Bitter, nasty, hateful mother

Hi. Wow thats tuff. Im really sorry you have had such a life. Even harder to understand how she can be this way once you bring your own lil angels in the world. Im betting you feel a lil better after getting it of your chest. Now Im no proffessional but you do need to cut all ties with this lady. She gave birth to you but she has not earned mother title at all.  ( I thought my mum was bad!) This is eating you up and that sort of stress can cause cancer's and heart disease.  You need to meditate of sum sort or do sum relaxation techniques. Ill tell you what I do. I place a crystal rock on my chest (to draw the hurt and anger from my heart) and listen to some calming music or rainforest c.ds and I lay on the bed for as long as I can but you only need to do it for 4 minutes per day. This will actually help calm you on the inside and replace that anger and hurt with more love and happiness. TRUE!! Im also wondering if your mum suffers from bipolar cause she has all the symptoms of this mental disease. If I was you I would not see a councellor as all you will be doing is going over everything and reliving it and you need to get past it and move forward for good.  Have no guilt for cutting her free and only let her back in your life once she has been through the right chanells ( proffessional people) and is on medication and that she is looking to make amends with you and not the latter. Thank god you put a stop to this behavour and know your kids and there kids etc can have the life they deserve thanks to you!!! Well done!! Im proud!!

HI again. Thankyou for your comment.  I always knew my kids deserve to be happy but after reading it  from some one else I relize Im not doing enough to make them happy (shame on  me). So thankyou again. As far as I can see know body loves my kids as much as me so Im gonna have to do a lot more!! To both of us, STAY STRONG!!

Hi there -

Wow, reading your history reminds me of mine!  I, too, have a really nasty mother, and have never been able to understand why she is the way she is.  In my case, her distaste of me is because I'm the only girl; she talks highly of her "precious boys".  It also appears to be jealousy, and she has made my life miserable because of it.  After a nasty set of lies and deception by her over the Memorial Day weekend, I came to same conclusion you have.  It's time to walk away, and NOT FEEL GUILTY!  If you've tried your very best to be a loving daughter, the least she can do is try to act like a loving mother instead of a viper.  I truly believe they are putting their own unhappiness on you simply because you keep coming back.  If you have your kids and your husband's support, lean on them, love them, and move forward.  Your mother isn't your charge anymore -- she will be miserable with or without you, so don't let her drag you down!  Just knowing there are others suffering like you helps you feel less lonely.  Smile, move forward, and give your kids and hubby a BIG hug.  Treat yourselves to a nice dinner, with NO conversation about the evil Mom.  Then concentrate on one day at a time, being just you, not the unwanted daughter.  And pray.... God loves you ... you will find the strength to get through this.

Wow.... I thought I was the only 1 too... bitter nasty back biting mother... I'm an only child... doesn't matter.....
she got sick.. i gave up everything to take care of her... doesnt matter.... she's worse then ever...
always making my dad and I feel like ****...she's 72... I told her to go to hell today.. couldn't take it no more....
she basically told me I was doing this to myself and NONE OF IT is or ever was her fault.... nasty piece of work...
wow... it's disgusting.
Anyone care to get back to me...support..etc.////
***@****.

(sigh)

It looks like everyone's first comment is "Wow". Well that's what I say. I was amazed to read through these stories and find that I'm not the only one. Its like you all are a "fly on the wall" and know everything I'm going through. I'm also my mother's only child but I have two step-brothers from her second marriage that I grew up with and we're still very close. So my mom has gone through two bad marriages and a relationship where she got her and guess who her punching bag is.....ME! She claims to be a Christian and spends all of her time either at work, or at church. But she's the first to call someone a B_ _ _ H if they don't do something she wants them to do. Its her way or no way. She'll go as far as calling children bad names. She's the most miserable, nasty, bitter person I know. My first husband was a horrible person. Can't even call him a man. He was physically and emotionally abusive. One thing he did was not tolerate my mom's nastiness towards him and disrespected her by calling her out of her name plenty of times to her face. But she's had a problem with everyone I've been with. She's been the cause of a couple of break-ups but its my fault, I allowed it. I was always trying to please her.

I found a wonderful man and realized that God answers prayer. He treats me like a queen and is so good to my children. We bought a new house, went on a family vacation this year and one together, just the two of us. What else could a mother-in-law ask for. But NO. She refuses to call our home because she says my family is "corney, all he does is cater to you". And that's a problem? What woman wouldn't want that? So she calls me on my cell phone to avoid talking to him if he answers the house phone. She's highly upset if I don't answer my cell phone. I say, "call the house then". She refuses, so she must really not want to talk to me. I've always allowed my mom to control me and my two children. Everything I did, I did after I consulted with her. My husband is good to me, but won't allow my mom to control what our family does and he shouldn't. That's the only reason I can see why she hates him. He's from the south so she makes fun of how he talks which makes me so angry. I feel I should be a better wife and stick up for my husband, even if she's my mother. I want to move away but I can't until my husband retires. I think its also time for me to break my ties with her. I just don't know how. I've also prayed a lot about it but I wonder if God really hears this one particular prayer.

Here's what I am learning about the families we are born into:  Many times the only things we share are genes, nothing more.  I'm not being cynical or hateful, but observing a truth that many people seem to share.   I'm a single, christian middle-aged woman, who has had no choice but to release the toxic relatives I've had in my life, otherwise they would sink me along with them.  The key is no matter how vicious they are to you, do not direct hate towards them.  Now that doesn't mean that they have the right to infringe on your life or continue to spew negativity, it just means that a person should just step back, be able to look at the truth for what it is, and take care of themselves.

I only have two sisters and one of them is a hateful, nasty woman who has decided to attempt to inflict as much adversity into my life as possible, probably because she's always had more than I did and can't for the life of her figure out how I've been able to survive through numerous hardships in my life with relative peace and faith.  She lies about me and tries to turn people against me.  Now I'm not saying that I'm above anger or truly disliking her, I'm not ... but I tend to pity her too.  Many times people are so angry because they either hate themselves or cannot deal with deep, emotional issues.  My sister and I haven't spoken to each other in a few years, and truthfully, its more peaceful.   When ever she tries to insert some sort of anguish in my life through proxy, I just remind myself to take a deep breath and turn it over to God.  That's not to say that I'm not angry or feeling vengeful, I do.   But in the end, I don't want that poison in my veins or in my life.  Try as hard as you can, make a conscious effort, to turn it over and bless the situation.

Don't allow toxic people to destroy the precious days you have on this earth.  Wish them well and send peace in their direction, but guard your life strongly.  You deserve to live it with love and happiness.

All of your messages here have been helpful - thank you all so much.  My mother and older sister are excactly as you have all experienced - hateful, bitter, toxic and destructive people.  When I finally stood up for myself - THEY alienated ME.  Their last (and I really do hope last) great abusive action.  I am still devastated by their hatred - horrified by their alienation - but also RELIEVED.  I constantly remind myself to count my blessings, and not having their toxic presence  in my life anymore is indeed a blessing.  A friend of mine sent me a card after we all finally became estranged that read "house burnt down, now I can see the moon."  I am thankful for my wonderful husband and two year old grandchild.  There is a lot for all of us to be grateful for.  Life can be good indeed..

I would encourage you all, wonderful people who wonder why their mothers don't love them, especially if those mothers had a wonderful life and were cherished by their husbands, to research the term "malignant narcissist." After you become acquainted with this pathology, you will be able to understand your mothers better...as well as run for your lives! Good luck to  you all. It took me almost 50 years, a life-threatening aneurysm and the death of my father to realize that my biological "mommy dearest "could not care less if I were dead or alive. And though she and my brother -another malignant narcissist- care only about their  material (and numerous) posessions and are currently trying to rob me of my father's inheritance  -and will most likely succeed- I have the most wonderful and loving husband and a childhood friend whose mother has volunteered to adopt me. Throughout my life, I have also found that helping people in need has allowed me not only to connect with others but with myself.  

It sounds like she has been hurt very badly in the past, and bitterness has grown in her heart. Bitterness is very  nasty and painful, and it causes people to act just like your reports of your mother.

Do you know anything about her past? How did your dad treat her?

This is no excuse, but could explain things.

This is why, as hard as it can be, we are to forgive. We think we are making THEM pay by being angry and bitter, but in the end it is the person that can not forgive who bears the burden.

I'm not sure if  peggy64's comment is addressed to me but if so,thanks for your good wishes. However, after years of therapy, I've come to realize that the best way to forgive my mother is to give her to God. With malignant narcissists, being angry or bitter is not even an issue because they lack the ability to care about anyone's feelings. So while I agree with you about forgiving them for one's own sake, I cannot condone their behavior.
As for my father, he was my mother's enabler -a wonderful man who died after watching his wife ignore his only daughter's life-and-death struggle without being allowed to even phone her. Lucky for me, I was told of his brief illness shortly before he died and thanks to my childhood friend who offered me a place to stay, was able to spend some time with him during the last nine days of his life (despite having traveled thousands of miles, my mother would allow my husband and I to visit between 5 and 7 pm under her constant supervision).
To make a long story short, 25 years ago I left my friends and my country because every time my mother had a fight with my father she would blame it on me. And while at first it was hard and difficult for me to adapt to a new culture away from family and  friends, as my adoptive mother told me during my last trip home, I "was able to carve a nice life" for myself, and every day I thank God for bringing me to this country, where I not only met my wonderful soul mate but was able to find myself.

I'm afraid I can totally identify, too.  Could your mother have Alzheimer's?  My mother did, and it made her worse and worse and worse.  As you said, she was always nasty, but the Alzheimer's exacerbated it, especially in the initial stages.  Once the disease got really bad, she was easier to deal with.  I'm and only child and daughter...she never even acknowledged my husband...treated me like I was sixteen until the day she died.  I knew what not to be, too.  My husband and I have 26 years and counting...no children...that mother-daughter relationship was much too much for me to inflict it on anyone else.

Dear Goolarra. I feel for you. Unfortunately, I cannot blame my mother's current nastyness on Alzheimer's. Just count your blessings, having been married for 26 years is in itself a great accomplishment! My best wishes to you.

I want to thank all of you for sharing so honestly. This is very therapeutic to read actually. My mother, who is actually ver sweet to me, has always been toxic for my wife and other sister-in-laws. It is like she just can't seem to come to grips with loving anyone else outside of her coveted circle. I, too, have turned her over to God- because I can't change her heart- only He can if it is His will.

However hard my wife or anyone on her target list loves her back it doesn't seem to work. We have tried avoidance and this also seems to make it tougher. The saddest thing to see is the grandchildren growing older and understanding that some people are treated differently. This causes much grief and stress for all involved. I can't place all the blame on my mother- she has an accomplise- my sister.

It is my belief that my sister has poisoned my mother's mind by continually condemning and criticizes all those she is jealous of- my wife included. I've tried to talk to my sister but that hasn't worked. We just simply don't do anything as a family together because of it and this is what my sister wants. She hopes to inherit my parents home- more power to her. I wonder if she will be the one caring for my elderly parents when that time comes? My guess is no- but I've been wrong before.

Once again, the saddest thing is seeing how my sister's children are affected by all of the hateful spirit that surely surrounds them on a daily basis. Kids hear things enough and suddenly they are also poisoned. We can only pray that God will intervene some how in their lives and prick their hearts and perhaps change them. Until then- we will love and forgive- but it is terribly hard to ever FORGET!

Wow -- there are others who suffer from nasty, bitter moms. I have never known a day of relief - even through childhood. She's 83 now and still spewing her venom. I continue to pray that she will have some peace here on earth before she passes. There are no words - no books - no support groups. It's the hidden pain. I, too, have made it my life to give my kids the best of love, kindness and thoughtful words. I don't even hate her anymore. I pity her and her sad, bitter life. I pray for her and give her up to God.

My heart aches for you.  I hate to admit it, but I don’t think there’s any hope for this type of mother.  My story is below.

My mother is now 77 and has finally driven me out of her life. As I am 55, I have been around for a good part of her life and have witnessed her narcissism over and over again. She rewrites history on a daily basis, always blaming others for her transgressions. Lies on a daily basis. Treats my father, who is 80 with a serious heart condition, like he has some great debt to pay her. Screams at him at the top of her voice on a weekly basis - over nothing.   She has never worked outside the home; spent money like it was growing on trees placing them in tremendous debt a number of years ago. She has no friends - drove them all away with her constant complaining, or not agreeing with her that her life was hell.  Blames me for her having to get married because she became pregnant with me - remember I am 55 - so this is getting a little old.  

In 2007 my dad had another heart valve replaced and I took 3 months off work (at my own expense) to care for him because she can not be trusted.  It is always her first.  She would not even visit him in the hospital (he was in for 7 weeks) unless it included me taking her out for dinner.  If someone asks her how my father is doing - she turns the conversation around to how it is affecting her - it's always about her.  When dad's defibulator goes off, she calls me instead of 911 as she is suppose to, I am a CPA not an EMT. She has been told over and over not to do this, but has done it as recently as of June 18 of this year.  And what story does she tell about it - again how it affected her not my dad.  And she does not even go to the emergency room with us.

She recently (June 2009) had total knee replacement surgery.  I stayed with my dad while she was in the hospital and rehabilitation center for 3 weeks, then continued staying for another 5 weeks while she recuperated.  Helping with her physical therapy, cleaning, cooking, laundry, bathing her, and bringing them both to Dr. appointments. While she was in the hospital I cleaned her house from top to bottom as she had been unable to maintain it properly prior to her surgery.  BIG MISTAKE.  I was totally reamed out for a missing Tupperware lid and a bottle of white shoe polish.  She acted like I threw out her diamonds.  And, mind you, I have a husband and my own home to maintain.

Three years ago my dad wanted a puppy.  It was a father’s day present. She went with to pick one out - ended up with two dogs because she liked one and he liked another. She treats my dad's dog like **** and her's like a princess.  Birthday dinners, no matter whose birthday it is, has to be at the restaurant she wants to go to or she won't go.

A few years ago my husband and I were able to purchase the house of our dreams (kids are grown and gone) - she totally freaked. She would not come with us to see it as it was being built until it was about 90% complete.  When she did see it she became very quiet.  When we returned to her home she totally blew up.  Actually packed her bags and was going to leave my father (which in retrospect would have been a blessing) if she could not have a totally remodeled kitchen in her own home.  Of course she got her own way - she will not give up until she does.

And did I mention I also supplement their income on monthly basis, my retirement is going out the window financing hers. She is always telling me she is broke.  As I was cleaning her house I found hundred's if not thousand's of dollars of "age defying" beauty products, 5 closets of clothes, at least 30% still had the tags on them.  My dad is a coin collector - he has to ask permission to purchase them.  While she was in the hospital 2 to 3 times a week packages were delivered to her.  I did not open them; she did when she came home.  More clothes, more beauty products more of everything she does not need.

I have a sister, we are close.  She is a lot smarter then I am. She only deals with my mother when she absolutely has to. Mom never complains about my sister - that is all saved specially for me.  Actually the only reason I have any contact with my mother is to save my father from her.   He is the kind of father anyone would be happy to have.  Which also drives her nuts because both my sister and I are closer to him then to her.  He treats us with love, kindness and respect - 3 emotions she wants for herself but has no intention of showering on anyone else.

She complains Dad watches to many sports programs on TV.  She watches soap operas all day long.  She calls them her “stories”; I call them her training classes on how to take evil to a new level.

Above all the lies are the worst to deal with.  You can not believe anything she says.  I have actually taped our phone conversations to prove how much she lies. She lies to everyone about everything.  It is amazing.  Accuse her of anything and she goes into instant martyr mode.  She has the role down pat.

My mother is selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed, self everything.  She does not have dementia or Alzheimer’s, she is just plain mean.  I am tired of being blamed for choices she did not make, for other directions she did not go. She resents the educations my sister and I have (note – she did not pay for them).  We both have been out of her home for over 35 years, if she wanted a different life, she should have sought it out – no one stood in her way.

Its funny how she complains about how badly her mother treated her.  Both my sister and I remember that our grandmother was afraid to death of our mother.

It was my birthday on Saturday.  Dad got me a card, she would not sign it.

She is a tyrant.  I will keep taking care of my dad, but I am done with her.

And I thort I was the only one...
My mother has always given to my brother supported and done everything for him, I have always been the black sheep and have been called names and run down my whole life, ignored at family get to gethers and pushed down whenever i open my mouth... but NOT ANYMORE !!! from today I have cut all ties after being called Pathetic and she wants no contact for 6 months
I laugh out loud and say NO MOTHER !!!! this is forever....carry on with your 5 liters of wine a day
I have a wonderfull husband and two gorgeous kids....

And will never treat my kids the way that she has treated me!!!!!!!!!!

Has anyone out there been successful in cutting all ties with their hate-filled manipulative mother? At age 50 I still haven't, and it isn't because of love or family ties because both those things are non-existent for me. She is in poor health now and seems to think I'm going to "help" her decide what she should do. I don't care what she does but she won't quit trying to rope me into her drama.

I am an only child who has a mean spirited, hateful mother who is now old & sick.  What a combination!  I too can do nothing right & have no idea why she ever gave birth to me.  These postings have at least made me feel that I am not alone but I am still frustrated & upset all the time.  She had a heart attack a year ago & therefore I have had a year of total & complete living hell.  She should not be living alone in her condition & at her age (89) so my daughter tried to get her to move in with her.  No way!!  She broke her arm in April when I took her on vacation to NC so my daughter said, bring her by my house & she can at least rehab there.  My daughter lives in IN so I drove back from NC to IN & my mother had a fit.  Oh & by the way, we did not tell my mother what we were doing because my daughter knew how she would treat me.  Now she is acting very weird.  Not sure if she is confused, has dementia or alzsheimers or is having trouble seeing but when I question her, she just gets more hateful if that can be possible.  I know you are not supposed to hate but I hate this woman's guts.  It will be a burden lifted when she is gone & I feel just terrible writing these words but it is the truth.

You are definately not alone, onlylonely. After a lifetime of being a target for her emotional unbalance, I too will feel nothing but relief when she's gone. It just makes me sick to be around her. I stayed frustrated and upset all the time just like you, never could understand why I let her get to me. Things became a little easier for me when I realized that the only thing truly bothering me now was what other people would think if they knew how I felt toward her. People who have normal loving mothers really can't understand what it's like. Now I know that I don't have to explain or justify my feelings, and as time goes on I worry less and less about being judged for them. Abusive mothers count on our feelings of shame and guilt to keep us quiet about their behavior and also to keep us on the hook to "take care of them" when their miserable lives are coming to a close.

I can relate to many of the things said here.I am 47 and my Mother 74. I am also an only child and my Mother widowed.
For many years I put up with her nasty, hurtful comments, or explosions of anger.It would upset me greatly for days. I used to think what did I do to cause this? And try to fix it. About 15 years ago we went to counseling for a year and she finally said she didn't see that there was a problem. I realized she wouldn't change I would have to . It got better for a short time after my son was born (her only grandchild). Now  in recent years it's gotten worse and I have discovered it has nothing to do with me, as her outbursts of anger seem to come from nowhere. My contact with her has become less and less as I've decided why should I subhect myself to this (as well as my young son and husband) I'd like to cut her out of my life (sounds sad, but true) but not sure I can, so I minimize the visits and contact. What else can I do? Thanks for reading this.

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote.  You are wise to know that she will will not change.  You were right you will not be like her, not as a mother not as a person.

Thank you widowschild! I just have to keep strong with the holidays coming and know I don't have to spend the time with her if I don't want to. (She wants us to travel to see her for Thanksgiving) I'm so sick and tired of all her anger and nastyness (latest outburst was this past Monday!) I can't imagine spending time with her, never mind driving a couple hours to go visit her at her house! I always feel so sad and pulled with the hoildays coming. (She takes the joy out of the holidays and out of life for me!)
My husband's family lives close by and they want us to come to them (which would be fine.) and my Mother always wants us to come to her, or she comes to us now separate from them because In the past I've gotten my Mother and my in husband's family together on holidays. They are wonderful people and it's fine on their end, but my Mother always blows up at me after we leave them...she's very jelous of them!  So I don't include her with them. I am considering not spending Thanksgiving with her, I can't think about Christmas yet, but I'd love not to,spend any of it with her.Generally I am much happier and more relaxed when I don't speak to her to see her. I just have to get over the last visit's explosion...it always leaves it's lasting mark and it takes time for it to fade for me to feel better, as you can tell I'm not quite there yet.
Thanks for reading and sharing it helps to know others going through similar situatuions and how they feel and deal with it.

It may help everyone here to know how wonderfully therapeutic these stories are to read.  That sounds selfish, I suppose, but for months I have been wavering between hatred (for her) and depression (for not having one parent out of three that I have pleasant memories of), and it does help to know that this is a fairly common issue and that I was not singled out by the heavens or by fate to bear this for any divine purpose.  Nothing is new in my story - my mother has always been tremendously egocentric and I was the giver, the understander, while she continued her emotional indulgences and erratic temperament and forgot that I was her child and not her keeper.  Now that she is old and sick I am expected to manage her shambled affairs, take care of all of her needs while she and my siblings treat me with contempt and offer no help whatsoever.  About those siblings - their lives are not in the best order, but my mother is a glutton for the sob story, which they know exactly how to deliver so that she will fork over her savings to them while I do all the work and ask for nothing.  I have finally put her in an assisted living facility where she is treated very well and encouraged to live as productively as possible - now I am called lazy and extravagant for spending Mom's money on such luxury and not taking care of her overwhelming physical needs myself. (I did it for about a year while she underwent chemotherapy - it almost finished me and my husband and two kids, who also invested a lot of energy toward her well-being).  She does/says nothing to defend me - it is at these times when she acts conveniently like she doesn't have the strength to go on.  I find myself wishing these days that were actually true.  Here I am in my late 50s sometimes feeling like the rebellious teenager, but slowly coming to terms with the notion that hating her is far less destructive than internalizing the anger - after all, my own adult children deserve a mother who doesn't spend all her time brooding and whining the way their grandmother did.
Thanks so much to all of you for validating my feelings, and I hope we can all focus on what is left in our lives that give us pleasure - husbands, sons and daughters, pets, even neighbors who are kind - they deserve our happiness, and above all, so do we.

I, too, thought I was the only who felt slight contempt against the woman who brought me into this world.  My mother will give you the shirt off her back, but she can not, will not face her problems without: putting up a wall and not dealing with it; turning it around on me like it's all my fault; lie about the whole thing,denying it never happened-like you're the crazy one. My mother had a son before she met my father and had me.  She left her first child to be taken care of by her parents, whom she says that they begged her to leave him with them.  I'm beginning to think that's a lie because as we all know narcissists always blame other people for the mishapps in their lives.  I am the first born girl child from the union between her and my father. I have another younger sister, and the youngest sibling is a boy, whom she adores but he treats her with such disrepect. Yet, she constantly tells me that I am the nasty, direspectful one.  I know now that it's not me with the problem.  It was brought to our attention that my youngest sibling suffers with bi-polar.  I can see where he get's it from and sometimes I wonder if I am somewhat affected by it to some extent.  And when  I try to confront her like an adult with open, honest (sometimes painful) communication about me or other family issues, she instantly puts up a wall, or call me crazy or stupid for mentioning it.  I can remember from a very young age my mother trying to tell how, what and when I should feel.......my emotions.  I am now 35 years old and I even now when I am being honest about what I am feeling, if it doesn't suit her or sync with what she feels she totally rejects it, and me, to a point.  I'm being to think my mother is dealing with alzhiemer's  disease as well.  I accidently found this website and I thank you all for sharing, letting me know that I'm not alone, and what I need to do in order to heal myself and stop the abuse.  May Gob bless u all.

My mother - oh, my mother. She played martyr to every man in her life, from her father and brothers to husband and sons, now grandson. I have the misfortune to be one of her two daughters, and one who DARED offend her sensibilities with some of the mistakes I made in life. (Resolved years ago to everyone's satisfaction but hers, and she continuously uses a nasty tone of voice to throw it in my face once more.)
All our lives, our mom told us how good a woman SHE is, compared to other people one must presume. I was a child who accepted that everything mom did was right and that she was perfect. She taught me to think that. As an adult, I have been the object of her scorn and filthy criticism - in spite of doing everything I can do help her any time I thought she needed help. She does not appreciate anything. Now that she is old - 85 - she is even more venomous. Since she raised her son to be such a worthless piece of crap, she now expects - demands in fact - me to take care of him too. I'm sick of it and sick of feeling responsible for her. I am 55 years old and have spent my life all messed up by this mother of miine. Now, the scariest thing is that my sister increasingly behaves the same way toward me as our mom, in spite of all the conversations we've had, commiserating about the toxic traits of our mother. She hurts my feelings often, has never acknowledged any hateful or hurtful thing she's said to me, and like our mother, would never apologise to me, or to anyone.
I feel sorry for all of us who suffer the vitrol from our mothers (and sisters). I know it is easy to recognize and to say that we need to cut our connections to them - but it isn't easy to do and I know that I never will. I am trying to learn not to let myself feel hurt by them. Hard to do too.
Good luck to the rest of you. I hope we all find a place of peace in this life!
May God help us tolerate what we have to and may God touch those women in some way that they will change their hateful ways!

My mother is 82, I still have scars from beatings i rec'd from her as a child. I feel that she has hated me all of my life (i'm 52) I have bent over backwards just to make her aleast  respect me. She talks about all her kids. If she is angry at one of my brothers or my sister, she will talk bad about  that sibling to who ever will listen, she's not loyal to anyone. She's home bound so 1 of her 2 friends she do have will bring her a meal ever so often, she smile so sweetly;saying "thank you", as soon as the friend leaves she talk about the food she brought, sometime she gives  it to the dogs. I feel so sorry for the person bringing the meal! When she want me to do something for her, boy, she turn on the charm, and me wanting to have that closeness  with her, II fall for it everytime! I rec'd Christ back into my life 5 years ago, but before then I hated her and I didn't go around her alot because of her meaness. So when I became a christian, I wanted to do as the Bible says" To Honor your Mother" I felt guilty if I didn't do for her, I felt God was disappointed in me if I didn't do right by her.  A couple of day agoshe asked me to cook a dinner for one of my brothers, I always end up doing all the cooking (eventho, I have another sister) anway, i spent 2 days preparing the food and making sure I had everything right.So the night of the dinner she asked me to wash her clothes!! I told her I would pick them up the next day. The next day when I arrived to get her clothes, she looked me in my eyes and told me that she "watched me take her Lids that goes to stainless steel pots out of her house and she wants me to bring them back!! I could not believe my ears! I told her I had no use for her Lids! And why would I take them? This is after I have worked tireless on the dinner-running all over town to get the best deals on the food from the menu (menu she made up) She had that hateful look on her face, too.  I felt like a stupid fool (Oh by the way, she has tried to make me look foolish all my life, to the point where i am so self-conscious about speaking!!) Anyway I asked her when did she last see the lids, she said "'they were in the dish stand." I went in her kitchen and looked under the counter and there were the lids! I held up the lids and asked her "are these the ones you're  looking for? I wish you could've seen the look on her face!. I put the Lids back in the dish stand, turned off the light in the kitchen and left. I don't want nothing else to do with her!  I am done! She treats my sister like she's Gold, And she don't do anything for her if she can get out of it and I've dealt with that,too. She didn't even have the decency to call me and apologize.

Really insightful reading this,I was abused as a child & didnt tell anybody untill I was 40...My husband had been reading a book on coping & understanding the issues this brings & suggested I reccomend it to my mother! WE were on a shopping trip & i thought it was a goodtime to suggest this to her....her response was this..........Well,It couldnt have been very arduous for you as it might be for other people! As you werent there that often! I walked away...not believing my ears! She then followed me to my car,saying..........whats wrong with you,why talk to a stranger ( my concillor) and not her....you hate me she shouted in a busy parking lot.....following me right to my car & saying her two friends endured ten years of abuse & they dont need therapy,or rake it up! ....she said she didnt understand why I didnt tell her as a child....I was 6!
This is one of many nasty,unkind & spiteful acts over the years,yet its also the last! after I heard those awful words I finally FINALLY realised that pleasing my mother was no longer 'job' or a necessity as she simply would never love me as I wanted & longed for her to...shes a totally ****** up person! So .....no longer the 'game' its over,im no longer playing & I truthfully feel released from her very ugly world...Im not totally cutting off contact but im ready to step wayyyy.........back..........the ugly truth is to much to behold! my therapist is a saint,shes really helped me to move forward & gives me a fraction of the maternal love I have NEVER recieved,all this aside Im learning to like who am & be proud of the woman ive become,thanks also to my loving husband...Wishing you all inner strength & self love! Its a wonder we made it all eh! .....Im 42...& letting my little light shine!  

I am happy someone is still posting to this.  I have said I wish I were adopted out to a family that would have loved me too.  My mother is 85 and for the last 30 years or more she has ignored me and my family.  She has concentrated on a bum  paying for his teeth an education, cigarettes, food, driving him where ever he needs to go (he doesn't have a license) and she only calls me  to ask for money or come for a free meal on Easter or Thanksgiving.  When I was a child I was always left alone to fend for myself while she was working, bowling, golfing, out on dates.  I was raped by an older boy from school that came to my house and knocked on the door while I was baking a cake and I let him in by mistake I was naive and a virgin and never told anyone because it was my fault I opened the door..  She never paid for braces or an education for me and I never remember her even fixing me a meal I lived on fast food or the food offered by friends mothers.  The last straw for me is that she is giving items of value to my ex-husband who hurt me terribly in a nasty divorce.  It is a slap in the face so now I have to cut her loose for good and save what is left of my heart.

same here sweety, i cut beastwoman completely out of our lives 12 yrs ago when she stated abusing my 6 yr old son who has mild cerebral palsy.( and he made the mistake of looking just like me no less),  enough is enough. sad to say i cant wait until she dies & i hope its drawn out, long & painful! LoL!!  Best of luck to you.

I love your pic   "The Scream" isn't that just how you feel dealing with a hateful mother.  After I told her don't call me again and don't ask me for another dime I heard she is scrambling for sympathy from others who are not giving her any.   She also doesn't want to be cremated she wants to go into a mausoleum next to an old boyfriend but has not put one dollar away to make that happen as usual she expects my brother and I to pony up and pay for that too and we are not.  The bum that has been getting a free ride for 30 years needs to pay.

you seem like you're doing well considering the circumstances. it's not your fault. be well. she either has paranoid schizophrenia or borderline personality disorder... and both are devastating. they never take any blame for anything!

my mother from an early age to us had a jekyll and and personality
she never gave us any much  confidence through out our lives
she is a very jealous  bitter person who thrives in others misery.
i have spent years hoping that she will be nice and caring and when
i see a glimpse of that which is not very often,she changes back to her
usual self,it is soul destroying just wanting a mother who acts normal and cares
but soon as i speak to her again after a fall out a few weeks down the line she is phoning
my new number which i foolishly gave her yet again due to her manipulation and getting me
to feel sorry for her,then she starts her nastiness,the put downs and talking about everyone
behind their backs,everyone is at fault never her.
when i was a kid i told her i wanted to pass my driving test when i was older and she  told me
i was just living in a dream world,even to this day although ive not passed my test i stil feel nervous when
im out driving with my partner,but one day i  hope to pass my test.
i love to write and have 15 poems published,but even when i told my mother of my accheivements
she boasted i got it from her as she was great at writing from school,i dont think anything ive said to her
has made her come back to me and say well done,its sad

she used always say i was  b****** and how she should have left me with my father
my dad left when i was 6 weeks old,ive never known him all my mum did was put him down
too,he now stays in the same area us my partner and our boys i have never met him but to know
that he is there and i have a mother,who i feel i will never have a proper relationship with,she is now 67
and everything bad in her life is blamed on everyone else,she lies to suit her self continuously
my partner works full time and we have just sold our flat and will be moving soon,all she has been doing
is phoning me venting her anger about eveyone and if you tell her your busy she falls out with you and hangs up
i cut of my phone so she cannot get in touch now,im a grown adult and feel like ive been treated like a kid
ive been in tears many a time and been to a councillor,this time ive had enough its starting to make me feel
ill,my partners very supportive and we have two beautiful children who we bring up with confidence,we are always
telling them we love them and i tell our kids even though their young now,they will pass their driving test first time
i would like to think im a good mother,ive been told i am but theres a part of me that wishes i could have had a mother
who was normal,like being kind,supportive and understanding,not making her child feel that she was nothing

I almost forgot I was reading other people's stories and not my own but it is amazing how pieces of everyone's story put together is my very own.  I have been dealing with an angry, bitter, jealous, unloving mother for the past 29 years of my life.  I just came to the conclusion today that my mother will never change. She has a lot of bitterness in her past that has made her the woman that she is today.   And she takes all her anger and bitterness out on me.  It has always been my wish to be best friends with her and to be able to share everything with her like I do with my dad.  Unfortunately, my mother and I have never seen eye to eye with anything.  Every conversation that we attempt becomes a heated arguement and me storming out the door.  Basically if I have an opinion about anything, I am considered disprespectful and rude.  All my life, my mom has discouraged me from doing everything, everything that I dream of doing she puts down instantly.  She has no confidence in me at all and because I have proved her wrong, she seems to hate me even more now.  Usually mothers want their kids to grow up and be better than them. My mother is not like that at all. I always feel like the more things that I accomplish in my life, the more she distances herself from me like the plague.  After I graduated from college, I got an awesome job in medical sales. After getting hired, she told me that this job would be a dead end job and that I would not make it. Its been 7 years and Im doing fabulous.  I purchased my 1st home at 24 and my mom told me that Im stupid for doing that since I wouldnt be able to afford the payments by myself. I lived there for 5 years all on my own with no roomates, so I proved her wrong.  She told me that because I was too independent that I would never get married because no man wants a woman like me.  I have been married for the past 2 years and Im very happy and he loves me to pieces.  She also told me that I would have a hard time getting pregnant because I am too active and travel too much.  4 months after I got married, I was pregnant and recently had a very healthy baby boy.  As I move forward in my life, my mother keeps stomping me down and always telling me that I won't make it. In the end, I always prove her wrong. And sadly, she is never happy for me. When I was pregnant, she never once called me to see how I was doing. She never asked about the baby inside me. Not one word.  I don't know why she treats me like ****. I am so obedient and respectful of her.  The more she pushes me away, the more I want to come back and try to fix this broken relationship.  I have never done anything to hurt her, heck I have 4 brothers!!! I have always wished for a sister and I look at my mother hoping that she can be that best friend.  But sadly, she has no love for me. One thing is for sure, I will never treat my children the way she has treated me.  Life is too short to live in such unhappiness.  The only reason I keep trying is because she is my mother!!! but as we get older, it seems like things are only getting worse.  She has very deep emotional issues. Apparently she does not get along with her own mother and 6 of her siblings.  She always thinks that she is right about everything and everyone else is wrong. Its always about her, her and her....  Anyway, I have my own family now and I have to take care of my own family.  She is an extreme ENERGY VAMPIRE.  I pray that God heals her so that she can move on and stop being such a bitter person. Maybe thats impossible as I read some of the posts above and some moms are like 60+ and have not changed... It was quite sad to see that many others have mothers that are so full of drama but now I know that I am not alone.  

puppypower29,i was saddened to read your post and i feel for you
my own mother is exactly the same,bitter jealous and nasty
sadly i don't think they will ever change,just remember you have done
fantastic for yourself and have a loving husband and a family of your own who you love
Ive tried still to this day to try and make a relationship with my mother,it lasts for two minutes
then its back to square one again,its emotionally draining as you yourself must know,but at least
we try,i always thought i was a bad person all my life and felt guilty for not speaking to my mum for months
on end,but no more i always say now if she has past issues she has to get over them and move on and make a life
for herself instead of trying to make everyone else's miserable,you only get one shot of life so live it for yourself,partner and family that do love,care and appreciate you.
take care for now

what a relief to read these stories. hopefully it may be the beginning of some healing for myself and other readers. I have been tortured my whole life by my mother, all the while wondering what was wrong with me. she is frightening; angry & hate filled at the drop of a hat [for instance, about the hairstyle or ugliness or skin color of a newsperson on the TV], hates everyone and tells lies. she is one twisted soul. I now know that if I must spend time with her there is no point in trying to make her understand ANYTHING and hopefully when she is critical I can tell myself she is a sick person and let it go at that. Good luck to us all. and we deserve all the love we can find in this world - we have paid our dues big time.

Man, I read your post and my mouth fell open. I realized I have the SAME kind of mother, the only thing different is I am the ONLY child of hers that she is mean, nasty and disrespectful to. I am now 35 and have learned to just go about my life and take care of my family.  If my mother chooses not to respect me or have a relationship with me then that is on her. I never felt close to my mother.  I was the only girl out of 3 that she would hit, scream at and curse at growing up.  I am also the oldest.  I was a good kid, as we all were, never had any issues with drugs, boys or pregnancy...did pretty well in school. Nothing I did though was never good enough.  My friends were wrong, my boyfriend was wrong...everything.
I also learned later in life as an adult that if my mother needed me for something, then I was a "good daughter", but when the money ran out...or I got tired of being used, then I was cast away as if I wasn't even related to her.  Take for instance, now....my two younger sister, one is 32 the other 17, got into it over something on Facebook, and now due to that, no one is talking to ME...like I'm the one that started or said something. It is this ignorance here that I am not trying to put my own children in the middle of.  I prefer her to stay away if she has a negative, jealous attitude. She ignores me when I call, doesn't return my messages..so I stopped calling. I, too, have never asked her for anything...except once, to borrow money for a week to keep my family from being put on the street.  Her response was no, and that my husband should have 2 jobs instead of one.  We ended up losing our apartment and I was out in the snow with a 6-week old child. These are just few of many bad memories I have of my mother in my lifetime.  It's hard for  me to even think of sending her a Mother's Day card, since I think of mother's day as a day that would celebrate your mother for being there in your life, celebrating you, supporting you (emotionally) and so on.  Someone that lifts you up, not always tries to tear you down. This is not my mom at all.  My 33-year-old sister is just as bad.  She can keep her *** in Maryland as far as I'm concerned.  It is sad how your own family can be more hateful to you than a stranger can.

It is Mother's Day and I am depressed.  I ended up letting my family go 20 years ago - I am 64 now.  My father was a *********, along with my brother, and my mother chose to protect them rather than believe me.  I went through hell dealing with the memories of what my father did to me.  My mother won't speak to me for embarrassing the family by telling the truth.  But I am now going through another hell - the memories of what my mother did to me as a child.  I had buried those memories for so long and they are just starting to surface.  I have no good memories of my mother except that she was a stage mother and she put me on stage, leading to a my life of being in the entertainment business.  But my mother smacked my face on stage when I was 5.  I wanted to die.  She never wanted to hear me cry so I learned to keep everything buried.  I still have to go to my support person to be able to get to the tears.  I feel them at 64 and know they are about my mom (and dad) and not having a family but it is still hard for me to let go of the tears.  I have been shut down for so long.  My mom told me the whole time I was growing up that she was perfect.  In reality, she was cold, mean, controlling, abusive, hateful, jealous and refused to take any responsibility for it and now has Alzheimer's and is locked away.  I never got the opportunity to confront her and tell her what a ***** she was and that she wasn't perfect.  The hardest part is realizing that I have some of her characteristics - I can be mean but I do go back and apologize for it.  I have ongoing anxiety and panic attacks because she terrified me as a child.  I'm doing a little better but there is so much I missed out on because she controlled me to protect all the secrets of the family.  I ended up in a psych ward and had to tell the truth.  That's when she stopped having anything to do with me.  I am lonely alot of the time but have an excellent support person and just keep on "movin."  I am so sick of all the commericals telling us to love our mothers and do something special for them.  They deny all of us in this post our own feelings of resentment and hatred for what was done to us.  Thanks to whomever started this post.  As long as you stay connected to your hateful mother, you will never find freedom to be yourself.  The control they have is exhausting and deadly.  I have been away from my mother for 20 years and still am struggling with the hate, fear, panic, and anxiety she created in my childhood.   My memories are starting to come more often which I hope will free me.

My heart goes out to you as I cut my so-called family loose many years ago due to them 'blackbanning ' me for putting my brother in law in jail for molesting my daughter who was 13 at the time.
My family wiped me clean and I craved for my Fathers love which I never got ....until 3 months before he died.
He then told me he knew he was wrong, he knew the rest of the family was wrong but you know what???

I would do it all again.
I dont regret protecting my child, I dont regret hating my family........
But I know my Father regretted all the years that he 'closed his eyes' as to what was going on.
My daughter (the victim) told me a few weeks ago that my Dad would cry because he couldnt 'fix it.

Be kind to yourself and know that no matter how hard things are...theres no law in this world that says you have to LIKE your family.
Beleive me, I have been where you are and I feel your pain and your heartache but if you dont 'move on'....this will affect your own children.
At least your children will know that you loved them very much ....which is more than can be said for your own Mother.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER...... you see the flaws in her and think you have the same.
YOU DONT...your postings have proved this.

If its any consolation, I wouldve loved to have a Mother like you xxxxx

Wow, is all I can say.  It's so comforting to know that other people have mothers like mine and has been very theraputic to read everyone's stories.

My mum ....where do I start.  I have given up trying to make her happy, I've made a real success of my life considering the upbringing I had.  My parents split when I was 13 (I'm now 35) and my mother went to pieces.  Locked herself in rooms with pills, broke windows in our house, beat me so bad that she had to go to the emergency room for an xray on her wrist and made me go with her to keep her company, tried to commit suicide in the next room while I was looking after her 6 other kids (I'm the eldest of 7), she even left me with a broken wrist for 2 days before she would take me to the hospital, there's so much more, but I've moved on so I wont go into it.  I basically had to grow up very quickly and be more or less responsible for the care of all those children.  She constantly used to threaten to call social services and have us all "put into care", her words exactly.  

The s**t she has put on me and my siblings for years can only be described as child abuse.  When I announced I was pregnant with my first child, she told me that "I would be a terrible mother", "you don't have the maternal gene", she used to say.  It hurt, but I knew that I would be a better mother than she had ever been.  Whenever I started a new job, she would tell me that that kind of work didn't suit me, "You're not good enough", this coming from a woman who never worked outside the home in her life.

She hated my ex-husband, infact she hates all her son & daughter in laws (apart that is from the newest one, but they are still in their honeymoon period, so give it time!).

I'm not and have never been a confrontational person, I hate it and would rather just say nothing than start an argument.  But last October, I went to see her after she tried to start bad mouthing someone to me on Facebook!  I just thought to myself, enough is enough.  The person she was being nasty about was my 13 year old niece, calling her fat etc.  It was pathetic and I wasn't going to listen to her so I just made an excuse and logged off.

I live in a different country to her and since I moved she has been even worse towards me.  But for me, being away from her and given me the chance to really look at the situation from a different perspective.  I went back for a visit last October after the Facebook episode and I went to see her, bearing in mind I hadn't seen her for about 7 months, the first thing she did was start talking about that 13 year old kid again, so I just said, "I'm not interested in listening to this and anyway what kind of person  talks about a CHILD that way?"

I got up to leave the house and she started yelling and screaming at me, something about, I only want to listen when it suits me....blah....blah....blah. The next thing I know she had literally jumped up off the chair she was in and lunged herself at me, I got a full blown punch into the side of my face!  I was shocked, then I seen her fist coming again so I put my hand up to defend myself and she starts yelling at me "don't you f**king dare raise your hand to me", then proceeded to punch me again!

  I could not believe what was happening.  She has managed to convince everyone and I mean everyone that she is disabled, but I can tell you something, there was no disability there when she attacked me.  I left and have not looked back since.  My whole family has turned on me, which is really awful but I'll get over it.  The problem now is they just all seem intent on destroying (for want of a better word)  me, and for no reason, hell I live in a different country for God's sake.

I have heard this morning that she is going around telling anyone who will listen that I'm a liar and evil and should not be trusted.  Bloody hell, all I want to do is live my life without all the drama.  I haven't responded and wont because at the end of the day....I don't do bitter, I do BETTER.  

I found this post by accident, and have never written about this before, but it's felt O so good to get it out and also to know that its not just my mother who is like this.

Thanks for listening :-)

xxx

I left my "mother" 20 years ago, too. She chose her abusive p**ck of a husband and their 2 kids over me, her firstborn. I certainly hope he was worth it. BTW, they are not together anymore. Serves the stupid b**ch right for choosing the wrong one. I think it's funny. My entire childhood, she bent over backwards to love & protect him (from consequences of severe child abuse), but never once tried to love & protect me. After every beating, which were usually for something trivial, not cleaning plate at dinner, coloring on wall, etc. (I was 5) I would get the whole "keep your mouth shut about what goes on in this house" speech from her. I knew if I got her precious hubby in trouble, she would hate me even more. That is why I kept my mouth shut. The 2 ugly, stupid kids she had with him NEVER got the belt, and they acted WAY worse than I ever did. Yeah, that was fair. Now they are total spoiled losers who still live with her. Ha ha ha. I hope they all rot in Hell.

Okay - so the GOOD news is that youre OUT of the house, YOU now own YOUR betterment and YOU Have a GREAT map to work with.... play opposite life - help YOURSELF, help others (dont let people USE you just help them) and define YOUR space by being better.... the great news is that YOU win...... YOU tell all the GOOD thyings that you do and it'll only fuel self analysis. She will truly hate that youre 1, happy, and 2, she cant control YOU and 3, you REALLY dont care what she thinks... Dont despise them, dont even hate them.... put them on ignore and you win.

MOM or whoever applies - you dont own my life and I choose to be better... say that to YOUR mirror every day - NOW, go do it..... The best revenge is living well.

simplysaved- like my own mother yours sounds a very jealous bitter person
a person who likes to feel good by demeaning others and spreading terrible lies
theres an old saying 'a liar is worse than a thief'and they get found out eventually
which i believe that will happen with your mum.it is so easy to lie,but it will trip you up soon enough,thats what happened to my mum and her vile lies,if people are sad enough to believe the lies,thats their problem
im a great beleiver in what go's around,will come around,you sound a good person and i totally understand what you are going through.

like yourself i used to get punched lumps out of when i was younger,until in my late teens
i still took the abuse,when i settled down with my now then partner a few years later she came around to my flat drunk
and insulted my partners mother,i swiftly gave her a hard slap across the face and told her to leave
the first time in my life i ever lifted my hand to her,but you know im not a violent person but i believe she deserved it
for also all the years of abuse she has put me through.i never spoke to her for years,when she appeared and my new flat,drunk and abusive again,we both asked her to leave
and my partner showed her to the door,she stumbled out drunk and fell on the door step,the next day she told anyone
who would listen that i had shoved her on to the floor and called her names,which was both untrue
she was the one calling the names,i was a nervous wreck when she left and had to aploigise to the neighbours
due to the commotion,its been the same up and down for years but now i feel that im getting control of the situation now
she still gets me down,but when she starts her crap again,i will cut of all ties yet again i feel if ive been a battering ram through the years with her,but also feel im getting a bit stronger,it is sad that everyone has to put up with horrible mothers,they should be here to love and care,sadly it does not happen,but as long as we all have others who love and care for us thats the main

I am 48... and mymother has been mean, hateful and non-feeling for the better part of my years starting for me at a young age. matter of fact from the first of memory... I have continued to try to please her, She has continued to let me know how much I need her and how much better she has been at everything in life but mainly she is a better person with better values... I let her interfere with ym relationships terribly. I have been married 3 times... she always had a way of making me feel that they were non-trusting.... I always looked for things of dietrust and with her help found things... then she would say how I could not stay in amarriage... turning it all on me. when i was a small child she beat me for no reason and talked to me terrible. She also talked to my dad awlful. he put up with it and isnow 77 and life is gone for him,..  She blackmails me with saying she will call people and tell them things when I even there isn't anything to tell.. she just wants me to do things or tell her things getting mad when I don't.... I am finding myself praying for releif..... from her...this site has made me realize I am not alone.  I thought I was..... It has been so important to me to know why????? Why has it been this way? why didn't my father take up for me? why couldnt she just love me ? I wish everyoneon this site well for the rest of their lives....

Reading all of these stories has been so therapeutic and amazing.  There is so much hurt in everyone's comments brought on by the one person (mother) who was supposed to protect us in this world and instead has caused so much pain.  I'm in my 60s and my mother is 91.  She has dementia and is living in a state subsidized assisted living facility because no one wants her to live with them because she is so nasty.  My brother has tried to cater to her selfish needs all of his life and so she loves him but I didn't cater to her and so she doesn't like me at all.  We have barely tolerated each other for years but I have attempted to get along and keep peace - hoping for a decent relationship eventually.  Fahgedaboudit.  I can see by the way she dislikes my grandchildren how cold, critical and difficult she is and was with me.  I can't remember her ever saying anything nice to me....just critical remarks.  Why?  Because she needed to make herself feel good by putting me down.  

My brother had been spending too much money on her for years in order to keep her living in luxury.  I was sending money too because she couldn't afford to live the expensive lifestyle she was living.  When she got dementia, he moved her into a fancy independent living facility which costs more than twice as much as what she already couldn't afford.  She liked that but he was going broke keeping her happy.  He took over paying for her Long Term Care insurance which is a waste of money since she doesn't have any assets to insure and I refused to pay half so she was really angry about that.  Eventually, all of her money was gone and he had to move her into a state run facility.  (It's really a dump and she shares the room with someone she hates.)  Finally, she stopped talking to me.  What a huge relief.  I'm sad that I didn't have a warm fuzzy relationship with my mother but she's just not nice.  If you want people to be nice to you...you need to be nice to them.  If my brother is now facing financial hardships due to the economy and his foolish decisions to spend too much on our mother.....well, that's his problem.  She will just take and take and take until she drains everyone financially, emotionally and mentally if they will let her.  

Life is too short to have toxic people poisoning our days.  I have people in my life who appreciate me and I spend time with them.  

i thought i could handle my mothers nastiness,she has just proved to me yet agein that she will never ever change
i feel annoyed and angry for putting myself and family through all of it yet again.
i have been speaking to her for the last few months and even gave her a number she could call me on,her niceness lasted for about two weeks and she started to do what she is best at nasty and manipulative.
she phoned me everyday telling me how much she hated my stepdad and how unhappy her life is while talking about other family members behind their back,i got sick of it and told her so and how she had to make something of her own life,but it just went in one ear and out the other,everytime i heard the phone ring my stomach would churn.
it all came to a head last week when i asked if she could give me a loan of a photo album she had with photos of all our family years ago,she said no because photos went missing when my neice and her boyfriend were down visiting,i dont believe for one minute they would have taken anything,i only wanted to take scan them to put on facebook for my cousins in america to see,she eventually let me have them and asked if i wanted a picture of me and an ex boyfriend,i told her no and said 'why would i want a picture of my ex', i got our son to take the album back to her later on that evening while his dad waited around the corner for him in the car.
our son came back to the car,with the picture of me and my ex even though i told her earlier that i did not want it
i feel she did it for badness,because she and my stepdad dont get on and she is jealous of the 16 year relationship i have with my partner.
i phoned her when they came home and asked why she did it,i told her i had ripped the photo up as i would like to leave the past in the past and she had no right giving a 12 year old a photo that i had stated i did not want.
instead of admitting she was wrong in what she done,she said that i was nasty and a disgrace for ripping up a photo which had once been mine in the first place.
she hung up the phone on me and i just turned it of,i went in to my messages days later to hear her barrage of abuse and lies saying now that she had never gave the photo to our son,making him out a liar and how it must have been mixed up with the the other photos she had borrowed me and also said that when she asked if i wanted the photo in the photo in the first place that i had said i did not mind,she then told othe rmembers of my family this.
i was shaking with anger with her vile lies she has spouted to suit herself,i was in tears last night because of her and at the end of my tether,i dont want to speak to her ever again,she has never been nice to me i my life it was bad enough not knowing my father nevermind having a spiteful nasty mother.
my partner told me to just forgot her but it is hard as she lives nearby,i want to be strong but it is hard has anyone any advice that could help a bit,ive read all the letters on this site and i know people are in the same situation,and i feel for al of you.

Wow again. I know that everyone else has said wow but I had as well. It really is a strange feeling to see that other people have had to go through these types of mother issues. I am so glad that I found this because it makes me really believe what I have stated to my other siblings. That I am not the one to blame for not being liked or loved by my mother. She is the one with the problem.

My mother has mental illnesses that do have an effect on her but the truth is that that is mostly an excuse for her behavior. Her "problems" just magnify the evil person that she really is. She is now 75 and I have decided to say my goodbyes now. I am done trying to make her love me. I asked myself this question, "If she finally starts acting like she loves and cares about you, what then? Will we join a quilting bee together or go on vacations? Will we do lunch and get pedicures?" It was when I answered that question that I realized the truth. "NO." I don't like her. I think she is disgusting. She is hateful and even if she crys and says she loves me and is sorry - I still wouldn't want to spend time with her. We have nothing in common and her communication skills suck and when she talks to people outside the family she babbles like an idiot.

I find her embarrassing. She is also a slob and acts weird. You see, sometimes we accept things about people we love because we love them. I can no longer accept these things because I realized that the only love I have for this person that emotionally and mentally abused me for years is a society based obligation love. I don't really love her because I feel love for her. I am told to love her because society says I am supposed to.

I am writing this in hopes that others like me will get my message. If my mother died any time soon I would mot have any regrets. I know that I have done everything I could to try to make her love me and treat me with love. I did not fail. My mother failed me. I made sacrifices and have been put through hell for her. I have had to face the fact that it is not in my power to make her be a good mother. She just is not. She is not even a good person. If she weren't my mother I would have stopped talking to her years ago.

Everyone else out there please hear this. Stop trying to make these women become good mothers. They have to choose it. If I still was engaging in a relationship with my mother it would only be getting more painful and would only end very badly when she finally does die. I have stopped my relationship with my mother before I can have any regrets. I can honestly say that the last thing I said to my mother was good. She responded badly, but that is on her not me. She is the one who will die with regrets. Of course, I think she will out live me though because only the good die young. I do believe that the reason she is still alive today is because of all the spit and vinegar she is filled with and the hate she has for her girls.

I wish that society would teach us more about how we should love one another and teach one another and stop telling us about obligations. I hate sayings like, "you can't choose your family." Yes you can. When you are young you can't. When you get older you can. You don't have to be in a hurtful relationship with anyone. If there is someone at your job that you don't click with do you ask them to join you for drinks later. No, you are polite and distant but they don't become your friends. You can choose who is in your life. Treat others with love and caring and respect. If they love and care and respect you - they will also show that to you. These are the people who you keep in your life.

Don't leave your relationships with your mothers feeling like you wish you had had a better mother or a better relationship. Just leave them and say, "I had a mother, she sucked. I had a relationship with my mother, it sucked too. That was her fault and there is nothing I can do about it. I know that I am not her and that I am not like her and my relationship with my kids is different."  

Thank you all for posting these comments. I sometimes still question myself and my decisions because it is not what society tells us we should do. I now know that I have done the right things. I feel stronger. I have no regrets and I can say that I feel for my mother because she is the one who will have to answer for all of her wrong doings.

One thing I find interesting. Is anyone on this site a son? I don't believe that I read any posts from any men. I did see a few comments on how the boys were treated differently. I had the same thing. In fact, my mother actually used the words that she hated girls. All of us girls. That only boys were good. She treated my brother differently. She still does. My brother still hasn't opened his eyes to the fact that even though he was not abused, all of us girls were. He still believes her lies. The biggest laugh I got was recently however. She needs to live with someone and no one wants her. She is having a fit. Three of us girls are in Georgia with my mother, one is in Florida and one is in Arizona . My brother is also in Arizona. He is having a fit about where mom is going to live and she has asked him several times to come and get her and let her come live with him. He said he was going to come and get her and take her back to Arizona. He then called my sister in Arizona and asked her if he does this can he bring mom to come live at her house. She said no. Told him to take her to his house. He has yet to come get her.

Oh my goodness!!!!  It's almost sounds like I share a mother with all of you.  My mother is hateful, self-centered, delusional, fake, annoying, has no common sense at times, controlling, and manipulative.  I don't know what kind of deep seeded evil drives this woman to be who she is but I'm exhausted.  One person can only try to treat her like she is normal over and over again for so long until you've just had enough.  She is incapable of loving the way other mothers unconditionally love their kids.  I've always known that there seemed to be a void with her since I was a young girl but now that I'm an adult I see her for what she is.  
Now after reading this tell me if I'm crazy or not for thinking she is nuts.  This is a woman who would provoke her kids to anger and call and leave pointless messages on the voice mail; screaming at the top of her lungs like she has no freakin since.  After my step father died, that's when our relationship seemed to change for the better. Grant it, yes that was a hard transition to recover from his loss but she began to rely on me.  I enabled her and she began to become even more controlling with me.  She was always the kind of person to complain and fuss about something which I thought would slow down but instead it increased.  It was to the point I thought she was obsessed with complaining about one lady in particular.  She read into things and spend hours talking about the same thing.  If I expressed to her that I didn't want to hear that she would act like she was offended.  She goes to church all of the time and would always talk about people at the church that looked at her wrong or said something that she misconstrued as being negative towards her.  It was getting annoying.  I would try to change the subject and she would go right back to it.
Anyway to make a long story short, I mistakenly enabled her and she felt that when I got married my husbands roll was to support her as well.  She wants me to tell her everything about our marriage and I flat out refused because she is nosy.  I explained to her that there are certain things that my husband and I will discuss and that's that.  She absolutely doesn't know where the line is to respect a marriage but she has crossed it.  She and my sister has gone to other members of the family lying about my husband taking me away from the family and the church that she goes to.   She wants to be revered as some saintly woman of God because she might cook a meal for someone or something but if you do something for someone you shouldn't even want to talk about as if you're sticking a feather in your cap, you do it because it's from the heart. She's going around trying to tear my husband down because he's not making the money that she wants him to make right now.  She and my sister totally don't accept my husband and tell lies about him to god knows who.  I was pregnant with my second child and she flat out refused to check on me and after my delivery she didn't come by to check on me.  Making dumb comments like I don't feel safe over there. WHAT!!!!  I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. She and my sister went so far as to have discussion with a guy who I dated in the past about my current husband.  Can you believe it?  This kind of damage is irreversible. Who does this to their daughter?  Because my husband was laid off he is a deadbeat and he is living in my house.  No this is our house.   I would have thought a woman who experienced marriage with a man who drank and tried to keep everything private and away from the family would understand that.  My marriage doesn't deserve the same respect.  She hasn't once offered to try to rectify the problem.  I stress and agonize over this.  I never thought that this would be the outcome of my relationship with my mother.  She thinks she is better than everyone because she goes to church everyday, judging people as if she sits on the thrown with God or something.  When I or even my sister at times would tell her how she is acting toward us she can never admit her wrong because in her eyes she is never wrong.  Her rebuttal is always asking the question as if she is clueless or something "why would I want to hurt my daughter?" when she knows she did.  All I need to hear from her is the acknowledgment that she did and apologize for what she did, but she has too much pride to admit wrong.  
She calls herself trying to pray my marriage apart.  Again, can you believe that?  Isn't that called witchcraft?  She's crazy and has no understanding of the love of God that a Christian is supposed to walk in.  She is hateful and I only hope she one day she is able to see how black her heart is before it's too late.  

Wait for it... Wait for it... WOW!! I have never met another person in my life who has even contemplated cutting their own mother out of their life, let alone anyone who has actually done it. I thought I was somehow alone in this.. My mother is the same as all those listed here. Nasty, bitter, lying, hateful and evil. She thinks she's special.. Gifted.. Smarter than everyone else.. Better than everyone else.. In fact, she contributes absolutely nothing to society. She doesn't work and usually just lives off men. She lost all eight of her kids back in the 80's and was charged with abuse and neglect. Though she knew where we all were - and three of us were only about 15 minutes from where she lived - she never contacted any of us. I would imagine she was thrilled to finally be rid of us so that her life could be all about her. She's extremely self-centered.

As a child and not understanding why she never contacted us, I always convinced myself that she was somehow unable to do so.. That she desperately wanted to see us, but something had to be preventing her from doing so. I envisioned her hit on the head and wandering around with amnesia.. Or maybe so devastated at our loss that she was on heroin and living in a cardboard box in an alley.. I couldn't allow myself to believe that she could turn her back on all of us like that or that she truly didn't care about us AT ALL.. It was just too painful to accept and I held out "hope" for over twenty years that she was somewhere missing us and unable to contact us for some incredible reason that would make sense to me one day. No such luck..

I found her a few years ago and we started talking only through email. She never asked to visit me or asked me to visit her. She didn't ask about my brothers or sister. She said she thought of nothing but us every day of her life and missed us, yet she had no decent explanation for why she never bothered to see any of us in so many years. Why didn't she call? She didn't know our number. Why didn't she call directory assistance? She didn't know how. Why didn't she drive to where we were? She didn't have a good enough car. Why didn't she send a card or letter? She didn't think we'd get it. I was so floored.. She progressed over a few weeks from saying how much she loved us and had missed us for all those years to calling me names and blaming me for her losing her kids to the courts. She'd become agitated and argue with me over anything. She'd call me stupid over decisions I made. She threw everything I told her back in my face and criticized me over it when she'd become angry. She'd cut off all communication and even change her email when she was throwing a tantrum. She flatly refused to contact other members of my family, but spoke endlessly about how she'd like to stir up trouble for her brother - who she believes got an inheritance that should have been hers. She showed little interest in my brothers, sister or grand kids and even said she didn't want to see pictures of them because they were strangers to her. She had no desire to get to know any of them. I suggested planning a Christmas party and inviting all the family so that she could see everyone and get to know them again, but she said she wouldn't step foot in my state. When I told her I was sending her a package for Mother's Day, she told me she'd return it and for me not to bother. She did return all the Christmas gifts I sent her, unopened. She said the card was hateful and mean spirited. In fact, it was a humorous card by Hallmark. Not even remotely nasty.. She also sent the only picture of me she had - my baby picture - back to me. I guess she didn't want any reminders of me in her life.

Through the years that we "talked" online, it became apparent that she was always going to be the victim no matter what the situation was. She had a deep need for constant sympathy and would turn instantly crazy if she thought you were pointing a finger at her for any reason. She could not take responsibility for anything.. She would turn things around and say it was YOU that were to blame - regardless of what it was or if it was even possible. She would often take a kind word or gesture from me as a personal attack. She was paranoid, illogical and defied all sense of reason.

I'm convinced my mother is mentally ill and always was. Looking back, I can see many clues of it from my childhood and certainly it's clear to me now. What bothers me most is that she's all over the internet in various forums talking about how her own mother was cold and detached and how it's destroyed her entire life.. (Her mother was the sweetest, funniest, kindest person that was ever in my life, by the way.) And if it destroyed HER life to have a cold and distant mother, what does she think abandoning her eight kids did to all of us? She's a million miles past cold, detached or distant. She's vicious. Her posts makes me furious. She sometimes writes in these forums about how she was put on this earth to help people and guide them.. She proclaims to be a psychic. She has one post where she's looking for some mysterious, long lost family member and says this person is the only family she has.. Huh? Hello? Eight kids? Six grand kids? Ring a bell? And then there was the suicide of my little brother and how she blamed me for not being there for him... We'll call that the last straw.

I wish I had never found her. I could sit here imagining that my mother is a charming person who loves me but somehow can't find her way to me. I could have beautiful images in my head of what kind of person she is.. Instead, I know the truth. My mother is a mentally deranged, self-centered beast who cares only about hurting people, lying, stirring up trouble and conning and scamming people. I'm just sorry that she's tricking people out of their hard earned money by convincing them that she's some kind of spiritualist. In fact, there isn't a spiritual bone in her body and she lies as easily as she breathes. She's just too lazy to work and support herself and chooses this path. She's out of my life and I hope I never see her or hear from her again. She caused so much harm to me, my brothers, sister, grandfather and uncle and, mentally diseased or not, I have no sympathy for her.

I found this site tonight...just when I need it most. My mother is 85 years old. She has been controlling and dominating all of my life. My brother who is getting a Ph.D. very soon...is loved beyond belief. She can't say enough good about him. She loves my daughter and son but she absolutely hates me and I feel that she always has. Let me say this, she has had four strokes but she is in pretty good health even with the strokes. I can't say that they have affected her personality that much because she has always been a nasty controlling *****. Today, for no reason at all, she called me on my cell phone which she never does unless she wants something. The call today was to ***** me out because she thinks I followed her to her church yesterday. I literally went ballistic with all of the insults that she started hurling at me through the phone. I, like some others, who have posted above over the years made the decision today to cut this mommy dearest loose. She is the last thing that I need on the face of this earth.
hlissak

Hi AzileNC,

A lot of the things you say about your mother I have suffered. My mother has stolen huge chunks of my life and wonderful opportunities from me with her 'ugliness'. She destroyed my self esteem and made me believe I am unworthy.

She claims to be a Christian who "helps" many people in her church, yes... and she thinks she is special in a divine way also. She was even in the church choir, and her friends tell me she is a very very good person. She prays... she worships etc...

Yet she is evil, dark, nasty and deadly destructive.... I do not know how this is possible to do both.
.... I do not understand.

After reading what everyone here has shared, I am amazed how many of the stories match up so perfectly with mine.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences....

I read a few post here and wonder what's up with these women, anytime I approach my mother with a problem with my own children she'll cut them down, she once told me while she was drinking that she doesn't know them therefore doesn't love them, I said "Wow, I love my grandchildren as if they were my very own children"  I could tell she was a little embarrassed after I said that. I know for a fact she is jealous I turned out to be a better wife and mother than her, you would think she would be proud that I didn't make the same mistakes she did.  I kind of feel like she has been competing with me since I was fourteen, I'm now 48 and she is 70.  She is so insecure and lies to people about herself, she drinks but tell's people she doesn't and hasn't in 20 years, she tells soo many lies to people I can't keep up.  She put me in a boarding school and would never pick me up after school was over, the authorities had to hunt her down.  I've run into people who don't like my mother and now I understand why.

mine has disinvited me to family memberships for years.  I am the oldest of 3 sisters, spent my childhood as mother's assistant, am a masters student in psychology, raised 3 children working the entire way, and still have yet lived up to her high school education, no work outside the home, and processing me like a soap opera wench.  At 52, have given up ever knowing her or the rest of the family.    

I've been readings these posts (my husband found them).  Today I recieved a letter from my mother letting me know with scriptures no less that she only has one daughter that calls and cares about her.  She says that she deserves better.  My life with Mother has not been easy.  I can't speak with her without her yelling at me abut something.  

Needless to say that there was abuse of various types in the family.   I recently found out that the women in my mother's family knew about the abuse but kept their mouths shut and did not attempt to protect the girls in the family from the abusers.  I now feel justified in keeping my children away from my family as much as I did.  I have an aunt who is very physically debiitated now.  My opinion is that this is God's judgment on her.  She has a son who is a child molester and has been since his early years (he also fits the profile for early activities of a serial killer, ie killing and torturing animals).  Needlesss to say she completely ignored the initiative that children should be protected and not be subjected to abuse.  She shut her eyes to everything that he has done.  It's always poor, pitiul me.  Mother says that my aunt cannot be held responsible for what her son does.  I disagree.  If she, as she has been, is aware of his activities, she has a duty to society to protect the children.  

Growing up my mother's people thought my sisters and I were no good.  They looked down on us because they hated my father.  (And yes, the child molester was better than we were.)  Once when Mother was in the hospital we four girls were split up and sent to stay with two different aunts.  The aunt I stayed with let it be known in no uncertain words and actions that my Aunt Olive's children (the one with the child molester son) were worth more that my sisters and I.  We were never given a reason, only that by viture of their birth they were better than we were.  Mother always let her evangelical family run over us and mistreat us.  As long as she was the center of attention, she was fine.  As I grew, I tried to stay away from home as much as possible.  She once told me I was possessed by a demon.  I think that I've been very reasonable in my attitude toward my mother.  It's not her fault we grew up so poor.  It is her fault that she took up with abusive men and drunks.  I once had to push my sister out of the way when mother's husband went to hit her.  I was all of 18 at the time (I think I weighed 100 pounds) and told this drunk that if he wanted to hit someone, come hit me.  My sister came to live with me after that.  

My mother has always been manipulative.  When she had brain surgery about 10 years ago, she gave my youngest sister power of attorney.  After a conversation with mother, I recieved a call that I would not be allowed to see or speak to my mother again.  Mother says that she was not responsible for what my sister did in this situation.  Mother has friends my age where she lives now.  It's my suspicion that the life insurance and everything else is going to them when she dies.  My mother has done a lot.  She allowed three of her daughters to be abused and accepts not responsibility for that although it was her sister's husband and son who perpetrated the abuse.   She's happy when someone is paying her attention and telling her how wonderful a Christian she is.  One of her friends once told me that she wanted to pray with me so that I would have forgiveness in my heart since nothing was mother's fault.  Well she wasn't around when mother allowed the abuse to occur or when mother was beating us.  

I try to tell myself that Mother did the best she could with the coping skills she had, but it's hard.  My relationship with my children is totally different.  I'm joining my daughter's sorority (she actually filled out all the paper work and everything) and there's not much that she doesn't share with me.  My house was always the one where the kids came to.  I hug everyone of them that came through my door.  I've always felt that every child needs love, some more that others.  My sons never had trouble having people over.  The more the merrier.  

WOW!! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO LIVED LIFE WITH A WICKED MOTHER.....ONE WHO LOVED MY SISTER BUT HATED ME. I'M IN MY SIXTIES NOW AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED, ONLY THIS TIME SHE BATTERS ME SILENTLY. SO I HAVE LEFT HER ALONE FOR 2 YEARS NOW AND I'M SO HAPPY. I JUST DISAPPEARED AND NOW I HARDLY THINK ABOUT HER.
MY UTMOST SYMPATHIES GO OUT TO ALL THOSE POOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN THE VICTIMS OF PARENT UNJUSTICE. BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT THOSE EVIL PARENTS WHO STOLE THE HAPPINESS FROM THE BABIES THAT GOD CREATED WILL ONE DAY REAP WHAT THEY HAVE SOWN.  HELL IS HOT, WATERLESS AND LOVELESS.......ENJOY IT YOU FOUL PARENTS BECAUSE THAT' WHERE ALL YOU ARE GOING WHEN YOU DIE.
IN FACT, IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HELL IS LIKE THEN GO ON WWW.SPIRITLESSONS.COM AND YOU CAN READ ALL ABOUT YOUR FUTURE PLACE OF ABODE. THESE STORIES HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEEN THE PLACE AND LIVED TO TELL THE STORY. AND TO ALL THOSE BATTERED CHILDREN I SAY "IF ANY OF YOUR NASTY PARENTS DON'T KNOW HOW TO OPERATE A COMPUTOR, GIVE THEM A TREAT, GO ON LINE  AND READ THE HORROR STORIES TO THEM.
AND TO ALL THOSE MALICIOUS PARENTS WHO CALL THEMSELVES CHRISTIANS, HERE'S NEWS FOR YOU. YOU ARE NOT A CHRISTIAN WHEN ALL YOU PRODUCE IS BAD FRUIT. GOD SAYS HIS CHILDREN PRODUCE GOOD FRUIT. YOU ARE A SHEEP IIN WOLVES CLOTHING SO STOP GOING TO CHURCH, YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME.
THERE IS THE OTHER SIDE TO THIS COIN. YOUR NASTY PARENTS COULD ASK GOD FOR FORGIVNESS FROM THE BOTTOM OF THEIR HEARTS AND REALLY MEAN IT AND GOD CAN DO A WONDERFUL WORK IN CHANGING THEM.........THAT'S ONLY IF THEIR HEARTS HAVE NOT GROWN CALLOUSED BEYOND REPAIR. SOMETIMES GOD HARDENS THE HEARTS OF THOSE PEOPLE SO THAT THEY CANNOT REPENT AND WILL DIE IN THEIR AWFUL SIN AND THEN JUSTICE COMES.

HI EAGLESWINGS........A LOT OF FOLK THINK THAT BY GOING TO CHURCH THEY WILL APPEASE GOD, BUT GOD WILL NOT BE MOCKED. WE MUST ALL REPENT AND RECIEVE GOD'S HOLY SPIRIT AND THEN OVER TIME WE BEGIN TO PRODUCE GOOD FRUIT.........KINDNESS, PATIENCE, LOVE ETC.  IF THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A CHANGE IN SOMEONE'S LIFE WHO CLAIMS TO BE A CHRISTIAN THEN THEY ARE LYING. THE BIBLE IS QUITE CLEAR ABOUT THAT. SHOW YOUR MOTHER 1 CORINTHIANS CHAPTER 13 VERSES 4 TO 8 IN HER BIBLE AND ASK WHY SHE'S NOT OBEYING THE WORD OF GOD.

My Mother has forced me to make a decision I had hoped never to make.  Over the past few months I have attempted to distance myself from her due to negative and destructive comments she spews nearly every time I visit her.  Today she dropped by my home and asked my husband and I when we had last cleaned the bathroom.  We were both taken aback and just looked at eachother.  She continued to say it was vile and filthy.  I walked away in an attempt to refrain some saying something hateful.
I had cleaned the bathroom the day before.  After she and my father left my husband and I went into the bathroom and checked the baseboards, behind the door, behind the toilet.  Nothing was vile or dirty.
My husband asked me years ago why I continued to try to establish a relationship with my Mother.  I could only say that I had always yearned for a loving relationship with my mother.
I realized today that it would never happen.  

I understand everyone here.  I too have a toxic, evil, vile, hateful mother.  However, after the past couple of months, I have just blocked her out of my life.  

As a teenager, I had a brother who molested me.  I told on him, was ignored.  I was going to destroy our family (in my mothers' eyes).  I was even told I deserved it.  Yet, he was bought brand name clothes, shoes, etc., while I was dressed in bargain store clothes.  If we didn't have the money, then its not fair for one and not the other.  I was slapped in the face routinely, told how hateful I was, beat with the side of a belt for things my brother did, because he was perfect and I was a liar, only for her to find out it was him.  Yet never an apology.  I too tried to have a relationship with her as an adult and it always bit me in the butt.  Every time, it backfired on me and she came out smelling like a rose.

About a month ago, she sent me a hateful e-mail saying I lied to her, I hated her, I didn't meet her expectations and she was ashamed of me as her daughter.  I am a single mother of a 15 year old kid, living and working on my own, with a house paid for and working out of state renting a 5,000 square foot house.  I have bought and paid for 2 vehicles (me and my son- his being a Mustang GT).  I am paying off student loan debt ahead of time and handling my own life.  Yet, my precious brother has lied about his job, his life, etc., and the girl he is living with refuses to marry him because he can't help support her, as she supports him.  I came to the conclusion that I was tired of it.  My brother e-mails me and talks crap to me, so I finally called it like I saw it.  I called him a child molester and her a narcissistic b****.  I've heard from neither since then.  I stood up for myself and got the poison out of my life.  Although I have some anguish over the entire thing, I am learning to let go and live my life for my family.  I am a good mother, a supportive mother, a hard worker, a good friend and a good person.  I refuse to allow some sorry, jealous mean and hateful person tell me otherwise.  

The one stick of advise I can give all of you out there, is don't let ANYONE, and I emphasize ANYONE put you down, lie and be hateful to you.  Life is too short.  Family or not, sometimes people don't change, don't want change and won't change.  You don't have to change to meet their expectations.  We are all humans and err.  Do your best and be the best person you can.  As they say living well is the best revenge.  Make it sweet!

Greetings!  I, too, have always had problems with my mother's bullying.  I am 48 years old and my mother is around 92.  She is still sharp as a whip and has a tongue sharper than a sword.  I am sorry but I giggled when I read that you wished you were adopted, then maybe you may have had a better chance in life....guess what?  I was adopted at 5 days old and raised as an only child by parents that were in their early 40's at the time, and I was raised in a female-dominated environment where the woman is the bully in the family.  Imagine that I was forced to attend private school because my mother was trying to make me into something I was never born - and that was her religion.  My childhood was lonely but uneventful....The real problems started after my mother's father, who lived with us,died when I was around 9 yrs old.  By puberty in grade 6, I was constantly being bullied and harassed in school - I was one of three blondes and was constantly tormented because I was racially different from the population of the school.  When the bullying got progressively worse, I begged my mother to let me attend public school for grades  7-9 and she refused.  My life was downhill from then.  I went on finally to regular public high school, and as soon as I had the chance, I took off at 18 to another city.  Of course, I was the 'bad girl'...I had no male influence, no brothers, sisters, cousins, etc to speak to.....anyway back to the present.  I have had trainwrecks of a couple of marriages always with the same ending that my husbands simply could not handle my mother....I am passive and not confrontational either...at least my children love me, and I encourage them to always be nice to my mother.  She projects her shame on me, and constantly chides and abuses me.  I made the biggest mistake of my life I feel  a few years ago when I got divorced and sold my house.  I deposited deposit money that my mother gave me as a gife to buy a property close to her.  She grabbed the money back and I have not seen it since.  Every conversation is a trip down memory lane for her  I am religious, respectful and have a good job.  I have been struggling and raising my kids.  I try to always keep the commandment 'Honour thy Parents' - but it is a very difficult thing to do when you have a scornful, hateful and bitter mother.  My father is completely out of it.  He is 92 and has tuned out by now.  It is just unbelievable that outside, at work, in the market, at the schools etc, I am respected and respectable...but one conversation with my mother can send me into a black hole for days. I have constantly been compared to other adopted kids of my mother's friends, and always always told how horrible I am and have been.  I agreed to marry a man of my mother;s choice for my first marriage and produced three lovely children from that marriage - allowed my mother to be directly involved in their lives, had two more kids with my second husband whom my mother never treated as equal to the first three because their father was not of her faith.  I avoid her, I don't visit her house, I call her almost every day except when she has another outburst.  She is threatening me now that I will have big trouble after she dies because I refuse to bend to her wishes now and go along with her hypocritical ways and religion.  I met my birth family finally about 15 years ago and she cast her negative cloud over them, too, now they have nothing to do with me.  My advice is to just try to keep your cool, be nice even through the negativity etc.  My mother also calls me a liar, denies so many things and tells me I am mentally ill.  Her friends, neighbours etc agree with her that I am the bad one, and often shake their heads and say, poor Gerry...etc. By the way, I had been in therapy and self-help groups for decades on and off.  My heart is broken that I can't be accepted for who I am.. My mother has her own self made pity party and even resorts to calling my friends ( a very old story since my childhood) to gossip about me and cry the blues.  I keep my dignity although sometimes I want to scream, I pray to God that I am not held responsible for things out of my control that stem from other people's imaginations, and hope for the best.  My only solution has been moving far away which always seemed to help.  You know you are a good person.... again, keep your dignity....keep your faith....honour your parents...but don't give in to the bullying.  Now I have finally realized that the phone has a hang-up button, and when my mother starts....I simply tell her that I cannot continue this sort of conversation and I disconnect.  Then when I call back, I ask simply if she is ok  and not so wild anymore.  It is very hard, very hard...but at least I am doing the best I can do.  I have no  other relatives or family at all to help with my parents so .....I am just hanging on in there as I hope you can do too, and just hope that when she finally passes the regrets wont be so harsh.

Yes Adopted1, you are to honour thy father and mother, but read on, they are also not to provoke you.  In other words, Yes, respect them, speak well of them, honor them, but on the other hand, they are to be proper parents, to raise with love and a hard hand (to correct only).  We are to be corrected for wrongs and errors, not be punished for being born.  

It took me many years to get the courage to stop the nonsense, the violence, the lies, the betrayals, the abuse and the backstabbing.  I too, as a Christian took many years to come to the reality of the situation because I did want to honor my mother, I did want to be the good girl and do the right things, such as forgive and forget.  At some point, we all must show responsibility for our own behavior.  If you know someone is going to make you angry, walk away.  If you know you are going to be lied to, don't enable them by allowing it and giving them fuel for it.  If you know they will mistreaty you, don't put yourself in that situation.  We must learn that we have lives.  We have families.  What good does it do your family for you to be in therapy, mentally drained, depressed and ill?  Nothing.  You are allowing someone else to do that to you.  

That is why I stay away.  What I told above is only a hundredth of what that woman put me through.  When I finally realized I was enabling her to hurt me, lie to me, cuss me, yell at me, scream at me, put me down, etc., I realized I'd had enough.  And you know, I feel no guilt.  I have tried to have a relationship with her all my life and especially since my father died when I was 23 (39 now).  I Took her into my house, only for her to curse the ground I walk on, took from my family to help support her, was pregnant with my son, bailing her out of a mess in another state, I've caught her lying about me to my face in front of family, I've been hit and slapped as an adult, you name it.  I have tried.  Will I feel guilt when she passes.  No, I will feel pity that the woman never knew her daughter, never tried to know her daughter or never wanted to know her daughter.  What mother would walk through this world so miserable that she hates or despises her own child.  Although I know she is probably not right in the mental department, I cannot help her.  I will not be drug down with her only to realize I become her.  That's why I cut ties.  And you know, I wish no harm on her, no dishonor, no hate.  I just pray that her heart heals before she dies.  

My Goodness amazed01, adopted01 and eaglewings my heart goes out to just as it does to everyone that has written on this blog.  I commend you for the strength that you have found to move on and live your life instead of it being controlled and manipulated by such blatant coldness from the one person we expect with such naivety to love us unconditionally.

My story is above.  One thing that have decided to do is take this time for me and my family (husband and kids) and get my head together so that I can be a better person for my husband and my kids.  I've removed myself from the evil reach of my mother's hold.  I realize that she and my sister are jealous of my marriage and that fact that my enabling them had to come to a stop.  They attacked my husband in such a way that he wants nothing to do with either one of them.  However, he still somehow thinks that I should call my mother.  I turn to him and ask him why?  I'm tired of being the "bigger person", I'm tired of being the mature one and hoping that in our right actions that they would return kindness only to end up being disappointed that I even tried.  They are two lonely and bitter individuals that need to find some business of their own and stay out of mine.  I am flat out just mentally and physically tired.  It has created such a complex in me that I don't even want to answer my phone when it rings for concern that I will become angry by anything someone in my family might say in their favor.  

I truly need this time to heal and seek direction on how to move forward with this matter.  I honestly hope in the time that I'm taking away from them that they have actually thought about how they couldn't handled matter differently but that again would me being optimistic.  I need to focus on my kids and my husband and make sure that I am not allowing myself to get sick over this.  My blood pressure spiked over this stuff. I need to be here for my babies. I would love to have them in my life to help with my children when my husband and I want to go out, but I would almost be willing to keep them at home if my in-laws can't keep them for fear of the kind of stuff they may mention around my children.  That is one thing I don't want to do is make my children accessible that kind of hatred.  I refuse to allow my kids to become a product of my family.  I want to do everything in my power to give them a better life then I had growing up with my mother and a family living with superficial ideas of success.  

Unlike my mother, I don't think I've arrived as a christian.  I only pray that God helps me overcome my deep hurts so that I don't miss my blessing because anger and resentment has set in.  I understand that the spiritual growth is one that takes time if you do it right.  I won't pretend though.  I ask for God to give me his wisdom on this.  I also ask him that in some way that he can show them themselves.  

Stay encouraged everyone who is dealing with these hurts.  You are not alone.  Most importantly there is someone praying (whether anyone believes or not) that our wounds will be healed.  That we will be able to pick up live happy lives with the friends that have shown themselves to be more faithful than family.  Surround yourselves with positive people and we will begin feel that weight lifted a little bit, a day at a time.    We win when we become better people and they see it.   When they see that they didn't destroy us it would be like dropping hot coal on their heads.  

My mother is the same... a nasty witch. She behaves in the same manner as the majority of mothers described here. She's 88 and smokes like a fiend and expects me to provide her with cigarettes. I don't smoke and I hate to be around anyone who does However, I'll buy her all the cigarettes she wants and encourage her to smoke more if her miserable life will come to a more rapid close.

I've just had to cry while reading every response.

I'm crying for myself and others for our pain, and I'm crying in relief to know I'm not alone.

I found this site when I googled "my mother is bitter."  I just returned from 5 days with my 80-year-old mother.  I went up to visit her because she was "so lonely" and also needed some manual labor around the house.  I felt it was my duty.

But the whole time I was there being both company and free labor for her, she criticized me nonstop.  That sounds mild and it was nothing to what really happened, but I can't relive it now.  I've just gotten to the place I can breath evenly again.

But I did come away with the conviction to stay away from her - no matter how guilty I feel about it - until she gets professional help.  I have urged her many times to seek counseling, but this will probably never happen because she is in denial. She can't see how nasty she is to people and she's says I'm "too sensitive."  

I could go on and on, but what I really want to say here is that I'm so grateful for all the rest of you who are struggling between wanting to do what's right for a person who just happens to be in the mother role OR doing what is right for ourselves and future generations.

I believe the right thing to do is to keep ourselves healthy, no matter the guilt.  There's no need for two people to be destroyed by bitterness.

So, hang in there and know you are doing the mentally healthy thing to cut out the cancer or to severely limit contact with it.  Be brave!  Thanks!

Thank you all for your stories. I was always close to my mother and when I started saying 'No' and putting in some healthy boundaries she went into a tail spin. My mother had two sons before my father, one got dumped onto her mother and the other, two years later (to the same father) got adopted out. Apparently the guy promised her the world and then took off. My mother then carried this baggage into a toxic relationship with my alcoholic father who was already beating her before they got married. She had two children in this marriage. My father continued drinking until I was 5 and remained a dry drunk until he died when he was 62. My mother was a classic victim. She blamed the world and my father for everything. Because of her past situation she could never leave and I was left hostage to the violence, abuse and neglect. Every decision my mother has ever made led to grief for me. Her decision to stay with my father even when he was beating me up as a youngster. The people she hired to coach me in my chosen sport ended up raping me and so on and on and on. I grew up on the crumbs of love and was grateful for her 'love'.
As I said I was extremely close for 40 plus years...until my Alanon recovery started to make a big difference in my life. I started to push back a bit on her behaviour towards me. I started to draw simple boundaries and to stop the enmeshment.

She didn't like this and I then started to see her true stripes....she was a spiteful, bitter, twister and nasty person and I am shocked to the core to have come out of my delusion to see this relationship for what it really was.

I say was, because she died a few weeks ago.....not before she landed her most cruelest blow by disinheriting me four weeks before her death...giving most to the eldest son who had never had much to do with her....

I can relate to you all except for the fact that it all came late in life when I decided not to be her performing codependent, people pleasing monkey anymore...how sad.

At least now I am free to live a life with emotional honesty, something she was never able to do..

Thanks for reading :)

how cruel and sad tangles 61 my heart truly go's out to you as it does to everyone on this page
when i talk to people who have loving mother,i think at first they are shocked and cannot believe
how much i dont want anything to do with my own mother.
she is the most selfish,self absorbed,nasty,troublemaking person i have ever known
i craved an ounce of her love for years,only when she was ever drunk she would say she loved me
when she was sober it was worse,the name calling since i was a young girl and how she should have left
me with my father because i was b******,she never forgave him for leaving.
everyone else was at fault never her.
i yet again spoke to her recently,but it never lasts i end up a nervous wreck with her constant phone calls
her stirring up trouble amongst everyone,she is a nasty horrible person who does not deserve my family and i
thats the same to everyone on this page,you sound all decent kind people who have put up with so much
and deserve to be happy in life,now i am cutting all ties although i still feel guilty i cannot cope with that woman anymore
she has made me feel worthless all my lifenow i dont have a father or mother.
a father who could have got to know me,but dident and a mother who had my love but coud not give it back.
take care everyone

I am 45 years old and my mother a self absorbed house wife is 71.  She has alway been a little out there but never been diagnosed with anything.  I have a younger 41 years old sister who moved 2 hours away 20 years ago. Up in till this summer she came to visit them a few times a year and called seldom. My  father is getting forgetful for the last year and mildly depressed.  We live locally and my husband and children have been very helpful in their lives from doctors visits bills lawn and construction work on their house.
This past Fathers Day my sister decided it was time to take my parents for the weekend and celebrate Fathers Day and my Mothers Birthday over that weekend.  It did not matter to her that I had to work on Fathers Day and planned to celebrate it with my ailing father ther day before, although she requested if my husband could make the trip to pick them up.  Long story short there were alot of hurt feelings. My mother has had a vadetta on me since this weekend.  It is like she turned on the daughter who has been there for her all along.  Saying hurtful things about me and my children. I did not talk to her for 3 months and did not go to her home, because of what transpired that weekend.  My mother has always been the Queen she can insult you scream at you be the rudest person.  She will never apologize and think she has never done anything wrong.  I never knew that while myself and family were doing thing for them she was bad mouthing me to my sister who never gave a crap about them.  My sister now sits on the pedistal and I and my family are the worst thing out there.  This past September my father became very sick of course I went there and started helping out, as I am helping my sister is calling more and more freqently and repeating to me my mothers insults and paranoid accusations. My sister is taking my mothers side and visits causing alot of fighting telling me what a terrible  abasive person I am.  This time when she came and I had taken my father for lab work and just dropped him off at his home.  She was arriviing at that time and I left.  No sooner was my cell phone ringing and my house phone. She started with accusations.  I said I will come over.  I asked my mother how she can talk badly about me when I am doing everthing from paying bills to driving them to doctors , my hustband is repairing her roof and redid her bathroom.  Well the both of them blew  in front of my 24 year old son, my sister even attacked him as well as bad mouthed me to him.  I am a working professional,I am churchgoer, I am repected by my peers.  
My sister has alinated me from my cousin, since she lives so far from here she put my cousin to work to spy on them as well.
I have stayed now away for 3 weeks on my Birthday my mother called at 7am to tell me my fathers leg was now black and oh Happy Birthday.  The last time my mother spoke to me she told me for the second time she hated me that I have caused her misery since I was 6 months old, she asked me to leave and not come back.  It killed me but I said Mom have you called my sister, remember you Hate me.  How many times do I go back?  I am spirtually broke.  I pray for peace and forgiveness, to the point I am depressed and beating myself up.  This only a synopsis it may not sound as bad as it truly is.  
My father was here over the weekend and cried.  No one cares about him and he want to take his life.  He begged me to forget what my mother said and come back.  My 17 year old son was so upset and cried as well.  He refuses to go to his house because of the way my mother is acting.
I emaild my sister who I will no longer speak to who has taken a sudden interest in my parents for obvious reasons$$$.  To tell her that my father made those remarks about taking his life.  I reminded her that she created this situation and allows my mother to vent negativly about me instead of telling her it is enough and I am here  locally to help her.  My mother repeats this comment "You should be ashamed of yourself for making your poor sister travel 2 hours when she has small children" but it is ok to comdemm me and chastize me to your other daughter whose done nothing for you the last 20 years.   Her own husband has not been up to visti my parents in 2 years, but this is the daughter who  now counts.
My older son called my parents yesterday and of course my mother was bashing me to him because of the email I sent my sister. My sister and I are both in the medical field, I was not goingt to have my father state he was going to take his life and not do anything. My husband and I visited my mother prior to the email but she was sleeping and we left.  No matter what I do my mother has issues with me.  
What do I tell my father when he comes here and cries, it kills me to see him that way, but I can not mentally take my mother and her insults.  The said thing is she treats my father like this too.
I don't know what to do it breaks my heart.

its true what they say,you do everyting to help a person in life,then you get dont get much thanks then someone
who has took a back seat and done very little gets all the praise.
i have the exact problem with my own nasty mother,she drove you demented with her demands,where i felt guilty and actually sorry for her at some points that i would put my own life on hold to listen to her and try to understand her ever increasing erratic behaviour,where it got to a point i had to seek medical help and consult a counciller because i thought she had broken my spirit to a point of no return.
i picked myself up,but through the years only to go back and forth trying to get a glimpse of a a loving mother but then i realise now thts it is never meant to be.
i feel for you suzie,i can understand you pain in everything that you have done for your mum,she has now turned on you
and  has favoured your sister which has been a cruel thing to do as everything you have done for her.
i feel the same i have  a sister who i have not spoke to in 12 years,she is 7  years older than me,she used me through the years to be a babysitter for her kids,flirted with my boyfriends and even mocked me at her wedding on video which i was not invited i was too busy making the food and watching her kids.
she came on the scene when i was not speaking to my  mum for a few years,she makes excuses to come down to her house so she can get money,takes her out so she can get her shopping paid for.
when i did speak to my mum agaiin i was the batterring ram for all  my mums problems,if she gave us anything she would cast it up and talk about everyone including my sister,my sister is hanging about soley to do with cash,its not out the goodness of her heart.
it was my birthday on saturday she sent me a card full of sarcasm and no love,i just tossed it aside and relished
in my own childrens and their dads affections,i dont need her anymore and as long as you have your own caring family neither will you,you should never feel guilty,why should your heath be affected you only get one shot of life.
but now its got to a point i have cut all ties i cutting all ties,ive not spoken to my mum in the last month
she go's on about herself and when i said my youngest was not well she walked over what i said and went on about herself,she is a horrible mother where i know now there is no love loss and i know she dislikes me.
i have done everything for her and now she does not deserve my caer,that is the same for you suzie you should not beat yourself up anymore over the hurt and distress that your mother has caused you,you can hold your head high and at least say you have tried,you still have your father,try to focus around him and how he is feeling right now,it must be hard for him to see how nasty and uncaring his own wife has become.
take care for now:)

I have a mean bitter resentful mum too. She favours my older sister, who sides with her. I think my mother is a classic narcissist, and my sister is a co-narcissist. My mother tells lies about me and twists everything I say around. She even made my IVF all about her!  She is always the victim and has to have her own way. She never gave me love or affection as a child and I always tried to seek approval from both parents. Never happened and never will. Tonights phone call she called me a "F__ckin Witch"!  Because I dared to say how I felt.  Because I dare to disagree with her!  I'm 47 years old and have only now been able to stand up to her without ending up in an emotional heap/mess! I only managed to do this by emotionally cutting myself off from her and realising IT'S HER, NOT ME with the problem. But my question here and now is "How do you all deal with such a huge disappointment that the one person you are supposed to trust in life does this to You?"  How do you deal with it?  Mothers are supposed to protect and nurture, not conquer and divide her children!  Mothers are supposed to listen with love, not become defensive and abusive.  Take care all, I look forward to any suggestions. Rachelle883

when someone see a friends mother being loving and caring,its confusing as you wish that you had that same level of love from a mother who is the complete opposite.
it is heartbreaking and souling destroying rachelle knowing this will never happen,ive went through years from an early age of mental and physical abuse at the hands of my mother, i hated living in the same housei would imagine and wish myself somewhere else,wanting to live a normal care free life surrounded by a mothers love and understanding.
if  a mother has treated you the way she has,through bitterness,resentfulness and nastiness we cannot keep going back to endure it anymore,ive have myself went back and forth hoping that one day im going to find a mother who is meant to care and be there to help and comfort,but its never going to happen.
accepting this is probably the hardest thing to do,its hurful knowing how much you have tried and others dont but yet get favoured.
life is for living it to the full,not making yourself ill which i have done on many occasion through my own mother
who was only happy whenever i was unhappy,or the name calling which at an early age destroyed my confidence.
dont let your mother do that to you,if she is being verbully abusive to you,thats is no mother
be strong and know if you have the love and affection of others in your life you certainly dont need her.
i know this sounds hurtful but if she has never gave you love and affection throughout your life,she is not going to now
believe me im there,i am 44 and had the same lack of a mothers love i know she does not like me and never has
i got told by a friend,that my mother ws a very jealous person,i wondered always as a mother of two children how could a mother ever want to be jealous of their kids?
ive been writing for years poems,stories and in to the newspapers,she would see my name in the paper and dismiss it
would never praise anything that i done,went on about herself how good she was at school,but never encouraged me was i was there.bitterness and jealousy are two main factors in a lot of these posts that mothers portray.
if you accept that your mother is never going to change,say to yourself that you are strong and you know longer are going to accept the way your mother is treating you and then move on to a new emotional level,freedom from abuse from someone who should have been there and someone who should have known better being a mother.
it will be only a matter of time before she will be taking her hate out on someone else.
hold your head high and walk away with no gulit,you are a humanbeing who deserves love,care and respect like everyone else in this world.
at the end of the day its your mothers loss.
take care x

I must report that I saw my mother about 3 weeks ago.  It was only by the invitation of my Aunt that I saw my mother. She was having a dinner at her house and my aunt and I were conversing back and forth through e-mail encouraging one another and in my aunts excitement she invites to this dinner.  
Well needless to say I was reluctant because my mother has failed to contact me for months and I've decided to move forward and not not allow myself to be controlled nor manipulated by her evil tactics.  I've decided to just live my life and if she doesn't want to be a part of it because she is too prideful to admit that she was wrong how she treated my and my husband, I don't need the drama in my life.  
Anyway, as I mentioned, I ended up going over there and I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate as I began to walk through her house.  Let me tell you, this woman is so cold after not seeing me nor my children for months the only thing she can say is "it's good to see you"....What?  The average mother would have dropped everything to hug us and do everything to try to make a mends, doing what she could to put all of the drama behind, but she is too d***n bullheaded to accept that she was wrong and get it right with me.  I bared through being there long enough to eat dinner and we got the HELL out of there.  OH, and I guess she didn't think I noticed that she took me and my husband's wedding picture down.

I've decided that I don't want to deal with her for the rest of the year and even next year if necessary.  I don't need the stress.  I'm taking this time to heal and accept the fact that I'm a better person than her and will be a better mother than her.  I have my close friends and my spiritual mothers for support and that's all I need in my life right now.  It hurts to not have my mother there for me but I can't expect for someone who is self-centered and has always been self-centered to ever see how her actions have effected my life.

This Thanksgiving I cooked dinner, we visited our god-parents and came back home.  It was lovely and I didn't have the stress of being somewhere I didn't want to be this year.  It's what I've been wanting to do for the last 4 yrs actually.   I know Christmas is coming up and quite frankly I don't even want them to buy my kids anything.  I'd rather accept gifts from people I have a relationship with.  

I'm still shocked that this is how my relationship has turned out with my mother and my sister to be honest. Well my sister has always been a little self absorbed (expletive) and I've always took her crap but she's crossed the line with me and don't expect to have a normal relationship with her.  

So that was my Thanksgiving.  It actually felt good to be able to relax without them for a change.  

WOW, I too cannot believe that I am not alone, actually i am the younger brother  of three siblings with a mean hateful vengeful MOM who seems to hate all of us and put us all out of her life. She is goes to church and stuff and acts nice to people, but then she has always, i means always hated my sister, the only girl in the house. and then when my sister got married an moved out she turned her bitter demonic hatred on my and my brother... over the years we the siblings have prayed and tried to help her and be kind to her but she always brings up our faults or mistakes and she never feels that she does anything wrong, and everyone is out to get her...and then she spews evil venoumous lies about my sisters family and my brothers family and now recently she has begun to lie on my...some of the lies she tells are lies that can get people in trouble with the law...the thing is i cannot seam for the life of my to figure out why my mom has been sooo jelouse and hateful of my sister and why she is soooo bitter because in the beginning we come from a nice christian home a nice little perfect christian family....not its been over 20+ years of hatred and jealosy and lies and ugly venon against my sister and if you take my sisters side and defend her, then you are attacked to...its as if she completely hates my sister to her soul and all her children.

It is amazing to read this page. I have spent my whole life being put second to all my other siblings and my mother's needs. My mother and middle sister are liars and twisters of truths and would cut their own throats, if they could blame someone else and get away with it. They are two peas in apod; cruel and heartless and selfish. It breaks my heart but I  have decide enough is enough and to walk away. I cannot get involved in their mind games any longer. I have read this page and it has made me cry at the stories that are repeted here and had I come from a loving home I would have found it impossible to believe. But saddly it is all true. My mother would beat me with a broom and when at six I looked her in the eye and said stop it, she flew into a fenzy that, had my father not walked in a that moment I fear what might have happened. Both sister and mother play the game of enjoying their bad health. I say if you have to have a hobby there is nothing like your own health.

I am mistrusting of all people male and female and find it had to settle and make friends and at 48 i am tiring of the bad behaviour of these people who are my family that has made me this way.

I once said to my father that I could not stand my mother and I no longer wished to be around her. he said he understood but to remember that in life you must make a choice and stick with it. once done there was little chance of going back to undo it. I found it hard to to just walk away. I had no sence of myself to do so.

Now I have a daughter who is being treated the same way by both my sister and by my mother. It is cruel to watch a trusting loving girl be so abused. It is time, it is truely time and i hope and pray that by leaving this hideous past behind me I to can have the life I truely deserve. And potect this child of mine from what i can only say is pure evil.

I no longer wish to be around them and that includes my father who while I love him a great deal, he loves my mother. It has to be my choice and I have to make it and live with the consequences.

thank you to everyone one who shared their stories, hope you stay strong and realise you dont need these so called "mothers' love they will only make you feel worse about5 yourself and continue to damage your self esteem.  Keep well away as you would from any other persons who make you feel bad about yourself.   These women are genetic mothers nothing else

"Wow". Cant believe I've found this :) I've always tried to search the internet for some sort of article, or just anything I could relate to to try and get some sort of advice to do with nasty, bitter, childish mums. Im 24 and have been suffering with a disgrace of a mother since I was around 11. Sometimes I actually think its giving me mental health problems and just pray I am able to heal when I can finally get out. I unfortunately still live at home as I do not earn enough to be able to move out and Im too embarrassed to ask friends, I just want to live a normal life more than anything in the world. I have a fiance who I have been with for 7 years and Im just so grateful that I have at least had him to confide in an to support me when Im in absolute despair. Theres nothing worse than when she is going off on one, being completely unreasonable and making life impossible, and then she says well if you dont like it you know what you can do. Except I cant so its put up and shut up until that day arrives. She is highly manipulative, as soon as my dad is home from work she runs straight over to fill him in on the days incidents, making up things, twisting things, playing the victim no end. All she does whenever I am home is follow me around prodding and poking me until she gets a reaction and then its 'how DARE you speak to me like that, b****.' If I need to get past her she doesnt move. She drags out whatever she is doing just to be difficult. And then she'll smirk to herself. She can do what she likes, its her house not mine. Ill say excuse me and she'l pretend she cant hear. I do all my own washing, cooking, cleaning, everything. I dont depend on her for anything and I pay her the going rate in rent. I have a younger sister and my stepdad, her father lives with us also. Hes been around for years I basically call him dad, I love and respect him a huge amount, more than I ever will her. She isnt as bad with them as they dont react when shes prodding and poking. They let her control them and walk all over them. As long as shes got control shes happy. I get on well with my sister also, I think us three would be the happiest family around if she wasnt there, sat on her bum, dictating from the couch. Thats another point, she is lazy, the house is filthy apart from my bedroom and the bathroom which I clean. She spends nearly all day on the sofa with her laptop on her knee and watches every sopa going. And has afternoon naps. She has a few hours as a childminder a couple of mornings a week and then complains shes had an awful tiring day when me and my dad return home from work. She goes out of her way to annoy me, wind me up and just be a spiteful nasty cow. I make a pledge with myself to just ignore her and stop speaking to her and just be civil when I am asked something, and then eventually she'll be nice and i start to think maybe this time, it will stay like this and we can do things together and Ill have the proper mum Ive always wanted. But like every single time, it lasts a few days, then as soon as she finds something tiny to complain about its world war 3 again. My dad does his best to stay out of it, he can see whats going on but if he sticks up for me at all he gets her wrath then. He sometimes has to take her side just to avoid the abuse himself which hurts a lot, but I understand.
Now Ive got that off my chest!!!! -  I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has posted their stories on here, I have balled my eyes out most of the afternoon and I definitely havnt had it as bad as some of you but it gives me so much peace to think were all in the same boat, its not us its them. Keep your heads straight well be rid of them one day :) <3 xx

... I cannot believe there are people out there like me.      My 'mother'  is the most nasty person I know, other than my 'sister'.    I wish I was adopted so that I can say I am, but unfortunately, she is my biological mother.     I have extreme mental issues now, no self worth, (feel unworthy), and carry the nasty, hateful, horrible, dispicable things she has done and said to me for over 30 years.    Well over 30 years.      I HATE her.     I cannot let it go.    I finally walked away from her 3-1/2 years ago.       She is well off, my Dad (whom I love deeply) passed away 35 years ago, and should be the happiest person ever.   She has Four living adult children, (well 3 now, I'm gone) - she hates me because I look my my Dad and his mother (bad marriage, she hated her mother in law, what else is new?      Nobody likes her, she has NO friends, I have alot of friends and the majority of people like me.    She is a jealous, spiteful woman.     As is her other daughter.     Absolutely toxic people, alot of people have commented on both of them.      

...loathly...isn't it...twisted, sick & not worth figuring it out really but damn it is real as a cold winters day...awaking & not in no good way neither...the denial & flipping it all amazes me...walking piece of vile work to the core...i have *never in my life seen *anything like it...yet since I was little I can remember being hated profoundly. Just pathetically revolting that such behaviour & actions exist...by choice. I am now 38 with two beautiful daughters ages 13 & 5...the ***** can't stand it either...tries to sucker in my 13 yr old & my 5 yr old gets the brunt just like I do...not having *that. I moved back to Canada, to her neighbour hood after finalizing my divorce, custody, child support in the USA & 18 months later if I don't move as far away as possible, *it won't be good. Triffling, liar of a meddling evil mean spirited intruder with drastic demeaning intentions ... horrible horrible horrible...but *I'm the 1 who needs help...*I am *never nice to my girls...(shipped their ponies to Canada, they have a beautiful dog, I don't go out, we home school, swimming, ballet, art, *nice theme bedrooms, I have my own design company...two paid for new vehicles, no debt at all - no drinking, red wine occasionally, house is always spotless, dogs r groomed...but they stink so bad that ppl look at her when she goes to a store...*hateful...my druggy brother, loser, 3 kids different *young *broke girls with *nothing & he doesn't take care of his kids, lives off the system is a saint & she wipes his *** twice...i tell u what...it is beyond my emotional capacity to *feed her monster...& *that makes her even more vile...she has so many issues A - Z & let me say it loud & proud "It's *not me!". My new word for her is eff off click.

Thank you to everyone who posted here!!! I too have a nasty, mean, hateful, bitter mother who enjoys hurting me while she fawns all over my brother.  She doesn't care about me or my sons, her only 2 grandchildren. My father was sick last year and she never told me. He died and I never got to talk to him. After everything she has done to me, I have NO MORE genuine emotions for her. My heart is frozen dead when it comes to her. I am fakey-fake nice to her, but I loathe her. She screamed at me and my boys that we are "filthy pigs" and that's why she would never come visit us in our home. Her house is scoured clean, like a museum. I won't stay there with my kids. We used her bathrooms and she bought new toilets, saying we ruined her bathrooms!! I wear plastic bags on my feet when I visit her because my feet sweat and she complains about me getting oil on her floors. I could go on and on but why...

I just wanted to let everyone here know how how reading these posts made me feel so much better. Apparently none of us is alone!

its true none us are alone when we can see others in the same prediciment,everyone should know that we all should have had better in this lifetime and it is so sad by reading these posts what everyone has had to endure with hateful,selfish mothers who's only concerns have been themselves.
i have finally had enough of the abuse,hatred and jealousy through my bitter mother who could never praise you or only ever tell you she loved you when drunk.
i finally decided 8 weeks ago enough was enough,at christmas time i never phoned her because she is only ever hell bent in causing misery, and we had all not been well with the flu,she told my brother on christmas eve a couple of year back when he visited that we were all b****** and she was going to fling herself head first out a window,she has threatened this for years purley out for attention
we had done everthing for her through the years only for her to spew her hatred and nastiness and play each member of our family against each other.
i knew if i phoned her she would do her uppermost to try and ruin our christmas with her bile,from an early age she made all our lives a misery,took away our confindece and did her best to put herself first.
i decided to phone her in the new year and i asked her how she was for her to reply,'who are you? i told her we had not been well especially our 5 year old and she said 'your not the only one who has not been well and i was selfish!
she started to go on about herself continously and i finally said to her'do you ever concern yourself about anyone else,even your grandkids,she replied your son(who is 13) only came up looking for money,which was not true and downright nasty
i had sent our son before christmas to hand in presents for her and my stepdad and she gave some money for him and his 5 year old brother for christmas.
anything she gives to anyone she will cast up,talks behind everyones back and basically like to wallow in self misery.
i hung up the phone on her as she started to become more nasty.
2 weeks later i recieved a letter,not mentionioning anything that had previously happened and asked how we were
and she hoped that the money she gave our boys helped,i felt i was in the twilght zone or she was doing her usual which she has done in the past'mind games'.
i ignored the letter,but its only a matter of time before she comes back to cause more grief.
i can honestly say i want nothing more to do with her,i feel so much better having her out  our life.
i know i have wrote a few posts on here,im sorry if i am getting a bit repetitive but i feel it as a form of therapy
by typing out how i feel.
my oldest son said to me the other day'mum your the best'if there were more people like you in this world,it would be a much better place,i cried and my heart ached with love for my boys,i felt for the first time  finally in life i was doing something right in someones eyes as i had alway been put down.
i hope everyone on here can see that that a mothers love should be unconditional and if it is not there i dont think it will ever be,it is sad and hurtful,but if you have others in your life like a loving partner and children then thats all you need.
it is the mothers loss,as long as you shower your kids with love care annd ignore all the horrible things that you went through then you will come out the better person,.
will your mother stands in the shameful shadow, a mother who should be pitied more than scorned, a mother who did not deserve you.
.

My wife directed me to this thread just out of interest as my situation is reflected in every post above to varying degrees. After many years of trying to please or just get along and not recieving respect, as well as having the situation put my marriage and chosen life under great pressure, I decided enough was enough and cut all ties. I immeadiately changed my phone numbers and when I eventually moved, failed to let anyone connected to my family know. The final connection yet to be broken is work,... this to will change in time. Until then I don't take their calls and just delete their messages.

It has been the most liberating thing I have ever done and I'll never look back. I'm happier than I've ever been and my marriage is stronger than ever. I have no hatred or interest toward them, I have no feeling what so ever. I am biologically connected but "Family" to me is those that are close to me by choice.

Blood may be thicker than water, but water is more palatable.

If you are one of the many that are burdoned with narcissistic relatives... please... for your own sake... close the door and walk away.


fair winds to all

My mother is 68 and an evil, jealous, gossip that never shuts her mouth.  She gets more hateful by the week.  After my first divorce her and my oldest sister (she's a narcissist too) made up, and shamelessly spread, a rumor that I was a gay man (wow.  i'd have a lot more options if that were true).  She's made every female that has meant something to me cry.  She has NO control of the evil venom which flows so freely from her mouth.  My entire life I believed that I was the problem.  It got so bad after my second divorce that I decided to try to find out what's the matter.  I did a lot of research and discovered that my mother is a malignant narcissist of worst sort.  That was 3 years ago.  I've not spoken with my mother in two years (she does try to get to me through my ex-wives and other family members).  In spite of the fact that my life is NOT the happiest...I miss my two youngest children, I sacrifice a lot to keep my child-support current...I posses a profound sense of joy inside that NEVER existed prior to separating myself from my mother.  If you have a mother like this, RUN, and never look back.  There is life after all the abuse.   There is love.

this is such a blessing--have been having obsessive thoughts about my mother.  I have been trying to dig out for 12 years now--breaking the cycle with my own daughters, sons, and husband. when things get stressful as they have been most of my life--the thoughts come.  i have been practicing forgiveness all of my life--a person told me that i am one of the most accepting persons she has ever known.  i was born with the gift of faith and continue to try to believe that the lord has peace for me--but not in the company of any of my siblings & mother.  until dad died 10 years ago--i truly believed or seriously wanted to believe that "someday" she would have time for me.  i had seen over the course of my life how she judged my sister and i was the girl in the middle--shuttling from serving one's needs to the other.  i tried to stay as detached as possible.  when my baby son died--the same year my dad had a massive stroke--i helped & kept helping until he died.  when he died; i went home to my own family to deal with the survival issues that confront a family that has experienced child death--my mom travelled & her favorite saying as she ran out the door was..."life is for the living."  once dad died--the whole family turned on me--it was almost instantaneous.  it has been 10 years--if it weren't for me reaching out, none would have talked to me at all.  in october, mom called to tell me that she wanted to make up--that finally, after 10 years of not speaking to me, she finally had a glimpse that it wasn't just me--i apparently hurt her feelings by saying something to her about my feelings over losing my son--she added that i always was different.  she asked me to come to thanksgiving which i did--but it was a farce--and inside, although i didn't want to know this--i knew that she only made the gesture to get me to attend thanksgiving so all would "appear" well.  since dad died, it has become clear that my sister is also very negative--a few years ago, i visited her because her husband had cancer--they don't talk--they leak negativity--i returned home distraught and the next day was fired from my job.  i keep reading the book of job--my health which was always good & my spirit which has always loved just feels flat.  am i dealing with the same thing here or is it me?

Hey all I don't have to post about my mother you have all done that for me. I did come to a conclusion though.
Our children will never feel this way about us and  they will never have to endure what we are going through.  I had my 60th birthday yesterday and and my son posted on my facebook. Happy 60th to the best mom in the world. After 36 years we have a loving relationship and I know we always will.

After 40 years of putting up with an evil nasty mother today was the last straw. My mother is a mean, sarcastic, petty, vindictive and lonely women who alientates people, she has few friends and cant figure out why! She complains about everyone and everything and speaks nastily about the few friends she has behind their backs. She packed my brother off to boarding school when he was 7 and I was sent off when I was 10. I hardly saw her when I was growing up but she was not loving and not supportive. My brother was the golden boy and she always introduced him in glowing terms but I was just "sarah", I have always been second best and my brother was smothered. As soon as he was able to moved to the USA and has little to do with her in the last 21 years. He cant stand her nastiness either and hasnt spoken to her in 2 years, she blames me for this? and questions me all the time about my relationship with him and is jealous that he talks to me and not her.
I have 3 beautiful children and each time I have been pregnant she has told me to get an abortion and even offered to pay for it! If she can pay for something instead of giving love and affection then she will get her cheque book out but then tell everyone she knows how useless I am as she has had to help me out.
My father was a sadistic moron with a horrible who used to smack my brother and I about, something she says we "imagined" as she doesnt remember it! He also used to sexually abuse me when I was around 10 and she says I "imagined" this also. He left her for a younger women when I was 14 and even though I have told her about the abuse I suffered she still thinks of him as some kind of hero and makes me listen to how wonderful she thinks he is.
When I left boarding school and started to go to a local school at 16 she made me wear her old clothes and shoes and I was laughed at.... she was receiving about 2 thousand pounds a month form my father as he was very wealthy but because she had had to wear second hand clothes when she was growing up she made me do the same. I used to have blisters on my feet as the shoes were too small, but my brother wore the best she could buy and he was treated like a prince. I never resented him for it though as it was just her being mean to me.
Throughout my life she has bullied and belittled me, made fun of me if I am carrying a little extra weight in front of shop assistants, poked me, said nasty things to me about my body and made fun of my clothes.
I was in hospital after having an abdominal operation when I was 24 and she came in with some old tatty pjyamas of hers and told me to put them on, I couldnt even move as I had had major surgery and said no to which she called me an ungrateful ***** and threw them at my head, I had to get them to ask her to leave as she was being so vile.
I was so ill another time and asked her if she could come and look after me..... she complained bitterly as she had already arranged to go to her sisters golden wedding anniversary..... she turned up at my house a couple hours later I had to crawl down the stairs to let her in, my floor in my bedroom was covered in vomit, I had soiled the bed as my stomach was so bad, I hadnt eaten or drunk all day as was too ill (kids were at my ex husbands!) I was too embarrased to call friends as I had soiled myself and all she did was complain that I was "putting on her" and how dare i "put her in this situation " and "dont do this to me you make my life so difficult" she called me a selfish ***** because I crawled back up the stairs to bed and refused to make her a cup of tea and then she stormed out.
I was admitted to hospital the next day with diverticulitis and was kept in for 5 days, I have never felt so ill as I did that week. she never apologised just said to me " I dont want to talk about it, I had to go to the party"  
I could go on and on but I will get to where I am now with her.
After several disasterous relationships with bullies I have met the most adorable man who loves me and my children and he is supportive, loving, kind and I just love him to bits. I am getting married in 12 weeks and all she does is make comments and try to upset me as we have no involved her in the planning of the wedding or accepted money off her. I dont want her to spoil the day. We sent the invitations out a couple of months ago and my fiance wrote them out.... on her invitation he wrote her christian name instead of mum and she went beserk - since she received it she has complained bitterly and accused me of doing it to upset her. (My brother has not called her mum for 20 years and always refers to her by her first name),
Today she said to me that when she received the invitation she had a good mind to rip it up throw it away and say enjoy your wedding im not coming...... and all because it didnt say mum??/ I have had enough of her and today I could have done her some serious damage! When she left my house I decided that enough was enough. I suffer from low self esteem and depression which councellors have told me are because of the way she has treated me and I just cannot allow her to ruin one more day of my precious life. I am on diazepam and have panic attacks and its all because of the way she has treated me. I start hyperventilating when I see her car on the drive sometimes.
I would like her to rot to be blunt as she is the most miserable cow in existance, my children dont like her and people walk the other way when they see her coming.
I feel so much better for getting this off my chest! thank you for reading.... xxxxx

i cried when i read these posts,like myself it is so sad what everyone has had to endure through their life
ive still kept away from my mother,the more i do the stronger i get dont get me wrong there are times when
as the type of person i am there always that feeling sorry for her,but then i remember everything that she put me through
step back and think i cant do it anymore,she contacted me with a letter that i ignored and i have not heard from her since.
everyone deserves to be loved in life,not scarred with the hurt and abuse by someone a mother who was supposed to nurture and care for their children.
as long as everyone understands that what they went through was not their fault but the failing of a parent who should have being doing what a loving parent are ment to do as make you feel loved,cared for and confident.
mothers who are non loving, full of hate and which seems jealous of their children are simply not worth the bother
its hurtful yearning a mothers love,but if theres nothing there walk away and be proud.
you all like myself deserve closure to able to spend the rest of your lives in happiness and put the hurtful past in the past where it belongs.

I am 47 years old and I have been dealing with the most uneducated, lazy minded, no goal setting mother all my life.  My grandmother raised me and my brother, my mother smoked weed, drank "highballs" and even used to take me to taverns when I was a little girl.  She left us home alone when she went out drinking, smoking and partying.  I resented her for not wanting to work or go to school so she could accept food stamps and other governmental assistance.  She is angry at me and my brother because we both live far away from her. In spite of all the hardships families are facing, my borther's daughter graduated from college last year, he and his wife's kids are all college graduates, I am gainfully employed, well educated (1 undergraduate degree, 2 post grad degrees) and happy, my daughter is attending college and my son will enter college in the fall.  We all work very hard working, going to school, but my mother has nothing positive to say about any of us.  She hates my brother's wife, she hates my fiance, she complained when my daughter had an oppotunity to go to Rome last year (the terrorist are going to kill her), my kids will both be attending a 4 yr university about 500 miles away, but let my mom tell it I am pushing them out of my life, because when they leave I will no longer need a 4 BR/2BA home with almost 3000 sq ft, and I want to downsize/minimize my life expences. Granted I have been running the rat race by raising my kids without the benefit of their dad (who by the way just got out of jail and has not done much of anything to help his kids transition to young adulthood) but who in my mother's eyes is as grand as Jesus, she gave him a birthday present (he who cheated on me, left his family  when my son was 10 days old, spent 2 years in federal prison, gets out of jail and marries a woman, his 4th wife who he knew for 2 months who has  4kids/4 dads) and my mother tells me she should have thrown me in the trash when I was born.  
I honestly wish I would never have to see her again, I really don't want to say what's really on my mind but it will be a great relief to not have to see or hear from her again.

I have been trying to figure out if my mother has some sort of mental disorder. She is a very mean, jelous, hateful,spiteful person. Her older sister, which raised her from the time she was eight had the same personality. I don't know if she learned this behavior from her or if its something that runs in the family. My grandparents have both died so I don't know how they were. I am 43 yrs. old and I am afraid to become my mother, if its something thats hereditary. So far I don't think I am. I have asked my husband and kids to let me know if I become like her. I am the youngest and only daughter and I am pretty much the only one of her kids that visit her often. Now the teenage and adult grandchildren don't like to be around her, because she is so critical of everyone and everything. For example, I have three kids my son is the oldest he is in his third yr in college and is doing very well, when he asks me for money (as many college kids do) and its usually like $50 a month, my mother says why does he want money for his rent and food are paid for....I think he has a drug problem. My middle child (a daughter ) is a senior in high school and is a good kid, but my mother pretty much hates her, she will tell her that she does'nt like her hair or make-up she is just so insulting towards her. My youngest child though she does'nt insult, but she acuses me of mistreating her and not giving her the same as I do for my other children. Which is not true at all, if anything I feel like I became a better parent by the time my third child came along. What is really wierd about all of this is she compares my oldest daughter to one of her sisters which she claims my grandmother preferred and always defended and she compares herself to my youngest daughter. I believe thats why she is so hateful to my oldest daughter, but I can't explain why she is hateful towards anyone else. My mother has had this behavior as long as I can remember, but has gotten worse. She is 74 yrs. old now, but 8 yrs. ago she  accused my father of having an afair with a co-worker 30 yrs his junior. She found the woman's phone number in his pocket, but my father would comute to work with her and her husband so of course he had thier phone number. It was just unfortunate that the paper only had her name on it, but it was thier home phone number. Also where they all worked was my brother's company, so if my dad was going to have an affair, I think that would be the last place he would do that. My mother then became physically abusive towards my father. She became even more of an angry person, she would call me all the time to complain about my father. Then she started giving me explicit details of how he was with this other woman and she did not care who was listening. Sometimes I would take her to my kids games or shopping things she use to enjoy, but that would not stop her from complaining about him and ruining the day. When I would try and convince her that my dad was only friends with this woman she then turned on me and started saying I was on his side and that I was at fault for him having an affair because when I was little I would not let them have a good sex life because I would always sleep in thier bed.She then put a tape recorder in my father's car, and she claimed to have a conversation between my husband and my father checking out some woman as they were driving, it turned out they were talking about donuts, my dad was reminisen about when he used to work at a bakery as a teenager and how good those donuts were. But my mom said they were talking about how good these woman were, so she then started trying to make me believe that my husband was having an affair to. Every time she hears a situation about someone having an affair she some how puts herself in it (in her mind). My brother divorced his first wife and re-married 2 yrs later to a younger woman. She was not the cause of his divorce and he did not  know her when he divorced. But my mother hates her because she puts herself in that situation, its almost as if she thinks my brother is her husband and his wife is that other woman, that my father was supposedly having an affair with. When my kids were little and my husband and I would go out we would have her babysit, she would tell the kids we were'nt ever coming back, and she would have the children call us and call us until we would just hurry back. It was almost as though she did'nt want me and my husband to have a good relationship. She loves it if she finds out my husband and I have had an argument. She wants us all to be miserable like her.

Where do I begin? I started to realize my genetic mother did not like me and even hated me when I was just a little girl....she would force me to wear unmatching clothes to school and would never fix my hair or brush it, and she never taught us hygiene or how to wash behind our ears or how to bathe or anything...it was like ''teach yourself everything'' i always felt so bad and hated and contaminated around her..she was always talking bad about someone my whole life...turning each family member against each other because SHE had to be the source of all of the attention.....anytime you would try to ''talk with her about yourself so you could try in vain to bond with her, you were quickly shot down with stories relating to her..you finally started to realize she did not care....I got made fun of at school all of the time to the point where I would dread school. I would cry about this all the time and she would never care or show any sympathy. She would wake me up every morning and set out my disgusting outfit and then spank the %^$# out of me if I knew i would get made  fun of and not want to wear it. My hair was very fine and long and thick and would always be in a tangled mess....i would try to get it out the best i could on my own .. i would always be the one to clean the house and try to '' erase the filthiness of her nastiness'' she is so disgusting and gross...i cant even speak of the filth i have seen her live in and what we had to witness growing up...all of us kids are always making sure our houses are clean because of this..she is also a hoarder..she would punish me for cleaning and always accuse me of ''stealing her kitchenware or plastic bags or plastic bowels...''.i am also the oldest in my family and i have a younger brother who has been the ''golden boy'' also and a younger baby sister ..my brother HATED my little sister growing up and would bully her so bad she has panic attacks to this day and post traumatic stress( i would try to protect her as much as i could).. he even attacked me a few times it did not help that my mother was telling my brother to spank my sister and be the dad role after my father passed..but he was doing this to her even before then...i think he is like my genetic mother also and bi-polar...  I stopped talking to my genetic mom a few years ago...and she ''punished me'' by alienating me from the entire family...honestly she has unconsciously BLESSED ME by doing this! She uses them all as her PUPPETS ...to ''give me messages'' and try to bully me .....she has no clue how to control me anymore...i went to school against her wishes, got my certification in surgical technology and made the honor roll....oh she hated that...too  much competition!!! I finally realized not having her approval was actually a good thing and got wise to all her tactics. These women are MASTERS of psychological warfare and will do anything to torment you or others that get in theyre way...STAY AWAY from them! They will NOT change and they have no heart inside theyre chest. They are black widows..they will ''act a certain way around you'' that is torturous and makes you want to scream in horror and pain and then turn right around and act ''different, innocent and dumb blond'' around someone else to make you look like ''you are the one who is imagining things'' My poor father died over ten years ago and he was my last protection i had from her...she took full advantage of me after he divorced her because he could not take it anymore...i just found out from my aunt who is ten years older than my genetic mom that they're genetic mom WAS THE SAME WAY to her ( my aunt my aunt does not have these types  of behaviors..)....i have done research on this and im also taking a psychcology class to go on my theories that this is a genetic/hereditary disorder and there is a problem with the neurotransmitters that connect in the brain with these types of ''people''.. they dont connect right inside the brain..{ i thought this before i did my research and IRONICALLY the Doctors in these studies proved my theory to be correct} dont be afraid to look it up yourself..knowledge is GETTING your SELF ESTEEM BACK.....this is not our fault and these women should have been put in insane asylums a long time before they started having children. Our society does not have many helpful ways to deal with this and it leaves so many hurt, abused children in the dark , feeling gulity and repressed. Its time this country stops ''hiding these actions from these so called mothers'' and takes a stand!  I am not referring to the nurturing types of mothers who are actually loving...they are the ones who deserve Mothers Day...But I have made it this far and I am proud of everyone who gets away from this toxicness and realizes that they do not have to put up with that anymore...since cutting contact i am so much more happier and alot of my nervousness has gone away..my self esteem is coming back alot...i used to hypervenilate and start sweating and my heart would beat alot faster when my geneteic mom would come around me...i would go into ''protection mode'' fight or flight'' as your body will tell you that this is not a good person to be around...my sister does not fully see how crazy my genetic mom is because shes still trying to get apprroval from her and is in denial because its hard to deal with but im slowly giving her tidbits of info to hopefully free her one day...sigh i keep my fingers crossed. Lastly, hugs to all of the people who know what my situation has been like i hope you gain even more knowledge from reading my post.....on how to deal with this.. :)  feel free to leave me comments or messages...support is the best way to get thru this from others who have gone thru similiar situations..

Hi aprilanagel,i really feel for you your mother has put you through hell and back but you got to always remember that you are the better person and always will be.
i dont know if my mother has a mental ilness,or is just a spiteful,jealous nasty piece of work who has made my life an utter misery.
i have now not spoke to my mother for months and i want to leave it that way,she may have gave me life but through it with her she has done her best to beat me,put me down and make me feel worthless.
when i was about 10 years old i used to wish that someone would adopt me and i would look at the planes in the sky and wish that i was on one going to america to go and live with my lovely uncle and aunt,i just think i dreamed my life away as it helped me cope.
i wrote poems and stories to help with reality,nothing in her eyes what i did was ever good for her,i resemble my father who she split up years ago and has never forgiven and that really eats in to her,she made sure that he stayed away and i have never met him although he lives in the same town
your mother like my mother were put on this planet to love and take care of us,not put us through mental torture and anguish.
i have seen myself in such a state that i felt i was losing my mind and on the verge of a nervous breakdown
and had to go and see a councillor
my confidence through the years had always been low,remembering the mental scars from my childhood
but now with my partner and two beautiful children who i love with all my heart and soul,i am starting to put the past in the past where it belongs,without having any guilt.
nobody needs approval of a mother if she has shown nothing but contempt through the years
they dont deserve to have a daughter or sons love if they cannot give the same love and respect back.
feel free and stay free,you like everyone on this page deserve to live their life the way they want surrounded by the people you love and love you back,not ever wasting time on lost causes who should be hanging their head in shame for their horrendous parenting.
you sound and look like a lovely person,too good for the nasty negative people
so hold your head high,and get your confidence back it might take a while but as long as you know that the pain you had felt through the tough times and you have got through it,now things one step at a time can only get better.
i still get my bad days,but just knowing i have cut her from my life and she cant get to me it makes life better.
even if your mum is trying to get to you through others,just ignore and state your not interested and act if you dont care.
people like our mothers thrive on hate and misery and want to see veryone that way,if she knows you are getting on and doing good and dont need her,maybe that will make her realise she is losing her mind game battle.
so chin up and take care,we only get one shot of this life so lets make the most of it by dispersing the misery and bringing on the love,care compassion and fun with the people who love us.

Wow...stumbled upon this site out of frustration today because i have had it myself with my self-centered, nasty, bitter, hateful, jealous, OCD and Phobia-filled mom...who has driven me nuts (silently) my whole life...i'm 42 years old and i have just totally had it with her...and i feel sorry for her sometimes as she watched her whole life pass her by...no friends...and the few people that talk to her (like myself and my brother) she manages to alienate...she's just not nice and turns it on everyone else...its everyone else, she is a sane person in an insane world...and yet, i still love her and wish that we could have a normal mother/daughter relationship like several of my frends have with their mother's have...she loves to put me down in front of my friends, my own children, my neighbors...calls and screams at me at work-enough that my boss has heard her through the receivor...but it feels good to know that there are others out there who are in the same boat....that i shouldn't feel guilty for doing everything for my children, going to work every day, keeping my home clean, my husband happy, my kids happy...everything that i do she makes fun of...she never worked (and she should have - she is just above poverty level-my 45 year old brother still lives with her because she has him convinced he can't make it without her)...her house is a mess, she never let us sign up for gymnastics, baseball, etc., as she said she had no money (but had money for her self for the Clinique counter and clothing)...and thinks we don't remember this?  She is selfish, and my father left her when i was 7...i am 42 now...and have been with my husband since i'm 18...our oldest is almost finished with college and our youngest in middle school...and we are at the happiest we have ever been, still young and able to travel and do things...and my mother puts me down for that...hates that were happy...my friends have said for years that my mother is jealous of me, i never beleived it until finding this site...how could a mother be so hateful??????????  I don't get it...i love my kids to death and would never hurt them, or put them down...i'm nothing but so fond and proud of them...and i just don't understand and i try to be good with her but its never enough...she doesn't like to travel, she can't be far from her own bathroom, i could go on forever...and she puts me down for going on vacation, for going to work, for raising to great kids, for enjoying my marriage, for cleaning my home, for cooking meals from scratch 5 nights a week...and its like all the above before me...she really is jealous...and i didn't need to pay a shrink to tell me that...so glad to hear from all of you here....i feel better about myself already...and like someone else that said before  - puts you down...i have worked out for 25 years consistantly, took care of myself, and she puts me down too...today she told me i was an ugly, hateful, misreable woman who no one likes....meanwhile i have 7 best friends and countless other close friends, everyone in the family speaks to me, and to think, that when i called her today to ask her if she would like me to cook for Palm Sunday she said i don't care what you do...you can't even offer things, she's just nasty...thank God i found you people...you can relate.  Thank you.                    

I finally got some peace and freedom from reading two books. 'Boundaries' by Townsend and Cloud, and 'Surviving a Borderline Parent' (don't remember the author).  Awesome eye-openers.  When I started dating my now-husband (after my husband of 24 years left for a younger woman, and being single for 4 years, finishing school, getting a job, helping heal my children), my mom said, "This means you'll have less time to spend with me," and, "I don't have to meet him do I?"  When I arranged a Mother's Day outing for her, my daughter and myself, her response was (in a snotty tone), "Are you sure you have time for this?"  I stopped calling her.  The last year has been wonderful.  My new husband is wonderful, he adores my kids and they adore him.  We are happy and I am surrounded by emotionally healthy and supportive people now.

WOW.....there is actually someone else who has MY MOTHER...are we related? I always new I was not the only one with such a wonderful MOTHER, I gave up a long time ago, although, I still have it in the back of my mind (HOPE) she'll turn around and look at herself....at 80 years old?.... I think not!..it's Nasty in- Nasty Out....what a waste...

You should not hate her. I understand she must be a terrible woman but God himself said that the only time you should  truly hate your mother is if she forces you to not practice your religion. Of course she is a terrible mother and so you should get her a sycholagist and remember to treat her the best you can you dont want to be like her do you be as nice as you can and God will reward you for it always continue on praying for her and never stop you must beleive that God will help her for it to be true. Your mother might have been going through a horrible child hood for her to treat YOU like this she might not have been treated any better than you and having to raise her children without a husband is tough and stressful. Although i beleive she is not really an ideal mother you have to pray for her and wait.
May God be with you.

I feel so connected to all these comments above like they have been written by my brothers or sisters!  I am 46 and have had 46 years believing it was me. My elder brother chose to live on the other side of the world from our mother and has no contact with her whatsoever. Another brother "The Golden Child" lives 2 hours away from her but is weak and is manipulated by her and I the youngest (the daughter of the Narcisstic mother) lives round the corner from her.  I was married to a carbon copy of her - who promised to love and adore me but with conditions - and I survived a horrendous divorce from him.  I have 3 wonderful children who I love and adore with no conditions and vica versa and am totally committed to them.  My mother is a nasty, bitter, manipulative woman with a constant twisted look on her face.  I am petrified of her and find absolute solace being able to write this comment now.  She is jealous of me and my relationship with my children.  All my life she manipulated me into believing my father was a bad man and that he was treating her so badly. Growing up I would witness my parents arguments, screaming and shouting and she was always throwing herself on the floor or on the beds and screaming as if he was murdering her when he never came near her except to wave his finger in her face.  She is the number one Drama Queen even studying drama before she married him!  As a child I was forbidden to speak to my father as she expected me to be loyal to her and speaking to him would be going against her.  He is not with us anymore and I can only go to his graveside and ask for forgiveness in not being aware of the real situation that was happening then.  During the last few years we have had low or no contact and as the situation stands right now we have no contact at all.  My adult daughter is concerned that when my mother has gone we will be riddled with guilt so she attempted at making contact with her last week.  My mother was ofcourse delighted at this gesture but is not willing to speak to me.  This inevitably causes friction between my daughter and I although she knows my mother is a first class *****.  My daughter is now confused about what to do.  I can not believe that I am living this nightmare.  Why did it happen to me?  Why have my other girlfriends got lovely mums.  I have another friend with the same nightmare who I am just about to forward this website too.  My awakening of this narcisstic mother phenomena was the discovery of the website www.daughtersofnarcissticmothers.com.  This made me understand that I am not alone...

It is nice to know that I am not alone too. I dislike my mother intensely too. She never abused me physically but I hate how unfairly she treats me. She adores my brother and struggled for my dad's affection. But my dad being a male chauvinist is rather selfish himself. My mum was raised to be the caretaker for all her siblings and though she made alot of sacrifices for them, they were often not appreciative. My mum became very bitter because she felt that she sacrificed alot for others but was never treated fairly in the end. She then directs all the bitterness to my direction. As a kid, I tried very hard to please her but always failing. I had excellent school grades, never give her any problems, did well in my job, and still I has the one she vented on whenever life displeased her. My sister left home and went away to work and married overseas just to get away from her.

The day I decided that my mum will no longer make me feel bad for her own inadequacies, I felt much better and more liberated. I do not hesitate to tell my mum now that she is the real looser and not me. I have my success to back me up and she is nothing but a deranged old lady. I even warned her that I will leave her to my brother's care if she continues to be such a pain. My brother is a total *** because she raised him to be a spoilt selfish fool and my mom knows it.  That will put her in her place for a few days. She cannot help being a dysfunctional bitter old fool because she really doesn't know how to be better and she is not trying anyway.

My mother has no power over my well being anymore. In fact, I do not hesitate to tell her off the consequence for her if she pisses me off enough. I will avoid her and leave her to my brother who she loves more anyway. I still get very annoyed when I see her pandering to my brother and dad and they take her totally for granted and yet, she cannot wait to load me with all the burden she has because of them. I walk away alot and that drives her nuts.

I know I cannot change my mother, I can only change my reaction to her nonsensical behavior and not spoil her or give her any power over me. Not needing her approval anymore is really the best step to taking most of the power she has over me back.

I would love to have a caring, sweet and encouraging mother. But since I don't, I look at the positive side of all this. If I had a really nice mother and I lost her (which most of us will eventually face --death of our parent), I will be so sad and devastated. But having a mum like mine, her death in due time would be only a release, comfort and relieve for me. There is always a good side even to a bad thing.

My goodness, it is overwhelming to read all of your stories.

I’m 39, my mother is 60 and I’ve been living with her and my step-dad for the last year after I lost my job.  I’m single with no children and have devoted most of my adult life to my career, so being unemployed, losing everything and moving from the city back to my hometown after 20 years has been totally devastating to me.  I’ve had my share of dark days during this time, but I work very hard to stay positive. I understand this is the key to survival.

The first thing I noticed after living with her for a few months was that she is totally isolated – no friends, no social activity at all.  Her day is filled with chain smoking and popping Bendryl while watching TV for hours and hours, running to the grocery store for wine and food, then back home to the TV, then she drinks and takes sleeping pills, reads for a few hours and then falls asleep (passes out, more likely). Everything she does is to numb herself.

If any of you have ever been around an addict, you know the extraordinary breadth of excuses that they use to justify their behavior. She never socializes b/c she’s paranoid of running in to my birth father’s family. They accost her and make her feel bad, apparently, since I have no relationship with any of them and have never met my real father. She can’t quit smoking b/c she’s under so much stress it would aggravate and worsen her stomach/allergy/gall bladder/blood pressure/thyroid problems.  She drinks $250 bottles of wine b/c she needs to manage her stress. She takes sleeping pills so she won’t dream b/c she has chronic nightmares. She won’t see a therapist b/c they are just trying to milk her for money. She won’t walk around the block for exercise b/c it’s too dangerous (they live in a upper-middle class cul-de-sac). She's estranged from her Father b/c he started dating after my grandmother died, which just justifies her claim that he always treated both her and my mother poorly and without respect. Basically, she is a perpetual victim. To my surprise, I’ve found this suits my Dad just fine. He’s a perpetual rescuer.

A recent business deal that my Dad was involved with has left them with a stable, but not particularly lucrative, retirement plan and this seemed to spark in her the deepest level of bitterness and resentment I’ve ever seen. When she does speak, it’s only to scoff or belittle in the most cynical way. She railroads ALL topics back to money – more specifically, how she can never have anything nice enough or go anywhere nice enough. If you saw the inside of this women’s house, closet or jewelry cabinet you would laugh at the absurdity. Especially since she just returned from a $3000 a week beach vacation.

That being said, her more recent behavior is starting to negatively affect me and I don’t know how to handle it. More importantly, I am incredibly worried about her. Her words and attitude are so cutting and bitter that I’m just in shock by the things she says. I find it increasingly difficult to keep my own positive outlook in check. I’m worried that she’ll get stuck this way. And I’m worried that if I can’t deal with her ****, that I’ll too easily slip in to a depression since I’m in the midst of the darkest time of my own life.  I have no health insurance, so I don’t have a psychologist on the back burner ready to step in if need be.

I need some practical advice on how to deal with this. My instinct is to avoid her – which has worked ok, but I can only stay alone in my room for so many days at a time before I start to come unraveled myself. My support system of friends are 800 miles away in the city and I am just totally lost and at my wits end. I honestly just cannot handle her on top of everything else. Life is too short.

I hate my mother. She's a hateful, miserable slag.

I too have a hateful spiteful nasty Mother or as I like to call her my Egg donor. She was never "Motherly" growing up. I am 27 years old now. I have a 4 year old daughter that I love more than life itself. Recently I've been going through a really hard time. I tried to lean on my Mother for advice and support, however she lashed out at me instead while calling me names and telling me never to talk to her again. It is impossible for me to ever do right in her eyes. She hates my boyfriends, puts me down, takes very little interest in my daughters life, basically tells me I will never fix my life because I have ruined it by having my daughter at age 23. My daughters father (my fiance) is currently in prison for violation of his probation...and she holds everything he's done agasint me as well. She calls me stupid for standing by him and being supportive. I started going back to college 2 weeks ago and have been working really hard to pass all my classes, She tells me I won't make it through to be a nurse and I may as well accept myself as a failure already. She didn't even come to the hospital when i had my daughter until 3 days afterward. I went into premature labor at 7 months and I am lucky to even be alive today. She knew I was very sick during my pregnancy while I still held down 2 jobs to scrape by...I almost died having my daughter not to mention it's a miracle she survived as well. She was 3 lbs at birth and she's never even held or babysat her still til this day. She doesn't ever call me unless it has something to do with cats...since she rescues cats and owns 13 of them. She spends thousands of dollars montly on her precious cats but yet cannot give my daughter and I a roof or any sort of help when we need it. I have only asked for help from her 1 time and she holds that against me claiming I didn't appreciate it and she won't ever do it again. She begged me to have an abortion when i first found out I was pregnant. She basically resents me for having my daughter. Growing up she married my step father who was abusive and she never took part in my school functions as a kid and her mothering me or my sister was non existent. She told me yesterday she wants to be rid of me. I just don't understand her. My father died 3 years ago and she claims he raped her and that's how I was born. She didn't even put his name on my birth certificate. I know my Dad did not rape her. There are too many people who I run into all the time who tell me countless stories about how they used to hang out with both my parents when they lived together and were obviously in a relationship. I also have pitures of them together. I cannot stand her lies and they are very hurtful. She looks down on my Dad and talks nasty about him still after his passing. She showed little emotion after his passing and told me to get over it already shortly after his passing. My sister even tells me she remembers my Mother leaving us locked up by ourselves in her and my dads apartment at toddler age while she went and had fun or did whatever she wanted. She obviously never wanted to be a parent which brings me to ask myself why she even had children in the first place. I've tried many times to get her to open up to me...and it is like talking to a brick wall. She will buy me clothes but yet she will not come see me or my daughter....she divorced my step father when i was 14 and quickly married another one. Thank God he is actually a nice guy who doesn't abuse her or us. Actually it's the other way around now...she shows no affection to my new step father...everyone can tell that she is only with him for his money. She shows very to little care for him as well. I don't understand how she can refer to my ex step father as abusive and hurtful...but yet she has turned out to be just like him. Why does she hate me? I will never understand her or do right in her eyes. The list of hurtful vindictive things goes on and on. I have been out of her house since I graduated high school. I pay for my own things...support my daughter on my own....and she still can't give me any respect. I pray and pray for her and she shows little to no change at all. If I confront her even in the very nicest way on her issues to find out why she does the things she does....she only points the finger at me and shows her hatered for me by saying more mean spiteful things. Girlfriend....your story is no stranger to me. I can totally relate. My mother is the most selfish person I've ever met and I am so glad I am not like her nor will I ever treat my daughter or other people this way. I am glad I found your story....it gives me comfort knowing I am not alone. Just keep your head up and take it a day at a time. The Serenity Prayer comes to my head everytime I think of my Mother. Just take it a day at a time....that's all we can do.

Thanks,
Jennifer

Amazing that this thread was started over three years ago and just keeps going.  I'm not posting my own horror story yet, but I will say that I appreciate everybody's stories on this board.  My mother is pretty mean in her own right and has destroyed relationships with her parents, siblings, husbands, and me.  I used to feel really guilty about it, that maybe there was something wrong with me.  But I finally came to the realization that I had done what I could to keep the relationship going, but she wouldn't have any of that.  My wife despises her, and my wife's the nicest person I've ever met.  But thank you to all for posting.  These posts have made me feel less alone and I realize that a lot of people have gone through what I have--and worse, for that matter.

Somebody said that these mothers are "energy vampires".  I couldn't agree more!

After reading all of these comments ,its like there is really people out there that can make the name Mom,or Mother not a good thing ?. My story is this my mother is bitter ,hateful and she cant stand for anyone to be happy or she will find the negative in it . I felt bad for her for a long time ,due tro she lost 3 children ,one from cancer ,one was still born and one of double pnemonia .I was the only one left from the first batch she had and during those years she was with an abuser ,alcoholic,and cheater .Then after my brother died it was just me and her .I thought she was going to leave my dad but OH no she stayed with him and had 2 more children even though he cheated on her during the time my brother was dying and the lady came to confront her . So lets fast forward 34 years ,now my dad has not hit in these years ,he has been sober for 4 and he is the best grandfather,great grandfather in the world .The problem is she cant forget what he did to her and not only that she cant stand for him to help us in any way kids,grandkids,or greatgrandchildren .I have tried to talk to her and she wont listen .
All I can say is that we have to pray for our mothers if they are abusive in any way then stay away from them . I call my mother about 3 times a year which she lives only 15 min away from me . As an adult I wont repeat her cycle and that is something we should all do soone day this wont happen to anyone of our next generation .God bless you all and he is the only one that can fil the mother void  

i have made the mistake of speaking to my mother after 6months as i gave in to her plea's to go and see her i thought i could be stronger but i folded,now i wish i hadent.
it was ok at first,her trying to be nice,but now evertime i phone her i come of the phone depressed,its all about her and how unhappy her life is and how she is stuck in her home and all her health problems'which are exaggereted'i suggest she gets out and about but she refuses,she talks about the neighbours and brings up the past and how she is the victim as always,but forgets what she put my siblings and i through,she is in self denial constantly,she does no wrong.

i phoned her today and all she went on about my sister and her family'who never spoke to her for years'in how great they are, with no mention of my family as if she was trying to make me jealous,which in no way i would be i have no problem with my sister,other times she puts her down and i stick up for her and you can hear the resentment in her voice as she wants to play everyone against each other.
my stomach is churned with her over the years,she makes no effort to help herself and puts a stop to anyones suggestions,its like hitting your head agianst a brick wall.
although my gran who has been dead for over 3 years,my mother still go's on about how she did this and that for my gran forgetting others like myself or my grans neighbour who helped her also.
she still moans and puts my gran down who was lovely.
she also put down my grans neighbour who is also a friend of mine every time she can,my grans neighbour would help with her shopping and made her breakfast and dinner and was very good to her yet my own mother would go up to see my gran once in a blue moon,then cast up everthing she done for her.
my mother is a manipulater,like to manipulate everyone,but does not care much for others feelings she has caused a lot of trouble through the years and is only happy when everyone is unhappy.
i cant bring myself to visit her and all her negative energy she spills out,ive told her im not on a phoneline or have a mobile because i had to cut of landline before,she has offered me a mobile phone so she can get in touch and says she wont phone all the time,i took it before and ended up getting pestered all the time,with her moaning and nastiness,that was the last time 6 months ago,i dont have any soloutions in how to deal with her anymore, feel if im here as a battering ram for all her problems,she forgots that other people have problems themselves.
she is like a jeykal and hyde character,i still have nighmares about her and they scared me,sounds stupid coming from a 44 year old woman but that the way she has got me over the years,now although i feel more of a person things always come back to haunt me,like when she threw a fork at me when i was 11 years old and it stuck in my neck or the beatings and name calling,i feel for everyone of you on here,you have all went through so much.
i dont know why i still speak,its like out of duty but i think the next falling out will be the end of the realtionship once and for all,i feel angry for folding:(
the other week i bought the books a ' a child called it' and 'the lost boy' by david pelzer and to read what he went through made me cry so much,there are all types of abuse that most of us have experienced and should never have had to but we have,but i hope we can all try and come out a bit stronger.

I cannot thank you all enough, i truly thought my mother was the only 'one'.  If any of you have read the Harry Potter books her grand-children describe her as a dementor, sucking all the good out of life.  

I recently remarried and am finally happy and loved for the first time since my grandparents died.  My mother is so bitter and twisted that she is still on day one from when my father 'left' her 35 years ago.  In fact I have had intensive counselling over a period of 6 months about my relationship with both my parents, at the end of the time my therapist said, 'it's so sad, you are an orphan whose parents are still alive'.  I actually found great comfort in this, I was finally able to distance myself from both of them, one violent, the other bitter and nasty.  My new husband is my joy and we now have a beautiful family of 5 children (24, 22, 21,19 and 16) with our first grandchild on the way.  I WILL NEVER be like my own mother, so be strong - don't let these evil women (and men) dictate your lives.  Love is out there, and as the saying goes 'anyone can be a mother, but it takes real love to be a mum'.

I can relate......I am the middle of 5 kids, I have an older 1/2 brother, a sister on each side and a younger brother....My history with my mother is this, in a nutshell........
Mom married at 16, in 1952.....she was divorced (gasp) with a young son in 1956.  She finds a nice man from a respected family and latches on, marries him and has 4 kids in 6 years with this man (my dad) to secure her future.  If she could have had my older sister and younger brother alone, she would have been a tolerable miserable.  But, as she says "birth control wasnt like it is now, back then" so she had me and another girl between her two most prized children..my sister and I were just a way to get to THE prize..a SON...this meant she could stop being a brood mare.
I inherited my maternal grandmothers hideous asthma.  Adolescent onset that has grown progressively worse.  When I was in high school, I would have blue nailbeds and purple lips....BUT BY GOD....those dishes had to be done. I had to sit in a chair to dry dishes because I didnt have the strength to stand.  Then the verbal abuse and comments.  Its about the same as all the previous stories so I wont bore you guys...my dad was a smaller part of this relationship but he ran his mouth too.  
I turned 50 this year....my 'status conscious' mother found a mealticket after dad died.  She has a big, fancy house and  a big fancy car.....and a nasty, mean and hateful housemate.  This ******* turned on me (for no reason I am aware of).. verbally abusive and insulting.  A light went on in my head as I told my mother "If he comes to my house, I will call the police.....If you have family gatherings, have a good time..I wont be there.....I will not be treated that way by him"  She called a few days later and said this man could do 'that electrical job' I was needing done.  I said I would hire somebody.  SHe got pissy and said "electricians are cheap"........like its ok to treat me that way and just get over it...but then again, SHE did...so why not somebody else?  No....I am done.  Shes been sweet as pie trying to work back in and patch things up....No......I am done.....and she can remove her *** to her personal address in hell.  This is MY house.

This is the first time I have ever read anything like this!! I have always felt so alone carrying the hurt of an unloving nasty, bitter mother who cannot get on with anyone.....she has successfully split the whole family. My parents migrated to another country before I was born ( she didn't get on with my fathers family) so I never knew my relatives. Growing up alone having to balance three cultures ( they wouldn't accept the new culture they lived in) and a father who was a fanatical christian who felt sorry for my orphaned mother, that's why he married her because he believed it would give him a first class ticket to heaven. These two people thought they were fit to be parents and even wanted at least 6 children!! I think God somehow intervened, they had six children but only two survived the lucky ones are in heaven already. I was the eldest and only child for 8 years before my sister came along. I remember most of that time being alone, playing alone with my dog and never going near the house unless it was lunch or dinner time. My schooling was a nightmare, kids were always teasing me probably because i was different( not blonde and blue eyed)  I never felt that I could tell my parents what was going on in my life so i kept quiet. Even though i was brought up a christian there was no love in our household, my parents to this day (I am 52) have never said they loved me nor did they ever acknowledge me as a person with feelings, my mother would lie to him about me so that i would get a beating, i am sure that he beat me out of frustration with her at times. Sometimes she would have to stop him because he would go too far and she would feel remorse but she would never show that remorse to me. Eventually my father gave up and allowed her to get the upper hand, she wore him down with her complaining and constant debt. By the age of 10 i had created stomach ulcers and my father became more distant and religious, he preached to me about the fires of hell and that life was all about suffering there was no mention of a loving or compassionate God. He would point out the starving children on television and make me feel guilty for my life and as if it were my fault. By the time I was in high school they had both done quite a bit of emotional and physical damage. They took away the things I loved that had meaning for me as punishment and I never saw them again. My mother lied and accused me of everything she could think of, they ruined any friendships I had and poisoned the people I loved against me. My mother used me as her personal whipping pole and off loaded all her problems on to me, no matter what I did to help her it was never good enough. I never felt loved or worthy of anything, by this time they had adopted 2 boys, ( another ticket to heaven) this was a big mistake, i loved them as my own even though my parents thought more of them than me. My sister and my first brother were treated differently than me, I don't remember them being punished as I was. My parents had such insurmountable expectations of me that i could never reach. When i was sixteen I fell in love and for the first time felt love back but it was not to last as my mother put a stop to that, after this and many other hurtful situations that i was blamed for but never did i left home. My mother told every person that I loved dearly what a bad and terrible person i was    
so I was alone and shortly after, my family moved 2000 kilometers away without telling me, this was my fault as well because they couldn't hold their heads up, later I was told the real reason that they moved was because they could no longer afford the house payments (too much debt) and wanted to go to a warmer climate. I ended up having a child at 18 and my mother sent me a card saying " I hope he gives you more happiness than you ever gave us", ( by the way I believe I look like my fathers mother who she hates). My mother had more ammunition now and could tell everyone how rotten I was especially to the church congregation. I had no choice in the end but to follow my parents and face the people at church because one condition of coming home was I had to attend church every Sunday, I also had to attend a youth church group where I was further humiliated because I was a single mother. My father would not stop preaching to me and my mother would not stop off loading and complaining about everyone and everything, you see my nature was to listen I never got a word in edge wise. Another condition was that I meet and marry a man from our church, I did meet a man and marry him eventually. They kicked me out of the house one day purely because I went camping with the youth group and could not go to confession!!! Stupid me thought all this was my fault so again and again I went back for more of the same. I even made my husband bow to their will simply to keep the peace, he tried to tell me that it was not normal but I wouldn't listen. What i write here is just the icing on the cake but I would have to write a book and i haven't got time for that. The first wake up call was when I found that after a car accident I could no longer travel in a car without terrible panic attacks, I couldn't drive either so I was house bound more or less, my parents would visit every few days or so and my father would preach to me about hell and my mother would off load all medical ills and there were many etc. I would as usual sit and listen taking it all on board. I developed more panic and lost a lot of weight due to a feeling of a lump in my throat, I could not eat, sleep or go out. I went from one therapist after another to no avail however one did tell me to go and visit my parents and speak to them, bring it out into the open!! Yeah, right easier said than done. Eventually i decided to pluck up the courage, my husband went with me, we arrived and I tried to say something but nothing came out, my head was screaming....tell them YOU LOVE them, but I froze..... the words would not come out, so we left, of coarse they were too full of themselves to even notice that it was a week day and my husband should have been at work!! ( Lucky no one died....) So a few weeks later i decided to ask my father to come visit, he never went anywhere without my mother but I thought that I could get a word in easier with him, to my surprise he agreed. Eight hours and 40 cigarettes later I still hadn't got through to him. I explained that I needed a Dad a Dad that would show interest in me and his grandchildren and would stop preaching about hell and the end of the world because I could not get past the fear it was causing me, I couldn't live like this any more and my family was being affected as well they didn't have a fully functioning mum or wife. I asked if mum could show more interest in me and support me a little ( I had 3 young children by this stage) with no help being house bound is not easy. When my father left he acted as though he finally understood, my husband took him home, they were even laughing and joking. I did not expect what was coming, a few days later it was my youngest son's 3rd birthday, there was not even a phone call so i rang, I asked whether they had forgotten, my mother said no, she also said that it was clear to her that they were no longer welcome in our home and wanted nothing to do with us or the children ever again!!!! This blew me away, I could not believe it. To this day i do not know if it was my father who instigated this decision or my mother. That day was a turning point for me, my panic attacks got so bad I could not leave the house without my husband for the next 13 years. The isolation, the panic, the rage and sadness that me and my family had to endure WAS NOT WORTH IT, it has taken me years to get over and I will never be completely over it. They took my sister with them, my youngest brother is a hopeless drunk in and out of prison and my other brother has a wife who is now in the thick of things causing waves as well. I have had to wipe the whole family for my own survival. There was nothing I would not have done for my parents, even now that they are ailing I sometimes think about looking after them but i can't, my mother is more bitter and nastier than ever before and my father has found peace in dementia I hope. I wrote this for others so that they don't have to go through years of suffering and guilt for nothing and it does flow over to the next generation!!! My saying is "the buck stops here" to a certain extent it did but I couldn't stop all of it, my children have been damaged as well. I loved my parents deeply and still do but they cannot be in my life. It was the hardest decision to make, years after that phone call my mother tried to contact me through my sister, I refused to speak to her because I could never trust her with my heart ever again. If people are mistreating you don't put up with it, if they don't want to change or look inside themselves leave them alone, don't waste your life like I did, IT'S NOT WORTH IT........ they don't care because they don't have the feelings that we have. My mum was an orphan her parents gave her away during the war they did not die. However you would think that she would cherish her own child, I do understand but it's not my fault and she had no right to take it out on me and ruin not one but several lives.
God bless everyone and I hope that you find peace within yourself

I am so relieved to know I am not the only one with a toxic mother! the problem is not only my mother but my two siblings and my father. Starting with my bipolar father who has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on his young girlfriends and helped himself to 8 thousand of my money while I was struggling as a single mother of two working full time and going to school full time. My mother always wished she has aborted me, she favors my middle sister and my younger sister to me. She physically/mentally/verbally abused me all my life. In her eyes I was always ugly while the people around me always complimented me on how beautiful I looked. I had green eyes and  blond hair a petite and very shy. But my sister (her favorite daughter) was impolite, taller than me full or rage backstabbing and no compassion She even got pregnant from a married man but in my mom's eye's it was okay since she is her favorite. My mom never had a friend and never let me have a friend. There was always something wrong with my friends in her eyes. Several years ago I told her that her cousin-who is also her sister's husband! sexually abused me when I was a very young girl and she still defends him!!! She has given my sisters who happen to have alot of money so much money and presents but always have taken from me. She lies and talks behind my back to my sisters and talks behind their backs to me! Our family at this point are not talking to each other. She has taken my jewelry and gold coins and given them to my sister, her favorite daughter! The saddest part is I am 40 years old. It took me 40 years to realize how vicious and sick my mom/family are. My daughters are so sensitive when the subject comes up! I was born in Iran and moved here when I was 20. Although my mom lived half a world a way she caused my divorce and everything I have lost. When I gave her a final ultimatum two years ago that she can not keep opening her mouth and say nasty lies, she is too old for that she has to learn to become a good positive person specially at her age, and that her family should at least be able to learn something from her and respect her not get mad at her lies all the time. She has stopped talking to me because of what I told her so calmly. She said some lies to my sister(her favorite daughter) about me and she consequently called my ex husband and threatened to come and kill all of us!!!! I had to call the police. I feel terrible that my daughters here will never experience any love from their aunts or their grandma' or grandpa'. I have been experiencing terrible anxiety disorder , constant panic attacks and been battling with depression since I was very young. Although half a world away but the pain is as strong. Wish all of you the best of life and happiness and more than everything peace of mind

Thank-you for your comments, that I am not the only one! I am going through a hard divorce and am stuck in another country. My goal was to have the perfect family, as my childhood was not so good. I love my children and am trying to make the best of it. My husband ran off with another woman a year ago, after a 12 year marriage . My mother, rather than support me writes me a two page email kicking me down. I really think she has a disorder. Her email is more hate mail, pulling things up from all areas of the past and changing the facts. You try to find the balance with them for years... I guess she is what she is.

I have the same mother that each of you describe.  It's always "well, what if you were me, what about me, look at me, woe is me, ME ME ME!!"  That's all I hear.  It is always someone elses fault.  Why is everyone against me??  She always asks these same questions.  She is so unhappy and makes me miserable with her.  I try really hard not to talk to her more than once a week because it is a 2 to 3 hour conversation about how miserable she is.  If I try to help, she always asks "why do you take up for the other person"?   I am not taking up for anyone, just trying to help her see the positive side.  I am an only child and my parents divorced right before I got married, 23 years ago.  She was bitter at everyone before the divorce; but wow I ddn't realize someone could become even more bitter.  Everything, I mean everything, in her life is horrible to hear her tell it.  Granted it, this is not just a poor me situation, this is a hateful, mean spirited situation.  Yelling, cursing and all the above.  She despises helping to take care of her mother.  She keeps asking, why is she still here, what's her purpose?"  I try to explain that God has a plan.  She always questions God as well.  I am really tired of trying to explain to her.  I know I would have so much more peace in my life if I didn't have to deal with her misery.  I wish I had the nerve to never talk to her.  With my grandmother still living, I help with her from time to time and that would be so awkward with my mom there too and not talk to her.  I have no one but me to take the blunt of my mother's wrath.  I pray everyday that peace be brought to me by not having her in my life.  I have also caught my mother in lies.  Something I would have got in trouble with.  I would have dared to lie to her.  She lies so many times.  It must be the illness that comes with her issues.  I know she is mentally ill that makes her this way; but I am tired of making excuses for her.  I have to hide what I do from her because if she knows  I talk to my dad she gets mad.  If I talk to his sister, she gets mad.  If I talk to my inlaws, she gets mad.  So you can imagine how mad she stays.  I am tired of being mad at me all the time.  Granted, I am 44 years old, not 10.  I wish I had the answers.  I could go on, but I will stop here.  Thanks for reading.

All I can say is wow. My mom has always been manipulative and she is the type of person that thinks she cannot to wrong. She has never gotten along with Amy girl I have brought home and things are no different now that I am married. Things got worse when her first grandson was born. She is obessesive of him. Over the course of his first year we did dinner with my parents almost every week and went on two vacations with them but somehow that wasn't enough. Everytime we would turn down an invite to something,whether because we were busy or just tired from a busy week I got the guilt trip. It began to affect my marriage so I stood up for my family and told my mother dinner once a week and that's it. She thinks she can just come get the grandkids anytime she wants though and the anger my comment caused her sent her I to a frenzy. She began slitting her wrists in front of me. On top of that my dad called my wife a psycho and said she has brainwashed me to her face. We have cut them off now for 6 weeks and the guilt is starting to affect me. I know I am just protecting my family but if anyone has any encouragement I would greatly appreciate it. I would also appreciate any. Prayer you can offer.

My mother is exactly like this, she demanded my email password so she could spy on me, she reads my text messages, doesn't trust me. She screams at me for everything I've ever done wrong in my entire life everytime she gets angry. I'm student gov vp, class officer and a good student. I work hard all the time, remodeled the living room for her, bought her a new couch and she still treats me like **** calling me horrible names, I'm doing so much in school babysit a special needs kid after school everyday, am doing my lazy younger siblings science fair projects, organizing home coming and senior prom but I'm "a lazy ungrateful *****"? I buy everything  I need or my siblings want because I know my parents don't have the money, I bought everyone a nice Christmas present that they wanted or needed. My little sister's furniture is falling apart and I bought her new furniture all from MY babysitting money that I was saving for college. I'm not an argumentative person at all, my mother is ALWAYS right even when she's wrong. She forgets things all the time and yells at me for" not telling her about a meeting I have to go to.(I'm a girl advisor to the board of gsep as well) I can't talk to her or try to explain to her at  all. If I walk away after she yells at me with even the smallest amount of anger or frustration she screams at me for that.  I got blamed for a mess in the hallway that wasn't me( remodeled that too) for the first time I screamed back and said it wasn't me. She dragged me by my hair and hit me, I fought back for once and then she screamed at me some more and pretended I didn't exist for a week and threw things at me. She appears to be the perfect mother but she's crazy. She idolizes me older sister who almost moved out with her boyfriend last year and stole 300 dollars from me to do it which I never got back. My mom never made her repay me and of course my sister is in college now, she went on shopping sprees with her friend before college so she's broke, I gave her money, bought most of the stuff in her college dorm for her but when I visited she got upset because I sat on her bed. My mother of course doesn't see anything wrong with her even though my sister's a ****. I don't know what I'm doing wrong... there are times when my mother and I can actually talk but all she talks about is how much if a dissapiontment my dad is. It's gotten really bad lately I've considered reporting her for child abuse but she only does this to me not my siblings so I would screwup their lives. My mom is actually threatening to not fill out fasfa for me for college and is hanging it over my head I don't know what to do with her.

I am SO glad I found this thread, I am 49 YO and have been dealing with my mothers mood swings my whole life, she is fine one minute then does what I call "flipping the switch", she gets depressed, mean, nasty, vindictive and she can carry this on for weeks, she's 74 and it gets worse as she gets older. I need advice!!! she usually targets my 15YO son because she knows better than to go toe to toe with me because I will tell her the way it is and my son is scared of her when she gets like this she has always done this but now that he's almost 16 I think if I'm not around and she gets like this with him he should speak up for himself, I don't want him to be disrespectful but I don't want him to be her punching bag either, and she gets NASTY, she will lie to get him in trouble, I've talked to her many times about this very thing, fought with her, cut her off for months. We built her in apartment in our home because she is getting older and her health isn't so good and she is alone. When she's great she's great but when she morphs into mega b***h she is almost inhuman. Like I said, she will lie to get him in trouble and I can decipher whether he was in the wrong or not, she thinks she's slick but she's really not and I've caught her in many lies. Anyway, should my son speak up? maybe tell her, "no offense nana but it's mom's job to raise me, let her worry about it" or something to that effect. Also, her apt. is separate from us except for the screened in back porch, she can go out her sliding door, walk across it and be at our sliding door, I'm thinking maybe we should wall that off so we have part of the screened in porch and she has part but she cant just walk across, she may get mad but at this point I dont care, we put in a nice entrance door for her and she rarely uses it, my intent was to have completely separate living quarters, she is capable of doing for herself. I want us to live as though we were neighbors in an apt building. Sorry, long winded, any advice? Thanks

Hello! I am only 24 so I haven't experienced the many years of horror as most people on this site I have experienced a nasty mother if you could call her a mother! It breaks my heart I try so much to talk to her! See her have conversations with her normal mother and daughter stuff! This however falls on deaf ears I am once again rejected sort of like being spat at then stood on like I mean nothing! To make matters worse she treats her own mother (my nanna the lady who raised me) in this way refusing do even do a simple task as the dishes and will sit down after a day of nothing as she dosen't work and leave nanna to do the dishes!!!her attitude is disgusting! Thus changes when she is around friends she seems to be sweet and so nice never
have a bad word to say bout me then they leave and it begins...
I am nearly there now have bought a house with
my partner and shall leave any week it's far away so no unexpected visits and for the many years of crying wishing I had a better mother, one who would love me as much as I love her! I can finally
stop and leave without any regrets that I don't need someone who is nasty and on a self destruction war against family iny life! It's my future and choose it with my partner and my fur family surrounded by love and happiness! No more bitterness no more mother no more stress my life, my family is more important!!!
The one positive I can see is that I will know how to be a better mother to my own children so they can appreciate life and more importantly themselves!!!

Hello! I am only 24 so I haven't experienced the many years of horror as most people on this site I have experienced a nasty mother if you could call her a mother! It breaks my heart I try so much to talk to her! See her have conversations with her normal mother and daughter stuff! This however falls on deaf ears I am once again rejected sort of like being spat at then stood on like I mean nothing! To make matters worse she treats her own mother (my nanna the lady who raised me) in this way refusing do even do a simple task as the dishes and will sit down after a day of nothing as she dosen't work and leave nanna to do the dishes!!!her attitude is disgusting! Thus changes when she is around friends she seems to be sweet and so nice never
have a bad word to say bout me then they leave and it begins...
I am nearly there now have bought a house with
my partner and shall leave any week it's far away so no unexpected visits and for the many years of crying wishing I had a better mother, one who would love me as much as I love her! I can finally
stop and leave without any regrets that I don't need someone who is nasty and on a self destruction war against family iny life! It's my future and choose it with my partner and my fur family surrounded by love and happiness! No more bitterness no more mother no more stress my life, my family is more important!!!
The one positive I can see is that I will know how to be a better mother to my own children so they can appreciate life and more importantly themselves!!!

My mother has been miserable since the day she married my Dad.  12 kids later, the woman is pissed off.  Her lack of love for me resulted in vrey many poor decisions in my life.  I used to absolutely hate her guts, and I still don't love her.  However, I have made an effort to care and provide for her.  When she acts up, I create distance and stay the hell away.  Unlike my father who made an effort to seek forgiveness for his mistakes in creating this mess, my mother never has.  She will be 81 in December.  It's unlikely she will seek forgivness.  I have accepted this and have tried to move on.  Just left her house, because she was sitting at the kitchen table with a snarl on her face.  God bless her.  I wouldn't want her life.  

I seriously love you all for posting these comments. My mom is also TERRIBLY BITTER! I just 20 years old and I tell you that I have not yet gotten to experience a good childhood. I mean, she was so nice to me and my brother when we was little ones but when age 13 came, she treated us like dirt. Calling us the most terrible names, spewing this venomous acid of anger and hate towards us. We never got in trouble, we made good grades and many other moms and adults loved us! No one has ever blamed us for being disrepectful because we are respectful to everyone. Goodie goodie 2 shoes was what we was known by because we never got in trouble. I mean, come on, it's so rare to find those types of teenagers today! We pay for her house and for her bills (she's unemployed and she does not want to find a job) I'm a loving Christian and I love God!

The sad part is that my mom claims to be Christian but she act so contrary to what the Bible says. I don't blame God for her being that way because He clearly says not to be that way. I've made constant prayers to God and cried out to Him but this particular one never gets answered. He answered many of my other prayers so I wondered why He isn't answering this one. But then, I thought about it. God gives us all the freedom of choice and because He does this, He does not FORCE my mother to change her ways. I find that the reason why this prayer isn't being answered is because my mom is so self-righteous and so bitter that she has closed herself from ever wanting to be changed. She simply will not allow God to change her because she feels that she is this ultra holy saint who make no flaws. She is not humble like Jesus is, she is prideful as Satan is.

I don't blame God at all for her hateful attitude. I ONLY blame her and her alone. I pray that one day, just one, she will learn. I fear for her salvation and I worry about if she will even make it to heaven. It's one thing if she was a athiest or didn't know better, but she knows the Word and she CLAIMS to be Christian. I just can't understand! Please friends, don't blame our Great and Merciful Father for our moms' ignorance. Just pray and wait for a chance to escape from it all. God bless my friends and hang in there.

All I can say is that I can relate to everyone here.  My mom is 76 and cannot go one day without creating a reason to argue, yell, scream, blame me for something, etc. etc. etc.  Today, I had enough.  After years of this abusive ****, I had enough.  Though I'm unemployed and can't get away from her, I'm going to find a way.  I want to leave this ***** to wallow in her own self-pity and stop bringing me down with her.  Like everyone here, she cannot see that she's the problem.  I could be as quiet as a church mouse and I would still be blamed for what's wrong in her world.  I've finally realized that she is beyond help.  Soon, I hope to be rid of this toxic woman and never see her again.  I need some peace in my life.  It's about time she realizes that she's not going to **** on me anymore.  

i can honestly say that i know my mother does not like me,she pretends to as she is manipulitive and likes tto play each family against each other,if im not speaking to her she will put me down to the rest of teh family,and its the other way about.
i phoned her yesterday to ask how she was keeping as i have not done for a while and felt better,soon as she picked up the phone my stomach churned,all she could go on about was herself,how bad her life is,she never asked for one moment how my children,her grand kids were,she the started to bad mouth members of the family,i think she was hoping i was going to start talking about them too,but i wasent rising to her bait,she is so selfish i could hardly get a word in to speak
she resent everything i say,walks over the good things myself and family have done and only ever interested in listening to her own voice and problems.
i said at the start that i know my mum doesant like me,to tell you the truth about her through the years ive grown to despise her and now merely tolerate her.
ive seen her at her nastiness and its not a nice picture,she would cheat and lie as long as it made her look good not caring how it affects others,reading all these stories make me feel im not alone and all of you have my sincere sympathies having to put up with such pain and grief all unleased by vile mothers who are supposed to care.
they make us out their victim and act like a victim themselves,the best thing to do is distance ourselves and concentrate on our own lifes and families,our mothers may have given us life but it doesant mean they have the right to destroy it.
take care everyone

This sight has been a lot of help to me, I never realized so many others had mothers like mine.  I have dealt with a mean old mother for years.  I made the choice to never have any communication, but guess that will never be possible.  My mother is definitely mentally sick.  I just found my brother dead the 13th of Nov. 59 years old.  There is 4 of us grown kids, me the only female.  My other 2 brothers had been very ugly to my brother when he was homeless, just out of heart surgery, a year ago.  My mother also was mean & hateful 2 him, & told him 2 weeks before he died she wished she had never had him, & he loved her & wanted her to love him, he would have taken care of her no matter what.  My mother let my 2 brothers & her husband handle my brothers arrangements.  Cremation, no obituary, no service, no nothing. Dead, the end.  The good lord gave me and my husband 4 great months with him, so I know God loves me and prepared me the best he could.  I swore I would never speak to my mom again, & Sunday before lunch she was beating on our front door, a neighbor had brought her here, her husband had left her on Sat. But had taken her to my youngest brothers house, the other brother got called in, & they didn't, want to deal with her & called the police to come get her, they just took her home.  She begged us to help her, & my husband gave in, not me.  I tried to go to her house to get her mess, hoping maybe her mind might just be so bad because she said she hadn,t had her medicine in a few days, then I said where is my brothers ashes, She said my brother that had been so mean to my dead brother had them.  This story is just too deep & long ongoing, but I lost it with her & told them to get her out of my house, she will be 80 in Jan. & life should never be this way, I still have empathy for her, but know how viscious and demented she is. My niece took her to the dr. On Monday, & she is now being evaluated in a psychiatric hospital. Might sound horrible but if she has actually lost her mind, could be she is actually reaping what she has sowed. BUT, my emotions are really bad, so I don't think you can ever actually be freed from a bad relationship, But I am trying like h!!! To keep my own sanity, & count my true blessings in life.  My heart goes out to all of you who have this horrible heartbreaking nightmare, hugs and prayers to each and every one of you.

My Mother just turned 83.   On January 28,2009.my sister of 48 years of age, passed away in her sleep.  My sister was well  to do money wise,(stocks, bonds etc.)   Ever since then  my mother totally changed when she received these things. She always has a bad word for me (her son)  and my wife.  In the passed 2 yrs she has gifted us 3 items from the moneies from my sisters estate.  Now she wants the gifts back, tells me she hates my wife,threw  us out of the house and told us that shes changing her will and leaving everything to my brother, and that we were finished.  One day she could be nice then she goes from nice to real nasty in 6 secs.  She has my sisters ex business partner as power of attorney and then me as second.  She got very greedy, thinks she knows more then you do, and tries to control your life by trying to hold the money over your head.  I have told her this, and she was outraged, needless to say what happened next, we were banned from her house and thrown out in the process.  I even was accused of trying to steal off her. Last, but not least, i came down with early parkinsons disease in 2007, she never asked how i was feeling or do you need any help whatsoever.  All she has ever said to me was, walk right, or if she's in public, she will tell people im in  bad shape, of which I am not...Go Figure. I Can't.    Chuck.

Only found this site yesterday and it has already been such an eye opener to me.  I knew I couldn't be the only one with a mother that throws insults and blame at the drop of a hat (directed at me, her daughter) but I didn't know something like this was available to help me sift through my situation and possibly handle it differently.  I have survived by mostly ignoring my mother's comments although they hurt me. Unfortunately I have not formed the bonds with other family members I might have because my mother didn't like them and I thought I should "side" with my mother.  I have stopped trying to explain things to her, justifying my actions, or looking for any kind of support from her because this has gone on for too long and who really changes their personality anyway.

She vents to me then makes the excuse that I am the only one she can talk to. Boy, I was a fool to believe that excuse because it only led to more insults. Her venting usually has an undertone of blaming me for her lot in life (and believe me she has had a good, long life).  It escalated 2 years ago when it was no longer safe for her to live alone and the job fell on me to place her in an assisted living facility. It is only me and my brother and he lives a distance from her.   She thinks by thanking me for what I do for her she is off the hook and can criticize me even more.

She has now brought my older daughter in by sending her a letter of her latest hatred - that of my younger daughter's boyfriend.  I feel so bad that my older daughter has this on her plate now and my younger daughter will be so hurt when she finds out (I don't think it is out of the question that she may be disowned). My mother was very proud of the fact that my younger daughter wasn't getting a check from her. Yes, money is almighty to her.  On top of it I get blamed for the boyfriend (and he really is a nice guy) and for the letter to my daughter since according to my mother I didn't answer my phone when she called me because I knew what she was going to say (not true).  I was blindsided when I visited her last Sunday and all this came out of her mouth.  On top of it she showed this unacceptable behavior in front of my partner.  I am embarrassed for that too.

I think I will do what some of you have done, visit her less (she is about a 2 hour drive away) and not feel guilty about it and do what she needs done but not go out of my way like I have been doing.  I hope this give me some kind of relief. She has no idea what she has done to me.  Like many of you have stated and I can too, I take satisfaction in knowing I am not the mother she is.

Thanks for your help and good luck on future 'ventures' with your mothers.
  

      

The first comment..... I couldn't have written it better about myself!  I have lived with this kind of mother all my life, thinking most of the time that this is just how mothers are, until I began losing job after job and was forced to look at my own behavior to assess what is so wrong with me that I alienate people.  Through years of self-assessment, I am beginning to consciously acknowledge that my behavior is a reaction to just how mean and cold and cruel and nasty my mother is.  Not a single positive word EVER comes out of her mouth.  I have never heard "I love you."  None of us kids were ever told I love you or hugged or consoled when we were hurt or scared.  We never had a bedtime story or song.  She never played with us.  No matter what we did, there was always some comment about how some part of it was wrong or could've been done better and there was never, ever a thank you.  Ever.  I got smacked upside the head with a brush and told I was just being a baby if I ever commented that I was feeling sick.  Material possessions are faaaaar more important to her than people.  But, trick is, she KNOWS how to "play" the game.  She is sweet as pie to "outsiders."  No one other than those who really know her know how evil she can be.  She criticizes, condemns, degrades, demeans and insults my father until it's absolutely pitiful.  And because he doesn't know how to positively defend himself in a healthy way, he has become angry and bitter and nasty himself.  And now, even though I'm learning how to defend myself against it, I can't help him because he's 80 and half-senile and doesn't understand what I'm trying to tell him, and even if he did, he would forget 5 minutes later.  When my mother goes out for the day, for whatever reason, it's absolute peaceful heaven in the house, but once she's home, it's walking on eggshells 24/7.  But, don't call her out on it or look out for the venomous kraken!  We have tried pointing out how  negative she is, but by her own claims, she is the nicest, most positive person in the world.  She is 80 now and it only gets worse and worse and there's no chance of "fixing her," but I guess I've only been searching for answers to find a way to help myself.  But, my fear is, that until I get rid of the anger, I will never be able to fix myself.  And worse, they are getting to the point in their lives where someone needs to live with them to take care of them and, guess what, I'm the person this got put on.  So, I can't escape even if I wanted to.  Someone above mentioned malignant narcissist.  There are several sub-genres of narcissists, and for me, I believe I am finding that my mother tends to fall into the compensatory narcissist, but whatever the sub-genre, it is narcissism at its emotionally abusive best, but what makes things worse, because she does put on that front for outsiders, no one would ever believe she is what I know she is, which consequently, causes me to not say anything and just hold it inside and put up with and take it because no one would believe me.  

I was so grateful to come across this posting and to read all of the comments.  I thought that I was alone.  My Mother has always thrown bitter comments at me... nasty little venemous words that have hurt me over the years... I'm 33 now, and only now am I realising that she's been playing a game of control over me.  When I was a teenager she would call me evil and nasty, I used to dread Friday night, myself and my siblings called it "Wine Night". She would take turns being nasty to each of us, but I would get it the worst because she knew that I was easier to hurt.  She continued through my adulthood saying that I'd never get married, that I wasn't maternal, that if she had my life she'd live it differently, she'd drag up the past and recount twisted versions of it.  Now I'm planning my wedding to a wonderful man and she has spoke ill of him to my sister, she's angry that I get on so well with his family (they are loving people who are positive & caring with no bad words to say about anyone), she's not happy with the venue I have chosen, she says that I don't care about my family because the venue is an hour away from where she lives.  She subsequently caused a huge falling out between myself and my sister.  My Father did not step in because he walks away from arguments with her as it's so difficult to reason with her.  He just wants a quiet life.  It seems that my Mother just saves all her nasty comments for me, twisting things that I say to make me look like a terrible person.  She is a very manipulative person.  Her & my sister have grown so close over the years and I feel like I cannot confide in my sister.  I have noticed that my Mother is very nasty to my eleven year old nephew.  When he's playing or fooling around she calls him nasty in front of my sister and my sister just ignores her.  My Mother has told me that he is just like me, too sensitive.  She called him a pain.  I can see that she has taken a dislike to him, just like she did with me.  She fawns over my niece.  I find it very hard to watch her behaviour.  I don't understand why my sister sits back and lets this happen.  I know that if I had children, there is no way on this earth that I would let her be nasty to them.  Sometimes she can be so loving - it's like she is two very different people - like a switch is flipped.  Now, I have made the decision that I will create more distance and tell her less about my life.  I will visit for a couple of hours at a time because I do care about her but I will highlight it when she makes a nasty comment in future instead of ignoring her.  I am taking a stand because she has been nasty to me for way too long.  I'm not ready to walk away yet, but if things don't improve in the next couple of years, I may have no choice.
When it's your Mother being nasty it's so hurtful because it's the one person who you feel should protect and love you.  If a friend treated you in such a way, you could and would just walk away and never speak to them again.  I'm fortune to have found a wonderful man and I have some wonderful caring friends.  I feel very fortunate in that regard.  Sometimes you have to go out and find love.
Take care and go out and find love - I wish love for all of you x

These are the best postings I've seen so far that mimic what I've been going through with my mother and the character traits she displays, for which I have guilt and reservation in writing about:  narcissim, bipolar, hateful, mean, energy vampire, joyless, manipulative, selfish, controlling, bitter, venomous, toxically negative, OCD, and all of this I have to deal with because I am trapped by finances.  All of you that don't live with your mothers; turn OFF the phone and don't answer your door.  I wish I had that option.  That would be my best solution. The worst part is outsiders think she is kind, vulnerable and sweet. At 74 she is still dogging my every move.  I can't leave to drive down the street without telling her where I am going or she alienates me for days.  She thinks I exist to serve her needs and life.  Like Rosie642 above, my mother flips switches and can be so loving, but it's psychotic because you know she can switch back at any moment. At times past when I have objected to the things she has done, she pulls out a tape recorder and tapes me so she can play it back to my sister who supports her in everything she does, good or evil.  My mother takes no responsibility for the havoc she wreaks. She does nice things from time to time and that confuses me, makes me wonder why I feel this way.  She has created a very joyless home life and complains so much my daughter doesn't want to be here and leaves as often as possible.  She is completely oppressive. We live on a beautiful property but even the flowers droop because it's so negative here.  And if I try to encourage her to see things more positively, she turns on me and tells me I'm negative.  Once she went in the hospital for hip surgery and the birds seemed to sing again on the property and the flowers grew, the oppression lifted and we were happy, for a time, then she came back.  Even the dog's spirit is broken.  My greatest wish is I could diligently obey the 5th commandment to honor my parents, as this honors God.  And that is why I have reservation about venting on the things mentioned above, I try to be loving, kind, forgiving and rise above it, but I've come to realize on my own strength I simply can't.  Most days I do ok and there are some I fall short in my reactions.  My full reliance is on God through prayer and asking the Holy Spirit to give me the supernatural ability to overcome this.  What matters is our reaction to them because that is what we are accountable for.  I do believe it's some kind of test. I believe somehow my time will be redeemed through this test. For those that are called it's the refiner's fire, and oh, what a painful fire it is because it requires you to die to self.  I know it's been my most difficult test I've ever dealt but I plan on being an overcomer. I want to redeem the time.  Since God is not letting me escape it, I must face it, and for those of you who can't escape, my prayers are with you...don't let their evil intentions be your undoing.  Everyone is accountable individually in the end, and your mothers will have to answer about how they conducted themselves before God one day.

A few common themes keep cropping up in these posts.  The most obvious to me would be that these women are the biggest bullies on the block.  My mother is.  She went after her own mother (when she wasn't ignoring her or mocking her behind that wonderful woman's back) but never her father.  One of her sisters she wouldn't dare bully (yet my father and I were fair game).  Our break happened several years ago when Drunk Mommy kept calling me up repeatedly to apprise me of just how much I sucked as a son and husband and I just kept hanging up.  Once I wouldn't play the game of letting her abuse me and then letting it slide when she offered what she considered an apology, she had no use for me.  

My so-called mother wanted nothing to do with my mother-in-law (a wonderful woman).  She resented her mother.  She wouldn't say anything bad about my wife (to her face).  But my mother, like many of yours, was threatened by other women that might enter my life (and, you know, actually improve it).  She feared that I'd see what other people and families were like and it scared her (as well it should have).

One word of encouragement to my fellow posters:  The longer you're away from this garbage, you'll be amazed at how different life seems.  You'll be shocked at just how much this has messed up your head and your perspective.  Drunk Mommy (who was Phony Not Much Better Sober Mommy) began to hate me because I stopped caring.  And she was right.  And once I realized this and admitted it to myself, I was so much better.  

Why SHOULD I care about a "mother" who bullied me, physically abused me, called me names, intimidated me, (and once called me a profane name when she was talking to my grandmother---in front of me).  Why should I care about her when she back stabbed me and badmouthed me to my own wife (that's when my wife said she never wanted anything to do with her again).

No 12 year-old should have to pick his drunk mother off the floor or deal with her drinking pals.  No kid should.  Yet, I was "spoiled".  Yeah, first kid on the block to handle life better than his mom.  Yay for me.

There's nothing wrong with throwing you hands up.  Nothing.  You weren't put on earth to put up with this crap.  You've done the best you could.  You made mistakes (as have I), but those are nothing in comparison to theirs.  YOU tried your best.  YOU were dutiful.  YOU went the extra mile.  YOU bore the weight of their bitterness, anger, and narcissism.  And what was your reward?  

More of the same.  And it'll never change.  Don't feel guilty.  They're the ones who should feel guilty, not you.  But it's hard to feel guilty when you don't have a conscience.  And it's hard not to feel guilty when you do.  But when time passes, that guilt will ease up.  You'll remember how many times you've forgiven.  You'll remember more and more how chaotic your life was and how skewed your life was.  

Remember how many times all you wanted was some, any, just a friggin' morsel of peace and quiet in your life.  Two seconds of no drama.  No "me me me me me me me me me you suck and here's why."

You're not put on Earth to be abused.  You're here to do your best.  And you've done it.  They're the ones that have failed.  

I chose this posting name for a reason.  I don't feel guilty.  Mad?  Yeah.  Bitter?  Some.  But guilty?  Nope.  

I am you and you are me. You just wrote my life. I completely understand exactly what you mean. Many, many, many people will not understand. I'm sure you've heard, "Oh, just get over it!" "There are so many "real" things to be upset about!" "OMG you are so selfish and petty. Your poor mother!"
Really? These people are REALLY saying this? This is how those "mothers" dismissed us all these years, even into adulthood. It almost felt shameful to even discuss it as a real issue because it appears to many as our problems. Well you are not alone and you are not selfish. You are not in need of professional help! You are exposing this woman and the false label as being a mother. She is not a mother. You, being a mother, know exactly what one is. I have two children myself and I will never claim to be perfect, but I do claim to be HUMAN! I love my children, I protect them physically and emotionally. I do not feel a need to keep them needy, dependent children. I want inner happiness and peace for them. Until people realize that this is a horrific disorder that destroys the soul of living, breathing children then they will continue to say such insensitive comments.
Does a thief tell you they are going to rob you? Does a terrorist tell you their covert plans? Does a bully admit that it's really just their insecurity that makes them this way? Well, how does one expect a "mother" like this to admit all that she does? She is all those things plus so much more wearing her pearls and crying her "fake" tears. Do not doubt yourself. Do not let anyone tell you that it is all YOU! No, it is not and I am living proof, along with my 3 sisters, that these women exist.

Heres one more WOW...I have been dealing with a horrible mean spirited mother all my adult life. She has done things to me that I couldnt imagine doing to one of my children. She has stole so much money from me, even took my social security # & ran up a bunch of credit cards in my name, ruined my credit. She lies constantly, says horrible things to me, about me & calls herself a preacher!! In the past 20 yrs, I have given her lots of money, several vehicles, & Ive helped her in countless more ways, but to hear her tell it, I wont do anything to help her & have no respect for her. Which that part is true. My Father died 23 yrs ago, but they had already been divorced for 12, & she still calls him names & says horrible things about him, & he wasnt a bad man! & in fact was a wonderful father, & I get so tired of defending him. I have one younger brother, who, because of her I barely have a relationship with, she has done things to my brother as well, but not even close to what shes done to me. So many times Ive said, thats it! Im not having anything else to do with her, my brother gets mad at me! & I hate that, he has no idea how awful shes been to me. It finally got to the point I would have an anxiety attack when my phone would ring & I'd see it was her, but my brother doesnt understand, & it breaks my heart. I finally have an amazing husband & I have 4 wonderful children, & they no what shes like & they have as little to do with her as possible. She just called me, yelling & screaming because I wont be her friend on fb! I tried to calmly explain, that Ive tried 3 different times to be her fb friend, but all 3 times she would get mad at me for some stupid reason & write something hateful on my wall! But of course I am lieing. Then she starts yelling because I just try to cause problems in our family! Its funny how she always blames me for the things shes done. Shes a sick, narcissitic, very loud, hateful, misrable, woman & shes that way with everyone but so much worse with me.& at 66 yrs old, shes not gonna change. If it werent for my brother, I could easily walk away & not look back, Im so sick & tired of her abuse. But because of him I dont no what to do.

OMG i cannot believe this website! There i was thinking i was the only person ever to have a shambled parental relationship. Firstly, i am so sorry to read all of your stories. Seems we are all the same....somehow!! My situation has never been great, my birth mother hated me, slept around, called me by my sir name, said i looked too much like my dad, left when i was at school to go on holiday and left me a note. So off i went to live with my dad, who worked away and couldnt really have me in the week so i lived with my grandad who was a massive hoarder, i got fat, bullied and didnt look at all the nice little girl i was supposed to be, anyway long story short, my dad met another woman, quit his job and found a job near home so we all lived together by the time i was 14. I didnt realise at first how much my dad had stopped communicating with me. My step moms sentences ALWAYS start with "your dad said...." and so the turbulence started. Theyd follow me home from school "to catch me out"?? They too would take off and go on holiday and leave me notes and be gone for weeks at a time. They read my mail she went through my phone. Would set up arguments so me and my dad would fight. Now i have met the most wonderful man alive, we have been together 11 years and now i find out my step mom has been calling his mom to see if i have been round there. She has said so many things in my life to make me feel paranoid, scared and above all GUILTY. i cant do anything and i keep finding out she has been checking up on me and my where abouts. They hate my husband, why i dont know and even tried to get him to drop me when we first got together. My step mom also rang me and "accidentally" left a message on my cell calling me a ***** and my husband alsorts of names too. Yet she will buy me clothes, buy my children things and be so nice then boom off she goes calling somebody an offensive names or being generally rude in front of people. I used to beg my husband to be nice and open to them because if he wasnt i would get it in the neck. Now i dont bother, if he doesnt want to talk to them thats up to him. Can somebody please tell me why somebody would be like this??? Wish we lived on another planet!!

Thank you to everyone who has posted their experiences here.  

I won't add my own experience as it is so like so many of you here. Suffice to say, nothing I've ever done was right, my mother is not proud of me, not kind, not encouraging, not affirming. And so many others are!  At work the other day I received a thankyou card from a total stranger, thanking me for my kindness, my consideration, my expertise.  Yet, my mother apparently finds it funny to tell people that I will be "the most educated bag lady" ever.

I asked her if she would like to help me not be a bag lady; I need a few hundred bucks to finish my PhD.  Yes, I already have two degrees and teach as an adjunct college teacher, but to my mother, I'm just one step away from a bag lady. She scoffed and said "Why would I want to invest in YOUR future? What good will it do me?."  I just didn't know what to say, because what can you say to somebody who has a lower opinion of you than total strangers you meet at one of your jobs, while finishing your PhD?

Anyway, I found these words of wisdom, and wanted to share with all of you. Thank you all for making me feel less alone.

"Ultimately, the answer is that you can't change the other person's behavior, but you can change your own. If someone you know always triggers depression, anger or tiredness in you, examine how you react when the negativity starts and see if changing your reaction helps. If your reaction doesn't contribute to the problem, or you can't make such a change, find a way to lessen this person's presence in your life. It will be good for your health."

http://bipolar.about.com/od/support/a/070315_toxic.htm

wow...just the sheer number of posts on this matter shows that they're many people living in this world with the same type of mother situation...I have lived with a bitter, mean, self centered, hateful mother for 51 years now...she is 78 and still spewing her poison...she talks about everyone in the family like dogs but treats perfect strangers with love and respect...It truly gets to me sometimes...I have a loving caring father that has given her everything she could possible want in life, but is treated daily like crap...i feel so sorry for him...i have begged him repeatedly to leave her and enjoy what life he has left on earth but he won't do it...they have been together for 55 years...i am the only son i have one sister who is treated the same way...I feel as if she is demon possessed sometimes really...she is the most negative person that I have ever known...never a kind word, never any encouragement, nothing...she is a miserable human being and you know what?
she is never going to change and she will probably die a lonely miserable death...and a part of me doesn't care one way or the other...sad but true...any way god bless you all and good luck dealing with your own demons

I wondered if I had posted this story and forgotten about it or something, My mother burnt me with cigarettes when I was a baby and did many other cruel and vicious things. She also hurt my brothers and she encourages abuse by proxy i.e. she will tell other people horrible things about us so they will abuse us. She separates and alienates everyone. She is paranoid, nasty, bitchy, vicious. She LOVES other people's pain especially those close to her. She has always been fascinated with poisoning, car accidents, cruelty, torture, suicide and everything dark and vicious. I left her for four years and then out of guilt and feeling sorry for my brother I went back. It is the worst thing I have ever done. I'm now trying to get away again but she goes into over drive and rings everyone and says I'm a sick person. She used to tell me I was mad every day as a child. The thought of her loving me is utterly disgusting. She has no love in her, not at all. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Everything is someone elses fault. She is extremely manipulative. She is now 88 and has always been this way. She was not abused as a child and her brother and sisters are normal. I have PTST from being born from this Satanic vicious insane person. She has never sought help and it's only everyone else that is insane. Every time I talk to her, when I finish for ages afterwards it feels like she has injected poison straight into my veins. That's why I did a search on toxic. She said she is going to live to one hundred just to spite everyone.

YOU would have PTSD too. You couldn't NOT have. Go to this site and look at the PTSD area. http://www.angermanagementresource.com/site-map.html You can write your story there. My story is called A Walk Through Hell.

Greetings all,

It does my heart a lot of good to know that I am not alone in my pain. We live in a society that puts the title of "mother" into a position of sainthood. And for me and those of you like me, you know that this has not been our experience. And so its hard to go to the rest of the world and tell them how hateful and resentful our mothers have been towards us. Slapping us in the face, spitting in our face. My mother has a lot of hatred inside. I thought I had healed my unfinished business with my mother, but I realize that I havent by what happened yesterday. Because I thought I was healed I decided to spend a weekend with this old woman so she would not spend Easter alone. The first evening was exquisitely pleasant and then she  began to obsess the next day about something a woman at her church said to her. I kept quiet and she got pissed, so I stated I do not like to speak about religion. Then her sick behavioral patterns began from there, mentioning that I like to talk politics and I do and its my business to do so since after all I am 38 with my own wife and family. She started criticizing me for eating a piece of garlic bread, apparently its some kind of sin because in that moment she makes it a sin. Well that after taking this old woman shopping and spending an evening with her so she would not be alone for the holidays, she basically dehumanized me, told me she is not my mother, told me to stop acting like a ****** when I told her she is hurting my feelings and on and on with abusive language and screaming at the top of her lungs. Did I mention the whole time she was screaming at the top of her lungs? She went full swing into rage.
I say this because I want all of you to know that I feel your pain and I see that you share in my pain too. I have started writing a book that I have been wanting to write for over a decade. I hope that I can keep in touch with some folks here. Also, I do believe that the inner child work is so important for us and finishing our unfinished business with mother. If anyone would like to work together in healing, please feel free to reach out to me.

I too have a nasty bitter mother. She started in her 60s and is now 83.  I took her to the doctors today as we were all positive she has dementia.  She repeats herself over and over and nothing we do is right.  All she wants is for us to feel sorry for her all the time. She never has anything nice to say about anyone or anything.  Its like life owes her something.  She passed the dementia test with flying colours, then smiled  sarcastically at me across the room as if to say 'gotcha'.  

So all this **** she has put myself, my children, my cousin and my friends through...its all been one big  friggin act.  She's a crafty piece of work and no matter how hard i try, i hate her.  I honestly hate her. She s no friends, shes driven them all away over the years.  She wants to be with me 24/7.  As it is I see her every day, I spend at least 3 hours a day with her but oh no....thats not enough.  She won't be happy til she's crawled under my ****** skin!  

She doesn't understand I have my own life, Im almost 50 but when she enters the room I feel like im a child again.  Shes never been supportive and even runs her own grandchildren down.  Iv had so much advice from friends etc, and for once Im going to take it and not feel guilty.  Im going to leave the ***** to rot...Im only going to see her twice a week and Im taking a mate with me now for a quick escape.  I know she's probably lonely and scared but Im not letting my health suffer through her.  Id love to shove her in a rest home and forget about her but she wont go in one.  Well she might change her mind now cos I aint running around after her any more.  She can get ******, silly old cow.

wow. Where do I start? These comments believe it or not cheered me up. Not out of fun but out of great bewilderment because I sincerely believed I was the only one facing this great problem. My mother is a very cruel woman that is full of sooo much hate. The thing I wanted to add is that not only is she unhelpful because she is overweight and has been so for the majority of my life she also tries to push me into making the wrong decisions. I am trying very hard to be able to have a strong mind and weigh things carefully before making any decision because she always pushes me in the wrong path and I end up paying dearly for it. This is what she accused my father of doing to her and I am also suffering in various ways as a result of this. Prior to my birth She had an idea that God had something great for me because she claimed a prophet of God said so and she tried to find ways to kill me even before I was born but was unsuccessful(she also did not mind dying to accomplish this). The fact that she was unsuccessful made her to hate me with a passion and go out of her entire way to make my life miserable. Her brother even told her to her face that she was a witch and she didn't feel  bad because she knows she is.Her wickedness turned me into a pariah's pariah. I was a victim of sexual ,physical, psychological,mental as well as emotional abuse.I was always the scapegoat that everything was blamed on till the extent that my sister often tried to blame me when she did something wrong. I have never blended in with anyone anywhere because my self confidence diminished and I often feel like a target. People often think Im stuck up and unfriendly but this is not so. I am only this way out of survival mode and not willing for people to come into my life so I don't get hurt. My being lonely serves as a type of self preservation because this is all I can do. She does not work neither does she clean her apartment  because she prefers talking on the phone and watching TV shows as opposed to go finding work and contribute to household expenses. She also has this much time on her hands so she can spend it conjuring up subtle ways to destroy people and throw them off course. My entire time in this country has been marked with sadness, degradation  from people and so on. She carefully tries to paint an evil image of me in the eyes of others so that they would look at me as evil and unworthy of their help. My sister who has to little or no personality probably out of self preservation is now the toast of the extended family while I am just the outcast. I remember a time when I was younger and a large big bad wolf type of woman moved into our neighbor hood and she kept feeding alot of negative information about me to her. One day me and my older sister had a fight because she always tried to provoke and annoy me for her entertainment(she by the way stated that she hated me because of the fact that she was trying to gain my mother's approval). The woman came and all of a sudden gave me three huge slaps across my face, proceeded to tell my sister to slap me three times pulled off my top and took a whip to beat me terribly. My mother was watching with a lot of happiness and satisfaction. The woman also embarrassed me in public in front of everyone, proceeded to curse me out by calling a stupid girl and an idiot. Here was a woman that I had no dealings with or never offended. Funny enough, when she wanted to over do her boundaries by attempting to target my sister (Golden child) that is when my mother yelled at her because she was about to verbally attack my sister. The woman moved out of the neighborhood about a week later. The summary of everything is if you want to be on her good side and gain her approval you have to  hate me. Her driver years ago paid dearly for this...with  his life because  she claimed that he was drunk  and involved in an accident (That's another thing...she has never driven in her life and cannot drive so others have to do so for her). My brother is under her spell and I hope he gets out.He does not like me because of her. I was almost eliminated two times because I dared to express my sadness about her wickedness. No one would believe the horror i went through and i cant even say it. A great tool of an evil abuser is to keep their victims silent unless they would try to eliminate them.  She is a big liar and lies about everything in her life. A great false accuser and always pointing fingers. She tries to study people so she can know how to use them for her purpose. She lied and claimed that she was not there when her mother died  and she later on says she was inquiring about some events from her mother until the day she died? I'm thinking....hmmmm but I thought you were not there? that's a big question mark. I Just thank God for what Jesus said...stuff done in the dark would come to light, words said in whispers would be proclaimed on the rooftop. In the end she would be exposed and it is happening little by little.

I prefer if she dealt with me one on one but when you go involving everyone you come in contact with to try to bring me down then that is too much. She also loves setting traps for me so I can unknowingly fall but now I have to fully understand that she does hates me and she wants the worst for me which is depression and then me hurting myself but I refuse to give in. You even need to see her face when I get my hair done...she looks so angry and sick to her stomach. My happiness makes her feel sick which makes me not want to desire to be happy. She would rather endure poverty than live in abundance and see that things are going fine for me. I've never met a more evil and hateful woman. When she is ready to be well off she hopes I wont be alive but I would be By God's abundant grace

P.S
She would be damned if she is ever in a position where she would take up her responsibility of taking care of her children. She would rather die than see me being well adjusted and stable in life. I have been to 5 different high schools and three colleges now. She still will not offer a dime for my welfare and does not  care. I recently  told her I had absolutely nothing to eat and was losing  weight as a result but she didn't care. I actually almost fainted  out of hunger  She was like "I would love to see how slim you have become" and no talk of "oh Let me buy you a little grocery". This spring has shown the great height of her wickedness and I am trying within my power to completely cut her off and have nothing to do with her because she is trying to send me into and early grave.


P.P.S Like everyone says this woman absolutely has 0 friends and her sisters dislike her also.

Your mother sounds like my monster in law!  Cut all ties...you will be happier without the drama and tension.  Don't listen when people say "you should make up, she's family".  If you wouldn't allow a friend to emotionally bash you, why would you allow a family member to abuse you?  Do NOT feel guilty by cutting ties....it's called self preservation!  Stay strong and move on with out the *****!  

i am wanting to cut ties with my mother altogether,ive tried on a number of occasions but i stupidly still go back
i spoke to her the other day on the phone and all she was interested was to go about her self and walk over everything i said,she doesant ask about my children,shows no interest.
i am begining to really despise her and trying to get others who have normal relationships with their mothers is difficult for them to understand how much i dislike my own mother.
she is bitter and nasty about everyone,even members of family,she casts up any money she gives out and trys to make out if people are scroungers for taking it of her,she is a two faced manipulating nasty piece of work.
i am actually in my home,thinking just now,shall i answer my phone later as i know for certain she will phone,i only recently gave her my mobile number,now i wish i hadent.
im her battering ram contionously,she moans how bad her life is but does nothing to sort it out,she seems t think that her whole family owe her,all she has don ethrough our life is put us down,give us lack of confidence by hitting us and calling us names.
im a grown woman and i feel she still has some hold of me,i get angry and annoyed when i speak to her and its going to come atime when i will fall out with her yet again and not speak for a while until she starts  bombarding me with letters or coming to my home.
she just doesant get it,i wish she would just leave me alone,there would be no love loss,she is bitter and jealous in anything i do.i cant tell her i got another poem published or article printed in a newspaper as she doesant want to know.
anything no matter how big or small it is i am so proud of my children and always tell them i love them.
my mother could only tell me she loved me when she was drunk.
i just want out thjis farce of a mother and daughter so called relationship,its got to a point where i will just have to move  and dont tell her where we are going,its hard when the kids are settled.sorry yet again for the rant,i must have written on here a lot,but i honestly feel its theraputic just getting it of my chest,god bless everyone x

I have just read the first comment and am about to read through the others.  I just want to say that what you are describing in the first comment really describes my own mother.  However, my mother is harder to figure out, since she fluctuates back and forth between being nice, kind, supportive and understanding, and being the very negative person you have described, who appears to resent me for looking and seeming in personality like my father, who was good to me but treated her very badly before he died when I was very small.  I have his basic personality in many ways, I am nothing like her own family in looks or nature, but I am not abusive at all (this was his behaviour, he wasn't born that way!), and being opposite to her and her family in personality means that I am also extremely sensitive, impressionable, quiet, and polite.  Everyone else sees me as being slightly shy, friendly and very sensitive and kind, but she doesnt see this at all and only sees me in a very negative light, and tells me I am aggressive, when I am the opposite of aggressive and very seldom have a problem with anyone (I'm usually shy in aggressive situations), and she in fact is aggressive.  Also, I make friends very easily but she doesnt, and now that she has begun to lash out at people (not just at me, which she has done for years but is getting worse now that she is also older), many people including her own relatives are afraid to call her or deeply angry with her.  It is actually me who encouraged many of them to contact her again since I was worried about her being isolated, although she doesnt know this.  Since I was a child, she would blame me and my father for "ruining her life" (after his death).  She never dated or even made friends with other men after he died.  She always denied that she was resentful or bitter or anti-men, blaming me for falsely accusing her if I referred to any of it.  When there is a difference of opinion between her and anyone else, she is always right and the other one is always wrong, but it is worse with me than anyone else.  She considers her personality to be the best way of being, and a sensitive more intuitive personality which is open to all sides of an argument and willing to admit one's mistakes (as I am) as being wrong.  

She has hurt me for years and made me feel like there was something wrong about me.  At the same time, she often praised me and encouraged me, which has always been confusing, along with her own denials.  I also have many memories of her hurting me, along with very good memories.  She was also overly strict with me and she is still, and still treats me as though I am a child who musn't defend myself to her since this would be "extremely bad behaviour" and even "abusive".  She also tries to confuse other people about me.  People who dont know me well can get confused and this hurts me very much.  Her own relatives though don't get confused and told me they are on my side, but they live far away so I can seldom see them in my life.  

I also made an effort not to be like her, but since she was so controlling it took me some time to see her behaviour for what it is.  Also, I had a very confused time with dating since she always interefered with it, so she made it difficult for me to figure out whether to stay with a date or not since I felt I wasnt making my own decisions.  This is much better now since I am stronger and no longer tell her so many details.  

I cant move on since I am concerned that she is a bit isolated, but I am trying to maintain a decent relationship with her without getting hurt myself, which is hard since she blames me for everything, wont listen to my side of anything, and knows how to push my buttons.  Hopefully I can keep away from sensitive topics with her most of the time, but sometimes they still come up without my realizing it.  

I dont hate her since I am also spiritual and believe in God, too.  

Any feedback would help!  It's good to see that others are in the same situation.  

Lara, your mother isn't nice, kind and understanding, she simply manipulates you back into position. I couldn't believe how many many years it took me to work this out. There is a pattern. She is nasty and then you are in pain. Then she is nice and you are back in range for the next round. Over and over and over and over. And still we stay. It's amazing.

Lewiejay, just start by not answering the phone. Just don't answer the phone.

My friend told me the other day I go back because it's the only emotional link I have. But I go less and less. I brought up some of the abuse to my brother's wife and she told my brother and he told my mother. My mother goes into overdrive. Ho hum. Anyway I think it's almost over. I think because I brought up something truly terrible, she has let go, no doubt convincing everyone it is I who am mad. As a little girl she told me I was mad every day. The problem is we need to grow a backbone. These monsters have no right to be in our lives. No right at all. None. If they are lonely and alone good. They deserve every bit of it. Get on ya bike and get the hell out of there.

I googled hateful mothers and it landed me here. Read the first few posts...a few in the middle and now I'm posting myself....geez.
The list of mean, cruel, spiteful, unkind, unthinkable things my mom has done towards me is, as it seems, endless. I could list them but that would only add to the sadness and I've learned that love does not keep a record of wrongs. That has brought a lot of healing to my weary daughter heart.
At age 51 I've yet to understand how any one could be so hateful. My mistake all of these years has been allowing her sick ways to cause me such heart ache....the ache of my heart is so deep and acheing that there are just no words to discribe it accurately.
I have loved her in my adult yrs with a love that can only come from a loving God. Love like that I do not possess on my own accord. But even with that kind of love I've repeatedly been met with a vileness that can only be evil.
For years I've searched my heart and mind wondering..."what did I do...what did I say?"
I've come to accept I didn't do anything....I didn't say anything....I really am the innocent one here.
And sadly, if her heart remains unchanged, she will die all alone in a big house full of pictures of herself.

after last night thats it, my horrible mother spoke to my brother who had not phoned her in a while,he's has a demanding job and a couple of kids and lives in a different country,he told  her a few home truths because she constantly moaned at him for not phoning and just wanted to go on about her self and she dident like it, and because i stuck up for him when she phoned me to complain,she basically told me where to go and hung up on me,now ive blocked her number from my mobile,she is an evil nasty woman,thanks abby5555 for your advice,ive tried so many times to finally realise this ive had enough,im sorry you and many others on this page,which feels we have the same vile mother,its heart wrenching just wanting a normal relatoinship,but alas its not meant to be,i told my mum she will end up alonely old woman,because th eshe treats people,that was years ago and she still doesant get it,as long as we have others to love and to be loved ourselves by others thats the main thing,take care all for now and god bless x

To bitter hateful nasty mother, are we sisters? LOL MOTHER IS THE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Always has been to me and my k sister but not our brother..Now me and sis are stuck with her MEAN NASTY HATEFUL DEVIL ***!..I love her because she is my mama but thats all..She makes me sick, mentally and physcally.    SATINS SPAWN MY ***..SATANS MOTHER!...I LOST A CHILD 3 YRS AGO AND SHE WAS CONSTANTLLY WANTING HIS CAR RT THEN THAT WAS LEFT TO HIM BY MY AUNT AND PUT IN THE PAPER HIS FURN WAS PRIVATE AND HE WAS A POPULAR KID..! I DIDNT KNOW BECAUSE I HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN....OMG.....SHE TALKS **** ABOUT ALL OF US EXCEPT HER BELOVED SON SHE TREATS HER GRANDKIDS LIKE **** TOO....LORD FORGIVE ME FOR CURSING BUT I HAD TO GET IT OUT....LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH..I PUT HER OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW MY SIS HAS HER..SHE IS 68 AND ACTS 100.....JEALOUS BECAUSE MY SIS AND I ARE ITALIAN AND OUR DADDY DIES AND WE LOOK LIKE HIM....NOT HER UGLY SELF....IVE GOT BAD HEALTH..HAD MOST OF MY COLON REMOVED AND CANT WALK GOOD AT ALL.IM ONLY 46....SUPPOSE TO BE ON DIS, BUT IF MY HEAD WAS CUT OFF HERS WOULD BE CUT  TIMES AS BAD AS MINE ,LOL.PRAY PEOPLE BEFORE I DIE OF A HEART ATTACK...SHE KISSES OUTSIDERS ***** AND TREATS HER 2 GIRLS LIKE A DOG...

Hello. I am commenting because I am pretty much in the EXACT same situation! Except a younger version...I am 18 years old. I have an older brother whom my mom had when she was 18 and me when she was 21. She did not want us. Now I have a younger sister who is 7 years old. My mother is very unsupportive of me yet she likes to take the credit of everything I have done when she talks to her "friends." She calls me names such as "*****" and "crazy" etc. She is also an alcoholic(i think.) She drinks at least a bottle of wine every night but claims this is not alcoholic behavior...My stepfather used to say I would be just like her. I denied it. There is no way I could! Just like your situation I live my life trying NOT to be like my mother. It truly scares me. I hate it when people tell me i look like her walk like her etc or compare us because we are not alike. She completely abandoned my brother when he turned 18 and she is doing the same for me. I have figured out college loans, signing up for classes, living arrangements all by myself. Though she still brags that her daughter is going to engineering school and then turns around and calls me names and puts me down. Recently, when my mom went out for a run(she runs like 5 mi a day), she got tired and asks me to pick her up about 3 miles from our house. When I get there she told me to get in passenger seat because she was going to drive. I get out to go to passenger seat and while doing so she drives off and leaves me at a park 3 miles from our house. So  I had to walk all the way home. Why did she do this? Because I didnt answer my phone.(I was driving and therefore could not because it is illegal.) Anyways, my stepfather is trying to divorce her(which she has actually been asking him to do ever since i could remember) but she wont sign divorce paper. So now he wont sign my parent loan unless she signs divorce paper. We(brother and stepfather) all tell her that she needs phycological help, but just like your mother she blames it on EVERYONE else. Like you I have prayed my whole life but have learned that it is impossible to change a person. Another thing is I have always loved to go to church and she is against that but then talk about her catholic background like she knows what she is talking about but doesnt. I feel terribly sorry for my sister if she has to live with her the rest of her life without a sibling to talk to like I had.(my bro) Some memories i have is her trying to commit suicide a couple times. My dad stopped her the first time and i witnessed it. Then i stopped her by taking away her keys when she said she was gonna crash her car but got hurt by her in the process. She always thinks that somebody is plotting against her and is very insecure. I pity her yet I cannot live with her in my life anymore. I have tried talking with her several times but she never listens. I have tried to love her. my freshman year of high school i still gave her a hug and kiss everynight before bed and said "i love you" but she never said it back. I now realize that she doesnt love me and never wanted me. I mean...she left the guy she conceived me with and i just met him at 17 years of age.(biological dad) On my 18th birthday she screamed at me while i was driving..calling me a B_-_H and swearing at me. Saying i was getting into her and my stepdads business just because i talk to my stepdad after he moved out a few weeks ago. I know i will be better off without her. I am thankful to know that it is a good choice to get away from her.

WELL NOW AT LEASE I KNOW I AM NOT ALONG.IT SOUNDS LIKE THE SAME SITUATION THAT I AM IN.I DO ALL THAT I CAN AS A DAUGHTER AND STILL GET NO RESPECT. SHE JUST HATE ME WHY I DONT KNOW. SHE NEVER WAS THERE FOR ME .I THANK GOD FOR MY GRANDPARENTS BACK THEN.I LOVED THEM TO DEATH.I HAVE BEEN SO HURT THREW MY YEARS WITHOUT MOTHER LOVE.SOME OF YOU WHO HAVE NOT BEEN HERE DO NOT UNDERSTAND.THERE ARE ROTTEN MOTHERS IN THE WORLD. I HAVE 4 CHILDREN OF MY OWN AND I AM RAISING MY COUSIN LIL BOY I HAD HIM FROM 4 DAYS OLD HE IS NOW 5 YEARS OLD ALL MY CHILDREN IS GROWN. BUT I TELL YOU THIS I LOVE THEM ALL THE SAME.AND THERE IS NOTHING THAT I WOULD NOT DO FOR THEM. BECAUSE I AM THAT KIND OF MOTHER DESPITE WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH. I CANT SEE HOW A MOTHER CAN TREAT HER CHILD SO COLD WITH TEARS IN MY EYES.YALL DONT KNOW MY HURT.I HURT SO BAD.ITS JUST THROUGH THE GRACE GOD I AM STILL HOLDING ON.I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH THIS ALL MY LIFE I AM 50 YEARS OLD NOW. BUT GET THIS SHE NEEDS ME I DONT NEED HER.I AM INDEPENDENCE SOMETHING SHE NEVER WAS.COULDNT NEVER DRIVE OR NOTHING BUT HAVE THE NERVE TO BE SO CRULE.IF I DONT DO FOR HER NO ONE ELSE WILL THATS HOW ROTTEN SHE IS.71 YEARS OLD WITH ALL THAT HATE IN HER HEART.I DONT UNDERSTAND BUT I THANK GOD BECAUSE I AM A BETTER WOMAN THAN HER.SO TO MY MAMA I CANT SAY MOTHER BECAUSE THERE IS A DIFFERENCE THANKS FOR NOTHING.

When I first googled mean nasty mom I really thought just teenagers mad at there moms would pop up. I'm so glad to see all of your story's and know I'm not alone. I think this really shows it's a mental disorder I do think it's the narsasism. Has anyone married a narsacist after being raised by one? It seems to be the way alot of us go.
I'm 42 fathers gone raised by my mom if that's what you can call it. I supply her with a home a car and some bills the second I don't comply to her demands I'm evil. She told one relative who was not siding with her agents me that she was choosing a money over blood. My mother only views me as a paycheck not blood. Then she called my daughter a ***** and told my nice I was trying to kill her. All of this becouse I'm fixing up her home (because she bitched at me because it wasn't nice enough) and she's displaced for a few weeks. I've completely gone broke on fixing up her home and still it's not good enough. My daughter stood up to her and was called a ***** she was so scared she thought she was going to hit her. My mother is 68 and I can't take the a use anymore I wanted a parent so bad even a bad one would do until my daughter got hurt.
I've decided I'm done. I'll still pay for her home and car and ins. But beyond that I'm finally done.
It's nit hard to walk away when the one your walking from couldnt care less.
Why do we have this need for there approval? Why is it so hard for us to finally say I'm done? What's turned them into such hateful beast?
One thing we all have in common is the love for our kids. I tell my children all the time how much I love them how amazing they are and I have faith in them to go out and do great things in life.
But I'm, we... Are the invested parent.
I love and think you all are amazing for living through this type of mom and raising your children the right way giving them the love they need to be great people in our world!!!

To asadgirl,
Please let your mom go!!!  Let that family go when you need help maybe seek out your aunt. Pretend they all died and you can't talk to them I'm serious your mom sounds very crazy!!! I know we all have very bad moms but if yours has allowed you to be sexually and physically abused and has tried to kill you herself what more needs to be said. MOVE ON before you waist one more tear. Talk to your college counselor for help she can recommend many avenues to get help for yourself. Don't give this women one more second of your precious time you are to valuable to be wasted on someone like that! Hold your head up get your dagre and have an amazing life!

I am 38 years old married with 3 kids. All I have to say is I will never ever be a mother that my mother is. I thought I was alone having a mother who is toxic. I now feel relieved. I dont want to bore anyone with my story but my mother left me on the streets since I was 12. I was always an inconvience, make a long story short I am the oldest of 3 , my father wanted me to be a boy so I did everything a boy was suppose to do and my mother always told me I was ugly and stupid and never will be anything. Well I am someone I am an amazing wife and mother of a 19,18 and a 8 year old. One day I will be a grandmother and I will have a chance to help my kids help there kids grow. I am everything my mother and father werent. They favor my 2 sisters but they came out screwed up like them so I am glad my mother threw me on the streets at 12 even though I was raped and became an alcholic at 12 because of the streets. But I learned and grew up real fast and appreciate life a hell of a lot more if I was to have stayed around. But I wish I had a mom to share my thoughts and love with but I have my own perfect family. I am greatful.

This is classic for many older women, it does not usually manifest it's self in older men for some reason. My mother is ~80 and she has turned into a nasty bitter rude old woman. She 'collects' relatives - she only has one real grand child which she has not seen for ~30 years so every kid she meeds go on her photo wall of fame as her 'step grand children, adopted step grandchildren....' its very sad.

She makes snap judgements about people and is very manipulative, one of her friends had a fella who, at the start she liked, then when she noticed her friend become more attached all she did was slag him off and even said to her friend ' if you see him again im having nothing to do with you!!...'

She calls people 'slags' and other derogitory terms, easecially her 'adopted daughter' Mandy. She only tollerates her, she says, so she can have contact with her daughter, Laura who she is NO relative to in any way what so ever, but when it suits her Mandy is her step daughter and Laura is her special sted grand daughter!!!

Her memory is so bad it is embarrasing, she does not know how to behave in public, she is opionionated, very very tactless, ignorant and rude.

Her three sons, well, the one who is a high acheiver, a Scientist for god sake, she does not understand and has no respect for and no matter how much he explains his work, she choses to listen to her two older sons - both under acheivers who are jealous of his acheivements. He no longer involver her or any of his family in his life - is is a lonely 40 year old man who is so lovely, its a shame.

How she has changed in the past 5 years is terrible and sad to see. My dad is dead, he would have kept her in reality.

Horwell saga

I have read these stories above, and I wish I could express my injustice but after 30 years of deception i find it impossible to comprehend the destruction one women has caused, it is so painful and heart rendering the energy required to explain 30 years in a paragraph or two would be insignificant, I'm not saying the above experiences of these people aren't bad I can understand how these people are perplexed to find a ' mother to be so evil', I  remember  it was hard convincing myself when i was growing up, so i carried on not seeing the truth until she destroyed me. The thing is in life when you are aware that it is a stranger who is unkind or jealous or devious you can cross the road and avoid them because you have identified it but why didn't you realise this about her? Because she is a manipulative two faced pretending to be normal for attention , she thrived for attention but to her disgust you had the attention, because you was a beautiful innocent teenage girl, everywhere I went people were astonished, I never cared about myself, some saw it as arrogance, I never knew i could achieve anything, now I see it was a curse , but that's just an excuse I have many excuses for her and can't even begin to tell you how she destroyed my family, it's just sometimes you wish you was making it up, just for your sanity you see it's hard when justce does not prevail, she killed my dad she did not receive punishment because she wasn't exposed because she knew us kids would take flight and leave her to herself and her sins , but instead she kept us never loved us and had showed all her attention to boyfriends, whilst manipulating and belittling me because I showed greater potential .

Sorry I had to come bak in segments because I feel the above what I wrote doesn't even touch the surface of what this evil women did and is still pretending to be perfect. I have too much to say but it's hard when no one stands up for you , I just hope someone out there knows howl I feel, how can she claim to be a good mother when she killed the only innocent soul (my dad), just because he loved us and didn't show much affection for her because she bullied him., Infact I only just found out recently what she did to him and concluded to me why my sister has been bullying and trying to destroy my life, it's because she used to bully her as a child, my sister always told us but I'm afraid no one believed her she made her look like she was the spoilt evil child but in fact she was mentally abusing her, so because I was innocent and a hearted girl I had to be her mother even though I was younger than her, I listened to her encouraged her, told her but unfortunately against my better jugdement she didn't feel the same  about me and went out of her way to destroy my ambition and put me down by whispering stuff to me when I'm the one who used to take her to all my friends homes who loved me and often told me to dance for birthdays parties( stuff u do when your a teenage girl, but when there backs were turnedmy sister whispered things like u can't even dance, iknow it doesn't sound bad but it was the way she used to do on the sly , I wish all the things she said were in front of others but now i realise she would never do that she played me because i was kind, i now know you dont get anything in this world if you are kind, your just stupid compared to these morans that you trust .she knew I had confidence but for thirty years she was on a mission to destroy me every time I acheived something or got a job I wanted to tell these two evil women but i didn't know why they was avoiding my happiness I just wanted someone to ask me how was your day just once in my life, I wanted someone to care, I know people like friends care but u don't appreciate them because u want approved off the deceitful wankers because they kept slying around you even if you find someone who loves you then they see that and come round trying to win your affections and because your in a happy place you let them back in your life and you do the most horrendous thing, you forgive them or at worst don't bring up the past, yet you can see now the devious in their eyes,

Sorry I had to come bak, because the dynamics of this evil women are beyond my explanation, you know she used to bully my dad, just because he had brown skin and everyone in her family was white, I mean what the **** ? She still at this present time is claiming to be a good mother when she has finished off my innocent brothers she had an affair with a man who was married then when his family came to chase her she ran off to a hostel and this emotionally affected us because who was not loved in the first place, one of the brother started taking drugs and the other is mentally ill and all this began when she did this, but to tell you the truth we should have known this person doesn't care for us after what she did to my dad, she took us away from him and pretended she was a battered woman so when he tried to contact us the police used to beat him up, that used to destroy my soul, but she told all these lies and a kid just believes what there told even if it is total crap, after 12 years my dAd found a way to be with us thanks to distant relative, so we used to spend summer holidays with him and boy we'd never felt so loved and appreciated in my life but then because on day I remember iwas colouring in and she was talking to my dad on the phone then I heard her say in a angry ***** tone you'll never see your kids like she didn't give a **** after all she could do what she wanted and get away with it. A week later there was a phone call to say he was dead, because I knew he couldn't take the

Thank you for sharing.  My mother has said been very abusive and now in her old age has turned things around that it is all bull****, lies.  Blames me for others telling her how nasty she has been saying that I have made this up and have caused her a lot of grief.  Has made me a good mother as I would never want a child to go through the torment.  I've worked hard to educate myself, and continue to help my child get the best eduction.  I would never say the hurtful things, attack physically and mentally, degrade, humiliate and alienate anyone, let alone my own child.  She has taught me valuable lessons on how not to conduct myself and I am a better person for it.  

Some of the more memorable things she regularly said to people were:  "I wish I could have laid eggs, at least I could have stepped on them."; "I should have raised pigs, at least I'd have pork."  At social gatherings, family get-togethers she would hit me very hard and say "That was for nothing, now try something."  Which was hard to take since the other mothers were so loving towards their children and I couldn't comprehend the difference.  

It pains me to see so many in the same boat. My mother-in-law is now 82. She has always been a chronic liar and slanderer. As she gets older, she only gets worse. She demands one child lie to another, a son to his wife, she swears like a trucker and cons thousands of dollars out of her children and grandchildren. I had to close the door on her some years back to protect my family. She clearly wishes I and a number of other family members simply didn't exist.  Shame on these heartless mothers everywhere. They are leaving a legacy of hurt, depression, suicidal thoughts and sorrow in their wake.

My Stepfather is 85..... However, I've known him since he was 72, when he married my mother. VERY sad day for our family, as we knew what a self absorbed pervert he was(borderline sociopath, if not full blown). However, it's become FAR more discouraging over the years as he's basically worn my mother to near collapse/breakdown. UNFORTUNATELY, in many ways, my mother is a TOTAL "optimist"... This has turned her into a door mat for, now, 3 men since my father. (First one abused me and was quite perverted/walked around nude and answered the door that way to me and my friends at 8-10yrs old, etc..... He also fraudulently mortgages the house in Santa Monica{now worth 1.5 Million} til we lost it, after my father had left her with a 45K dollar mortgage.// Second guy was NEARLY worse... Cheated, blamed her, then left her for a woman in her building... then tried to take EVERYTHING, even though my mother was CLEARLY the bread winning Doctor she was// Third guy.... Well, here we are now :(  ...........)

To the point.... In 2003 he had a stroke.... I moved in to care for him, full time, and around 2007, June, HE HAD FINALLY become independent enough for me to leave.... (all the time inbetween, while he NEEDED me there, he was HORRIBLE to me and accused me of sleeping with my mother behind his back, AND MORE).... In that same month, June, 2007, my mother had a stroke, fairly big one. While in the hospital, he blamed me, "You killed your mother!"... to the point that other family about killed him right there in the waiting room. IT WAS TERRIBLE. After 10 days, she came home.... and the VERY DAY she laid down to start her 'home recovery' with 20 hours sleep a day, my stepfather would CONSTANTLY wake her and tell her he wanted sex! THAT got so bad that my sister and I told him, "WE HAVE AN INTERCOM IN HERE, if you wake her one more time, she's moving in with my sister and you'll be alone, for good"...... He would not stop fully, but slowed down a bit(and we DID in fact have an intercom). He also wanted her to start doing all his morning breakfast, etc., right away when coming home.... We put that to rest by trying to put her in the spare room, across the hall... NOPE, he'd go in there and wake her, yelling, "You're my wife! You are cheating on me with your son and other men! You sleep with your husband, or I want a divorce" ..... Well, obviously divorce would have been ideal, IMHO.... BUT, you can't FORCE a man or woman to leave a MORON/PSYCHO WITCH! Let me just say..... my stepfather has been NOTHING but a nightmarish, selfish, evil minded person to all of us since I've known him, and up to November, 2011, it didn't get much better..........

I eventually moved out, but at request of my sister, I moved back in full time because of my mothers Appendectomy that nearly turned fatal. During that healing? SAME THING, Mr. Evil Heart was back at work on her, demanding sex, etc. By this time, and until now, I've stepped in and SHUT HIM DOWN! This did not help our relationship any(not that ANYTHING would)... But in November, 2011..... my stepfather was about to die due to 'aortic stenosis' and 'Multiple bypass being needed'.... AT 84 YEARS OLD, the Cardiologist scared him into doing it, as "He would DIE BY CHRISTMAS, no doubt(quite true, I believe it) if he didn't have the triple bypass and aortic valve replacement surgery".... At first, his HATRED, loathing hatred for doctors kept him from deciding to do the surgery. HOWEVER, ..... he quickly changed his mind because his VULTURES for kids were FINALLY there, after 12 years of HARDLY EVER SEEING THEM.... once they knew he was actually mortal/in danger of passing. IMMEDIATELY, my stepfathers children started in on the 'we want to see the living trust... It's like we're paying for you and your mom to live there. After all, you did this reverse mortgage and now we have to pay all that back when he passes'..... PAYING FOR ME TO LIVE THERE? Lemme just say quickly.... IN REALITY, in a world of balance, where people like me DO NOT serve for nothing the needs of reprobates..... I would have been GETTING PAID, on top of the 10x10 room that I so graciously GET TO live in while caring for their father!.... TOTAL PIGS! .......Just like their father, to be honest..........

Regarding the whole episode with my stepfathers children; {{{ During my stepfathers open heart surgery, His daughter was visiting from NorCal, coincidentally, because of her sons upcoming hernia surgery(plus to party, PLENTY, which she did).... And upon the time her dad was to be coming home, we spoke with her, and made it clear... Having another person here, TOO long after his return...it's just too much/too crowded. We're used to it the way it is, and to be honest, your coming and going at all hours, your wanting to get paid for care-giving for your dad, is too much to handle. Stay for a while, but just let us know when you plan on going home, ok?" This sparked a FULL ON TANTRUM by her and she fled over to her Brothers house(the BIGGEST PIG/VULTURE I'VE EVER MET), where she said, "They want me to leave, eventually", with tears in her eyes.(she's 55, keep in mind, and the son is 52). The Son of my stepfather then went into a HUGE slew of accusatory statements to relay to us through his sister(what a *****!), because he didn't want to deliver the messages himself. It got so bad, all the while her father was still in the recovery/nursing home, that my stepsister would come, acting as the "mediator", she said, and deliver us messages from my stepbrother and his POLICEWOMAN girl friend.... Asking, "They say just show us the living trust, and everything will be ok/go away. It's just that they feel like we're paying for you to live there and, well, even though my brother knows that the trust says we get the house, he doesn't like the reverse mortgage and..." on and on. At this point, I told her, "GO TO HELL! How dare you put my fairly feeble mother through this stuff."..... To which she came to us again during a visit to her father, stating, "OK, now my brothers girlfriend, the cop, has said she's called 'elderly abuse on you and your mother, because you allowed him to have all the vitamins he wanted, which the surgeon felt were too much... and, that you probably are doing that to try and slowly kill him so that you and your mom can get the house", ........etc. and so on. WTH???? First of all, my stepbrother had LOST his copy of the living trust... and I HAD NEVER SEEN IT! But it CLEARLY said that they could have the house after MY MOTHER passed away, granting their father passed away first. I was NO WHERE in it, other than to get her property like rings, furniture, etc.... SECONDLY, TRYING TO KILL HIM BY ORDERING THE VITAMINS HEEEEEE WANTEDDDDDDDDD?(he has a bit of a language barrier... He can speak english ok, but get's too frustrated when they phone operators can't understand him.... And if my mom DID NOT place that order? You know what kind of hell he would put her through? THIRDLY, HE'S A GROWN MAN, never declared incapable of making his own decisions.... NOTHING I could do to stop him from getting those, which he would have done one way or the other. LASTLY? How did they know that he was taking so many vitamins and that the heart surgeon and his nurse didn't like it? BECAUSE I BROUGHT THEM ALL TO THE HOSPITAL! I WAS the one that was concerned by this, and even though they'd KNOWN, FOR YEARS, that their father was taking up to 30-40 vitamins a day, ....even though I'd MANY TIMES told them, "Maybe talk to him, he might listen to you!"... They try to accuse me and my mother of attempted murder??? Anyhow... Shortly after he came home from the nursing home to live in his own house...., here, .... his daughter began, at first, saying, "I'm not going to leave, ...and you can't make me, this is my father!" ..... We quickly realized this was all about money/tempered with a LIL concern for her father... And equally as quickly, we began investigating as to whether there actually was a claim with the Police dept.(quite a conflict of interest if you ask me, being that the COP was the girlfriend of my stepfather's son!).... SURE ENOUGH, it looks as if she did..... And they investigated in the nursing home, ...and my stepfather told them, "My son, Mark(that's me) will take good care of me when I come home. I can't garden like I used to or fix things, so he does everything, all the cooking and cleaning and he can help me like he was before my surgery... I was falling a lot... If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have even gone to the hospital,...he had to force me, physically, because I was literally fighting him off. But now I'm going to be ok, and if he stays there with us, I can stay at home I think."......... YEAH, that's what I thought! And, well, within 3 weeks, she'd gotten her partying in, and as I dumped 80% of the load on her(waking with him, to pee, all the meds, diabetic maintenance), and coupled with the fact that her Husband up north was about to say 'enough with this'... she changed her tune, and at that point said, "Wow, ya know, your REALLY great to my dad... I'm sorry for all the trouble that happened(CUZ OF HER, I MIGHT ADD!).... I feel totally comfortable with his care(as if I give a CRAP) and my hubby misses me....and my daughter needs me up there in Spokane, not far from where we're working(her and her hubby are now in, where they lived all along, Alaska.... They were just in NorCal working for her hubby's daughter)...... And she left, QUICKLY! What a shock, right? Well, she's called around 10 times since leaving(9 months) and my stepbrother? Who lives exactly 8 miles away? He's been here 5 times since his father came home in December, 2011.  }}}....... I just wanted to share, in part, some of what my mother and I have dealt with, EVEN ASIDE from all the crap brought on by my stepfather.

Before the surgery, he was blacking out and REALLY losing his ability to stand too long, let alone walk safely. Falling down, etc. Let me quickly add all that he's physically battling, before going on; Type 2 Diabetes for 30 years/ Diabetic Neuropathy(terrible numbness and pain in the legs at times)/Spinal Stenosis(which causes CONSTANT, every 30 minute urination at times-25-30 times a day on the bedside and couch side toilets as well as seemingly sporadic loss of pain in legs caused by neuropathy...BUT, also, EVEN LESS use of legs due to swelling around spinal chord)/  POSSIBLY sporadic dementia?(I'll expound and ask for thoughts on this)/ sporadic-severe fear of death, which comes with CONSTANTLY attempting to get up in an effort to try and prove to myself that 'he can still walk if he just 'pushes through it' '......

This stuff has led, since he's been Home, December 15th, 2011, to him being an ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE to give care-giving to. I am a private Chef(had to leave my career of running restaurants and designing menus for private field in order to fulfill my choice to care for him/help my mother in this care-giving, before it kills her. Here are his symptoms/nightmarish circumstances therein;

1. He's urinating, as mentioned, 25-30 times a day, and will NOT wear/agree to a catheter. This means he's up, from bedtime(11pm) to the point that he comes out to the couch for breakfast(10am-12pm the next day), around 10-15 times, depending on severity of spinal stenosis. This means I'm FINALLY able to get to sleep by 4-5am and am forced to get up, most often, at 10am(he's on his own until my mom is awake at around 6:30AM/ She has a monitor for the Baby Monitor in his room as well)...... I've not gotten a solid nights sleep in over 8 months! Sometimes, he slides down to his knees or falls when trying to get to the bedside toilet... and I'm awakened by my mother to go in and get him up and back to bed. This is often after 2 hours sleep, after which I have a very hard time in getting back to sleep. ON TOP OF THIS, the next day, around 50% of the time, sometimes more, he's urinated on the floor pads that I have on top of a computer chair slider.... or on the edge of the bed, after he's sat on the edge of the bed with his depends down a bit and just peed.... Then gotten back into the bed with NO Depends(cuz he's soaked them)... Which can also lead to him wetting the sheets, which I have to then change and change the pads/rubber sheet beneath.

2. Once he's up, and I'm trying to organize jobs/get something coming in for myself, I'm forced to often come in, during the day, to either pic him up from the floor or clean up his urine from the pads I have to keep beneath him, wherever he sits/wherever the porta-toilets are.  I also have to come in quite often, because he's fallen or slowly went down to his knees when his legs wont support him more than a couple feet.... Or sometimes just right where he stands up from the couch(My mother can not AND IS NOT ALLOWED to try and lift him... And because he wont refrain from reaching out to grab onto her, I've had to FORCE HER, via threats that I'll leave and force her hand, to stand back and say, "NOPE, Ervin, I can't do it, you have to wait til I get my son!".... )

3. Also involved in my day is all the shopping, getting of meds, cooking, as well as working whenever I can SQUEEZE IT IN(which is almost NEVER now.... WHICH HAS GOTTEN ME BEYOND broke and now in debt!)... MANY times while I'm out shopping.... There is a call to me, declaring, "He's fallen, ... I wont help him, like you told me, but when you can get here, you can help him up"... which of course has led me to have to leave whatever I'm out doing for them and come home... Even causing me to LEAVE A JOB on a couple occasions where he's fallen right on his face on the carpet or back against a wall and really rug burned his face or literally cut the back of his head.

4. HE'S A TERRIBLE PERSON, 90% of the time. NO gratitude, total entitlement, and will NOT listen, nor take ANY direction.... often TEARING his hand away or striking at mine when I INSIST that something has to be a certain way(or, for example, like when I notice that he's jerking around and tinkering with something when he should just stay on TRACK AND GET ON THE FREAKING TOILET.... So I'll say>>> They will pay for 1 nurse per 8 people before they'll pay for 1 nurse to one person, privately, in home!......... )

ANY INPUT, AT THIS POINT, WOULD HELP ME SUSTAIN HOPE AND KEEP FROM HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!

Bless you all and all of yours!

Mark

I just wanted to apologize for venting so extensively on a subject that is not really meant for this forum.... Sorry guys/gals. I've just been SO OVERWHELMED that I am on the verge of nervous breakdowns, regularly. The sad part I didn't mention, which really makes me feel for you all even more.... My mother is ANGELIC!(a bit too kind and trusting, which has sucked in every succubus-of-joy man that she's had in her life....... but nonetheless angelic).

I will look for a place to post this that's appropriate....

Thanks for your understanding!

H8dstepson,dont apoligise,everyone has the right to vent how they feel,should it be a mother or stepfather you are obviously feeling a lot of stress with this absive selfish uncaring old man,,you have the right to feel the way you do.
the responsibilty should not be left on your shoulders,you need help or to be brutal just cut all ties altogether,the man is making you misreable.
you have the right to a life and your not getting it,with having to deal what you have to deal with.
in what ive read,,you seem to be left with everything on your shoulders while,everyone stirs up rubbish and you
take the burden.
you should speak to someone,who can help out in this situation,its unfair and it is distressing you to the point you feel
you could have a nervous breakdown,,,believe me ive felt that way with my vile,,which i feel too borderline sociopathic mother,,,no quality of life will be gained if we pander to these people,,they love to be in control and watch the misery they inflict.
it doesant matter what age tehy are,i they are capabale of using their nasty minds to try to control peoples nature they should be able to make choices for their own wellbeing,,
my mum is unhappy so she wants me and others to be unhappy,,,she tries to lay the guilt on me with her health and how she doesant go out,,and i should be there for her,,,but why the hell should i im a 45 year old woman with a partner and children and now after all these years ive stopped playing her mind games,,,ive cut ties and im not going to feel guilty anymore.
you are your own person and deserve happiness,,you only get one shot of live,theres no curtain call.
so try and please if you can hold your head high and either walk away or get some other to take care of him
everything you do is getting thrown  in your face,ask yourself if its worth any more pain or heartache.
you deserve a life,god bless and try and stay strong!

I had a neighboor call my mother daily and when I answered the phone she would ask to speak with "mommy dearest".
At seven years old I did not understand. These woman are evil and self centered.  My mother told me she had children because everyone else did.  She is a manipulative liar and will try to turn any family member against me.  Amy conflict is my fauly 100% of the time.
She has made sure she has had the best of everything before fufulling any of her families needs.  She is the ultimate narcacisst and I hope she is miserable the rest of the days of her life.  I forgive her as she is ill and like others give it up to God.
She is destructive to my life and I am glad is not involved in it in anyway.  She never should have had children and is not deserving of this great gift from god.  Nothing can satisfy this woman or her colluding husband and I am so glad I realize this and am not trying.  

My mother has played games all my life. She is a manipulating witch. When we were small, she was all hugs and emotional and made us cling to her and was over protective. As we became teenagers, we were *******, sluts, didnt care about her, she was jealous of us, talked badly to us, talked behind my back to my sister and the other way around and to my dad. She had to be the centre of attention all the time.  She put everyone against everyone to make her the hero. All my friends she hated and told me they hated me and she was the only one i could trust. She feigned illness at the drop of a hat. She was never interested in developing me as a person. Only manipulating to get her own way and would stab you in the back when you werent around.  I adored her when I was little till one day I spoke to her on the phone, and when i hung up, the phone didnt actually hang up, and Iheard heard talking about me to my father saying what a little ***** I was and how i was stupid and selfish and crazy and will never amount to anything, two seconds ago she was as nice as pie telling me how much she loved me.  Since that day i have hated her and my father who is also extremly criticizing. They are both in their late 70's now and are getting worse. I have two boys, one with adhd, and have found being a parent extremely difficult and i have severe anxiety.  I am seriously considering having nothing to do with them. My sister is a pyschotherapist and helps. We are in constant contact with them through birthdays, celebrations, etc. They ring me all the time and i get off the phone feeling, like crap.  Every time we have an outing with them or a visit i have severe anxiety and end up hating myself for weeks after coping the latest abuse and negativity. They even send me information news items about death, illness in the mail. They never listen to my accomplishments and rubbish everything positive ihave ever done. I have carved out a reasonably successful career and have a nice house and partner. We are to get married soon, and she is a jealous witch that I dont want there. Can i cut them off?

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your stories.  I have not been in contact with my hateful mother (now 88) for almost 5 years.  I started reading Joanna Ashmun's blog at halcyon.com about narcissistic personality disorder, and I finally woke up to what my "egg donor" is.  Also, I gained a lot of help from sites written by adult children of narcissists, such as The Narcissist's Child, Narcissists Suck, mulderfan, rumblestripq, and You Don't Have to Dance for Them by upsi.

It's hard to admit your parent is abnormal, but I have to say it is easier than living with their constant denigration and fake caring.  After only a ten-minute phone conversation, my mother would beat me down into a week's worth of depression and insecurity.

I regret that I didn't remove her from my life when I was 20 instead of 50.  Those were totally wasted years trying to get love from a creature incapable of it.  These years away from her have been a long-overdue gift to myself.  All of you reading this can do the same.  Take care of YOURSELVES.

mine lives with me and my wonderful husband and 2 lovely sons.I'm 51 and moved back to the uk 4 yrs ago after 20 years abroad.She was left with me a year ago by one of my siblings,"just for a visit" and she has not left since.My siblings have all washed their hands of her and I:ve not spoken to them since she was dumped with me and so being the eldest I;ve been left to live with this vindictive,spiteful and selfish woman.
She has reduced me to tears on many occasions and the bitterness in m heart takes my breath away,
Being the eldest girl from a family of 9 from 4 different fathers, my earliest memories of growing up were of abuse and beatings and the terror of running down streets from a drunken mother.I cooked and cleaned for the household, growing up, all the time aware that she expected my utmost obedience. I was the only one treated this way and after leaving school and marrying I continued to take care of her emotional and financial needs.
And in my 26 yrs of marriage my wonderful husband has excepted this additional baggage I've been carrying and remained supportive.

I put her in care when I moved back to the country but my siblings had her removed and now the csre homes won't have her and I can no longer manage the cost of care for her. She doesn't get ant state assistance.So the last 12 months I have endured physical and mental abuse,I've had to resort to anti depressants.She is not physically incapable but will insist on me cooking special meals for,taking care of her comforts by simply screaming out orders to me and using the most foul language on me,my husband and friends.She is not ill and does not have Alzheimers. I realize now that she is what she has always been and growing up abused is something I simply excepted then and I am still accepting now at 51 yrs of age. She brought me up to take care of her,I've been doing it all my life and she makes me feel I owe her my life.
I do an 11 hour a day job so we can make ends meet,so take care of  her needs before I leave for work and again when I get home back at 9pm. She will not accept food or help from the rest of my family in my absence and will wait until I get back. She will leave the toilets and bathroom in a state so that this is another of just one of my daily routines of cleaning after her,
I no longer invite friends or hubby's family round; I 'm too embarrassed and afraid of how she might react.
She has taken my life-in my own home- and I resent her for it.I'm stuck with her.She has brought about a change in the relationship I had with my husband.he is so unhappy and I don;t really know what to do with her so that I can have my old life back.

I am so tired and stressed,I' ve lost so much weight my clothes just hang off me now.I'm at my wits end with my crazy mother and feel suicidal sometimes.
Anyway I'm glad I found somewhere to share my story,I think support groups for abused adult children is long overdue.I've had a good cry typing this and feel good that I could write about her,Thank you for sharing; hopefully will come on here one day to report that she's moved on,

reading these stories just want me to say how upsetting it must be for all of you,,having to put up with ,,the nasty,,manipuating side of our vile mothers.
ive been there and although stoped having contact,,she is still trying to get to me through people,,,trying to gain sympathy with her sociopathic personality,,making herself out the victim and saying to people she doeasnt understand why im ignoring her,,,she has pulled the wool over so many people eyes and acts coy and so nice,,but with me i was the batterring ram for her hatred,jealousy and how unhappy her life is.
i know my mothers love towards me is fake too like others said they feel,,i know anything i have ever accomplished in life she has shown no concern only jealousy,,,its been hurtful just praying to have a normal relationship,,,but i now know thats never going to happen.
she has always had a lot of hated against my gran who was like a mum to me,,,even though my gran has been dead for nearly 5 years she still talked about her with venom.
she is two faced and will stir up arguments within the family.
,i was called every name under the sun and would get attacked with her,,she would throw shoes at me and whip me with the metal stems of artificial flowers,,contantly slap my face and say i had menta,issues,,she also threw metal fork at my neck when i was 10,,which stuck in my neck,,,she favoured my half brother over me,,i filnally escaped when i was sixteen,,i slept on friends couches and in b and b,s i finally went in to a ymca where i stayed for nearly three years until i got a 1 bed flat,,tht when i was 23,,i never regretted moving out,,but she told everyone that she threw me iot which was untrue.
when i moved in to my flat with my boyfriend,,,we had a bed a chair and a tv,,,she gave us nothing to help us out,she seemed to thrive on us struggling,,we both got jobs and she was livid,,she couldent stand the fact we were now surviving without her in the background gloating.
i am now nearly 46 and i can say all she has done is made my life a misery,,i have my own family and partner and finally have had enough,,the  ties are cut like i said ,,but she wont leave me alone,,ive blocked her of my phone but its only a matter of time before she comes to my home,,,she did it round at old flat and came round drunk,,shouting and bawling abuse,,,i just want her to leave me and my family in peace thats all i ask,,i doubt she will,,,but im going to be strong an di want everone to on this page to try and be the same,,,its hard,,we have been through so much,,but we cant let our nasty so called mothers by name only win,,thats what they want,,they want us to fold and fall,,,but they are not worth it especially when we have others who love us in life,,,so bigs hugs to you all,,, xxx

I read the stories on here and have to say...I really feel for all the people that have put their lives through hell to make their "mother" happy. I have felt like a disappoint to my mother most of my childhood. Although my older siblings did not help the situation any by being horrible either. As I grew up, I always tried to understand what was making my mom so mean and ugly. Was it her continued bad marriages, lack of self confidence, lack of money or what. I struggle with it even now. She finally met a nice guy when I was 14. Stayed married to her until he passed away 3 years ago. I am now 45. I do not have any clue why he stayed with her. She was horrible to him. Always calling him names, telling him he was stupid...even though he was smarter than anyone I knew, she treated him like hell and I felt so sorry for him. I was happy that he got to get away from her. Just prior to that she was diagnosed with dementia. Tried to explain it as that. But no good. It has now only intensified the already horrible demeanor. She is currently living by herself until we can get her situated in a home. Family members were living with het but they are so sick of being called names, being accused of hating her, not spending every waking moment with het so she could bombard them with her evilness. I live next door and take care of her bills and buy her food. Everything we get she says she hates and throws away. She won't buy for herself, so she expects us to wait on her all the time. What she does eat, she sits and eats it all in one day. We spend at least 300 a month on her and she complains that we are starving her. My own family can live off of that and there are more of us. She is putting us in a financial bind, an emotional downward spiral, and making me want to drop her off at tie front door of a nursing home and not look back. The guilt of doing that is tremendous, as I am not like her in any way. But I am so emotionally exhausted from years or her verbal and emotional abuse. I keep trying to convince myself it is her illness....but she has always been horrible. The dementia has just turned up the volume on her behavior, and it won't get any better, only worse.

To you all, this is my Mother, over and over again.  I really would like to know why she is like she is, is it to do with her generation, 84 years old, raised between 2 world wars.  Personal trauma when young or what.  

Yes, she plays me off against my Sis, my Sis just plays the nice one and is a clear favourite, with her "dream husband".  There is one difference that I don't think anyone has raised directly, the threat of removal of an inheritance.  She is obsessed with money, to the extent she is a miser, 84 years old and still accumulating money, hoarding food, wearing old clothes and dangling her money in front of me and my Sis, then withdrawing it.  Ohh I'll buy you that, then never mentioning it again.  Calling us spendthrifts when she has no idea of what we do/don't spend money on.  In her world it's simple money=love end of story.  Not a good way to be, and she's now got us both dangling on a string, a divorce would be heaven sent.

A friend of mine & I were discussing our mum's, she said that her mum is worse than mine, and I said that mine is worse than hers.  Thankfully my mum lives in Canada and I Australia, my mum came for a visit and my friend invited us to her house for dinner.  Afterwards my friend gave me a huge hug and said in my ear "I am so sorry Chrissy"!

Reading all of the stories has certainly proved that we can move on from our past abuse, and it is abuse, horrific verbal abuse, bullying, harrassment and intimidation causing untold misery.  If we were strangers we would not think twice about never speaking to 'that' woman ever again, but because we are 'the daughter' or 'the son' we assume that we have an obligation.  Yet our obligation is to ourselves, our own lives and our loving friendships/relationships/spouse/children.  And we are not like her (or him) because that gene is not in us, thankfully.  When my mother (she is not a mum) turned 70, my husband & I went over to see her (she remarried and left me when I was 17), that first morning she was watering the plants and I approached from behind, put my arms around her and said "It's great to be with you mum celebrating your birthday, I love you", without looking at me she snarled "I'll be glad when you're gone I've only started smoking since you arrived"!  My heart sank and I walked back to my husband and said  "why do I bother"?  and he answered that he doesn't know, but I kept thinking that it is because she is my mum.  Then when she sees my husband and stepfather she acts so loving towards me, this Jekyl & Hyde personality has gone on for many years.

She is now 79, my stepfather passed on 2 years ago, and she now travels platinum class on 3 week cruises.  She has not spoken to my brother, her son, for over 30 years and has not acknowledged his children - er grandchildren, she returned his christmas cards unopened, and all because of her cruel, evil vindictiveness.  I don't think that she has realised that the position of 'Queen' has been taken!  And as with your mothers stories, it's never her fault is it?   I don't miss her as she has never given me any-thing to miss, financial help, conversation (unless about her), love, support or encouragment, she doesn't miss me but of course as with so many of the stories she is calling others telling them that I wont speak to her, the 'woe is me' act.    I do not have any children (just one of those things) and yet I am a kindly Aunt, showering love & affection on other peoples children.  I have a good heart and like you go around in circles asking 'why', all we wanted was love & affection, but these people cannot give it, they can only take it inflicting hurt & pain on others as they go.  I would never ignore a childs outstretched hand or inflict emotional abuse on a child causing irrepairable damage.  These 'people' know what they are doing, they know that their words are causing pain.

I work in aged care, I see a lot of very nice mum's and families, see how they are around each other and how they treat each other.   What I (and you) have is very sad, and it wont get better.  when I was younger I was like a leach attaching myself to my friends mum's, fortunately they let me.

I am not like her and thanks to a lot of others (including all of you writing) can now put the past behind me and move on.  There is certainly no more guilt, I had stopped all communication with her 12 months ago but since finding this website can see that I certainly did the right thing.   And will continue to do so, it is not because I want to but because I have to.   My husband told my brother some years ago that he is the lucky one.   Well we are both now lucky.

Sorry, this is quite long since Ive seen so many similarities with myself.  

My father treated my mother badly but passed away when I was 4, so they were only together a short time, but she has been bitter towards him ever since, and has become much worse as she has become older, even though he apologized to her when he was dying and encouraged her to find someone else after he was gone.  However, she wouldnt even have men for friends from that time.  But it has taken me until now, because of her contant shock and denial whenever I was trying to figure it out, that she has probably always resented me for looking like him and taking after him in a lot of my personality type, but not personality.  I mean, I'm shy, sensitive, friendly and polite, and get along well with most people, make friends easily.  I come across as being soft and a little innocent also since she sheltered me so much.  I get my talents in eloquence, writing, public speaking, good memory etc from my father, but I dont have his aggression, bad temper, or abusive behavoiur.  Also, unlike me, he was not good at getting along with people, and he may have been sensitive but he didnt seem soft at all.  He was quite chauvamistic.  I know all about him from many different sources and also my own memories.

I remember during childhood my mum complaining that I had a "sour face" since when I was tired the corners of my mouth turned down, and I remember travelling overseas with her as a child in a hot country, where we did a lot of walking, and I was very tired and thirsty even though I loved the travelling, and her complaining the whole time, making me almost cry, because the corners of my mouth were turned down and I wasnt smiling (since I was so tired and hot).  She kept telling me to smile.  She would say that I looked just like my father and had a "sour face" just like him and that I should smile all the time.  Other people though all thought I had a soft face and that I looked shy.  In fact I'm still considered to have a soft face and this is I think part of why I look younger than I am.  In fact, if anything, people will stereotyping me as being more naive or gentle than I see myself as being, but she sees me as being aggressive.  In fact, when as a young adult I tried very hard to overcome my shyness, I would be proud of myself if I were ever able to assert myself to others if they put me down, since this was always until recently very difficult for me to do since I was shy.  But whenever I mentioned to my mother some situation where someone had hurt me and Id managed to assert myself, she would hold it against me, saying that I was very aggressive.  I realize that this was since she was overreacting to things about me and thinking that everything meant I was aggressive and bad tempered like my father, even though I was the oppositve of him that way.  Ive met some of his relatives and it is the same: Im the most polite of all of them, and the only way we seem to be similar is in terms of our talents.  However, I am also nothing at all like her family, who are all like her.  I mean, they and her are all much more aggressive than me.  I think Im like my dad's relatives in that we are better at theorizing and seeing the grey areas of things, but my mother's relatives are mostly black and white like her, and pushy with their ideas and aggressive, and some can be quite hurtful.  yet she doenst see herself as being this way, she thinks Im this way when Im the opposite.  Even my mother's relatives all see me as being much softer than themselves and than her.  

My mother has always lashed out, since I was a child, that my father and I ruined her life.  She has also often lashed out that I am nothing like her at all.  She knows Im much more sensitive than her but she still thinks of me also as being aggressive.

Now my mum is much nastier than before.  Her relatives are all in another country far from here, and my dad's are also far away in other countries.  My dads relatives have no contact with my mum, its mutual, and they seldom contact me and the few times ive been in touch with them have been hurtful.  the same for my mum's relaitves.  they have a little to do with her, not as much as shed like, and almost nothing to do with me, although they are slightly better than my dad's.  and im an only child so all i have is my mum, but for years she has seldom seen me.  it bothers her that im sensitve and that i really need family and this is why she cut me off and only spoke to me on the phone for a few years.  now since i spoke up to her 2 years ago when she lashed out at me and id had enough, she then stopped talking to me for 2 years and now she talks but only once a month and wont let me call her more.  when i visited her a few years ago, after her cutting me off for a few years, this is now 5 years ago that i visited, she started to lash out at me more and more, cutting me down and hurting me and saying that i controlled her.  i told her once that it was her who controlled me not the other way around, but i had to say it very carefully.  if she cut me down, and i spoke up, shed blame me for being aggressive for asserting myself.  but she began to cut me down more and more until it was very difficult not to speak up each time since the things shed say were so hurtful.  she seemed to be jealous over my recent travels overseas and she would try to prove that she knew more than me about those countries, or that i was mistaken in the things id seen, even though i was only sharing those things with her since she has also travelled a lot.  now she blames me for "being aggressive" with her when i visited her, even though i only asserted myself when she lashed out, and i tried in fact very very hard not to respond since i knew shed hold it against me, but shed keep at me and at me until id finally respond, then shed say, "see, you are aggressive".  shed not admit that she herself had been hurtful in the first place and that id been trying to resist responding.  one time she lashed out when i bought her a gift, saying id forced it onto her when i surprised her with it.  another itme she lashed out at me in the doctors office when the doctor asked if id like to come with her to see the results of the tests. she lashed out in front of everyone, "no!!!  you always want to control me!!!".  

ive since learned that any family friends and mum's relatives abroad are usually nervous to contact her since she also lashes out at them.  she has always had only a few friends, although when i got over some of my shyness as a young adult i found i made friends very easily, which she doenst.  she claims she is a smiling cheerful person and is always talking to me on the phone about how everyone finds her very cheerful.  yet she has no close friends, only acquaintances in the neighbouring shops.  

she also has told the property manager and other people that when i visited her i was aggressive and abusive, even though she had me crying almost every day with lashing out at me (this is the period 5 years ago) and i tried so hard not to respond for fear of her retaliation and cutting me off again, calling up friends of mine for advice on how to not respond, but since it was my mum it was very difficult and i was especially hurt by her cutting me off and not seeing me for a few years up until then, so when she kept lashing out, that just compounded things and made it hard for me to not respond.  i recal one friend saying that i should say, i love you mum, i dont want to be fighting with you, but she just screamed, yes you do want to fight with me and turned that into a fight.  another friend suggested saying nothing, so she just kept at me again and again until i finally called out "quiet, leave me alone" and cried, so then she screamed that i was aggressive and abusing her.  people believe her even though they seldom met me and hardly know me.  with other people she is not close to she puts on an act of being friendly and sweet, so they only see that with her.  

i remember once when i stayed there one guy came to visit to fix somethign in the apartment, and she offered him tea and invited him to sit and talk with us.  i was politely friendly with him just to show her that i could get along well with people (i was the same when homemakers visited to clean).  so she then got angry with me afterwards that i had taken over the conversation and not let her talk.  yet while talking id kept turning to her to bring her into the conversastion.  when i was younger, shed do all the talking since i was very shy, and so id just sit when we visited people while she took over the entire group's conversation.  yet she did it as though to draw attention to herself, not as though she was letting everyone talk together or respecting their participation.  im friendly these days, but i dont take over conversations or show off in groups, so it is different from her.  as a child, i felt that she had trouble fitting into groups since she was so traditional and because of how shed kind of monopolize conversations.  for me though, when i was shy and now that im much less shy, ive still felt that i have tried to fit in socially, i mean in how i dress or by donig things to feel part of the group.  i mean, i have my own style but im still somewhat upbeat, not in an effort to fit in but in a sort of unconscious way since i enjoy being part of the group im involved with.  ive travelled a lot more recently so ive also learned to do that in various cultures.  

im sorry this is so long.  i just mean, im an only child, i only have her and ive not yet found the right one to marry since ive mostly been a gradaute student when not living abroad so i wasnt in circles where i could meet more men who were interested in more serious relationships (and im not into flings), so although i make friends easily, ive been out of the country a lot until lately and i have a few friends here so far and my boyfriend, but no family at all except her who doenst see me and doesnt treat me like family and is so resentful.  and i realize that most of this is since she overreacts to my personality because i look and seem so much like my dad.  

one more thing: shes told me that when i was first born, and the nurses in the hospital brought me to her, she saw right away that i looked so much like my dad and said, "not another one!!!"  i dont know why she even told me this, she first told me when i was a child, but has told me a few times since.  when i was a child, if i were being difficult as children sometimes are, shed scream "all your father's family has treated me badly!!!" meaning including myself.  but she met almost none of them, only half siblings from his previous marriage.  

i have never rebelled or gotten into drugs, sleeping around, drinking, or even smoking, bad language or any of the things that many young people get into, maybe partly from my personality and partly since she sheltered and controlled me so much wheni was growing up (since she was afraid id turn out like him?  or since she was afraid id make her mistake and marry the wrong man?  i feel it is a bit of both).  ive always felt a bit younger than i was because of all the sheltering, and often ive had trouble making decisions because of it although ive become much stronger lately from being overseas.  yet she seems me so extremely, and the way she talks to others about me youd think id been a juvenile delinquent even though i was never anywhere near that  and even as an adult am pretty respectful of others and myself.  

my mother is all of the above but now im getting married in a few months she threatining not to come, and shes warned me all the drama that will unfold on my big day instead of supporting me and telling me how amazing the day will be. my parents have seperated for 3 years now. i am 29 and looking forward to the big day but scared of what she will do to try and ruin my day.
i get one day to be selfish and a day where its all about me, but all the preparations have all been about her. this is driving me insane and have literally seen a councellor because i can not cope with the stress and drama my mother and sister create. 2 peas in a pod those two.  drama, compulsive liers, jelouse its all too much. thank god for my dad he is the only one who keeps me sane!
so worried what will happen and if she will even come, this is not the behavior of a mother why does she do this to me!

My mother is 76 and my dad is too.  She has bipolar and apparently was diagnosed with paranoia Schizophrenia when she gave birth to me.  I am 52, my brother 53.  She told me that she was very ill after me with PND coz her mother died whilst she was pregnant with me but I think there was more to it.  Now at 76 my dad is her carer, she also has carers coming in three times a day as she cant and wont walk anymore.  Now this is her fault as she has had my dad be her lapdog all their married life (54 years).  She has turned out to be bitter, selfish and nasty.  She treats my brother better than me and that may be because he lives nearer to her but even he and she fight a lot.  She is extremely jealous of my relationship with my dad, so much so that she refuses to let him drive to see me regularly.  I only live an hour away, dont drive and the buses are rubbish where they live as they live in the Countryside.  My husband left me after a thirty year marriage and five children.  I have had absolutely no support off my mum, nor my dad for that matter about all this.  I am closer to my dad and have really needed him this last three years since I was left alone.  She tells him that he cannot bring his car over to see me as it might get damaged as there are crazy drivers where I live!!!  Blimey there are crazy drivers everywhere.  She will not even let my brother who lives close by to them use their vehicle and come to see me.  I am moving soon and the stress is bad with having to move and she knows this.  I really could have done with my parents support this last three years.  She has told my brother that I am only using them for the use of their car and that if my brother does bring the car over then I will get him "driving me here there and everywhere!" in it!!!  She has said that I may even want to go to the Supermarket in it!!  So what if I did!  She backchats to my brother about me behind my back.  She has told me that it is no wonder my husband left me.  She has become a nasty piece of work.  She is one selfish cow and I am beginning to hate her.  She never had any contact with my five chidren nor my granddaughter who is two, she never bothers with my brother's two children either.  Its all about her, her, her all the blooming time.  She has carers come in and therefore could spare my dad or brother or both of them to come visit me occasionally, it would not kill her. My dad does everything she says yet moans about her and slags her off behind her back.  He will not grow a pair and stand up to her.  Me and my dad used to be close but now I am beginning to hate him too.  She had to go in a  home a few months ago temporarily whilst my dad was in hospital and she went funny in there and they had to get the psyciatrist out to her again.  She went delusional.  I reckon it was because she did not have her little lapdog to hand (my dad).  She simply cannot cope without him and is driving me and my brother away in the process.  She is so selfish and talks badly about everybody behind their back.  I am almost glad I live 38 miles away from them sometimes.  She has definitely ruined the relationship I had and should still be having with my dad now!

I meant to add that I myself have Chronic Kidney Disease, bipolar, hypertension, dislocating knee caps, prsioric arthritis in hands and knees so have a lot to put up with medically myself.  I still think that my mother should not be so selfish and think of others for a change and their needs.  When I go out I have to use a zimmer frame walker myself for fear of falls as my knees give way constantly and dislocate when they feel like it too.  I have had this problem since I was 4.  As for the bipolar, think my first pregnancy set this off but also I believe it may be heritary.  I suspect though that my selfish mother has other psyciatric problems as well.  Even so I am not at all like this with any of my five children.  

It is nice to read these posts. I have had similar situations above. My mother has put me down since I was a child and progressively got worse into adulthood. My father's sister has been married several times and was always considered a skank. My mom use to call me her name. I felt terrible. I am not anything like my aunt who I don't even speak to. I was molested by some neighborhood children when I was little. For some reason, my mom made friends with the kid later on in life and said he wasn't that bad of a person.

My mom use to party with my friends and I and she was a good time. She later on got too involved when I began to date. She would say awful things to the guy when I was at the bar. She would ignore me because she did not approve of the person I was with. She called me a ***** one evening. I am no such thing.  We married at the courthouse. My husband at the time and I wanted a bigger wedding. She decided she wanted nothing to do with my wedding and provided no support nor a wedding gift. She acted as if the wedding was not happening because it was not about her.

My child has had surgeries due to heart issues. The second surgery she did not show up because of a lame excuse. She did not show up to the 1st birthday party because of another lame excuse. She seems to only care about herself.

A few years ago, I went through a divorce. I decided to move closer to parents due to daycare costs. Parents offered to watch my child while I worked. Moving closer to my parents was a huge mistake because she was able to control me. My parents helped me a ton but made me feel like crap in the process. I have a sibling and they make sure to take care of him but me, they can stomp all over.

Later I met a wonderful guy who I have been with almost four years. My mom seemed fine with him until she pulled a horrible stunt in public. She began to ask him random questions and was not happy about how he answered the questions. She accused him of using me. He was then not allowed to family functions. She told me to work around the holidays. So now I have to go to holiday functions depressed because he is not allowed. The holiday crap has been now going on for a couple of years.

This past Thanksgiving I chose to not go to my parents because all I did was sit there with my child and listen to how my sibling and his family were just fabulous. My son and I would be ignored. I felt like a total outkast. Not too long ago, I was banned from my family's home because I chose to stand up for myself. I decided I would not go to my sibling's home for Christmas. I am now the bad person. How dare I do such a horrible thing?????? Supposably my fiance is using me. I am not quite sure how because it is not like I won some lottery or inheritance of some sort? He works full-time, makes good money, treats me great, treats my child great, and I love him.

My son is treated like an outkast when my sibling's child is around. My mother has lashed out at my son on a couple occasions. She does not have a good relationship with my grandma at all. She did not have a good relationship with my dad's parents at all. She pushes friends away because she claims they are bad people. She accepts my sibling's significant other though even though he/she has got into arguments with her. Since it is my sibling, it is okay. She likes my sibling's family but as for me, mine is not up to her standards. We live with my fiance and am glad to get away from her. After she kicked me out of her home, accusing me of being a user and that I hurt HER feelings, I am glad she is now out of my life. She is quite immature because she deleted me from her facebook account.

She is a horrible person. I sit here and question myself constantly thinking I provoked this and I know I didn't. I am now taking one day at a time and thankful for all of my friends and what family I have. The posts above make me realize I can choose my family and that is what needs to be done to feel better about myself. Subjecting my child to her hate is not an option. My friends and grandma see her bitterness towards me and has been like this for so many years. I use to listen to her thinking she was right but she isn't. If I did break up with my fiance, it would be something else she would come up with to make me feel unhappy about. I am blessed with so much and have a lot going for me. I hope she finds a nice location in hell to hang out in.

Here is my story. My beloved father just died five months ago. I was the only daughter, daddy's little girl. My mom and I used to be friends. Prior to my father dying, my mother and I would argue. It started deteriorating when she was put on Xanax and vicodin. She is uninhibited about the things she says. I went two months without speaking to her after my dad died because during an argument she told me he died disappointed in me. I went back to clear it up and moved on. I was sexually abused as a child by a cousin and during a fight today she said to me..."you sit there and cry about how @@@@ made you suck his c"&ck when you were little, but then you f@)k your cousin when you were 16." Those were her exact words. She has made up this absurd lie and it makes me physically sick. I can't stop shaking. I have three children and am expecting a child right now. I have been married for 20 years. I am not a ***** and I did not sleep with my cousin. My mother is beyond evil. She must hate me. Why do I feel the need to go back for more, I must be mental. She says I am bipolar And need help.

I believe some women are just don't have what it takes to be a mother and should never have children.  The smart ones grow old and never do like my sister.  She is just too self-centered to take care of someone else.  The same with my mother, the malignant narcissist.  She married the good-looking football player that turned out to be an abusive drunk.  She got pregnant with me because she thought a son would save the marriage but it was her bad luck she has another girl.  She has lived her entire life as "the victim".  After their divorce, she was stuck with two small children.  She wanted party and be a single woman and had no time for her girls.  Years of being victimized made her the most hateful, bitter person I have ever met.  I took me many years to realize that the reason I couldn't do anything to please her was because there is absolutely nothing that will please her.  I found that this woman is toxic to me.  As much as I want a loving relationship with my "mother", it is not possible.  Her anger and hate makes me hate myself and I can only get better is to stay away from her.    Once, I wrote her a letter basically calling her out on her behavior but saying it in a way that I loved her and wanted her to get help and be happy.  Didn't work.  I don't have any contact with her anymore.  My two grown daughters speak to her on the telephone on occasion (we all live far apart) but she is angry with them now and I am sure it is the beginning of the end of that one.  My sister is oblivious to all of this.  She thinks we should all change to keep my mother happy therefore this is my fault.  I no longer feel guilt about my mother because I know that I tried to be there for her but she does not want it because to have a relationship with me, I told her she has to stop psychologically and emotionally abusing me.  I know she is a bitter old lady that will die alone because no one can stand to be around her.  Always yelling about how this person did her wrong or how her ex-husband gave her cancer.  She would always tell me how I screwed up my life and what a bad mother I am.  When she talks to my daughters, she just tells them what a bad mother they have.  I live far from her now.  I have a wonderful husband, good job and a nice house.  Really, I pity her.

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WOW. I thought I was the only one.  All my life I thought I had a mother. The devil in hell came out of her once daddy passed away in 2005. All these decades I thought I knew this woman.  Mind you, I was the only child out of 8 that was always the one to help her. To take her out. Take her on trips buy her things etc. I had NO clue all these years she was using me. She has has ill feelings towards me and one other sister who is now deceased in 2008 at a very young age with terminal cancer. My MOTHER was jealous of my dying sister and used to say why does she not hurry up and die. Well my mother came down with terminal cancer two years later. She is still alive but the devil out of hell. She BLAMED me for my sisters death because when my sister died my mother was on a European trip with me and we only learned my sister had died and by the time we got the news it was too late to come back for the funeral. She blames me for this and lied and told everybody I knew this and kept it a secret. I did not. She has blamed me for every thing and tells everybody my husband is a homosexual and all sorts of rotten filthy lies. YET its me who has always come to her aid. She has enjoyed European trips on me and my husband ever since daddy passed away. Each and every year she got the all expense trip for 2 to 4 months in Europe and travelled all over at OUR expense. Not once has she thanked me for it. Instead she will bad talk me to her other children and make so much confusion once a police man came to my door to ask if I am holding her against her will. I was shocked out of my witts. I put her A%%E on a plane the next day and swore not to have anything to do with her. Well that only lasted so long when she wrote apologizing. I fell for her lies. She didn’t mean it. She came the following year and every year after that up to 2011. Last year 2011 she claimed NOBODY is caring for her and that my sister who lived ten minutes away does nothing for her. So I packed up my bags. Literally put my job on hold, left my dogs and husband and flew from Europe to Seattle to take care of this Stage V patient who was being abused. WELL I had the shock of my life when I got rhere. I was not really welcomed.  She told everybody that I came to wipe her out and steal from her then kill her. It went on for two weeks. I swore up and down I was a slave for that woman. God is my witness. She convinced everybody in the family that I was killing her. She THREW ME OUT ONE COLD WINTER MORNING at 7am with NO where to go and nothing to eat or drink. I was in shock. A neighbour of her’s took me in and got me someplace to stay until I could change my airline ticket.  But before I could reach the neighbor’s door she called the lady to tell her DON’T let me in how I was killing her. The lady knew better and realized that there is no way I could come all away clear from Europe to do this. She knew me. That happened march 2 last year. I have never ever spoken or contacted her again and never will. To this day she is still dogging me. My eldest sister believes I should forgive her and be nice to her cuz she is dying. Well I wont. As far as I am concerned she died that cold winter morning. It was a very hard thing to stomach. She is mean, she has always been mean. When daddy died she put up a face. Behind his back she will do her dirty work. We are a family of 8 children NOBODY speaks to anybody or one speaks to me, the others don’t speak to that one, and so on. She has caused unbelievable trouble amongst us. She wants everybody to crave her and she does not like to hear anybody is getting along with each other. She has made mortal enemies between us. Some of us have not spoken in decades. Its horrible. When we were growing up and daddy was around we had good relations with each other. She has ruined it all. When she dies, she leaves a bunch of enemies. Its disgraceful. Then she professes to be a woman of god. I would ask which God? Cuz it cant’t me my God you are meaning.

I will NEVER speak to her again. I will not go to a funeral nor will I grieve her. She is just too mean.

meowmeow844 this could be my mother without the terminal illness. At least you have that! Yes never going to her funeral. If I do only to dance on her grave and make sure she’s really down there!!  I am one of eight. My mother ******* about everyone that is not in the room. I don’t speak to any of my siblings as a result. I cut off from my family about 20 years ago due to the toxicity. But my pit viper of a mother just keeps trying to rope me back into her drama. I had completely had enough after my sister’s funeral and have not spoken to her again. If not for my mother’s lies I truly believe my sister would still be alive. The vindictive lies, the drama, the shameless gall that this woman would rather feed her own daughter to the wolves than face the consequences of her own behaviour. This woman also parades around with a bible in hand thinking that she shall not fall. She is such a hypocrite and does everything that she shouldn’t. Thinking no one can see. She doesn’t deserve to call herself a mother. A mother doesn’t say those things about any of her children and cause such dysfunction. It is her doing that most of her children are struggling with depression, abandonment issues, drug and alcohol addiction and dealing with sexual abuse. I think that because I’m eldest and that I escaped long ago, that I didn’t fall prey to these issues. Then somehow the witch has turned everything around,  because "I" am so nasty she will never speak to me again! Un-bel-ieve-able!!  She is addicted to the attention and sympathy that her lies afford her from unsuspecting victims. Munchausen syndrome by proxy without the physical poisoning of her offspring still makes this a crime. This woman makes a hardened narcissist blush.

Hi kids, It broke my heart that you did not get much love from your parents.

I have three children, a girl and two boys and I love them and we make sure they have good future to cherish and safe foundation for their lives.  I come from happy family 12 of us, seven boys and five girls but I have never come across such a stories I read and your experiences you received from your own mum.

If it is not the love why did she keep you in her womb for nine months, went through all sickness and in such pain to push you out to see the world and went through nighdt after nights sleepless nights especially when you get sick, she makes sure that you take medicine, feed you, bath, clothing, make sure you have good education not to wag school, no drugs etc.

When you become adult and starting having partner, then it all shows, everything is your partner, your mum is nothing to you, but when you want your mum, yes, she is always there for you, support you when you broke, guide you how to be successful at work place, learn how to save for your future, be kind and find a good partner etc.

As a mother, we do get upset and disappointed when our child do not show their compassion, thoughtfulness, caring and show their sefishness all the time and it is never enough for them.

I am quite sure every mother loves her child regardless how ignorance the child(s) is, we can only remind them to do the right thing for their lives and parents.  We are over 65, I asked my son to mow the lawn for me, he said that he does not live with me.  Would you do that to your mum!!! after all he left home at the age 26, but he never refueses to help his friend or his wifes'parents to do job for them.  

My second son is never home to help around, eventhough my husband has Alzhiemer (only ask him to look for him when I can not find the way home) he told me he would mow the lawn for me week after week but it has not eventuated.

I am training them how to invest into the property with minimum payment to me @$150-200 per for three units each, I am the one have to cover all expenses and all redundancy package money all in the loan + most of my wages went to the properties.  They all know that yet, they are wanting to buy their own home then my son and my daughter gang up to demand to reduce the payment to $100 or 75 (that is not enough to buy a dress for his wife) and we still have a mortgage to pay off.  As a mother I have given all my working life and only one thing they have to do to buy their own home with their partners not their mother.  We bought our own home without help, we lost all our money in 1980 + three childrend to support.

From 2000 we bought one unit, then to a block of 6 units + a block of 4 units + my own home.  They already have good foundation but why they want me to give them $30 to 40 thousand for their deposit, they should save for themselves.  

My son did not want me to buy a big home that I like therefore I can have give them some money, but I did it any way as it is my money and earned it and I gave them good future already.

We have our own life as well.  As you can see, they want money they come to mother but I can't ask them to mow the lawn just because he does not live with me any more.

I never asked my children to leave home till I am sure that they are going be all right.  I don't even want them to rent a place, I prefer to buy and they can rent from me, in the end they will own it.

It is heart broken when our child do that to you, we provide every thing for them but their partner who they know only a couple of years are better than their parents also their friends more important than parents.  It has to be fair and sincere with compassion towards parents.  They will be parent soon or later.  It is not an easy job bringing up the children, the estimation of cost approximately more than $50,000 p annum.  We have to work hard to achieve what we need and future for the children.

As a mother, they upset me then I don't really want to support them or even give them any thing in the will.  I have never being nasty to my children unless they are being selfish and show no love and nasty towards us then it is just self reaction to give them to see how it is like to be on receiving end.  

Mother is also going through the grief that the children give us but we still love them but some how we have to make them to realise that the Mother word is important than the wife as you can have only ONE MOTHER BUT YOU CAN HAVE MANY MANY DIFFERENT PARTNERS!!!

I heard from a friend, her son 52 after split with his wife, he moved back with mum, Mum can not refuse because he is her son, she has to start all over again, cook, shop, clean for him and for his family as well.  

The mothers are not all the same, but I know that she loves her child....and care for her or him....please be patience with her, mother is getting older seem to set her own way.  She is not going to live long and soon you will know that how much she loves you.

When I was a child I always felt my mother had a split personality. She would either smother me with presents or be extremely cruel. You never knew what you were going to get. She was emotional and physically abusive. At different times I tried to tell people but no one believe me. To outsiders she was the perfect church-going mother. In reality, she was cruel, mean and selfish. If she did not get what she wanted she would threaten suicide or would resort to some form of blackmail – "I'll tell people this or that…" While all this went on, I always had this sense that I did not belong. I don't know how to explain it but I did. I once asked my mother if I was adopted and she blew up at me. Her emotional abuse was the worst. I'd much rather have a fist to the face then her telling me what a piece of garbage I am. Anyway, the abuse continued and I moved out the day I turned 18. She continued to be mean and nasty and for some reason I always tolerated it. I think a part of me just wanted her to love me. The abuse got worse as she aged by I was always there for her. When I was in my 20s I started losing my hair. Rather than go with only hair in the back I started shaving my head. She of course was quick to point out how ugly I was and that I was only doing it to embarrass her, when it had nothing to do with her. At any rate, as I got older I still questioned who I was. In 2010 I got a DNA sample from her side and had it compared to mine. It was a match. She was my mom. I did the same thing with my dad -- he had died in 2003, so I got it from a sibling of his. It was not a match. When I questioned my mother about it she feigned a heart attack at first and then began flipping out saying how I was destroying her life. When she calmed down she told me she had been raped. She said there was a series of rapes at that time and the person was never caught. She told me my dad was a serial rapist and told me to forget about it. I didn't. I looked back at newspaper archives for clues and could find nothing to back up her story. I went to the police department and they had no records – but said that did not mean much cause they would be in storage or gone by now. I hired a top DNA analyst – a lady who identified bones found at the Titanic wreckage site – to help me. She entered my Y DNA – my father's DNA -- into a number of databases and was able to eventually narrow it down to a couple generations back. Using this information I hired a PI and was eventually given a name to check out in 2012. It was a name I recognized. I had been in a relationship with the man's daughter when I was a teenager and he and his wife had been close friends of my parents when I was little. I went to his daughter, explained the situation and convinced her to give me a DNA sample. I had it compared and it came back we were half-siblings. Her father was my father. We went to her dad and he said he had an affair with my mother. They were both married but he was her carpool ride to work. One thing led to another. His wife did not know and the man who I had originally believed was my dad likely did not know. My mother had lied to me. Rather than admit her affair, she led me to believe I was the spawn of a serial rapist. I confronted my mom and she told me how I was embarrassing her and ruining her life. It was all about her. She denied the affair and said she was raped. That was nonsense, because if she had, why would she have been such close friends with them when I was little? Worse yet, she knew, when I was a teen, that I was involved in a relationship with my own sister and said nothing. My real dad never knew about the relationship, which is why he would have said nothing. At any rate, in September, some 6 months after I found out about my real dad, he was killed by a drunk driver. I got to know he was my dad for less than a year. My mom told everyone how happy she was he had died. I quit speaking to her and cut her out of my life. I had enough. She has since done everything she can to harass me. She sends nasty letters – typed and unsigned – emails, tells lies about me, etc., etc. Threatens to have me arrested for elder abuse which makes no sense since I have nothing to do with her and have never abused her. She threatens to sue me over gifts she gave me when I was a child and says she will get me fired from my job. It's all totally ridicules. It recently escalated I finally called the police. I explained the situation and gave them copies of everything I had received. She is now not allowed to contact me. We'll see if that works, though I doubt it. I am expecting things to only get worse. My wife is afraid of her. She is scared my mother might do something rash like burn our home down or commit a murder suicide. I now carry a gun everywhere I go (yes I have a permit) and had a security system installed in my home today. At any rate – the worst part of all – she has me so brainwashed that at times I still feel guilty or bad for her. I should not feel that way. She did this and yet I feel bad about hating her. I just want her out of my life forever. The emotional pain is too much and I still don't know how to cope with it. She is the cruelest person I have ever encountered and, as much as it pains me to say it, I look forward to the day that she passes on. Thanks for listening. It helped to get that out. Very few people know the extent of it.

david 1974 i sympathise with you,i feel too my mother has a split personality,and just made my life a misery since i was a young child,felt if she sometimes loved me then despised me,its been a confusing life with her,i remeber her in a few occasions when i was very young taking tablets and me phoning th epolice as a young girl very distressed,it was always a big show for her,she is attention seeker and has always lied through her teeth for her own gain,she was never a proper mother we were always  sent to stay with our grandparents,because i know now she dident want us there,we were a burden i have ahalf brother and if we ever had a laugh together she would say'why are you carrying on with your 'step brother if i wasent even allowed to speak to him,,she is a very jealous,bitter woman,my brother strted to lose his hair in his early 20's and i woudent be suprised if it was due to stress,,she would mock him and say'what are you saying you baldy b*****,out of sheer nastiness,my brother would sit with tears in his eyes,she is evei an dstill to this day,ive tried to ignore her,but she always sends messages through other people for me to get in touch and like a mug i go back,,but fell out with her this time again and she is spreading vile rumours about me,where i feel that im on the verge of a nervous breakdown,all i could do is cry the other day,i know ive let her get to me but as a woman at 46 i should no better by now after alll these years,but its hard she is a manipulating old witch who trys to pull the wool over other relatives  with her smiley,nicey exteriour but i myself and some others know too well what she really is,she shows socopathic tendancies,so nice abut can be so evil,spreading malicious gossip and lies,all she wants to do is ruin you,she cannot see anyone happy,and she thrives on bad news and people splitting up in relationships,she plays the sympathy card
continously,,i feel for everyone on this site who has suffered,abuse,and vilness from their so called mother who is meant to have maternal instincts and show real love,its easy for someone to say its your mother,she will always be your mother,,unless they have experienced the horrendouse void of lack of love or care they will never understand,god bless x

If you are really that sad about your mother here is some good new......................they will die eventually. until they do, limit your exposure whenever possible. Try not to given them any power/information to be jealous. i look at my mother as a bee in early fall, she knows she doesn't have many more days on this earth, so she is horribly nasty. she never apologizes, she lies about what she has said (unless she said in a group, then she leaves or didn't mean it.) she takes absolutely no responcibility for what evil spews from her pie hole. stay away if you can't handle it. tell them little. don't share your joys (you give them fuel for more jealousy and hate.)  how can the 5foot four inch woman steal so much of my familys joy. remember distance, distance, distance, and only tell them what you would tell a scary, creepy stranger on the street. you know she will ieventualy sour, when she does it will sting you again. stay strong.  build up your defenses. hang with loving, truly supportive people. don't treat you kids the way you were treated. try to given them both love and respect. don't stomp on their feelings, you know how it hurt you.  you know deep inside, life doesn't have to be like it is in her head. make your own world as you wish it to be.  god bless and good luck.

Here, Here!!!!  Sue Rose!!!!  That is great advice!

All the stories are therapeutic for me. I am an only child to my mother (54) and when I was a child she would pick fights (messy and bloody) with her older brother's wife which led to my uncle getting divorced- twice.
To date, she can hardly stand anybody befriending me, be it male or female. She gets nasty with them and utters insults. She has insulted, argued with and assaulted my wife which led to my divorce in 2008.
It is like she has a split personality. I've recently had a broken relationship in which she would utter loads of crap and threaten physical abuse. At times she waits for me to leave for work and then the abuse begins all which she denies and actually spin the whole scene around as if she is the one who was being abused. I've got rid of her numerous times but it always gets the better of me.
It seems she only wants to be with me around her, smother me treating me like a child and then suddenly-if not always- start uttering insult and curses. The woman does not even want my children around.
She is emotionally and physically abusive to my me, my partner and my children. I have tried to tell relatives but no one believes me. She is a church-going woman and prays day and night but that is not helping her. She is cruel, mean and selfish and is doing a good job at driving me mad and lonely.

Hello there.   Well it seems we have the same sort of mother. The moment she opens her mouth abuse comes spilling out.   Ugliness, hatefulness,spitefulness.   She is and has always been a very bitter person.   Very negative and in fact all the emotions you have described your mother to be.   Over the years I divorced her a few times.  I was always told by friends and other family members to make friends "because she is your mother"  I did make friends and the abuse would start all over again.    I have now finally decided that I can no longer divorce her and now regard she as being a dead person.   I walked away from her again 5 years ago and have decided I will not go back to enable her to start her abuse all over again.  I have made it known I regard her as a dead person and have forgiven her because she has some serious mental issues.   So I am now a much happier person.

My 'mother' must have had same DNA as all of yours, unfortunately.  For over 39 years I tried my darnedest to try to at first gain her love, then like, then just have her accept my presence without showing her obvious disgust for me.  I became an MD to try to please her.  I literally handed over my first daughter to her to try to please her.  I'll never make her happy.  Nothing/noone will.  She is hateful, spiteful, disloyal, cruel, mean, vengeful, hypocritical, jealous, petty.  I walked on eggshells for decades never knowing when one of her insane rages would erupt.  Everyone in the house would run around in fear, desperate to find a way to aussage her buckshot anger.  It is so sad to see my oldest daughter living like this now.  My mother hates my youngest.  She is insanely jealous of her & says the nastiest things to & @ her.  She is 7 yrs old & has cerebral palsy.  I'm in a nasty custody battle over her.  My dear mother is actively helping my ex.  Lies about it to my face when I ask her.  She punishes my youngest by putting her in 'time out' in the dog's room.  She doesn't punish any of her other grandchildren.  She hasn't acknowledged my birthday in years.  I converted to a diffrent religion 14 years ago.  She has never once acknowledged one of my holidays, yet tells all who will listen how religiously tolerant she is.  She told me I'm her 'greatest disappointment'.  I  covered for her for decades & she always betrayed me.  She wrote me what a **** I was when I had just gotten married & was 7 months pregnant because I was not practicing medicine.  Wow.  I could go on & on & on.  I just had to unplug from her & pray for her healing.  I also pray for compassion.  I am not sure if either will ever be granted.

Well, let me just say that my mother and I have never been close.  She is extremely critical and judgemental.  I was a straight A student in school, won a scholarship to college, etc.  However, years later, as an adult, she was mad at me for something and wrote an email to my husband (copied in my mother in law) telling him that I had always been a "problem child" and asking him to force me to give her her way!  That is the tip of the iceberg.  She claims to be a Christian but when I got divorced she yelled at me and said she had it worse than I did and I should have stayed in the marriage (even though he had addiction issues and was cheating).  Yet, when my brother and sister got divorced she was completely supportive. At present, I am not on speaking terms with her.  As a friend put it, she is in "time out".  Every time I let her in my life, she is hateful and nasty towards me. So, now that I am remarried, I don't want her around to cause problems.  My life is more peaceful and happy.  I don't need that kind of upset, so I choose not to engage.  I'm fine with things the way they are and will leave it to God to convict her of her hatefulness.  Until then, I'm happily living my life.

A little back ground..

I just went through a FPU class and out of that sent a letter to my Mother stating instead of sending "things" send me the money. So in other words if they were going to spend $20 on a shirt, just send the $20. Because, I did not need "things" I was not asking for "more money" I was not asking for any thing. However, she did not take it that way below is parts of her letter.. I took out names etc..

At the end if the reading this ... I think back to when I was a teen age in high school... I am in my late 30-40's now .. and though of killing myself with a shoot gun.. ... may be I should of done it .... now she might be happy...



""The only reason you interested in me is Money and nothing else.  I can't forget your middle of the night rant about money and you were regretting the fact that by the time I fall off the twig, your words, my money would go in nursing home care.  Looking after me in my old age won't be anything you will have to bother about and when I suggested you could look after your own dad you said your first priority was the ***** and *****.  Shame on you.

After that very upsetting phone call I immediately changed my will so that the bulk of my estate will go into a trust fund for ***** and will be managed from this country by ****** and ****** and you will share the rest with my ****** and their heirs.  Maybe you should think twice before you speak.  Since you didn't expect to get any money you won't be disappointed.


Do you really think I would be prepared to help pay ******** student loans?  I can't believe after 12 years you still haven't paid them off.  Maybe if you had bought second hand cars as we did that debt would have been long gone.



****** and *****   went 50/50 in paying your college expenses as we didn't want you to have to work so you could concentrate on your studies and when you graduated you would not be saddled with debt.  The money I used was from the money I inherited from my mother.  Money I could have spent on myself but didn't because your education was all important.  I offered to pay half of your fees so you could do your Masters but you said you had other priorities.  If you can't make it on your salaries think about getting better paid jobs.""


I work with the dieing every day... and times like these I wish I was one of my patients. Yes, I would miss my .. wife and kids.. but they may be better off with out me.. and my parents my be finaly happy..


thanks for reading..

They say birds of the same feather flock together! well,  in this case I must concur. Today I choose to live in my own truth. I choose to say goodbye to my mother (I won't use the other poignant adjectives  so eloquently  described by others....I won't give her that), I choose to let go of the hurt and pain, I choose to live MY LIFE own my own terms. So with that said, goodbye mother, I wish you the best.