Relapse....sort of

Severe back pain started Friday 7/31 - tried everything, heat, ice, DLPA, ibuprofen, naproxen..Searched and searched myself to see if this was a mind "trick" to get me to use...maybe, but if so it was a good one.  2 types of pain that will totally incapcitate me are back pain and tooth pain.  So Saturday made the concious decision to get something for the pain.  I had actually just last week canceled my "pill dr." appt. for today (8/3) without rescheduling (and don't plan to.)  Guess I could have gotten a refill from her for 3 bucks with insurance, but frankly I did not want or need a bottle of 100 Lortabs.  So I made the concious decision to procure from one of my connections.  I had 2 choices - one has percs and one has Lortabs/Vic ES.  I decided to go with the percs because the Vic's were always my DOC; percs were a back up (never 'enjoyed' them as much and even tho they are supposed to be stronger, I never found them as effective for pain.)  But, I was afraid if I went for the ES's, I'd be more likely to begin using again for the high.  So I got 10 perc 5's and took 1 or 2 every few hours Saturday and Sunday.  Helped the pain so much....otherwise didn't feel so great at all - felt dopey and sleepy & out of it, not at all like the energetic euphoria I had started abusing opiates for.  So I'm feeling ambivalent today - kind of upset that I screwed up, but encouraged that I was able to do something and it was completely about pain relief.  I have no w/d symptoms or lingering cravings today, thank God.  Still some pain, but it has improved and is bearable now.  Just hate to see my tracker go back to 0.  Oh well, overall, I feel lucky in the bigger scheme of things, so back to business now...

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