November 1st, 2009

I can feel myself getting closer to stopping the tramadol.  I took one 100mg ER today.  It's lame and just enough to keep the major withdrawals at bay.  I can't wait to stop Thursday.  I dread the week because I know my job will be more drab and boring without tramadol, but I've got to learn to find some color in life without substances.  

Tonight I took some valerian root and my klonopin, so hope that's enough for sleep.  Haven't had a lot of issues yet.  I see people relapsing on the board and I totally get it.  I've been there with other stuff.  Relapse *****.  Mentally, it really messes with you.  I really hope I can fall back on some of my recovery knowledge to stay clean when I stop.  I know that the best thing for me will probably be to get my butt to some sort of meeting with other addicts.

The best thing when getting sober is honesty and sharing and helping others.  It's the only way to feel meaningful and relevant.  Otherwise, I got sucked into not feeling good enough or like life has enough value sober.

I'm trying to commit to this journal too.  That's why I'm writing during the taper.  So, down to 100 mg.  It *****, but I think I'm ready.

J