May 20, 2008 02:00PM
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Okay so I didn't go on a wonderous adventure, and nor did I go to a huge convention today or do something exciting. I took a trip to two small convenience stores in town here. I just wanted to let known my feelings on some things. This sort of ties in my love for children, as well as my feelings toward strangers.
Some of you women are probably so tickled when you go out in public and you get these courtesy smiles from strangers as if to say "Oh how wonderful, look at that pregnant woman. She's probably going to soon be a responsible mother. That's great." Or making comments to you about your belly or your due date and your baby, etc.
When I go out in public I get stares from people that could probably make you want to stop dead in your tracks. I'm a very unique individual and I have loved to express my individuality since I was very young.
I am pointing this out because I want to show you, first, that I have a tough outer shell when it comes to these things. I have done some crazy things in my (rebellious?) akward, "I'm going to be different", teenage phase. [Yes, I know I am STILL a teenager... Leave it. lol] For a generous amount of time I had 10 different piercings, 7 in my ears, two in my nose, and one in my lip (which I still have my lip pierced) This might come as a surprise to those of you who know my personality or maturity level.. Rather than the pure bias I get from people on the street who have never spoken a word to me before. Anyways, straying way off topic here... I have had such colors of hair as blue, green, red, purple, orange.. And have dressed one day in black clothes and chains, dark make up, the next day in all colors of the rainbow, or girly pink. I am just who I am.. Although I don't find it as important now as I am older, to express my difference from everyone else, all of these things have made me accustomed to weird looks from people.
Back on track, when I go out I get looks from people ranging from a very slight and quick "aw" that often turn into "Look how young she is... shame" I get looks that convey to me utter disgust sometimes. Like I am filth and I am going nowhere with my life. I get looks of sympathy like people feel sorry for me in my "condition". And it is usually from older people that I get looks like I should be hiding inside my house. I got quite a few of those today just going out for 15 minutes. But I saw this little boy in a stroller who smiled [he looked at my face and smiled at me] and waved at me several times, whenever I would make eye contact. He saw my belly sticking out from my small frame and did not judge me and my future. That really made me smile. Children are so unbiased, it reminded me that my baby is MY son to make into a good person and instill the morals that I believe in, and hope to make him into an honest, generous, and kind young man one day.
But people, I am PROUD to be pregnant. I am LUCKY to be pregnant. It may be hard and some may look down on me tremendously for having to depend on my family because of my prior impulsive choices, and I myself am not proud of that.. But I am PROUD of my big ol' belly. I am delighted at the fact that I have a baby, MY baby, growing inside of me and that I have the power to create life.
Okay sorry about that long sort of... rant..
:)
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