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It feels like a bad dream

Aug 29, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

hallucination

,

Finger

,

Broken bone

,

bruises

,

knuckles

,

left pointer finger

,

uncontrollable urges

,

meds

,

Crying

,

impulses

,

driving hour

,

driving practice

,

autumn

,

stove

,

bread

,

candle

,

melting

,

house hurning

,

Prozac Nation

,

tator

,

hunger

,

lemonade

,

heavy head

,

rain

,

fabric store

,

apron

,

Alice in Wonderland

,

Work

,

Facebook

,

Farmville

,

Gardening

,

nerves

,

Girls



Except my finger really hurts. I tried to break it.
I'm not really sure why. I was quite upset. It's fine, it just hurts when I bend it. Which this is actually very interesting, because I always thought I would be able to break my finger if I tried. But I gave this an honest effort and it's completely intact. I mean, I had my knuckle touching the back of my hand. I also mean, I have no idea why I ******* tried to break my finger. It just feels like I can't control myself. I was told to take my meds early, so I did. I probably spent longer than an hour trying desperately to snap my finger off and crying the whole time. This feels like all the things I've ever felt, voiced out. Anything I've ever felt the impulse to do in a lifetime? It crosses my mind, and I get set on it, and I just do it. I just do it. Normally, I would engage in bad behavior once, feel awkward, and stop. It just never sinks in.

I was up very early for a driving hour. I'm actually almost done! Feels like an eternity. I still need so much practice though.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, apparently when we woke up we found that my dog had climbed up the stove to get to some bread. Well she got it, but she also turned the huge burner on high. It must have been on for a while because the pretty generously sized candle also on the stove was completely a liquid. The whole house could have burnt down. And there's only so far you can go to punish her, because she's only a dog, she doesn't understand.

I watched Prozac Nation. My Tator finally leaned too far and tumbled out of the top floor of his cage. Atleast he flipped and landed feet down though. Cool cat. I've been insatiably hungry. I'm drinking lemonade right now. My head feels very heavy all day and I'm quite tired. It's been raining.
Oh, and we went to the fabric store. We're gonna make me an apron, like Alice In Wonderland. SWEET. I talked to her. It was ill played, and I keep making an idiot of myself. I'm deeply afraid to come off as my usual annoying self. Am I usually? I kinda feel like a creeper, cause I only know her a little. I have to work tomarrow. Suck balls. I've also spent way too much time on my Facebook Farmville. It's just fun though. All the fun of gardening, but I never have to get off my *** and actually attend to nature!

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