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Should I Adopt her.......Medhelp I need your prayers n support

Aug 05, 2009 - 14 comments
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Okay my cousin that is 26yrs old has 4children......She has been in and out of prison and on drugs and keeps having babies that she cannot afford.....I was gonna get her oldest girl from her about 3yrs ago but she so called straightened up and I didnt bother....All of a sudden this weekend she calls CPS and tells them that she doesnt want her kids anymore and that she doesnt want any of the family to have them.  I was so heart broken..2 kids belong to one dad and 2 kids belong to another one.  So the oldest two kids are 5 and 7 and the youngest are 3 and 2.  The oldest 2 are with my uncle (thier grandpa)  which he is not physically able to support both of them and the youngest 2 are with thier dad's side of the family and their dad's mama (thier grandmother) is taking care of them since the dad is on drugs too....................  So now My husband and I have only been married for 1month now and I mean we have the means to take care of one but not more than that.....We have good jobs, 3bedroom house and a large fenced in front/back yard for her to play in...but my concern is ...am I ready to give up my freedom to make sure at least one of the kids arent in the generational curse of drugs and prison and have a healthy loving life.........I find myself being very selfish......because I have a year and a half left of skool and hubby and I dont have anykids.........but at the same time.......I use to pray for children and I used to pray that I got custody of the oldest...now that my prayer was answered..Medhelp what do I do.....................I want to do what God wants me to do ............And Im not sure if I should get her and raise her or should I just pick her up everynow and then and spend a lil time with her............When my DH heared about this his first reaction was ........"baby do you want to get her" and I was kinda shock at how fast he asked me if I wanted to get her.........so We are just boggled............ps my mama and I are gonna take her shopping on Sunday to get all her skool clothes.......I need all the opinions and all the prayer I can get!!!!!!!!

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by bluebaby1976, Aug 05, 2009
I will be praying for you and DH.....Question??? If she stated that she dont want any of her family to get the childs....Did she get it in writing...She should at least want the family to have her kids:-) I went thru some what you are talking about in 2005...Got a distance cousin that has 3 kids that was going thru the same thing with the system and her mom ASK would I like to adopt her youngest at that time she was less then 1 yr old...OK... I started taking classes and everything:-)....Do you know the cousin called and was like when I get out I am going to get my baby...I spoke with MY family and they told me not to do it cause in the long run...I will need lawyers and with this cousin being crazy..She might would have come to Alabama and took her away from me:-( I havent spoken to that cousin since then..... So with that said "Make sure that ALL the i's are dotted and T's are crossed...It will help in the long run... Pray about it and God will work it out for you and the childs cause they are important in this issues their wellbeing...I pray/wish/hope you and DH the best:-)

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by margypops, Aug 05, 2009
Did your cousin say why she didnt want family to have her children, this may not be directed at you, could there possible be a reason she doesnt want this .I certainly do believe that children from one family be kept together so it may be betetr for the children to go to fostercare where they may be kept togther. You are newly married and taking on a Family is a big adjustment kind hearted though you may be, so I say to you let them go to a family together.... I expect the agency will do that in any case, You have a good heart and I am sure you will be a caring kind Mom. of your own kid s.

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by Kmccrank, Aug 05, 2009
OK well as a child of drugs and many fathers I commend you.  However I also know that even though you are family the oldest children are old enough to know whats going on.  With that said if you take one the other will feel as though he is "bad" or "not good enough".  In my opinion it is always better to keep children together or as together as possible.  I hope I shed some light on the other side.

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by LIL_LADY24, Aug 05, 2009
Thanks for all the comments and yes I am taking all of the comments into consideration.  The reason why she told the cps (by phone) that she didnt want the family to have them is because she is on drugs...The last time she went to prison, I was the only one that drove 6hours to go see her and let her know how the kids were doing and she wanted me to have the kids....but like I said that was 3yrs ago..we are close cousins in a growing up kinda way until she started doing drugs....but I just saw her at my wedding and she was looking okay and she brought her oldest daughter to come and hug me and she cried when she saw me ..(i love that lil girl)...but like i said I cant raise 2 right now...but there isnt any writing or documentation just yet..hopefully she is sober when she signs over her parental rights....cuz they have been rovoked...the cps are aware of her condition and the kids are placed with my the family....... Thanks again for all the support and prayers.....

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by Juana824, Aug 05, 2009
I agree with Kmccrank...I wouldn't seperate the children any more than they have already been seperated. It could be detrimental to the three others...I understand that you want to help, but trying spending time with all of them.

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by LIL_LADY24, Aug 05, 2009
Yea that is true....I would hate to seperate the oldest two...The only plan that my mom and aunt thought of would be every weekend bring her to her grandpa house so they all would be together...and during the week she would be with me...I just know that if anybody else get the kids in the family it would be.....so out of hand...(half of the family works at the federal prison and the other half is either in there are had a visit once or twice)  so go figure...lol but I dont want my Uncle (their grandpa) to raise the little girl...she needs to have a woman figure...and plus..he is not that of a clean all around guy himself....but he is way better off then his daughter.....so...a I dont know...what in the world to do ...  Thanks again everyone and please continue to pray!!!!!!!

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by teko, Aug 05, 2009
The bestest thing for all the children would be to be kept together. You sound like you have doubts and you also sound like you feel guilty about having those doubts. If you are not absolutely positive that you can or want to do this, then dont. Because if for some reason, it did not work out, more harm has been done to the child. This is a decision that only you and you alone can make but remember, it is a decision that will be final for the rest of your and her life.  Not having any children of your own, is it fair to you and your marriage and even this girl to do this? Think hard and long.  If I were your mom, I would advise you not to do this.  For so many reasons on so many different levels.

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by LIL_LADY24, Aug 05, 2009
Teko
I totally agree with you on this matter...we just dont want the children out of the family and want them to be able to get the best out of life.......Its true also that they have been juggled from place to place for the past 3yrs...my aunt wants to keep both of them but she have 2jobs and she (really and truly wants the recognition)............but keep the comments comming..... Love yall!!!!!!!

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by anxiouslywaiting910, Aug 05, 2009
I so feel you on this one!!!! My older sister has 4 kids ages 2, 4, 6, 10 the 10yr old(boy) has lived on and off with my mom over the years and my mom had her 6 yr old little girl for all of last school year now she is back with my sister the oldest 2 have the same father..he had them for like a year a while back my sister got them for the summer and he disappeared. The youngest twos father is in the picture as far as being a daddy figure but will not keep a job.  He and my sister are on again off again and he is living with his mother and my sister just moved in with my mother.  Over the past 2 years the kids have lived in about 6 different places :( My sister is not on drugs but can't afford them and does nothing to try and better her situation no matter how much you try to help her.  I think there is nothing wrong with you taking her...my oldest nephew loves living with my mom!!  He is happy and healthy, and is there because thats where he choses to be.  My niece decided she wanted to go back to her moms, although now they are all at my mothers house now.  I don't think because you can't help them all you shouldn't help one.  But thats just my opinion.  As far as you not having any kids yet it is a big adjustment I prayed for kids and God sent me 2 for the summer..lol My step-son 9yr and my husbands nephew 7yrs.  It is alot of work but if you know the childs personality then you know if you can handle it or not my stepson in a piece of cake for me however the hyper nephew made me wonder if I am ready to have kids. lol  Take your time and think about it pray about it and maybe have her over for a weekend to see how it feels before deciding. Sorry I wrote a book lol

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by LIL_LADY24, Aug 05, 2009
Anxiouslywaiting910
Girl thanks so much for that....Yea if I get the lil girl she will see her brother every weekend so she would be with me for 4days and her brother and grandpa for 3days.....I sooooo understand how ur mom feel...I know that its gonna take a lil adjusting but Ive had her over many times and also spend the night and she never wants to go home...for some reason she has never react to anything tha she has gone through...she knows that her mama went to jail once and so forth...but she is such a loving and sweet girl...............Your book was great...

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by bluebaby1976, Aug 05, 2009

Dear God:  
The girl reading this  
is beautiful, classy and  
strong, and I love her.  
Help her live her life to the fullest.  
Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations.  
Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love.  
Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most,  
and  
let her know when she walks with you,  
She will always be safe.    
"Stop telling God how big your storm is.  
  
Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!"

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by gokuangel, Aug 05, 2009
i kinda went through the same thing my 3 lil cousins got taken away and my step mom those being her neices she wanted them but was unable 2 provide for them so she asked me and i said yes but i just could not! me and DH were barely gonna move into our home and its 2 bedrooms not nearly enough room for 3 growing girls! so in the end their uncle (their moms bro) got them but he has resources available to care for them!! i'm just hoping they are well!!
i do think the kids should stay 2 gether but if they are within the same family and will see each other often that would be great!!

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by LIL_LADY24, Aug 05, 2009
gokuangel
yea they will be with the same family.....we are all close and they will see each other probably everyday....meaning after skool the bus will drop her off at her grandpa's and then I go pick her up after work then on weekends she will be there....I will just be the caretaker...........I havent said an exact yes yet..........but I havent said no......so I am staying positive and Let God do his will............Thank yall so much

bluebaby1976
thanks for that prayer..I am a big believer and I believe God will make sure she is in the right place!

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by anxiouslywaiting910, Aug 06, 2009
Lill Lady...I'm sure you will make the right decision just follow your heart..thats where God works from.  Your mind may tell you that you can't do it but if it is in Gods plan he will make a way for you to be able to provide for this little girl.  I know you said your husband :)<---(i know you like hearing the husband it tickled me for a while after i got married)anywho i know you said he was supportive but you really need to make sure he knows that this is a life time decision..it will break that childs heart if you get her,  then either of you decide you cant do it.

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