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I'm really nervous

Aug 12, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

drivers Test

,

final

,

summer reading

,

reading

,

school

,

YAP

,

shei

,

tiedye

,

elastics

,

dizziness

,

trippin'

,

steve

,

Mall

,

nap

,

turkey sandwich

,

marboro

,

cigarettes

,

overactive imagination

,

quitting

,

lying

,

family

,

Anxiety

,

hungry

,

nazi zombies

,

level four

,

jon

,

steak

,

dinner

,

Quarantine

,

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

,

end of the world

,

biological warfare

,

fire

,

poison gas

,

rabbit ear tv



For my driver's test tomarrow. 100 questions. Ahhh. And my summer reading? School starts so soon and I am so behind. I've barely read one book nevermind even though about the project. I'm so **** out of luck.

In other news I pried myself out of bed this morning to go to YAP. Shei went. Mel, Tom, Denise. We tiedyed. Everyones was cool spirals out and so simple but nice, and I won't lie I like my shirt. But it looks messy compaired to all the others. I can't ever limit myself, or think ahead to outcomes. I just can't ever picture what REALLY will happen. I put about fourty elastics on my shirt, everyone else put about 5. I dunked it in too many colors that didn't match and I've been so dizzy. I toppled into the dye and so a large portion of the back of my shirt is one big black blob. It was predominately purple, before.

Shei dropped me at steve's house. I was tired and he said he was running upstairs and he went to the mall hahaha. He came back and I didn't realize I'd slept for three hours and I was like Hi where'd you go? =] And he's like The mall... It was wierd. I was so tired and then he made me a sammich and it was like *yaaaawn*...SANDWICH?! YUM. Then I ate it, ever so contently.

I have a pack and it's mine and it's small and fits so perfectly into my tiny purse and it's the first I've ever had and it's no one elses, just mine. I can't even comprehend the fact. The thing about those of us with overactive imaginations...we dream too much about achieving our goals, when we really do it's just disapointing. Because it doesn't feel real. Whenever it just slides through your head you brush it off, I mean, its upsetting to think about things you haven't managed to accomplish. Can't always think fast enough. I don't know. I guess I'm not making any sense.

Just to hold myself to it, I'll be quitting soon. It's been a nice run, but I need to quit. I couldn't do this my whole life. And we all know what a fantastic liar I am, huh?

He went upstairs to eat dinner and we had a near fist fight. By that I mean he picked me up and I clung like a cat to that couch and then the other couch and then the pole and then the door, the banister, everything we past. And then he brought me to the bathroom to wash my hands and the minute he turned around I took off. His family there at that tiny table, all together? It makes my head ache. I don't know why it makes me so anxious but thinking about it makes me feel sick. And I was hungry. But I said I wasn't, a million times. His mom even came down and asked if I was scared to eat with them. I felt so see through. Then I pretty much cried. It's so stressful and I don't understand it. And the look he gets on his face when he finally has to give up the fight to get me at that table. Because I won't give up. It breaks my heart.

Then we came to my house. We played Zombies, on the new level. But I've never played it before, and I'm not very good in general, especially on zombie games. Everyone knows that. So he didn't really want to play with ME. Him and Jon played. He used to know it bothered me when he wanted to hang out with jon, and made that joke and everything. Now it would seem he's forgotten again, and it stopped bothering me till recently. Then we ate dinner. The steaks I've been looking forward to all week and they were chewy. So nice looking and cooked well- but so muscley. It upset me.

We watched Quarantine. ******* scary ****. I was dead bored for a while though. It's the girl from the Emily Rose movie. I'm probably going to have nightmares. Of course it was all about zombies. I guess I'm not alone in that fear. I don't really feel like rehashing it and reliving it, but at one point they pan around the room in a camera and it falls on an african zombie and I almost killed myself. Screamed at the top of my lungs, waving my arms, eyes big, I jumped out of my seat and landed in a ball. Oh man, I think it was the most severe reaction I've ever had to a movie before. Steve laughed his *** off. I was so scared. The thing was those freaky things really happen. Rabies really is 99.8% fatal. It really does make you agressive like that. It's terrifying. I would be so scared. I would have heart attacked and dropped to the ground, not even bitten. I would have loved for it to have not ended on a cliffhanger though. Those things I actually find interesting and wanted to see what they ended up doing. I mean, all the people contracted the disease, there was no helping them. But how did they contain it? Not like that plastic would work more than a week. What, did they just burnthe whole building? Storm it and take the losses? Maybe poison gas it? So many things could go wrong.

It was cute to see the rabbit ear tv though. Because of how they stopped working at the beginning of this year and all, and the movie was produced before that I guess. It was just a little reminder how we grow.

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