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Todays new feeling like ****

Sep 13, 2009 - 3 comments
Tags:

cocaine

,

stress

,

Life

,

Hope

Asi type i feel like i shoudlnt be, i am not happy at all right now. i hope its just the cocaine i did 2 weeks ago. i have low testosterone levels too. i wanna get it out, i am not this type of guy i cant do th is anymore. no one can relate if they dont know me. i just had a really amzing moment where i could do anything but i lost it cause i didnt do action, i didnt do action for a while cause am afraid of losing someone i love. i dont want to leave, i want to leave cause am 20 and i hate being alone and by myself. i hope al this is from stress and its not a major problem. i could be extremely happy if i chose t oright now, but something is keeping me from it. and i cant figure it out.i tihnk i died of boredom and am trying to realzie i should be grateful for life. i never used to BE THIS WAY. EVER,. i want to look in the mirror and be happy again, that is what makes me happy cause i think i am perfect to me. evcetyghig i do i wish i could erase. whyt he **** do i feel like this? i am a very talented man wit  a good life..........................

I used to think i was schtizo but i am not, it's just all in my head.

Comments
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by BrooklynnStarr, Sep 14, 2009
MAN DUDE!! you said nobody can relate and I have to disagree. I can.. I used to use when I was a stripper. I also used other stuff too, and I had the same exact feelings you are having. Give your head time to redevelop Serotonin, or go to GNC and ask for a pill to help it recoop faster. Also, make sure you are eating because your blood sugar could be low, and that will make u feel like s*i*!!! Don't dwell on what you did, because it sounds like you are. Today is a new day. Replenish your body with drinks like ensures or Boosts. If you can't eat, these drinks will help with that too. I don't know what you mean by you didn't do action, can you explain? Maybe you need to take some anti-anxiety meds until your brain is back to normal.

You spoke of being afraid of losing someone you love.. is that what drove you to seek some kind of feeling other then fear and pain? You said something is keeping you from being happy, and I know what you mean about that too. I can see glimmers of your confidence coming back as opposed to the first message. You mentioned you have OCD, Do you think you are obsessing over this, out of shame or guilt? If so.. LET IT GO!! You are only 20, and you have a long life ahead of you to live obsessing over what has already been done. LIFE SUX at times!!! But guess what... soon you will be able to look back at this and say " man, I'm glad Cocaine did that to me, otherwise I could be and addict." Think of it that way. Maybe its Gods way of stopping you from ruining your life or o.d.ing. Your last line was, it's all in your head... \
you are right, but until you are atleast close to where you were before you will not be able to control your mind. Its probably running rampant. I am no doctor, but I would take some kind of anti-anxiety med, like Xanax or Ativan to help slow down your racing thoughts!!!

Jessica (BrooklynnStarr)

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by KERRY_JTR, Sep 14, 2009
Hahaha, i appreciate your response Jessica. Even just reading your message i feel tons better... You should be a doctor or something cause you are good !!! Anyway you are a blessing and i love you even though i dont know you! Thanks alot for responding to this. you probably saved me from going insane o something.:) God bless

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by BrooklynnStarr, Sep 15, 2009
I am going to school for psychology.. but what I said to you was just flying out of my fingertips because I do really know what  it feels like to feel so... well.. I always felt like an Alien or something when I was in one of my moods.

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