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Ok so I can't stay away
Nov 03, 2009 07:09PM
- 8 comments
I'm out on leave from work and but I cant stay away from Medhelp! Being at the house all day its not much to do even tho there really is. I need to clean up while I can but I'm just tired. Today I took my daughter to school and then went over to the Dollar Store and Target. I forgot I needed to pack a bag for the 3-4 day hospital stay and cant seem to think of everything i need minus baby stuff. Everytime I go into to Target I love to go by the baby section for deals. It was especially hard today because I just cant resist a sale. Thank god I didnt find anything then it would have been really hard. :) I guess my excuse would be for my SIL (sister in law), shes due 3 days before I was. Anyways I forgot how much pads cost lol I havent had a period in so long because of my IUD. Besides that I cleaned our shower today and my daughters tub and then I had to take a nap. That in itself wore me out.
You know its so hard to know the baby will not be coming home with me. The baby still moves but probably only once a day. This morning when I was running errands the baby was moving a lot, so I had a little breakdown in the dollar store. I honestly wanted to baby to stop because its a reminder that Im still pregnant. I remember the days where I wanted to feel the kicks and the moves of the baby and now I feel the opposite. I dont know if the baby is in pain because there is no room for him/her to move around but I try not to think of it.
Also when people make comments regarding the baby its extremly hard. I'm guessing people would think I would end my pregnancy without doing research or talking to more than on doctor. I can just blame that on the fact that some people dont know me really well. I am the self proclaimed internet queen when it comes to research. After my ultrasound on sunday night I had a few pieces of informaton. I knew that the kidneys had multiple cyst and there was little fluid around the baby because the baby couldnt urinate. So with that information I searched and searched online for 2hrs straight. I found several websites and bascially said the samething, that multicystic kidneys is not compatible with life. Also at the Ultrasound the tech had a dr to come in to confirm what she found. He couldnt tell me the outcome but confirmed what was seen. The next day we saw the dr who confirmed the multicystic kidneys arent good and referred us to the High Risk doctor. So a couple hours later we went to the High Risk center and a nurse did the ultrasound and answered EVERY question we had. She bascially confirmed that there was probably no chance for life but wanted me to hear it from the dr. The doctor came in and talked first instead of seeing it for herself. That let me know she had seen the pictures herself and already knew everything, plus she had talked to my regular dr. We went over the ultrasound again and she showed the kidneys and we talked and asked what must have been a hundred questions. They all were so patience with us and answered everything we asked. This condition is so rare that the doctor said it happens in probably 1% of all pregnancies. There is no cause or cure. They have no idea why us and said it was nothing that can be done. There was nothing I could have done to prevent this and wouldnt have know if I didnt have my ultrasound. There was no way to detect it before. I had a genetic U/S to test for downs at 12/13 weeks and honestly I just did that to get more pictures because I wasnt at risk at all. There was no way it could have been spotted then because the kidneys werent functioning at that time.
I forgot to mention that the baby heart still beats and I was told its because I provide the blood supply. Also if I didnt want to end the pregnancy now there was a chance the baby could die at any time. Or survive the pregnancy but die right after birth. So I chose to end the pregnancy now.
Sorry this is so long I just wanted to get out everything because it seems like I get the same questions. I really thank everyone who kept us in their thoughts and prayers during this time. I hope to hear back from the drs in the next day or so regarding my hospital stay and I'll be online probably during that time because I'll be bored in the hospital.
Thanks Again!
You know its so hard to know the baby will not be coming home with me. The baby still moves but probably only once a day. This morning when I was running errands the baby was moving a lot, so I had a little breakdown in the dollar store. I honestly wanted to baby to stop because its a reminder that Im still pregnant. I remember the days where I wanted to feel the kicks and the moves of the baby and now I feel the opposite. I dont know if the baby is in pain because there is no room for him/her to move around but I try not to think of it.
Also when people make comments regarding the baby its extremly hard. I'm guessing people would think I would end my pregnancy without doing research or talking to more than on doctor. I can just blame that on the fact that some people dont know me really well. I am the self proclaimed internet queen when it comes to research. After my ultrasound on sunday night I had a few pieces of informaton. I knew that the kidneys had multiple cyst and there was little fluid around the baby because the baby couldnt urinate. So with that information I searched and searched online for 2hrs straight. I found several websites and bascially said the samething, that multicystic kidneys is not compatible with life. Also at the Ultrasound the tech had a dr to come in to confirm what she found. He couldnt tell me the outcome but confirmed what was seen. The next day we saw the dr who confirmed the multicystic kidneys arent good and referred us to the High Risk doctor. So a couple hours later we went to the High Risk center and a nurse did the ultrasound and answered EVERY question we had. She bascially confirmed that there was probably no chance for life but wanted me to hear it from the dr. The doctor came in and talked first instead of seeing it for herself. That let me know she had seen the pictures herself and already knew everything, plus she had talked to my regular dr. We went over the ultrasound again and she showed the kidneys and we talked and asked what must have been a hundred questions. They all were so patience with us and answered everything we asked. This condition is so rare that the doctor said it happens in probably 1% of all pregnancies. There is no cause or cure. They have no idea why us and said it was nothing that can be done. There was nothing I could have done to prevent this and wouldnt have know if I didnt have my ultrasound. There was no way to detect it before. I had a genetic U/S to test for downs at 12/13 weeks and honestly I just did that to get more pictures because I wasnt at risk at all. There was no way it could have been spotted then because the kidneys werent functioning at that time.
I forgot to mention that the baby heart still beats and I was told its because I provide the blood supply. Also if I didnt want to end the pregnancy now there was a chance the baby could die at any time. Or survive the pregnancy but die right after birth. So I chose to end the pregnancy now.
Sorry this is so long I just wanted to get out everything because it seems like I get the same questions. I really thank everyone who kept us in their thoughts and prayers during this time. I hope to hear back from the drs in the next day or so regarding my hospital stay and I'll be online probably during that time because I'll be bored in the hospital.
Thanks Again!
I am so sorry you are going though this.... I had a very close friend who lost her baby at around this same time you are, and its very hard. They let her go home that day after having her son. Im so sorry...you have to be a brave women to go though this, I dont think I could.....I know how hard it is to try and stay away from MH! But just know that we are here for you, and sometimes thats a good thing :o) Please keep us update, We'll be thinking of you.....
I am so sorry hun. You are in my thoughts and please know we are here if you need to talk.
My heart goes out to you.....Remember to pray and ask God for guidence and direction!
you are a strong person to be even able to put this into words. What an ordeal, to endure. Like Lil_ said above, pray and ask God what He would have you do.
Do what you know to be right, not what the drs say to do.
Praying for you.
Do what you know to be right, not what the drs say to do.
Praying for you.
We love you and we are here for you! God bless you!
I am so sorry..I was glad to see that you can talk, write about it, you are suffering but you will come through it stronger, I think you have accepted it.My thoughts are with you , marg
You did what you felt was right with the knowledge and tools that you had available to you. There is no right answer, and no one can tell you which decision would be right, you only know what is good for you and your body. At this point, its time to try to let the past be just that, get some rest, take care of yourself now because now is the time that you need to pay attention to yourself.
Personally, I stand by your decision. Why, because of just that, it was yours.
Stay healthy.
Personally, I stand by your decision. Why, because of just that, it was yours.
Stay healthy.
Wow ! U are a strong woman!! May Jehovah Bless you and your family!!
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