Lucky 13!

Wow! I had my 13th treatment yesterday. I had been feeling that things had been slipping a bit over the past week or so. I couldn’t tie it to anything in particular just that I was simply feeling “down”. Frankly, I have to fight becoming discouraged.

The doctor asked me how I was doing prior to the treatment and will be bringing me back for another one in a couple of weeks. I “think” I feel a bit better today. I am back at work and being fairly productive.

Although I have been feeling as if I have not made much progress my wife pointed out a number of things that have changed. Her conclusion is that while I may not be where I eventually want to be, I need to recognize the progress that has been made. I have to admit that she does have a point so I guess I need to look at things a bit more positively.

Whether it makes sense or not, I am beginning to contemplate that with all the medications, doctor visits and ECT treatments that I am essentially trying to solve a problem for which there is no solution. It may not feel very good however I am able to function and that everyone else “thinks I am doing fine”.

I have mentioned here before that I have no recollection of ever feeling different than I do now so maybe the problem is my perception of what other people feel. Another way to say it is that my expectations are not realistic.

Realistic or not, my hope is to have some time, whatever length, where I can feel at peace with myself and the world around me.