Trying the taper method

So far, so good.  I went to my doctor a few weeks back and confessed that I had been taking more oxycontin than perscribed and was buying percocet off the street to make it to the next pill day.  Pill day..only we know what that means!  

My addiction started about 9 years ago after having back surgery.  Even before that I always had pain somewhere, in my joints and muscles.  Maybe I have fibromyalgia but I dont know.  I started on the oxycontin about 5 years ago and thought I was in heaven.  No pain and getting house work done!  However I think the thing that trapped me was the calming effect, zoning out. Nothing I liked more than reading a book, playing bingo, watching a movie, etc.  The common denominator was that I was alone in my own little world.

Of course the story is longer, and more complicated, but thats the short story.  Over the years I made it up to taking 80 to 120 mg a day of oxycontin, and anywhere from 6 to 12 percs.  I never crushed them, snorted or anything but believe me, I am still a full blown addict.  It rules my life and I have done things that are hard for me to look at.

Since seeing the doc I have been getting my meds weekly and have stuck to the perscribed dosage, which was a decrease for me.  I also started seeing a counselor, which I was able to have through my EAP.  She can only see me about six times but if she is helping I will pay out of my own pocket.  I am saving alot by not buying percs every month.

I have looked into detox and am on a wait list. I will have to go to Toronto which is far from my home and scary to me since its a big city.  At this point I dont want to go at all but am keeping the door open in case this tapering doesnt work.


So in two days I will see the doctor and ask to be decreased by 10 mg every 2 weeks until down to a point where I cant take it and I will go cold turkey.  I have been extremely private about my addiction, almost no one even knows I take pain meds!!  But I have a few friends that I can confide in if needed, and perhaps to stay at their homes while I go through this.

And yes, the pain is returning, but so is my self esteem, pride, and worth.

I an openning my heart to Jesus, and to the advice and support of this great community.  I may not always comment but I am here everyday to go my dose of support.  I have a few friends on here (thanks Nick and Hollie) and I feel hopeful.  I have not felt that in a long time either.

I will journal again after the dose decrease so keep posted.