The way I started the day?

By sleeping in and waking up the exact minute chels pulled into the driveway. It was just like Aww ****. I got ready in about  7 minutes and dropped my bagel, catching it with my shirt on the way out. But it was all good: because the gymnastics place wasn't even open. They changed practice. ******* wonderful.I got home and took a several hour nap, having a very odd dream in the process. Then I had breakfast again, and showed up late to Jamie's party. It was National Be Late For Something Day. Lucky too, because no one else got there till an hour late either. Ha. They skated. We went on Cookie's boat and Marine Patrol pulled us over! Almost got in trouble, there. Had a cupcake fight. I got hit with a blue cupcake, in the face. Only one, the others got hit in the face with red or white cupcakes. It stains. White and red blend it, blue,  does not. I clearly have some sort of scary grey/ blue stain across my cheeks, nose, and mouth. Ah well. Went for a swim to get the frosting off. It got dark. Had a fire. Ate marshmellows. It was all quite fun. I went to Jamie's birthday just months after he moved here, I went last year when it was a little awkward, and I went this year fo sho. I'll be there next year. That's what friends do.

I wish I could find my retainer. And I wish my house didn't always smell like ****. What is wrong with these people? Honestly, it's nauseating. I'm literally going to kill one of them.

The inside of my nose really hurts. I keep rubbing it and blowing it because it's full of frosting,  and I don't think I should be worried. It's just really irritated because I keep rubbing and it's soo itchy I'm gonna rip it off in a second.

Oh, and Steve came over after the party. Everyone went to McDonald's or something, I was like **** that. I'm going home. I don't even have any money and if I did I wouldn't waste it on ******* artery clogging biowaste. Animals murdered and then so diluted they don't even taste like animals anymore.

Yeah, so I've got work tomarrow. I really don't want to go anymore. I hate working. It makes me not want to grow up, and I don't mean Peter Pan, Ohh I'm going to be a fun person and have a child job forever! I mean I'm gonna blow my ******* brains out before I have to get out on my own kind of I'm not going to grow up. What a waste of money I am. I'm a waste of gas and time and food. Especially food. In this economy? Why didn't I just do it when I was thirteen and had the guts? Before society fell apart and I became a miserable drain? A mere sidewalk sewer pipe in the world? I could be anywhere but here right now. I'm just so pissed off all the time again, and I don't know why. I wish I had the manic energy I used to have. I don't know if I should say anything. I know I won't. I've been mentioning it to my pdoc again and again, and it's getting worse and worse. But at the time, you know, it never seems so bad. I think I talk it down, and she's not eager to prescribe me anything. Mother doesn't notice a thing, she's too pissed off herself. As always. I wish I could just get a good nights sleep and not be so tired. I wish I wasn't so goddamn tired. I feel like crying. The slightest thing just tears me up all the way. I can't take it. I can't do this. I am innadequite. I was not built correctly. I was not build to survive the world.
Look at me I'm so ******* dramatic. I need to get a life or die trying. If I'm so tired I should go to ******* bed. Stop my ******* crying.

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