Revolutionary realization! I'm not sure if it's always been there or not, but I just a second ago looked down and realized there was a "more events" button. And there IS A FAMILY ISSUES BUTTON! WOW! But yeah.
I wasn't making it far. I begged for waffles. But they ended up cooking okay, thing was they were very, very dry. Dry enough that I can not swallow them. Whatever. I had to try nigh six times each bite and then end with a flush of water. I only ate less than half a plate. I moved on to rice in sour cream, a more moistured food to drown my chokey sorrows. I also dug out a lot of old computer games and played Operation! It's fun, the graphics are very low key. Obviously though, because it's from the early 2000s or 1990s. I used to have such a ball on it, playing for hours, days, years.
I skipped my observation hour because I thought I was being really smart. I, in all my general stupidity, you know, signed up for an extra observation hour, so that incase I missed one or there was one I wasn't keen to attend, I didn't have to worry. Well I decided I didn't want to go today. However I did have a driving hour at 630. 550 I'm showering, because it just occured to me then I prolly should, after two days of work and I was really gross. So we had a late start and my mom drove like a raving ******* lunatic the entire way. We should have been fine, not like they'de care if I was a minute or two late. But she was completely ripshit, and screamed at me and everyone else the ENTIRE way. ENTIRE. So we got there, she pretty much shoved my *** out of the car and left me there. Gone before I reached the door. I sat on the bench waiting for twenty minutes before I grew the balls to call home and be like...nobodies coming, come get me? I specifically asked my dad. He sent my mom. So I figured, no big deal. Well was I ever wronger in my life. She was three times as mad as she had been. Oh my goodness, I thought she was going to rip the hair out of my head. As it would turn out my hour was at 530, not 630. But in the hours book it was written really sloppily, and even thoough yes, I DID actually check twice, I made a mistake? Okay? I'm sorry. I will pay the 40 dollars. Fortunately a man from the office let me in after I'd been there about 35 minutes and my teacher came and let me reschedule another hour. One more day I'll spend getting yelled at a half hour there and back, paying to get intimidated into good driving, extremely anxious, working myself up for days before hand. This will never end. I'm going to be in drivers ed for the rest of my life. I held back tears and I wasn't even in the car. The REALLY stupid thing was, the whole time there I'm just sitting shotgun going It would really suck if I screwed up the time of this hour and I already miss it. I ******** you not.
I went back and went to steves cause home was just not an option. Whatever. I got there and couldnt stop being upset, I ended up crying. Reitterating, I feel like crying again. Then of course I mentioned jamie's party and as always I never would have guessed but I upset him. It's never the things I suspect. I'm sorry. I felt horrible. Now I'm not sure I'm going to go. I was being lighthearted, saying I wasnt going to bring him cause it's not like he liked jamie anyways. I mean, if he really wants to come, I'll bring him. But jamie didn't want me to bring him, because like I said, he doesn't even like jamie. Him and jordan taunt him endlessly. And I'm not choosing either of them over eachother, so don't even start. Jamie's still my friend. I choose steve over everyone, every other time. I don't know what's going to happen. But how could he ever think he would lose me over something as simple as a few hour birthday party? Am I really that horrible? Do I really radiate those vibes? That I would give it all up like that?
We watched my redbox. Didn't finish it, but by the end we were just talking anyways. I scare myself way too much through those movies, and when I jump I scare him. It's never the kind of person I was, but the nightterrors have gotten so bad in my world that I just get so scared whenever I'm watching a scary movie now. I mean, the onlything going through my head is that I'll be barricaded in my room later, opening cabinets in paranoia anyways. I have to turn my head away. I have a lot of pride. I feel a need to make myself to watch, to be able to say I saw it all. But it's just not worth it anymore. I just can't do it.
The rash that literally divides my face and is a bit on also my left toparm is no better. I'm not sure if it's more paranoia, or if it's spreading to my right side. It's probably paranoia. But there's very little online about tiny, hot, red, itchy rashes mainly on the face that alienate themselves to one side. The only thing I really found was hives and shingles. But it doesn't actually look like those. bumps are much too tiny. Soo itchy though, I'm going crazy. And then it burns after I scratch. And I'm breaking out, I don't even know what to thing anymore. I have very clear skin, usually. Is it the heat and sweat? Of course I'm going to go back to school with a cyst on my nose. The fact that I've lost 16 pounds will be overshadowed by the fact that I'll have a pixel red rash across half my face and a glowing cyst taking over my tiny nose. I am going to die.
I wanted to cradle my ferret. But he was a little peed on himself, as usual. So I figured I'd put him under some water, just for a second, clean him off. He'd prolly be happier anyways. So I did, and he lept onto my shoulder and into the skin like the fastest like feline I'VE ever seen. Scratched my right arm deep enough to bleed. Little *******, if I didn't love him so much. Hammie...They're a pair, those two. Tator flipped over their giant dog bed and he uses it as a HUGE mattress to get cooler, did I mention that? It's so adorable.
It's really late. Four, actually. I want a chocolate coated banana. I'm very disapointed there is no lemonade powder. BROTHERS. HUMPH. I did find the Ovaltine, though. God knows how long that's been in there, but I couldn't find any experation date.
I'm not going to YAP tomarrow. Or preparation, or family night. None of my friends there are going, or even go anymore. It's a lonely place. I miss it, I miss how it used to be. It was really cool, before. It's just they made it an all day affair and I can't do something for that long. I think I'm going to go to the cookout on Monday though. Hey, why not. Well, if I decide not to work that is. I also have a driving hour that will interfere with work that day, of course.
All day, my head steadily began to ache again. You should have been there last night. I mean, it hurt, but I got upstairs and I was stretching and I sat up and it was THROBBING like a gunshot wound. I didn't even know what to do I couldn't even think I popped an Advil and two Motrin- everything in my bathroom but the Tylenol. I don't trust Tylenol, or Aspirin. Too weak and not good for you. So there. I had to sit in bed and just stare at the wall until it dulled enough for me to tip over. I couldn't even think about listening to music or sodoku, I couldn't even read more than like ten pages! I wasn't in good shape. It was another long night.
That in an incredible number of tags I've got going!