Letting my guy go to a crazy bar...

Well yesterday Brett mentioned that once of his old army buddies is in town doing some contractor work with his company, and they all want to go out. I guess another girl who also came down at the same time and who is, well i'll just say "involved" with brett's buddy, picked out the club/bar whatever. So brett checks out the bars website and let me just say it's full of craziness. it's like a Goth costume bar is the best way i can describe it. There are bartenders/waitresses customers in crazy goth/lingerie outfits, there was a really really hilarious picture of one customer who had to be about 55 and had a pot belly and a G-STRING on.. and that's it, nothing else, just the g-string. And let me say, it wasn't the most flattering outfit out there, in fact i'd say it was the absolute least flattering thing for a man to wear. I'm not fond of g-string on men, or thongs or SPEEDOS! I have a huge aversion to speedos. now if you happen to have a body like Mathew McConaughey, go ahead and wear a speedo, I won't mind ;) Otherwise, don't even think about it LOL

But anyway that's off my point here lol So anyway there are girls dressed in lingerie all over the clubs website so i was immediately like "no, no way are you allowed to go there" Uh uh, I wasn't hearing it. Now i do have some jealousy problems that i will completely admit to. I know it stems from my self esteem not being the greatest right now, which i'm working on, but ya sometimes the jealousy takes me over. I also have some trust issues, basically towards men in general since my husband hasn't given me a reason not to trust him, but they're there in the back of my mind, which i will also fully admit stems from the lack of self esteem issue which again I'm working on lol But anyways ever since i just flat out told him he couldn't go there, i've been feeling like ****. Plus like a crazy jealous ***** too at the same time. So today i called the hubster(that word cracks me up!) and talked to him about it. I told him that i know i've been having issues with trust and jealousy and I want to work on it, and I don't want it to effect us, so I'm going to trust him and if he wants to go to the bar with his buddy, go ahead. Ugh it took a lot from me to say that because I do NOT like admitting my faults, I guess that means pride is one of them LOL but i told him that and I made a vow to myself that I have no reason not to trust him, so I AM going to trust him, even if i have to force myself to do it. But I WILL do it! I know I need to trust him to keep a healthy relationship and i know it's my own fault I don't, stupid self esteem messin me up lol But i made the choice to change and I'm sticking to it. I even went to the gym and worked out for an hour(been a LONG time since i was motivated to do that, ugh hate exercising) But i just feel completely awesome about it. Just admitting my fears and insecurities about it and making a decision for myself to change I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me and that I can just let it go and be better for it.

Plus after I said all that to him, he actually wants me to go on the "boys night" with him! I don't know how i feel about that though, because if it's going to be just a boys night and if that's what his friends are expecting it to be, I don't want to intrude, but then other girl is setting it up so who knows. Brett still doesn't know the details on what's happening, I guess it's supposed to be tonight(guys and their last minute decisions! UGH probably my biggest annoyance as i need advanced plans LOL) but he's gonna call me when he gets the details so we'll see.

I just feel so much better right now!