Another Angel Baby

I'm so sorry that you are going through this again. My thoughts will be with you, but you are right, it is meant to be and you WILL be a mom, and a great one!

Friend read my reply on your other post.  My heart hurts right now for you.  I am going to pray for guidence for you to seek what you need to know to have a healthy baby.  Im going to pray for peace for you so that you may have inner peace in your heart and maintain your positive spirit.  I know that prayer works....Ive seen it do amazing things for my own family that many could or would not believe.  Know that others care and will support you through this Amanda.  And remember "Fear not for you are NOT alone". All my best to you..... Ericka

JESUS, IS HE WITH YOU?

Jesus is he with you?
I wonder every day
I sit and wonder why he's gone
And why he could not stay

Every part of me is empty
I fell I can't go on
But then I look to heaven
I hear this beautiful song

Mommy I am with him
He holds me in his arms
When every I am with him
he keeps me safe and warm

He says you shouldn't worry
I am safe and loved right here
With all the other baby angels
that passed within the years

We have a special place up here
He thought that you should know
Where the Blessed Mother takes
your place for now until you show

When I hear this precious little voice
From the heavens above
I know that all the angels
are showering him with love

For everyone that wants to hear
their babies voice so innocent and sweet
Just close your eyes and begin to pray
and embrace them in your sleep.


(c) Angela Gibson All Rights Reserved

Hi Amanda,

Your poem made me cry. I'm really sorry about your loss. I know what you are going through cuz I have had 2 miscarriages myself. I can totally relate especially when I was reading your poem. Please hang in there and don't give up. I know it will happen for you soon and you will be a great mom. I will be thinking and praying for you.

Take care,

Melissa

I would like to dedicate this song to you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6akprtIarwQ.
This song is beautiful and the chorus says:
Teach me to trust in You
With all my heart
To lean not on my own understanding
I just forget
You won't give me what I can't bear
Take me out of the dark, my Lord
I don't wanna be there.

Take care Amanda and I wish you all the best!

Melissa
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding."
Proverbs 3:5

1 week now post D&C and up until today I thought I was dealing rather well.  Today I kind of crashed.  We went to a friends bbq for his birthday, and I was the only women there who is not a mom yet...it was way harder then I thought it would be.  I was definately holding back in the corner for most of the afternoon.  But then one of my friends little twins came toddling over (he is almost a year old) and I picked him up, and it just felt like the most natural thing in the world.  So, I have my OPK and my preseed and am counting the days.  The worst part is not having any answers, but my follow up is not for 2 more weeks, so who knows what they will find in the tests.  DH and I have talked alot about adoption, and we have the paperwork.  We got it after the first m/c.  We can adopt in 9 months to a year if we go overseas, and we although we haven't given up on having a baby the old fashioned way, it doesn't really matter how we get a baby, just that we become parents.  We will do this.  Not sure how exactly it will come to pass, but we will one way or the other.  That makes me feel better.  

I totally understand your "crashing". At our age (I am 35) I spent a lot of time watching all my other friends get pregnant and have healthy babies...one by one until I am the last one left. It is hard for others to understand the internal pressure we go through, the disappointment and the pain felt when we go to these functions.

I am so senstitive to others in these areas and I don't think everyday mothers (ones who seem to just get preg and deliver with no threats or worries) will ever understand.

I feel strongly that things will work out for you. I am sorry for your loss.

hi  I know it hard. but keep positive. I do have a child of 9 but have been trying over 3yrs with my new husband I on infertility tabs etc. It also took a few years to get my son. I also m.c a couple of months ago. I was gutted. My brother girlfreind is preg now,my family didnt and dont understand why i so down. Even my mum took me in a baby shop to look for something for my brothers baby to be. i put on a face like i didnt mind but i did big time. Even my brother has argured with me saying i not happy for him, but i am. but keep thinking there should have been 2 just 6 weeks apart. But we all have to keep positive and i so agree when you look round people easily getting even when they dont want to be. Your time will come and it will be a very much loved baby....chin up and keep in touch.

Yea i feel life is just not fair at times to.  I have a cousin who reads on 3rd grade level, has a 3 yr daughter that our grandmother takes care of, and now she just gave birth to a son on the 9th of june and she smoked ciggs and drank alcolhol during her pregancy.  I am so jealous because i took prenatals 4 months befor getting preggo, changed my diet etc and here i couldnt even carry the baby past 10 weeks.  and my cousin does not even have a stable home and is on ssi.  I just think at times why do the parents who wants children and are able to provide for them have to go threw this, its not fair.  Im sorry for everyones loss, i had missed m/c on june 12th and d n c on the 17th.  I will keep everyone in my prayers.

Thanks all for your comments and positive outlook on things.  I hate to be one of those "lifes not fair" people, but sometimes I wonder.  I don't judge anyone, and I know that addiction is an illness, and people have serious problems, but I get so darned angry.  My husband and I are so far from perfect, but we do offer a warm loving home, free of drugs, abuse, etc. and we can't seem to have a baby. Yet there are women out there who don't even want a child, use drugs, drink alcohol, and sometimes even dump their baby in a toilet or dumpster or whatever, and they have no trouble at all.  I just don't get it.    I actually really feel for these women, as they obviously have their own demons to deal with, but then again, we have tried to adopt here in Canada, and its a 7 year wait!!!  I just want to tell these women that don't want their babies, please, please just take care of yourself for 9 months and we will happily take the child.  We don't care about race, sex, anything.  Just a baby to nurture and love and raise to be a good, independant loving human being.  We then looked at overseas adoption, and its app. $40,000 in total.  We are comfortable, but not wealthy. Sorry, I am dumping.  Its been a rough few days again and I seem to go through ups and downs alot these days.  I know its still hormones and my body readjusting, but I just feel so sad.  I seem to be doing a lot of "poor me" right now.  I know there are many who are facing far more serious issues then I am right now, and I try so hard to be thankful for what I have.  I have an amazing husband, a supportive loving family, and I really couldn't ask for better friends.  Yet somehow I still feel like something is missing, and it makes me feel so empty.

I check your profile every now and again to see how you are doing. It sounds like "not so well".  I know how you feel.  I told you I have had 2 miscarraiges and both times looked around at those just popping them out right and left and thought why???  

You are planning to try again aren't you?  Have you gotten any tests back or anything?  Anway, take care and write if you feel like it. You can vent, or cry, or just chat if you want.  It may seem like you need a miracle but they happen when you least expect it.

God bless!

A poem called Just Those Few Weeks

For those few weeks, i had you to myself, And that seems too short a time to be changed so profoundly.  In those few weeks, i came to know you, and to love you.  You came to trust me with your life, Oh, what a life i had planned for you!  Just those few weeks, when i lost you, i lost a lifetime of hopes, plans, dreams and apirations.  A slice of my furture simply vanished overnight.  Just those few weeks, it wasnt enough time to convincce others how special and important you were.  How odd, a truly unique person has recently died and no one is mourning the passing.  Just a mere few weeks and no "normal" person would cry all night, over a tiny, unfinshed baby or get depressed and withdrawn day after endless day.  No one would, so why am I?  You were just those few weeks my little one, you darted in and out of my life so quickly, but it seems thats all the time you needed to make mylfie so much richer and give me a small glimpse of eternity

Latrice from the miscarriage forum posted this.  I loved it and wanted to have a copy of it.  Latrice, I hope you don't mind that I posted it here, but I think the words here will help so many cope with the pain of losing an unborn child.  Its beautiful.  

I love this poem



I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while he lives,
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief.
You'll have his lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over,
In search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain.
Nor hate me when I come
To take him home again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
'Dear Lord, Thy will be done!'
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.

Edgar Allen Guest

After I received my first-ever answer to a post, I wondered who the kind person was that took the time to answer. So I went to your page and read a few posts/replies/journal entries to find a truly kind and beautiful person that can have the strength to urge and help others along while she herself has had such trials. Without bitterness but with much regret, without blame but with trying to understand and always with such a positive and pragmatic nature -- your character is inspirational! I hope you get your dreams. But whichever way things go for you, by choice or fate, people are blessed to be included in your life. You will be a great mom.

I know I don't know you. I know that hormones can make a person weepy and emotional. I know that this post may never be seen because it's at the end of a long trail. I don't care I suppose. For a moment this all allowed me to be less self-focused and scared about the uncertainty of my situation and give encouragement and kindness to someone. I feel more relaxed and grateful. Still scared of all the mysteries before me. Still confused by the inexact nature of it all. But better for today. I hope you are too.

- Monica