ended up w someone you wouldn't of sobber? It's better then using any day, right! So stop beating yourself up and be happy you didn't use.. I am very proud of you Chris!!
love, bobby

by j34, May 24, 2008 09:03PM
The obsession of cocaine is terrible!! I personally can't even take any other substance at all because they go hand in hand.Alchol is a drug to me and it sets the mental obsession on it's course.I try to stay away from all people that arn't clean and to stay away from slippery places!! Don't beat yourself up You are human. I hope LOL j

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