Chapter 2

So where was I, LOL! I had been having the headaches, the seizures were getting worse, I was having bouts of confusion, weakness, muscle fasciculations, and extreme fatigue. I had been diagnosed with fibro,major depressive disorder, chronic pain, a goiter (I was on synthroid to stop its growth) and now I needed treatment for the migraines. I went to a neurologist, and I was sent for an MRI and EEG. The EEG only showed temporal slowing (not sure what that means but it mmusnt be very important) and the MRI showed a pineal cyst (approx 1x1cm in size). I had been on topomax but due to its side effects I was changed to neurontin. I had been able to work but as the seizures progressed and the fatigue, pain,confusion and weakness increased, buy March of 2007 I was placed on disability.
I am an RN and I work in critical care on the night shift. One night at work I went into a staring spell and became very confused for a short period.  I had 2 very sick patients. One was on a ventilator and one on an insulin drip. If I had, God forbid, doen something stupid where one of my patients was injured, I'd never have forgiven myself. I talked it over with my GP and we decided it would be better if I went on disability. That was over a year ago. Since then I have seen 2 neurologists, 2 epiliptologists a neurosurgeon, and 2 different therapists. I have been "officially"diagnosed with Psychogenic seizures, which is a conversion disorder. (I have stressors that I am unable to processes in an approprate way, so my body converts it into staring spells and seizures.) So yeah, thats about where I am. I take handfuls of meds, stare and shake, I can no longer work, which is cause me to lose my home due to lack of income. I have been denied for SSI/disability and most days I just wonder what the hell Im still here for. Bahhh, sorry that was me feeling depressed...But I have been trying to start each day positive.....im trying  :)