Day 7

Today is okay, but I'm stiff and sore.  I was hoping that all of my w/d symptoms were behind me as 2 days ago I felt SPECTACULAR!!  But alas, they are still hanging around.  Yesterday I was in the bathroom more than I cared to be and today I've had some chills along with the soreness.  I still have a bit of anxiety, too, but it is much more bearable than it was a few days ago.  I do believe the worst is behind me now so now all I have to deal with is the mental and emotional aspect of it all.  

I still feel nervous going out without meds in me.  Whenever I would have to go out, even just to pick up some milk at the store, I would take a few pills to feel "normal" and able to deal with it.  I felt so helpless without them - I guess that's what the 12-steppers call being "powerless over ______" - fill in the blank.  This time it's the pills.  In the past it's been food, promiscuity, shoplifting, shopping, and others.  I'm really tired of the cycle of addiction in my life.  I'm hoping that by working closely with this psychiatrist we can finally get rid of this in my life.  He seems like a good guy, even though I've only seen him once.  My primary care doc, whom I adore, highly recommends him personally and professionally so that's good enough for me.

I go to see my primary care doc next week and I don't know if the subject of my medications will come up as we're going to be removing a mole, but I'm sure it will - the huge elephant in the room.  I have an appointment with him for the week after to discuss my medications and I'm not sure if I will get any more or not.  I've been told by several doctors that I will likely need pain meds at times for the rest of my life.  I have bad knees, arthritis in my neck and lower back, severe menstrual cramps, tendonitis in my left arm, fibromyalgia and who knows what else.  I've got the body of a 90-year-old in my 39-year-old self.  I just know that today, I don't know that I want any in the house.  Maybe when my doctor and I talk about it, we'll come to some sort of reasonable deal.

It's so funny and bass-ack-wards that when I was on the pills, I would have a pain level of like 7-8, take the pills and within 30 minutes it would be down to about a 3-4 (out of 10).  Now, a week out, my pain level is about a 3-4 today and I am not taking anything except tylenol and ibuprofen.  How crazy is that?!

Oh, well...tonight is the American Idol finale - Go David COOK!!!!  :-)