Phil Zeltzman, DVM, DACVS
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Do pets mourn?
Sep 01, 2009 05:26AM
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We occasionally hear about pets who seem depressed or lose their appetite when their buddy passes away. I asked Sue Bulanda, pet behaviorist in Jim Thorpe, PA, to share her thoughts on the subject, and to give some tips on how to help a mourning pet.
Some animals seem to mourn quite deeply at the loss of a beloved companion, whether it is another pet or a human. This is evident by the dramatic changes in our pet's behavior when they suffer a loss. What makes it so difficult is that we cannot explain to our pets what happened and why.
Somehow, our pets seem to understand that the companion is not coming back. Some pets will refuse to eat, become lethargic or refuse to play. Some will cry or howl. Some will wander around looking for their lost companion. Some will hug an object that belonged to their lost buddy.
Their eyes will look sad and when we see this it hurts, because we feel helpless and unable to ease our pet's pain. There is no one way to help a pet who is mourning, just as there is no one way to help a human who is mourning.
The best thing you can do for a mourning pet is to be there, but do not lavish affection on them, let them come to you. If you get emotional or upset, your pet will see this and could become even more upset. Do initiate activities, but do not force them to do things when it is obvious that they would rather be left alone.
Make sure you have an upbeat attitude around your pet, but not a forced one. You cannot fool your pet! In time, your pet will get over it.
Phil Zeltzman, DVM, DACVS
Pet surgeon and author of a free, weekly newsletter for true pet lovers, available at DrPhilZeltzman.com
Some animals seem to mourn quite deeply at the loss of a beloved companion, whether it is another pet or a human. This is evident by the dramatic changes in our pet's behavior when they suffer a loss. What makes it so difficult is that we cannot explain to our pets what happened and why.
Somehow, our pets seem to understand that the companion is not coming back. Some pets will refuse to eat, become lethargic or refuse to play. Some will cry or howl. Some will wander around looking for their lost companion. Some will hug an object that belonged to their lost buddy.
Their eyes will look sad and when we see this it hurts, because we feel helpless and unable to ease our pet's pain. There is no one way to help a pet who is mourning, just as there is no one way to help a human who is mourning.
The best thing you can do for a mourning pet is to be there, but do not lavish affection on them, let them come to you. If you get emotional or upset, your pet will see this and could become even more upset. Do initiate activities, but do not force them to do things when it is obvious that they would rather be left alone.
Make sure you have an upbeat attitude around your pet, but not a forced one. You cannot fool your pet! In time, your pet will get over it.
Phil Zeltzman, DVM, DACVS
Pet surgeon and author of a free, weekly newsletter for true pet lovers, available at DrPhilZeltzman.com
Well thank you for your wise and compassionate view of our. Beloved furry friends and recognizing their emotional pain. I just want to disagree with one tiny thing and that is about not having a forced upbeat attitude. Yes we can fool our animals and our human friends and sometimes even ourselves. Sometimes forcing an upbeat attitude will lead to an actual upbeat attitude. I say, fake it till you make it. Of course go through the grieving process but even through tears some laughter can come through too. Passing is after all an inevitable part of life. Sometimes forcing a smile is just what the doctor ordered for both humans and our furry companions. Wishing you many blessings.
Lynn
Lynn
I know pets grieve. My husband was ill with metastatic cancer. His dog rarely left his side. The morning he died his beloved companion was devastated. She knew they were taking "her person" away, and he would not be coming back. A month later, she suffered a stroke. After spending the night with her on the kitchen floor, I took her to the vets. I had to make the difficult decision to put her to sleep. I then had her body cremated, and my husbands sons scattered both their father's ashes, and his beloved dog's ashes, in the mountains on their elk hunting trip.They had spent every fall there together for years, and it gives me solace to know they are still together. I know his dog grieved herself to death. Like people, some pets just can't stand losing a loved one, especially when they have been together for years.
When my dad passed away i inherited his cat. He never left my dads side thru his illness. I remember when he came to live with me he would go and sit on the steps of the basement and just cry...it just killed me to hear him so i would go and sit on the steps and cry right beside him all the while petting him and telling him it was okay and we would be okay. I believe we formed a very close bond during this time........
Thanks for the journals......I really like them and they are very informative. sara
Thanks for the journals......I really like them and they are very informative. sara
Wow, these are sad but incredible and beautiful stories...
Phil Zeltzman, DVM, DACVS
Pet surgeon and author of a free, weekly newsletter for true pet lovers, available at DrPhilZeltzman.com
Phil Zeltzman, DVM, DACVS
Pet surgeon and author of a free, weekly newsletter for true pet lovers, available at DrPhilZeltzman.com
My cat mourned when my mom passed away. The night of her funeral he was looking all over the house for her and when he did not find her he made this sad cry. My cat also layed down on the couch where she used to lay for days.
All of your posts are so heart-warming and sad at the same time. I also believe that pets definitely mourn. It happened when I owned 2 cats (mother and daughter). They were inseparable and the mother cat ended up developing liver cancer and we had to finally put her to sleep the day after Christmas. I was truly heartbroken and mourned for days. We had her for 14 years. The daughter cat (who was 12 at the time) would look for her mom all through the house and from that day on, her little personality changed drastically. It was very sad. She then ended up developing kidney failure and passed away 9 months later. I remember having to go through that heartache again. I vowed that I would never own another pet, because of getting attached. They are/were my kids that I never had.
To this day I still miss them both and can cry in a heartbeat. I’ll never forget my 2 little angels, ever.
Thank you posting your stories.
Stay well.
To this day I still miss them both and can cry in a heartbeat. I’ll never forget my 2 little angels, ever.
Thank you posting your stories.
Stay well.
I'm a sucker for a rescue cat. My cats walk on harness with us like dogs. One of our rescues, Abbey, had been kept in a kennel for so long at the shelter that she didn't even like being indoors. We were worried, but we let her have her way and be an outdoor cat. She was much happier that way, and would join us with the boys when we went for walks.
She tried so hard to teach Asha to be a hunter, but he's hopeless. She'd bring him stunned field mice and he'd toy with them; but he simply lacks the killer instinct, and they'd eventually escape. Whenever Abbey didn't join us right away for our walks the boys would call for her and she'd show up within minutes. She loved being with us and the boys while we were outside.
One day she didn't join us and we knew something had happened. The boys' walk was cut short as we went looking for her. We found her more by chance than anything, near an illegal (out of season) blind; she'd been shot. Exactly why we'd been reluctant to let her be an outdoor cat. Mom and I still can't give up that guilt. Listening to the other three cats cry and call for her every time we went out for our nightly walks tore at us for months.
She tried so hard to teach Asha to be a hunter, but he's hopeless. She'd bring him stunned field mice and he'd toy with them; but he simply lacks the killer instinct, and they'd eventually escape. Whenever Abbey didn't join us right away for our walks the boys would call for her and she'd show up within minutes. She loved being with us and the boys while we were outside.
One day she didn't join us and we knew something had happened. The boys' walk was cut short as we went looking for her. We found her more by chance than anything, near an illegal (out of season) blind; she'd been shot. Exactly why we'd been reluctant to let her be an outdoor cat. Mom and I still can't give up that guilt. Listening to the other three cats cry and call for her every time we went out for our nightly walks tore at us for months.
growing up my husband, his parents, his brother, 2 cats and a german shepherd shared their home. the animals were all SUPER close with each other as well as with the family. when my dh turned 19 he joined the marines and had to leave home. he only got to go home for 1 or 2 weeks/year. his pets were very upset but knew he was ok. well 3 years after he left barney (the eldest of the pets and one of the cats) got sick and ended up passing away. the other 2 animals (sasha and fred) were devastated. they rarely left each others side. 1 1/2 years after that dh's brother went off to college. again the animals were upset but ok. sadly sasha fell ill and passed away. poor fred was beyond devastated. he'd lost his 2 life companions. he quit eating, quit walking around the house. he just laid on sasha's mat hugging barney's bear "crying" (it was this really sad little yowling sound) 3 weeks later fred passed away.
Thanks for this journal. It is thought-provoking indeed.
When my husband was dying of Prostate cancer he was in a hospital where in rare circumstances, they would allow a pet in. I took our dog (a little Jack Russell) in to see him with the intention of lifting his spirits a bit. I should have thought more about it, but was not prepared for the effect it would have on the dog. When we came out, our dog was suddenly depressed, even though I tried to cheer him up with his favourite games. He lay, staring at me a lot that night and was quiet.
My husband never came home from that hospital. Our dog was included in the funeral, brought into the chapel, and everything. The dog seemed ok then. And afterwards he didn't seem too bad, though I noticed he would often disappear upstairs when he wanted to rest, and I'd find him lying on the same bed my husband slept in before he was taken to the hospital that final time.
Yet otherwise he didn't appear to be grieving.
But strangely about 9 months later he was also diagnosed with a similar aggressive form of Prostate cancer.
It could be said this was co-incidence, and as he was 'entire' all of his life, and no youngster, this was an illness just waiting to happen. But basically he was very fit and well for his age, apart from suddenly developing this deadly thing.
Co-incidence or not, I always thought it was strange.
When my husband was dying of Prostate cancer he was in a hospital where in rare circumstances, they would allow a pet in. I took our dog (a little Jack Russell) in to see him with the intention of lifting his spirits a bit. I should have thought more about it, but was not prepared for the effect it would have on the dog. When we came out, our dog was suddenly depressed, even though I tried to cheer him up with his favourite games. He lay, staring at me a lot that night and was quiet.
My husband never came home from that hospital. Our dog was included in the funeral, brought into the chapel, and everything. The dog seemed ok then. And afterwards he didn't seem too bad, though I noticed he would often disappear upstairs when he wanted to rest, and I'd find him lying on the same bed my husband slept in before he was taken to the hospital that final time.
Yet otherwise he didn't appear to be grieving.
But strangely about 9 months later he was also diagnosed with a similar aggressive form of Prostate cancer.
It could be said this was co-incidence, and as he was 'entire' all of his life, and no youngster, this was an illness just waiting to happen. But basically he was very fit and well for his age, apart from suddenly developing this deadly thing.
Co-incidence or not, I always thought it was strange.
Swampy's uncle died of lung cancer (and, incidentally, did not smoke, but worked in an office where people did). He had a cat named Egypt.
After his uncle died, Swampy watched Egypt who, again and again, would go over to his uncle's chair. The cat would look up, and would look around and meow -- "where is my human? what happened?"
Shortly after that, Egypt ran away from home. He came back a few months later, but was never the same, and died on about the one year anniversary of Swampy's uncle.
After his uncle died, Swampy watched Egypt who, again and again, would go over to his uncle's chair. The cat would look up, and would look around and meow -- "where is my human? what happened?"
Shortly after that, Egypt ran away from home. He came back a few months later, but was never the same, and died on about the one year anniversary of Swampy's uncle.
Our older dog Kelley got sick and while the vet was still trying to figure out what was wrong with her that night she passed away at the foot of our bed, our other dog Holley who was young woke me up crying and crying the next morning, I didnt realize what was wrong and told her to be quiet but she just kept crying till I got up and seen what was wrong. She was very sad for a long time. Another time when I lost my dog Teddy to cancer, my husband went up to bury him and our other dog Max went with him and my husband said that after he lowered Teddy into the ground in his wooden box Max laid down on the dirt looking into the grave & put his head down on his paws all sad. I know that dogs have feelings like us and grieve like us.
My mom has stage 3 ovarian cancer and stayed with me until her 2nd surgery and first 5 rounds of chemo) she is now back home with my dad. I work and am gone 11.5 hours a day so my dog LOVED having mom there all day, both my dog and cat would lie in the bed with my mom.
Now that mom is back home, I notice my dog acts strange. She will not jump on the couch or on the bed at all - I thought something was wrong with her hips or maybe she hurt herself, but the vet didnt find anything wrong.
Could it be that she is missing my mom? This all started when my mom went back in the hospital for her 2nd surgery.
Now that mom is back home, I notice my dog acts strange. She will not jump on the couch or on the bed at all - I thought something was wrong with her hips or maybe she hurt herself, but the vet didnt find anything wrong.
Could it be that she is missing my mom? This all started when my mom went back in the hospital for her 2nd surgery.
In the past I've definitely known my dogs to mourn for one that has died, and to look for them in vain. I have Cavalier King Charles Spaniels and they develop very close bonds with each other.
The last few times, we have given the dogs a chance to say goodbye. We have fantastic vets who come out to the house to euthanise the dog, so they pass on our laps, being fed their favourite treat. After we've said goodbye, we place them in a bed on the floor and let the others in for their farewells. Sometimes it takes them a while to realise what has happened, that is hard to witness when they go back a few times and nudge and sniff at their former friend. However it saves them a lot of heartbreak in the long run, they still seem a bit sad but they no longer look for their friend.
If at all possible, please give your animals the opportunity to say goodbye.
Nicki, Scotland
The last few times, we have given the dogs a chance to say goodbye. We have fantastic vets who come out to the house to euthanise the dog, so they pass on our laps, being fed their favourite treat. After we've said goodbye, we place them in a bed on the floor and let the others in for their farewells. Sometimes it takes them a while to realise what has happened, that is hard to witness when they go back a few times and nudge and sniff at their former friend. However it saves them a lot of heartbreak in the long run, they still seem a bit sad but they no longer look for their friend.
If at all possible, please give your animals the opportunity to say goodbye.
Nicki, Scotland
I had two dogs for years, they were constant companions, and slept on my mother's bedroom floor together every night. They were both pomeranians, and the female was two years senior to the male. At ten years old, our female pom had a heart attack and passed away. My mom and the rest of the family were devastated, but this pain was also evident in our male pom. He spent months wondering around the house looking for her, and his eyes were extremely sad. He became lethargic for a very long time; he did not want to do much of anything except lay by someone's side.
In the three years since our female pom has died, he has not once returned to my mother's room; he now sleeps with me in mine. He will never so much as wander into that room, and his personality seems remarkably altered. It is heartbreaking.
Nicki, I wish I had thought of your suggestion at that time.
In the three years since our female pom has died, he has not once returned to my mother's room; he now sleeps with me in mine. He will never so much as wander into that room, and his personality seems remarkably altered. It is heartbreaking.
Nicki, I wish I had thought of your suggestion at that time.
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