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Clearing out
Oct 28, 2009 06:10PM
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I am going through the boxes of things that I have stored in the garage, hoping it will make moving easier and I'll have less ****. I know I have stuff that has just been kicking around forever because I don't know what to do with it. Some things are difficult to get rid of and let go of because you know that they are not replaceable yet nothing in this world is permanent.
I found a notebook from the early 90s and had the answers to magazine quizzes written down for Gwen and Christopher Robin. We would take the quizzes together over the phone.. and there were the answers to a mad lib, but I don't know where the original worlds to it went.
I'm having a hard time letting go of what has been happening over the last several months. Everything feels like it's moving so fast and now I'm packing all my stuff again and moving into a house that will feel like I am visiting. I've been thinking of ways and finding things to entertain myself in the garage. It's going to be lonely though... I just wish I had some reassurance. Of anything ... In the blink of an eye I saw myself become so psychotic that I was actually asking my child questions about how he would feel if I moved somewhere really far away and I might not be able to see him again.. I wanted to try and gauge his reaction to figure out how he would be able to handle it if he found out that I was dead. To say it now it sounds so ****** up and I could say, "I don't know wtf I was thinking" or whatever but I was certainly not in my right mind. I was willing to choose death over having to feel the way I was feeling and all the blow up going on in my personal life. I'm still in shock over it all and everything is just coming at me, I feel like I don't have time to think, I just have to go. But I'm scared ******** about what's going to happen next. I'm going to be living in a house that I could have to move out of at any time. I'm still on wait lists for housing, but most are saying a year and a half to get somewhere to live. I may end up back at my parent's house. :-(( Trying to cope with them for a day is hard enough. They don't have room for me etc.. I'm just speculating all of this, but .... I don't really know what lies ahead. I know I'm scared. Lonely. Nobody close.
I feel like it's time to walk the tightrope again.
I found a notebook from the early 90s and had the answers to magazine quizzes written down for Gwen and Christopher Robin. We would take the quizzes together over the phone.. and there were the answers to a mad lib, but I don't know where the original worlds to it went.
I'm having a hard time letting go of what has been happening over the last several months. Everything feels like it's moving so fast and now I'm packing all my stuff again and moving into a house that will feel like I am visiting. I've been thinking of ways and finding things to entertain myself in the garage. It's going to be lonely though... I just wish I had some reassurance. Of anything ... In the blink of an eye I saw myself become so psychotic that I was actually asking my child questions about how he would feel if I moved somewhere really far away and I might not be able to see him again.. I wanted to try and gauge his reaction to figure out how he would be able to handle it if he found out that I was dead. To say it now it sounds so ****** up and I could say, "I don't know wtf I was thinking" or whatever but I was certainly not in my right mind. I was willing to choose death over having to feel the way I was feeling and all the blow up going on in my personal life. I'm still in shock over it all and everything is just coming at me, I feel like I don't have time to think, I just have to go. But I'm scared ******** about what's going to happen next. I'm going to be living in a house that I could have to move out of at any time. I'm still on wait lists for housing, but most are saying a year and a half to get somewhere to live. I may end up back at my parent's house. :-(( Trying to cope with them for a day is hard enough. They don't have room for me etc.. I'm just speculating all of this, but .... I don't really know what lies ahead. I know I'm scared. Lonely. Nobody close.
I feel like it's time to walk the tightrope again.
Find out if there are places that provide any form of support for families in the way of housing or other resources where you live. There is also supported housing for a person with a psychiatric disability where they live independently. Generally the waiting list should not be as long as you said. I've mentioned IL centers and they are a good resource but also look up other community resources as well and find out what you are entitled to. If you are seeing a psychiatrist have them assign a social worker to help you but also do some research on your own as well. You should not have to move back into your parent's house. If you feel stressed best to talk it over with your therapist or a close friend not your child and if you feel close to the edge contact someone trustworthy for support.
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