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My son has been suspended from Kindergarten!  I didn't even know that was possible!

Aug 12, 2009 - 27 comments

UPDATE: MY SON AS JUST BEEN SUSPENDED FROM KINDERGARTEN!  I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE!

Tearing things off the walls.  Knocking over chairs.  What is going on with my baby.  Finally got a doctors appt on Saturday hopefully we will make some headway.

I have been having a really hard time with my son Caleb.  He just turned 5 last Friday & Started Kindergarten last Monday.  In the 7 days he has been send home once, been in the principles office twice, the teacher called my twice.  Today when I picked up I was told I need to attend a meeting to discuss his actions next week.  Please read the mood  tracker journal to see the day to day actions.  I have been trying to get him in for an evaluation since last week so far I can't even find a phyciatrist who takes anyone under 6.  I'm starting to fear it's more than ADHD.  The more time I have to research the more options I have the broader my fear becomes.  I may need a straight jacket before this is settled.  I did make an appt with our family therapist for Thursday. I am not sure if she'll want to see caleb first or talk to us about his behavior.  She can't make a diagnosis but maybe she can shed a little light & give us some options.

I am going to put the poem I wrote him for his 5th birthday here again just to remind myself all the ways Caleb makes me happy.

Caleb is my rockin’ beat
and Caleb is my wiggle
Caleb is my footloose dance
And Caleb is my giggle
Caleb is my sun that shines
after days of rain
Caleb is that little song
that sneaks into my brain
Caleb drives my crazy!!!!
Caleb makes me smile
Caleb does each thing he does
with his own unequaled style
Sometimes he is a Cowboy
rescuing ladies on his horse
Sometimes he is a pirate
whose ship has swept of course
There is one thing that I know he'll forever be
Caleb is my son, my own
Lucky, Lucky Me


Not So Shiny Today
Sunshine




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by jimi1822, Aug 12, 2009
SunShine,

             Maybe in his little world he's having a tough time :o( I will keep him in my Prayers and Blessings and I
             thought your poem was absolutely Wonderful and Beautiful.



                                                            Above the cloud
                                                               with its shadow
                                                          Is the Star
                                                              with its light.....

                                                                            ~ Victor Hugo, poet (1802 -1885)

                                                                                                                                   <3 jimi <3



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by mtgoat911, Aug 12, 2009
hey i am sorry you are going through this with your son
my son was diagnosed with aspergers a couple of years ago, we tried to fit him into the mold that traditional school offers, but i notices after 4 yrs that it was killling him
please read a book called "weapons of mass instruction" and do not believe eveything those teachers tell you
my son died in school but once we removed him he started to thrive, and loves to learn
i am not a fan of forced education, i mean do our children really need 7 hours a day for 12 yrs to recieve an education
come on most of well all of the stuff they teach in public school is repetitive, exspecially in areas like history and science
then its subjected to where you live in the u.s as to what you learn, growing up in the south i spent 4 yrs learning about the civil war and south carolina history, i now live out west and had to research the area through the library
please do not stress out over all this, if your son hates school then there are other options, our children choose their teachers, not the other way around, i bet your son loves to learn and just needs the right teacher in the right environment
chilren do better without forced education, once you find what they are interested in you can find ways to build onto a curriculim, and let me tell you public schools are more concerned with standardized test than bringing up well rounded adults
we adopted our social education program from a prussian system that tested kids abilities and then seperated them by function, by the time they graduated they already know their rank and function in society,
http://www.fff.org/freedom/0795n.asp
once my child was labled "different" he was seperated from the other students in a special ed class, these classes are called self contained, the problem was that my son knows more about civil engineering, science, history, geology, and geography than his 3th grade teachers, yet because he was behind in math he was sent to a classes that stayed with the same curriculim for 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade, the school stated that repitiion was the way to go with my son, well i disagree maybe in math, but why hold him back in other areas?
now we use a digital program at home called math teaching textbooks, it seems to be helping, even though he is still behind one grade level in math, but hey that beats 3
my son had a few agresive students in his class, they put them in what is called a white room, please google that, and all these kids were mega medicated, some spent their summers in hospitals, if the schools places your child in a white room or self comtained please request permission to spend time in the class room, we never really know what goes on at school, our kids spend 7 hours a day with strangers and we only get reports when stuff like this happens
i am sure something happened at school that caused your child to behave this way, a bully maybe, or maybe he is just overwhelmed, some children do not thrive in day cares or school, if this is the case there are other options, ok i am repeating myelf, so i will shut up, wish you luck

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by sunshine1976, Aug 12, 2009
UPDATE: OK on further review of the situation he was asked to leave today but is welcome back in the morning.  Not sure what good it will do to send him back until we can figure out how to work with him.

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by swampcritter, Aug 12, 2009
Swampy thinks it is really important for you to go and observe the classroom and watch your son.

The problem is that there are just too many possibilities. Swampy's general philosophy is that drugs are a last resort, and Swampy would suggest asking lots of smart questions before you take any action.

Maybe your son needs additional growth time before he is ready for kindergarten...or maybe he needs some kind of "half school" setting that is designed to impart kindergarten skills and help children cope in a school setting.

Or maybe he is acting up because you aren't around and he needs to communicate something and doesn't know how.

The only way you are going to know the answer to these questions is to be there, to observe. But don't interfere with the class -- let things unfold and watch the teacher, your son, and the other kids as well.

There next few years in school go a long way to determine what will happen to him in life. Children who fall behind academically have a very hard time catching up (although -- they are young and they can catch up). Kindergarten is important because it teaches children basic things like what a school is, what you do in school, how to sit quietly and listen to directions, etc. It should also build vocabulary -- to be in first grade good speaking skills are going to be important.

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by sunshine1976, Aug 12, 2009
I have an appt at the school next tues morning to work out a plan of action.  He is a very bright kid (other people have said it not just me).  He is usually very good an expressing himself with a pretty big vocabulary. He will sit and talk with you foever about Star Wars, Sharks even school.  He is very honest when I pick him up & will tell me straight out he had a bad day.  He is a perfectionist & gets frustrated when he can't acomplish a goal by himself.  But his behavior has escalated at school and at home even before school started.  I have thought something is not quiet right for a while but out GP has said their is nothing to worry about.   I am taking him to a therapist who I trust on Thursday & to a pediatric Psyciatrist who is highly recommended for not making split second diagnosis.  Something has got to give.  Keep us in your prayers.

Sunshine

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by lonewolf07, Aug 12, 2009
First, I agree with Swampy.

Second, when one of my sons first went to school he did a lot more than tear things off the walls and knock over chairs.  At that time, the "trend" was "dyslexia" or learning disabilities not ADHD.

Is this your son's first time away from home or did he go to pre-school?  Does he have older siblings who have gone to school before him?  Has he ever physically hurt anyone, human, animal, insect, etc.?  When he isn't in school, does he inter-act well with other people?  What is your instinct about his teacher?

When one of my kids was younger, she had "school phobia".  That isn't meant to be a joke.  It's not a joke; it's an emotional disorder.  Nothing could make her go to school.  She wasn't deliberately faking something to avoid school, she was terrified of it for reasons I still don't understand.  Some parents choose to give their children meds for this but I didn't.  Instead we went for counselling and I tried to teach her the same things she would learn at school.  Maybe things are different here in Canada about how children are taught but she eventually was able to force herself to go back and eventually finished university.  At the age your son is at, I never thought that would happen.

My second son, whom I mentioned above, ended up somehow managing to turn on all the fire alarms in the school without using the fire alarm system.  He did it by computer.  He was a lot like Bart Simpson - but I don't think your son and my daughter are like that.  There was something about school that scared my daughter and that might be the case with your son.  I hope everything turns out alright.



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by have 2 kids, Aug 12, 2009
I agree with Swampy.  You should observe him while he is in school.   Is it possible for you to do that?  
ADD/ADHD  is so much more than just being hyper.  

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by sunshine1976, Aug 12, 2009
My son has a bit of Bart Simpson in him.  It's one of the things I love about him.  The teacher whom he gets in trouble with the most is the one he says he likes the most.  He went to full day 5 day a week preschool so the hours are no different.  He knows his letters, his numbers and can write his name.  He has become more and more aggressive even before he started kinder so I know school is not the only cause.  I have thought about observing the class but he tends to "show off" for me and not in a good way.  

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by Marcia2202, Aug 12, 2009
I have seen a French program where children had similar problems as your baby. They actually found out that it was caused by certain preservatives and colorings in our food. They are everywhere, even in some juices, which are supposed to be 'pure'. After the children stopped having all of these, there behaviour became normal.

I hope you will be able to find out what it is, as you really do not want to pump your child with all kinds of drugs.



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by TristynsMama1oh1, Aug 12, 2009
My husband was like that also. They put him on medications so strong that he couldnt even make it through the whole school day with out falling asleep, his mother made him take them every single day even though he was failing in school because he couldn't pay attention with or with out the meds. His step-father was home sick one day when my husband came in from school and when he saw that he could barely make it through the front door he flushed them all down the toilet, called my husbands mother and made her take him to the doctor to find any other options. His mother didnt care that he was doing poorly because she didnt have to deal with him, she again got the same meds for him as before and when the step-father found out he called to find out what they were. The pharmicist he called told him that the medication his son/my husband was getting force fed to him every morning were basicly tranquilizers that they use to calm children in mental hospitals down. He once again flushed the pills and threatened to leave her and to call childrens services on her. Once my husband was back to his normal hyper disruptive self the teachers noticed that he did try harder than the other students to do the work but he just couldnt pay attention. My husband dropped out of high school the day he turned 16 and he never went back.

When my little sister was showing the same signs of distructive behavior my husband told my mother his story. She pulled my sister out of school, quit her job to home school her for the year, when my sister went back to school in the 8th grade she had a 3.2 GPA, she graduated her senior year at the top of her class with a 3.6 GPA.

Maybe he just needs to be pulled out of school for the year for some one on one time that the school just cant give him. I dont know if this helps but I hope everything works out for the both of you!!

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by teko, Aug 12, 2009
Your child is rebelling, he does not want to be there, does not understand why he has to be there, and no one is listening. So, he is mad and definately letting all know he will have none of it.  You say he just turned 5 and just started kindergarten. Did he attend any pre school previously?

I agree with Swampy overall, that you need to sit in at school and observe first hand what is going on. I have a daughter that had a son kicked out of pre school for the same thing. He was only 4. The school refused to take him back and she had to hustle and find another one so she could continue her job. Come to find out, he did not like the teacher, nor the teacher him. The new school had a different approach in how to handle him and is fine. She was told by the old school that her child had problems and needs meds and the whole thing. Once she moved him to a different school, all worked out. Good luck, I hope all works out for your little one as well.

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by sunshine1976, Aug 12, 2009
My son is a rebel always has been since birth (and probably before LOL). I love my little wild man but even he seems suprised by the extent of his behavior.   This is more than just hyper.  I'm hyper so I know the difference.  It is the suddeness of these swings in mood & the inabilty to pull him out of it that really concerns me.  He had to be restrained by the principle at one point and I have had to restrain him at home to keep him from hurting himself.

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by Cherie762, Aug 12, 2009
my now 16 yo had a hard time in K, the teacher was one year short of retirement and also short of patience and compassion. I agree w Swampy go, sit in back of class and watch, also sounds like you have really good insticts trust them. I hate so many kids diagnosed w add add/hd but some of them really do have it maybe the case w your son, one thing I do know is this too shall pass.

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by sunshine1976, Aug 12, 2009
Thanks Cherie, I do have a gut feeling that something is "wrong" with my son.  I hate that word but he needs some help.  I am not a parent who jumps to the Dr with every sniffle. My kids have been on doctor prescibed medicine less than 5 times their whole life.   I'm taking him to a therapist first who does not medicate & runs group parenting sessions.  I need to learn how to help him no matter what the diagnosis is.  I have never believed medicating for any disorder mental or physical is the single answer.  Life changes need to take place also.   I need to learn what those changes should be.

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by TrudieC, Aug 12, 2009
Marcia posted before about colorings and preservatives.  When my son was younger he would act out and couldn't even stand himself (it was milder than your son's case but each reaction could be different).  I figured out that red food coloring did it.  I removed that from his diet and he became a different child.  Sometimes he would cheat and have some and I could immediately tell.

Then a bit later he had concentration problems and couldn't do his school work.  I totally changed his diet to remove preservatives and to increase his protein so his blood sugar stayed level and that helped.  

I would encourage you to look at his diet too.  Good luck.  I can't imagine how tough this is for you all.

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by sunshine1976, Aug 12, 2009
I'll start checking labels. Thanks Trudie.

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by ireneo, Aug 12, 2009
I agree with Swampy too. There are so many possibilities for his behavior. Don't let them slap a label on him. Give him time to mature and see if you can observe him in class. There shouldn't be any problem with that. Perhaps the class is too structured for  him, too many demands on him. Seems they're forcing kids to grow up way too fast nowadays. My kids were expected to choose their career track in high school. How many of us knew what we wanted to do with the rest of our life at age 15? Get real.

Just let him know he's special and loved and lovable. That's always a good start.

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by teko, Aug 12, 2009
I am shocked at the problems with children of this age in todays world. Your story is soooo common. I dont know what the answer is, but I do no this kind of thing is so much more prevalant today then it was when my kids were young. I have also noticed how willing doctors are to put kids on meds, anything from ridilin to anti depressants at such a young age. I worry about the long term effects these meds will have and we will not know for several years to come. All meds have to break down in the liver and that alone is scarey to me.  This is not to say some kids do not need them, just seems it is handed out like candy. Maybe this little guy just needs an adjustment period and after a couple of weeks will learn to love school. I hope so. Good luck and please let us know what the doc says?

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by RockRose, Aug 12, 2009
Sunshine,  I don't know your story,  but are you married to his father?  Your description of him,  and your poem,  sound like he is male head of the household.  

The reason I say this,  one of my best friends had a son she would describe in a poem the way you describe Caleb,  and I have to say,  it was difficult to see him grow up under his mother's adoring smile while he caused difficulty everywhere he went.    I just sense that between the two of you,  you aren't the mother caretaker disciplinarian.   You are the clapping cheering fan of his sassy misbehaviors.  

I could be wrong.  

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by Collegebeauty22, Aug 13, 2009
RockRose,

My little brother got suspended from Kindergarten also when he first started school. He went at first, then he had problems, then they made it a half a day and then the doctors looked at him and they moved him a special school for children with mental disorders or other things. He has since been diagnosed with OCD, Anger problems, and ADHD...He still goes to the special school but he is doing so much better now that he is stable on meds. He is 7 now and starting 2nd grade.

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by Collegebeauty22, Aug 13, 2009
*I didn't mean to put that to Rock Rose, sorry. That was meant for sunshine. sorry.

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by sunshine1976, Aug 13, 2009
I am married to Caleb's Dad.  We have been married for almost 12 years now.  We didn't have kids until 5 year into the marriage by choice. I am more of the disaplinarian(spelling?) in our house just because I am with the kids more.  My Husband is also pretty tough but very loving.  I have been around kids my whole life.  I have lots of cousin & have lived at a day care (my mom ran an in home day care for 20 years).  I have taken early childhood classes,  was a sunday school teacher,  worked at a preschool,was a  childrens exercise classes instructor & worked in gym nurseries.  I don't condone Caleb's bad behvior or cheer it on.  I do apprciate some of the character traits that make him who he is.  A since of mischief, stuborness, playfullness, affection, humor, curiosity and imagination.  All of these are wonderful traits for a child to have.  They are also good traits to have as an adult. I don't want my child to be a robot or zombie. I want to recognize and cultivate these positive traits. It's the lack of control, agression and destructivness that concerns me.   I am also concerned about the impression he is getting about school & himself due to these actions.  

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by TristynsMama1oh1, Aug 13, 2009
I think its wonderful that you allow your son to have all the characteristics that make him unique. Even his stubborness makes him who he is and I agree that you can love everything about your son with out condoning his behavior. It's the funniest thing in the world to me when my son purposely ignores me when hes got something hes not allowed to have, he runs down the hallway hiding it under his arms and it is the cutest thing, but he has to get in trouble for it. I know you are doing everything you can to help your son and to do whats best for him. Letting him express himself whether it be anger happiness or sorrow is a really good way to keep him from bottling things up to later build up until he has a melt down. I also agree that he should have counsiling because there could be an underlying reason for his behavior. I'm sure you're a wonderful mother and nothing you're doing (even if you are his best friend as well as his disiplinarian) is the cause for this.    

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by somemonkey, Aug 13, 2009
I had behavior problems. Still. With adhd and aspergers. If my clothes are ichy. I might be short tempered when I'm ichy. If I need to change activities. I need a warning first. I might not be good without a warning. I need to know. Like " something around you is going to change. "

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by somemonkey, Aug 13, 2009
I'm not bad. My bad behavior has reason. Can be prevented with some help and study. I learned. So that school didn't work. There will be a better school. No ones fault. Thats what I say. Its ok. I hope that helps!

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by sunshine1976, Aug 13, 2009
He does have trouble with transition.  I always give him a task when able to due during a wait or transition.  I also tell him for example if we are playing outside and have to go in " I know it's hard to stop what your doing & you don't want to go inside but once we're inside those feeling will be better".  I hear him repeat this to his sister all the time.

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by st8sia, Aug 26, 2013
Hi,  

I know it's years since you wrote this but I am having the same problems with my 5 year old.  He was suspended the first day of school for 2 days for his aggressive behavior towards the principal after she told him to stop playing with rocks at recess.  We have a meeting with the principal tomorrow and he is supposed to return Tuesday but I honestly don't feel comfortable sending him back if i'm only going to get another phone call to pick him up.  He also has an appt with his Pediatrician on Friday.  I'm just curious what you did or what ended up working for you and your son? I am even thinking of home schooling him if at all possible.  I'm so lost and can't help but feel for my son, Idk what he is so angry about.


Thanks!

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