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Friday June 6 2008 - Possibly a little bit of everything

Jun 06, 2008 - 0 comments

I am at the point right now where i really don't think i am ever going to change - i saw my pysch doc today who was kind enough (sarcasm) to point out that i have been in therapy for over 20 years - i am just turned 37 - i suffer from so many of the diagnosis's and i can't really remember living what the professionials want from me - functioning and productive and happy and basically having a life - i have no real support system other than the doc and case manager and i have a drug problem that has me filled with such huge shame that i can't tell anyone like family or the 2 sort of friends who have kind of stuck by me - they don't know - after growing up in a house where secrets were key i have mastered how bad things really are - i have tried to talk to my mom a few times but then she starts crying and drinking (she is an alcoholic) that the conversation ends up with me consoling her.  i don't know what to do - honestly i really want to die - i don't know i just really don't know.....maybe tomorrow will be a better time - i'll be in a better place to write something of substance

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