I am in total shock.
Jun 06, 2008 10:58PM
- 4 comments
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Last night I decided to watch an overnight hire DVD, something I rarely can afford! I got a phone call at 12.30am, just when I was about to go to bed.....It was my sister. I got off the phone with her at 4.30am...or correctly I told her to F#@* OFF! and hung up on her.
Now what transgressed has made me in shock today. I am the eldest of 7 children, we are all grown up now. I won't go into the background but just know that abuse was bad in our family. I have lived in this house for 4 years, she has never bothered to come visit, even though we live only an hour away. It was my birthday on May 30th and she had promised to come see me for my 45th. She never turned up, never rang, till a week later, which was last night. She told me she deliberately got drunk the night before and knew she wouldn't be well enough to come see me. Yes, she knew it would hurt me, but that was why she did it:- to hurt me.
I was stunned. She then went on to tell me stuff of which I had no idea. How she hates me, believes my cancer scare was an attention seeking stunt, that my Hashimoto's is just something I looked up on the internet, that it was my fault we all got abused as kids, that she hates me for being superior and a *****.......so far I am scraping myself off the floor.......I did try to talk to her about it all. She then went on to say I obviously hate my ex-husband and that she knew full well it was my fault he had an affair whilst I was pregnant with my 3rd child, she knew OF the affair while he was having it! ( I only found out a year after he started it!) Apparently she also won't come see me coz of my Asperger's friend, I told her that was cruel to me...she said, See if I care.
Of course, by now I was thinking this is not about me, she is obviously upset and is projecting anger towards me, so I try to get to the bottom of it...She told me I was being a counsellor and that what always pisses her off about me, that I am so above myself in figuring people out, couldn't I just accept it was about me? I was by now totally becoming more and more stunned. Her tirade continued, that my boyfriend obviously doesn't care for me and now wonder he broke up with me since I am such a victim....(mind you my boyfriend, ok ex boyfriend and I get on better now than ever!) Apparently I use my illness as a way of not going to work, that this thyroid **** is just that, ****, and I should get a life, stop making excuses. Of course, I got angry at all this, I tried to tell her what I am all about, but she just kept doing that mocking type of voice people do when they belittle you. That I must enjoy living off the Government disability pension (oh yes, I love trying to live and feed myself, a strapping young man of my son, run a car, and pay off a house and all it insues on jsut on $537 per two weeks!)
She then told me, and I quote, "No wonder people think you are a joke"
So if my heart was the apple with the arrow through it, you can understand how I feel right now......I am not a victim, I am a survivor of many things. Forget all the other stuff, if my OWN family cannot accept my illness and the fact it is REAL, then I have no hope of being believed. It was like are all convinced I am a murderer, just because I walk next to a dead body and pick up a knife laying on the ground.
Really hard to stop shaking today....I feel like a wreck, and my nerves are now shot to hell.
Now what transgressed has made me in shock today. I am the eldest of 7 children, we are all grown up now. I won't go into the background but just know that abuse was bad in our family. I have lived in this house for 4 years, she has never bothered to come visit, even though we live only an hour away. It was my birthday on May 30th and she had promised to come see me for my 45th. She never turned up, never rang, till a week later, which was last night. She told me she deliberately got drunk the night before and knew she wouldn't be well enough to come see me. Yes, she knew it would hurt me, but that was why she did it:- to hurt me.
I was stunned. She then went on to tell me stuff of which I had no idea. How she hates me, believes my cancer scare was an attention seeking stunt, that my Hashimoto's is just something I looked up on the internet, that it was my fault we all got abused as kids, that she hates me for being superior and a *****.......so far I am scraping myself off the floor.......I did try to talk to her about it all. She then went on to say I obviously hate my ex-husband and that she knew full well it was my fault he had an affair whilst I was pregnant with my 3rd child, she knew OF the affair while he was having it! ( I only found out a year after he started it!) Apparently she also won't come see me coz of my Asperger's friend, I told her that was cruel to me...she said, See if I care.
Of course, by now I was thinking this is not about me, she is obviously upset and is projecting anger towards me, so I try to get to the bottom of it...She told me I was being a counsellor and that what always pisses her off about me, that I am so above myself in figuring people out, couldn't I just accept it was about me? I was by now totally becoming more and more stunned. Her tirade continued, that my boyfriend obviously doesn't care for me and now wonder he broke up with me since I am such a victim....(mind you my boyfriend, ok ex boyfriend and I get on better now than ever!) Apparently I use my illness as a way of not going to work, that this thyroid **** is just that, ****, and I should get a life, stop making excuses. Of course, I got angry at all this, I tried to tell her what I am all about, but she just kept doing that mocking type of voice people do when they belittle you. That I must enjoy living off the Government disability pension (oh yes, I love trying to live and feed myself, a strapping young man of my son, run a car, and pay off a house and all it insues on jsut on $537 per two weeks!)
She then told me, and I quote, "No wonder people think you are a joke"
So if my heart was the apple with the arrow through it, you can understand how I feel right now......I am not a victim, I am a survivor of many things. Forget all the other stuff, if my OWN family cannot accept my illness and the fact it is REAL, then I have no hope of being believed. It was like are all convinced I am a murderer, just because I walk next to a dead body and pick up a knife laying on the ground.
Really hard to stop shaking today....I feel like a wreck, and my nerves are now shot to hell.
PS I never did get to watch the end of the DVD.
Tell your Sis to go to h*ll...you dont need this garbage!
Tell her the past is where it belongs.....THE PAST and that if she ever does that again, you will totally wipe her out of your life.
I think your Sister does have problems.
And so do you Red......you have a sister like mine lol:)
So that makes both of crazy and both got probs lol.
Hey...lighten up...they are just words!
My motto has always been (and it took me 48 years to say it) ....
WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL, NOT WHAT YOU CANT!
Worry about yrself and yr kids...not your sisters problems as they are just that.
Her Problems.
Oh and by the way .....
Have a GREAT day ! :)
Tell her the past is where it belongs.....THE PAST and that if she ever does that again, you will totally wipe her out of your life.
I think your Sister does have problems.
And so do you Red......you have a sister like mine lol:)
So that makes both of crazy and both got probs lol.
Hey...lighten up...they are just words!
My motto has always been (and it took me 48 years to say it) ....
WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL, NOT WHAT YOU CANT!
Worry about yrself and yr kids...not your sisters problems as they are just that.
Her Problems.
Oh and by the way .....
Have a GREAT day ! :)
Sounds like it's just as well your sister has kept contact to a minimum Geeze! She's toxic! You don't need that kind of aggrivation in your life.
I agree with what Deb said... let her know what the deal is and walk away if she does this kind of thing again.
I've had similar problems with my father. He's an ***, has always been an ***, will always be an ***, and life became much easier once I accepted that and stopped expecting him to be the way I wanted him to be. Losing my expectations also made it much easier to walk away.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and those who really care for you. Life is difficult enough as it is without the additional bull**** from people like that.
Wanna borrow my cattle prod? :-D
I agree with what Deb said... let her know what the deal is and walk away if she does this kind of thing again.
I've had similar problems with my father. He's an ***, has always been an ***, will always be an ***, and life became much easier once I accepted that and stopped expecting him to be the way I wanted him to be. Losing my expectations also made it much easier to walk away.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and those who really care for you. Life is difficult enough as it is without the additional bull**** from people like that.
Wanna borrow my cattle prod? :-D
I’d go with the caller I.D. idea, if I were you. If you needed this aggro at all, it certainly would NOT be in the middle of the night!
A woman in my recovery group (heart surgery) was just saying at lunch that her one-and-only sister has treated her badly, in fact, said a lot of things very much like the things your sister said. They have been estranged for a long time (until, of course, the nasty call that brought up this conversation).
I believe people are disoriented when the signals change, and don’t know how to feel. I always think they don’t HAVE to be the BIGGEST jerks they can be, but apparently I’m wrong.
Especially when something happens to your own sister, you can’t help thinking that next time, it could be you. So your mind darts around thinking of reasons you are actually safe, which generally take the form of, “My sister brought this on herself with (a), (b) and (c), which don’t apply to me,” and/or “My sister really isn’t so sick; if I get it, it won’t be a big deal.” Always in good taste, of course, to further console yourself by calling your sick sister at midnight and dumping this on her.
It's lucky that I read; it was a little help to find out this is how people act, not my doing, all that. Probably “adaptive as a species,” but a big pain in the butt to the really excellent and important individuals—us! :)
A woman in my recovery group (heart surgery) was just saying at lunch that her one-and-only sister has treated her badly, in fact, said a lot of things very much like the things your sister said. They have been estranged for a long time (until, of course, the nasty call that brought up this conversation).
I believe people are disoriented when the signals change, and don’t know how to feel. I always think they don’t HAVE to be the BIGGEST jerks they can be, but apparently I’m wrong.
Especially when something happens to your own sister, you can’t help thinking that next time, it could be you. So your mind darts around thinking of reasons you are actually safe, which generally take the form of, “My sister brought this on herself with (a), (b) and (c), which don’t apply to me,” and/or “My sister really isn’t so sick; if I get it, it won’t be a big deal.” Always in good taste, of course, to further console yourself by calling your sick sister at midnight and dumping this on her.
It's lucky that I read; it was a little help to find out this is how people act, not my doing, all that. Probably “adaptive as a species,” but a big pain in the butt to the really excellent and important individuals—us! :)
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