painful

ugh i was feeling so sick and thought my mum would bring by just a little bit of food. no. she brings 2 enourmous slices of flatbread pizza, an entire apple crip pie, and bread and dip. and i ate it all within 30 minutes. i was going to keep it down bc im feeling so weak and ****** from being sick but i somehow found myself in the bathroom purging. at least my stomach feels better. i HATE that distended feeling. im just so overwhelmed and depressed today. i just want everything to be different and its crushing me trying to change even one thing. and that sounds so defeatist. which i hate. i hope its just being sick is making everthing seem worse. gonna take some exlax tonite and so hoping that tommorow the scale will cheer me up a little... sigh.