May 27, 2008
My mother is nasty, bitter, hateful, argumentive, unsupportive and the meanest person I know. She's always been this way, but it's getting worse as she gets older (now 68). You cannot talk to her nicely or try to explain your point without her snapping at the person and starting an argument. If you say to her "why are you arguing" she says, You are, not me. It's always the other person, never her. You are dammed if you talk to her, and dammed if you don't talk to her. It's like walking on eggshells all the time. You never know when the venom is coming. She talks about people in a nasty manner. She lies and when you call her on it, she denies it. She starts trouble with me and my siblings. My brother hasn't had anything to do with her in the last several years. No one wants to be around her because she is so nasty. She always has to put people down, and it seems she is extremely jealous of me. Recently, she said in an extremely bitter tone, that she can't stand looking at me and my 2 siblings because we look like our grandmother and father. (What do we need to get plastic surgery?) She said she doesn't trust anyone, especially her own children. She's called me a liar and crazy. She is toxic and poisonous. She hates her kids. Obviously, she didn't want us. She got pregnant with my brother at 17. OK she made a mistake.....then why did she have me and my sister? We didn't ask to be born. I would have much rather been put up for adoption. Maybe I would have had caring, loving adoptive parents. I've gotten to the point where I do not want her poison in my life. Throughout my life, I always knew "To be different, and not like her". In spite of her, I am a good mother and good wife. I love my children more than anything on this earth and would never think of treating them the way she's treated us. I have the same, wonderful husband for 20 years and are happy. We have a beautiful home, nice, new cars, and 2 beautiful, good kids. We worked hard for everything we have and never asked her or anyone else for anything. She has deep psychological issues for sure, but will never go for help, since she says "it's everyone else, not her that has the problem". She thinks there is nothing wrong with her. In addition, she is extremely paranoid, thinking that everyone is scheming against her or talking about her. (That's probably because that is what SHE does!)
I used to hold this inside and cry because no matter what I've gotten treated nasty. I can be quiet and say not a word and I still get poison from her. I finally realized it's because she can't stand looking at me since I favor my father and grandmother in looks. It's just simply, that I exist. Well I am finally stating in this entry what I felt for a long time. I DESPISE HER!!!!! She disgusts me. How dare she talk about me and lie. How dare she treat me nasty and disrespectfully, even in front of my kids. I cannot stand her. I am an adult and deserve respect. I am non-confrontational and that is probably why things affect me so stressfully. I think back on so many instances throughout my life, things she's done to me, said to me, said about me, or how she's treated me, or has never been there for me. I clearly believe she blames us for being born. We remind her of her past with a violent, miserable husband and she has been taking it out on us throughout our lives. There is no use for me to continue a relationship with her. I will NEVER get the one thing I should have gotten -LOVE- Caring, Respect, support, etc. All the things that I give my children. However, I have gotten 1 thing from her, the knowledge to make sure I am totally different. I know how NOT to be. I doubt if she will ever change at this point? 68 years old? She'll continue to get worse. I have to move on. Pray. I believe in prayer and have prayed since a little girl and feel this is just 1 prayer that will not be answered. It's just not meant to be. I FINALLY get it!