I miss mania...

Yes I have felt that way. Even the medication that I am taking Vimpat (an anti-convulsant used experimentally for dystonic spasms) which is showing mood stabilization properties in me (as they have noted) shows somewhat of a "wash out" feeling that is the cognitive blunting of many mood stabilizers. Due to rampant insomnia caused by the dystonic spasms and the activating effects of other medications I take I tend to have a terrible sleep cycle so I can't pin down the times to take it. But today in taking it later there was somewhat of a personality dampening effect. I certainly experienced that a lot with lithium and Depakoate though far less so with Lamictal but each person responds differently to each medication of course. As for antipsychotics as I've noted in the coming years there will be a whole new class of antipsychotics that will just make you feel like yourself again (which is hard to imagine but true). Best to keep updated with what is FDA approved and you will find a medication with less side effects and a better response rate as they develop new treatments. Hang in there and its best to think of stability and gaining your sense of self back, not just avoiding mania as the ultimate goal.

"Gaining sense of self back, not just avoiding mania as the ultimate goal" - really smart. That helps a lot - puts a better perspective on things. Also, I talked to my psychiatrist. He told me if I stopped taking my meds or whatever, I wouldn't get manic, I'd just get psychotic and it wouldn't be fun, it would be scary. He's probably right... and I'm a lot less focused on wanting to be manic right now!