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Hated, but why?

Oct 30, 2009 07:20PM - 2 comments
Tags:

hated

,

lonely

,

depressed

,

SAD

As of the moment, you all know that I miss the friendship I had with the guy who is now stalking me. I just feel so lonely without him, and I hate to admit it honestly. I really do. I cannot stand the idea of needing him or anyone else for that matter. It makes no sense, I understand, but back when I was on pills I felt hated by everyone around me. I thought that everyone around me had wanted me dead at one point, which caused me to feel suicidal at certain points. I thought I was a burden to everyone at one point, making me even worse. Who else could make me feel less hated than the man whom I once called 'Chase' (if that was even his real name)? Everytime I would talk to him, I would be so high. Its sad, really. Yet he would make me feel less hated and alone.

Lately, I have been feeling hated by everyone around me and like a burden to everyone again. I know the guy is stalking me now, but still I just miss knowing that I had one person I could turn to when I felt hated. I could never tell my friends this before you all tell me to. I could not live with the mere idea of burdening them with my real problems. I just need to sort this out either by myself or with someone else. I don't want to need him to feel less hated and alone.

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by ILADVOCATE, Oct 30, 2009 08:49PM
You are not a burden on people. When you feel down it may be from depression or just because you feel alienated in general. Its not easy to make friends who are truly emotionally supportive. I had to go through the same thing in the past. But it is possible. In the meantime you could speak to a counselor or support group just to explain what is going on and find coping solutions. As for that guy who was your friend, considering what he did he really wasn't your friend. People who are emotionally abusive make other people feel they need them. They try to create dependency. Its best to say that he is part of your past but that the emotional need is there and find other people who can fill it in a healthier manner and in the meantime find some form of counseling that can help you sort it out.

by Karey17, Nov 01, 2009 07:05AM

Hello there,

I read your post. I sense your lonliness, fear and uncertainty. I understand those feelings and how isolating and destructive they are. I empathise with you totally.

I'm new to this website and consequently don't know very much about anyone's background. But I can identify with some of the feelings you expressed.

I think you are truly brave to acknowledge them. Avoiding painful truths is what 99.9% of the population do 99.9% of the time. I see that you have some insight into your feelings.

I'm wondering if you have thought that perhaps it's the warm loving feelings that you miss enjoying? I understand that the guy who 'inspired' those feelings is no longer on the scene in a positive and caring way. But those feelings that gave you pleasure and comfort came from within you. You created them, and nutured them. They are dependant upon you to find expression.

ILADVOCATE has given vey good advice here. A Counsellor will help you through this, if you will allow yourself to be helped. But I think the question that needs answering first is whether you believe you deserve a better life.

That's always a major hurdle.

Self-care first........


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