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What is love, honestly?

Aug 13, 2009 - 12 comments
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dating

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Love

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depressed

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problem

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family

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friends

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boyfriends

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upset



I'm really upset and in tears. All I did was try and speak my opinion. I was just talking about how it's close to impossible to know what love truly is at 14. I have never yet had a boyfriend. I don't plan on dating for awhile because I see all the trouble my friends and their boyfriends go through. I see how upset and hurt they get over the little stuff. Why would I wanna deal with that before I'm even considered an adult? I have many problems with my whole family situation and I get really depressed over fights I get in with my friends. I think if I would seriously have a boyfriend right now and he dumped me, I would become suicidal. I can't take the pain of feeling like a loser. All I really need is a shoulder to cry on, which I don't have. Can someone please help me through this? Also, I'd like to know your opinion on the whole thing.


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by tbabi20, Aug 13, 2009
I think if that's how you feel than wait, there's no rush. Love will find you. When I was your age I simply wasn't ready and I didn't want to give a guy less than 120% because i know i could be that perfect woman for someone. Go with the flow, enjoy just living life. You'll have plenty of time to date and who knows he may be your best friend.

Love is a great thing to find. It may hurt to lose a love or get your heart broken but it happens. You can't avoid it and it's worth it. There is no feeling in the world like loving someone and being loved in return. Just falling in love, getting the butterflies, repeating their name to yourself, can melt your heart and make all your worries go away!

That's my opinion. Love is a priority in my life. You could disagree with me, and that's fine. We are people and we have the right to be different and disagree.

No one can really tell u what love is, it's something you have to experience for yourself and only u know what you. So relax it's not a big deal..

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by punkin1515, Aug 13, 2009
   Thats silly there is NOWAY to know true love at 14. One day you will meet that Mr Right... you really will. Life changes so fastly it increadible. My daughter is 25 and she did not have her first boyfriend until 18. She worried so that she would never meet the right guy, but finally she did. She is very happy now and you will be to someday ... not now you are too young for these worries. You need to chill and just enjoy each day that God blesses you with. You are most def. not a "looser" you are are a beautiful young lady with a beautiful smile. If you can ( and you should) see that in yourself ... that is truly true love.
   Listen you need to explain to you father how his actions and words hurt you! It is so sad when parents (adults) put kids in the middle of things, but you are not alone it happens very often, sadly. Many times it happens at a much younger age where the child is not equipped to deal with all the stress. So count yourself lucky that you are, and be proud of who you are. So as you can see even us adults make mistakes... and many will never really know "true love". But I know you will, when it is time and enjoy your life until then. Take care and be happy! Cara <3

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by draghonsjk, Aug 13, 2009
  I started dating my (now) fiancĂ©e when I was a senior in high school.  I had huge family problems during high school, and although I liked plenty of guys, I didn't feel I could date.  When started dating I was 17 and we had been friends for  3 years .  We dated for 6 years before getting engaged!  Some days it felt like we would never get married, but now it's happening.  Rushing into things, and wondering when they will happen is no way to go through high school.
   Life is hard enough when you're 14, and most of the time boys(and they are boys) will only complicate things.  If you're really having a hard time dealing with life and feel completely overwhelmed, go to your counselor.  There's nothing shamefully about doing that, that's why they are there.  Good luck and as a good friend told me in high school; keep writing it helps!

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by killsome, Aug 14, 2009
To be honest i never dated before im 15 male lol. Im more of the Layed back i dont care kinda person. If you develope some kinda resistence to the emotions then it'll be easy to get through alot of things. But just be careful when you do date cause if you dont show  much emotion then you could hurt people you care about.(I know that from experence) Also if you just become an i dont care type of attitude person it'll keep you from getting hurt.

(Hopefully i helped if not then im sorry if i make things worse.)

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by teko, Aug 14, 2009
You are 14. You get upset about fights with your friends and dealing with depression.  You nor any person your age has the mental capabilities to deal with the mating dances of today. Go to school, enjoy your friends and enjoy being 14. There is plenty of time for all that drama down the road.

Love is not: meeting a guy, falling in heat, ending up in bed with them, getting pregnant when you cannot even take care of yourself much less someone else. And the mental crap that goes with it while you should be concentrating on what you want to be when you grow up. And seriously, what you do with your life now and in the next few years will determine your success or lack of it in this world.

Love is wanting to make someone esle happy and thinking of how you can do that instead of what they can do for you. If both people have this view then it is, That mentality  that will land a lasting relationship. It is also an emotion to be avoided until you complete your schooling.

Spoken from a Mom, not yours, but someones... lol

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by TrudieC, Aug 14, 2009
I can remember being in Grade 9 and talking with my friends about how gross we thought French kissing was (OK, this was in the mid 70's).  My parents told me I couldn't date until I was 16 and I took them at their word.  I could have 'friends' who were guys and could hang out at school or see at a dance but no dating.  It really took a lot of pressure off.  Work on your own confidence (it doesn't come from anyone else), do well in school and build a full life.  The right friends and the right guy will see you for who you are at the right time.  It is hard at your age to see into the future.  It is truly amazing how much life changes once you're out of highschool.  None of these things that are bothering you now will have any relevance.  Try and be patient.  

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by sunylive, Aug 14, 2009
hi
i at 24. and at this time from the 2 or 3 month ago, i find the right one.
your age is tooo small, you can't recoginze your true lover. be patience if you have it then you ll find the most perfect person in your life.

dont go on date before your marriage .. its my advice.

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by punkin1515, Aug 14, 2009
WOW!!! Tabi, draghon & killsome along with polka dot. Your parents should be so very proud of you all. You really are not kids you are more adult like than many adults I know lol.
Now we have one more issue "disease".  I do not want to Polka Dot or any of you guys in the HIV, STD ect... forums. Ya know my Doc. told me that soooo many young people have ummm theres another name but herpes these days. (HPV thats it). He is my Gyno. in NY and he states many 11, 12 & 13 year old kids are infected badly with the HPV.  
Sweetie as I told you.... true love is truly loving YOU. From what I see in your pic. and read, YOU should love yourself very much!!! I can tell you one thing I would be so very proud to have a daughter like you! Honestly... I do have a daughter like you, and I am very blessed.
I also have a 29 year old son but he is rotten to the core. We have not spoken in 4 years as when he was 25 he ment a 15 year old  girl and I could just never accept it. Well guess what? As sick as this sounds... he is 29 she is now 19 and they had a baby in April.They will not allow me my daughter or my 81 year old mom see his baby??? Only my husband is allowed, and her family. Her mom is a heroine addict, her sister is 20 with 3 kids ect. On the other hand we were great parents. I did EVERYTHING with my kids and loved every minute, but she will not allow him to see us, and worse he allows it. He hits her in front of the baby, he cheats on her all the time and she is aware, it' a very sick sad situation. It really is so very sad and that is one baby I feel so very sorry for as she will never know love. They are a loveless hateful couple. I miss my son but I just can not accept 29 & 19, and I dislike who he is.
Wanna hear something disgusting? Last weekend I was dropping off a shower gift for one of my sons girlfriends from 12 years ago. Her mom died in 911 and we have always stayed close, she is now 28 and a beautiful person. Well his old g/f lives on the same block as they do. His wife road by shouting the C**t word like 20 times at me shouting she was gonna beat me up. She slammed the brakes on an actully left skid marks, than she took off like 60 miles in a 25 zone and blew the stop sign...... WITH THE BABY IN THE CAR. I did file a stalking charge as there were 3 witnesses there and she has been continuously stalkind myself and my daughter via. internet, phone ect. After leaving the Police Station my son called his father and said "why doesn't mommy come over to my house and take this up woman to woman in our back yard and I will refferee" Very sick and sad huh?? How would you like a hateful lonely life as theirs??
You see Polka Dot.... be happy with who you are. Stay happy and never be mean or consume your life with hate. You are a beautiful intellegent young lady. Be lucky for all you have and who you are as relationships just do not work out at 15 or 16. Someday true love will be knocking at your door. Now how would you like to be living this 19 y/o life??? Horible thought rite?? Take care...... Cara


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by punkin1515, Aug 14, 2009
Heyyyy. I did not see the high goals that you have set............ WONDERFUL. My daughter is a CT Tech. here at a local hospital.... how ironic. TC   Cara

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by punkin1515, Aug 15, 2009
I heart you Polkadot .... I really do <3

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by Dazon50, Aug 16, 2009
You are in a wonderful position of being young and willing to listen to learn.  There are people twice your age & more who haven't learned what love really is.  Learning to deal with emotions is important as many of us act out of balance with our emotions and they get us into trouble.  Relationships change as people change.  

At 14, there is plenty of time for boyfriends, etc.  Some think they are not complete unless they have what others have without the maturity & wisdom to handle such matters.

I was glad to come across your postings.  My oldest daughter is 26 & still a virgin.  We talked openly over the years, and I cautioned her first about the darker side of how males might try to take advantage of her and that anyone who really loved her would wait for her & not pressure her into a relationship she wasn't ready for. I knew from my own experiences how I was hit on from an early age, so it was important to me as a parent to watch over, but not scare both my daughters.

I had the same talks with my younger daughter who just turned 18 & graduated High School in June & she is still a virgin, although she has a boyfriend.  I have gone through her depression over a year ago when she broke up with her boyfriend & it was hard.  It affected her schoolwork and everything.  Having a good support system is so important for everyone.

Keep strong & determined to do good things!!!
:-),
Donna



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by jo929, Aug 26, 2009
I like your honesty, but at 14 you are smart to think of education first and formost, so many young people start early end up being a child mom, and really have no teen life, also they end up unhappy, try to enjoy lifeto the fullest, and true love will come to you there will be a teen love, but that is what it will be a teen love, but then as you get older you will meet your soulmate, take me i was not allowed to date untill almost 17 and then my brother went along to chaperone, i guess i was a late bloomer, so to speak i I waited until marriage to have sex it was my choice, do not ever even think that suicide is the answer to anything i have lived a long lomg lomg life, and beleive me i have seen it, and there is always another way out when one is unhappy have a good life and enjoy. our future lies with the younger generation, and if they do not get an education i shudder to think about where this country will be, also the morals of a lot of younger people are not what they were in my day    luck  jo

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