Aug 03, 2014
My name is Vickie and I have had the most strange last couple of years..I will never forget!! I need to come back and read this many months later.
I know I am not the only one who has since there day one in detox.
The other day we had some Rain & Wind come in and knock a small pine tree down and that just missed our garage..I put a pic in but that one was OK because this happens here and there...BUT last night it came up again and knocked trees down ALL over N Idaho. My Hub took a drive to town so he could pick up a few things and ALL of the town was Dark. Not a Soul around and on his way he had to avoid Branches & Trees that fell all over the road. This was a strange one for sure. ALL the lights for miles north & south and all in town were knocked out until early this AM. Now all I hear is Chain Saws as people are removing Trees from all over.
I had had some Bad moments were I had been yelling at my God. I kept telling him that this has gone to far. I went through a Long & Intense detox and was starting to feel good until I lost my Mom, Dad and my Baby Boy (Dog), plus others as most of you know..This all was right after I had almost a good Year & Half in..OK so I was doing somewhat fine with it all, until out of know where comes these Heart pains which I swore was not the heart. Now my whole life is taken over with what I can & can not do. How I could still have some troubles and have to have the bypass surgery if I am not careful and change many things..Well I had been changing many things already.
I have to go to cardiac rehab so I can build up the heart a bit but not ever over pump it. Most of my Life I did get very UP and always had my heart pumping hard & fast. Shiiiitttt!!! It is really, really hard for me not to do the things I want to do..These are the things that I had to slow down & take in baby steps when I came clean. SO now even some things can not be done in baby steps right now..I am SO SO SO frustrated, BUT SO SO SO Lucky to be alive..I know this..
Well the other day when I was yelling at my God it was becasue I needed my Mom & Dad right now because of this Heart issues. I was and am a bit scared and they where so strong when it came to these things. Now when I am out watering my Veg & Flower gardens, I miss my Boy Whiteface because he would always smell the flowers or the veg when I pointed the new ones out to him. He made me so happy because he was a HAPPY BOY all the time and he was always smiling and being funny. These Emotions come & go..I cry or smile.
I know that there are many out here just like me who went through the detox from he11 and had some bad things happen to them too. I also know there are some who have had surgery or are going to have it right now. I could sit here and name the ones on here that I know who had suffered or are still suffering..I can name the ones that are very Grateful that they are alive today, and they had some bad times trying to cure there disease, other then Addiction. My Heart Goes out to each and every one of you. We know what it feels like to go through all of this after we had a hard time most of our life with drugs and came clean..Sometimes we ask WHY!! My Prays go out to all of you, all of the time as I had gotten to know you and your issues.
SO last night as the trees where bending way down and breaking off I looked up to the sky.....AND....I told GOD I am so so so sorry for loosing that Faith I had at once..I did not mean too but I was upset..THEN all of a sudden it got real quite and the trees stopped blowing way over. The Earth was silent for a moment. OMGosh did I have some goose bumps. Well it did clam down, but there still was some rain and a bit of lighting, but it passed over fast enough.
This was on 8-2-14 and one day I will come back and see how far I had really come..
PS..I did not proof read this so I hope it is understandable..hahahaha