Day 3

Today is day 3 without pain pills. I have to say that it's not as bad as I expected. The worst of my withdrawals is probably depression. I feel like I'm stuck to my bed and cant move. I want to sleep, but thats almost impossible. Last night I took four muscle relaxers before I finally got some rest, I think I had rls for the first time, it was horrible. I went to the doctor today and he put me on seroquel. I hate to take it because I've had it before, made me sleep for like 16 hours, then left me with a hangover. He says that will go away. I worry that a medication like seroquel will make me a zombie, but I guess it's better than how I'm feeling now. I cant be in the same room with my mom because I want to hurt her. I think about it all the time and even dream about it in my sleep. I've never hurt anyone in my life, and I hate feeling like this. I cant control these thoughts and they scare me. So I'll take the seroquel. I hope it helps, my time is getting so short. Maybe after I leave, I wont need it anymore. I just want my life back in order. I need my kids back. I want to be happy again.