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Next time you find yourself

Sep 15, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

sleep

,

Anxiety

,

Bipolar I

,

chicken broth

,

culinary arts

,

garlic

,

spanish

,

quiz

,

Biology

,

Crying

,

teachers

,

Fight

,

absence

,

Frustration

,

guidence teacher

,

nurse

,

hiding

,

purse

,

money/Ipod

,

high school

,

steve

,

jordan

,

more chicken

,

sour cream

,

chocolate pudding

,

chocolate pudding stain

,

up

,

grime

,

sad movie

,

cookie's partys

,

hate

,

friends

,

YAP

,

fiesty

,

energy



Sitting next to that exhausted, anxious, moody person, think twice. Move if you must. Especially if you're sensitive. We made chicken broth in CA, it was delicious. But I'm still tasting the garlic, more than 12 hours and about 5 meals later. ******* garlic. Spanish I was just so lost. So unbelieveably lost. We have a quiz tomarrow and I just don't get it. I don't speak it, and everyone else seems to. Even the kids going I DON'T GET IT finish their work faster than me. Biology I thought I was doing ok for the day then we did this lab and usually it would actually be kindof fun, except I didn't get it. I just didn't understand. And I don't understand why I don't understand. Then I got paired with the girl whom does not speak, especially to me, and how am I supposed to understand them? And yes, I said something to the teacher, but I could not comprehend the explanation she could give. I ended up crying as usual. Started out I thought I could control it. While I've taken a disliking for my teacher, and it doesn't matter what I say besides this moment about her, she's a good teacher. She noticed when I was on the verge of tears and actually backing down from a fight for the first time all year and brought me to a different side ofthe room to catch me up on yesterday's work. Which of course was twice as frusterating, and the tears started pouring. And she let me leave the room and she brought me to find the guidence teacher, then to the nurse, where I hid for more than a half hour before I was just like **** I left my purse and class changed I'm gonna lose my money/Ipod. I went to History and it was ok. Saw the guidence councelor and have regained the same dislike I originally had for her. She's very high school. And I don't like it. End. I don't like or want you to pity me, please just listen. That's it. I went to steve's, because jordan canceled on him. I don't really like chicken, I ate it in sour cream. A lot of pudding, and my stomach's upset now and I ruined a nice shirt with a HUGE stain. About three in. by three in. It was kinda worth it completely. I love pudding, really. I finally washed my hair and took to heart just how grimy I really am. We watched UP. That movie, I figured it was just that night, buuut no. By 20 minutes in I was sobbing all over again and it was horrible. Swearing I hated this movie, and I cried at several other points too.

Cookie's having a party tomarrow. I fully intended to attend, and not to have one sip. Just get out of the house. I never get out of the house. I'm so sick of being home all the time steve's busy. I wish I had friends. I want friends so desperately but I hate them all. I hate everybody. So much. I don't want to talk to anyone. It makes me so anxious and I don't know what to do and I can't stop crying today. I keep starting fights. I knew, I KNEW, and I still for some reason gauged it wrong and thought steve would be ok with me going to the party. Of course not and he didn't want me to go and was got in an arguement about it and it ended in him not hanging out with jordan tomarrow and insisting he come to my house and me saying fine, whatever he wanted to do because I didn't want to go the party anyways, I was going to YAP, and I wasn't coming home afterwards. So there. I would go somewhere else. And maybe I will. Guess it depends how I feel at that point. YAP almost always cheers me up.

I've decided to back off. Everything. It's just not worth the fight. I just don't have the energy to be fiesty. I just don't have the energy.

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