Nov 03, 2009
After a assualt that took place in Oct 2005, my life has not been the same. On July 31, 2006, I under went a spinal fusion c5-c7 the graft was my own. After coming out of sugery in recovery I remember feeling that my body wasn't in
pain so I felt that the pain was over. My post-op evaluation I felt improved but still in alot of pain, I was told that this will
eventually go away and that it will take at least 6 months to a year before I see improvement. Well today is November 2, 2009 and my body feels very unhealthy. Every day, night I'm in constant pain little to no sleep with no sign of relief.
Somedays I cant get up from just sitting, walking is becoming very difficult even using the bathroom is a daily challenge. Even though I have felt like just giving up, I still have the will to function normally as possible. I will list somethings which has cripple me mentally and physically that I challenge on a daily basis.
- Severe Leg pain which use to be mainly on my right side has dominated the left as well. Tingling, Pain, Numbness,
Spasms, Coldness and Needle like sensation. This alone keeps me awake if my knee's touch each other there is
pain like no other, my legs is always sore to touch sometimes a burning sensation. Walking, sitting, climbing stairs
are every day challenges but I thank God for the little things that I am able too do.
- The most embarrassing things are loosing urine to much pride to wear protection to stop soiling my clothes,
afraid to drink when going out even to the grocery store. Oh, my sex life I thought was over after surgery because I
can't get aroused or just to painful to have sex, it really hit the box when my urine became more of a problem now
I'm not having a sexual relationship anymore sometimes it makes me said and sometimes as much pain I'm in I
don't care anyway.
The other things are sitting, I go out to eat or sitting have a meeting and when it's time to get up my lower half doesn't
want to and people ask me are you okay . Just responding sometimes sounds ridiculous because I'm making up
excuse why I cant get up even more embarrassing is that even if you try to explain people are so uneducated about
there body some will say you need to see a doctor, but really they don't know or understand that I have been to so
many doctors in just three years that it's not an option anymore tired of physical therapy, injections, pain
medication, and pain management doesn't work and your body gets tired from these things because nothing seems
I have become a strange to my family, or they always trying to help too much. Sometimes helping is hard to ask for
since you was the one always helping others and I can't puul myself to understand these things all I see is a throw
away, helpless but determine woman that's getting nowhere. So even though I don't want to give up its becoming hard
to maintain what I have left. I am very angry all the time feeling that some people try to take of advantage of me
because of what I have become. Not understanding whats becoming of me is scary.
My back upper, lower and mild hurts sometime I cant tell where the pain is because it hurts so bad, my neck arms and hands pain is in every movement I make even if I don't move pain so I have name myself Paination meaning just
full of ruins no hope. I can't hold my head up for a long period it needs to rest, reading, typing, watching tv and even
looking up is so much P???, I have said pain so many times that it hurts me to say it myself.
Most of all I need to keep my faith that anything is possible and if at least try I will not fail my family, my faith and most of all myself. So I will keep praying for peace in my life, a life without so much P????.
Doctors always ask if you depress of course, half of this world is even them but what such misfortune that are upon you that is simply pain so yes I am.