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Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.
Male
Specialties: Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Male
Specialties: Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
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Managing Childhood Behavioral Problems
Jun 17, 2008 08:48AM
- 21 comments
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Over the years during which I have contributed to the “Ask a Doctor” Child Behavior Forum for MedHelp, one topic has dominated the questions posed by the Forum’s readers: how to manage childhood behavior problems. Indeed, in our outpatient practice at Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates in the metropolitan Boston area, the largest number of pediatric patients are referred for evaluation and treatment of behavioral difficulties.
Some of the time, pediatric behavior problems are symptomatic of emotional disorders, such as Major Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Disruptive Behavior Disorder or a condition along the Pervasive Developmental Disorder spectrum. However, in the majority of instances, childhood behavior problems occur on the normal spectrum and are not indicative of serious mental or emotional problems.
Now, does the fact that many behavior problems are considered normal indicate that they should be ignored, that parents should do nothing to address them? By no means. It is important to manage childhood behavioral problems in a systematic manner. What is meant by ‘systematic’? It means that a structured approach should be employed, an approach that is concrete, specific and consistent. The approach should be employed almost every time the child displays the problematic behavior, and the approach should be adopted by any adult who regularly cares for the child. The child should know precisely what will occur in response to the problematic behavior.
When systematic behavior management plans are implemented, parents can respond to their children’s behavior in a calm and rational manner. They don’t tend to respond in highly emotional, often angry ways. It is crucial in managing childhood behavior problems that adults maintain their equanimity, and systematic plans permit this because parents are secure in their knowledge of how to react to a situation. Consequently, they are not trying to ad lib, are not reinventing the wheel and are not acting impulsively on the spur of the moment.
There are two approaches to systematic behavior management that I often recommend to readers of the Child Behavior Forum. SOS Help for Parents (written by Lynn Clark) and 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (written by Thomas Phelan) are two practical, useful and effective approaches to the systematic management of childhood behavior. These approaches have withstood the test of time and have been of benefit to tens of thousands of parents. If you are struggling with questions about how to manage your children’s behavior, look at these guides for straightforward, common-sense guidance. By managing behavior problems in a competent way, you will enjoy your children more and contribute to their success.
Some of the time, pediatric behavior problems are symptomatic of emotional disorders, such as Major Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Disruptive Behavior Disorder or a condition along the Pervasive Developmental Disorder spectrum. However, in the majority of instances, childhood behavior problems occur on the normal spectrum and are not indicative of serious mental or emotional problems.
Now, does the fact that many behavior problems are considered normal indicate that they should be ignored, that parents should do nothing to address them? By no means. It is important to manage childhood behavioral problems in a systematic manner. What is meant by ‘systematic’? It means that a structured approach should be employed, an approach that is concrete, specific and consistent. The approach should be employed almost every time the child displays the problematic behavior, and the approach should be adopted by any adult who regularly cares for the child. The child should know precisely what will occur in response to the problematic behavior.
When systematic behavior management plans are implemented, parents can respond to their children’s behavior in a calm and rational manner. They don’t tend to respond in highly emotional, often angry ways. It is crucial in managing childhood behavior problems that adults maintain their equanimity, and systematic plans permit this because parents are secure in their knowledge of how to react to a situation. Consequently, they are not trying to ad lib, are not reinventing the wheel and are not acting impulsively on the spur of the moment.
There are two approaches to systematic behavior management that I often recommend to readers of the Child Behavior Forum. SOS Help for Parents (written by Lynn Clark) and 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (written by Thomas Phelan) are two practical, useful and effective approaches to the systematic management of childhood behavior. These approaches have withstood the test of time and have been of benefit to tens of thousands of parents. If you are struggling with questions about how to manage your children’s behavior, look at these guides for straightforward, common-sense guidance. By managing behavior problems in a competent way, you will enjoy your children more and contribute to their success.
I agree but it is easier said than done. I am a single mother of four, 18, 15, 3 and 2 and I also have a 4-month old granddaughter. After a full days work, we go home and I am non-stop, supper, dishes, clothes, baths and bedtime. I literally have about 2 - 2 1/2 hours to get everything done before bedtime (a lot of times 3 hours have passed before I realize it). I feel overwhelmed and don't have the time to focus on a particular outburst at the moment necessary; everyone is talking, screaming or crying all at the same time and I'm just trying to get the task done. My 18-year-old is working and taking night classes and on-line classes for college and the 3 and 2 year old are very clingy and whiny. They very seldom will go in another room and play, they stay under me constantly.
I have been trying to let other things go and work on this problem and things are getting a little better, but I tell you, it's hard. It's hard to be consistent when there is so much chaos.
I have been trying to let other things go and work on this problem and things are getting a little better, but I tell you, it's hard. It's hard to be consistent when there is so much chaos.
I would like information on Asbergers. How to handle the child behaviourlly with a mild form of the disorder?
Hi Joan639,
You could try www.aspergers.ca where they have some links to other resources that may help you. Also,there is a
Aspergers forum with medhelp where you can express concerns, questions, and so forth. Hope this information helps.
Angiecat
You could try www.aspergers.ca where they have some links to other resources that may help you. Also,there is a
Aspergers forum with medhelp where you can express concerns, questions, and so forth. Hope this information helps.
Angiecat
I have a daughter who is 37 years old and suffers from Freidreichs Ataxia. She has a 12 year old girl and an 18 year old boy. The girl carries most of the responsibilty for answering her mothers calls for assistance. This happens any time day or night. Her sleep is interrupted nightly. She also has a learning disability and is a preteen. She is having adjustment problems associated with her age but the other demands that are being placed on her seem to be aggravating her adjustment problems. Lots of outbursts, angry, moody, tired, feels like she is being picked on,etc. There is no way out of the calls for help that my daughter has to make due to the illness. Her son works during the day and helps with chores after he gets home in the afternoon. He sleeps upstairs at night. What can we do to help our grandaughter? She is living the life of an adult and she is only a child. We have tried the child psychiatrist and all he would do was order medicine that made her sick. There is no extra money for entertainment or a special day out. She is absolutely miserable. I understand how she feels and what she is going through because I also have a son with the same disease. I am also being called to assist at any time. I can't imagine how hard it is for my grandaughter to wrap her young mind around such big problems. I can barely do it myself. Where do we go from here...something has to give.
hello i am a single parent and have adopted two children from Nepal they are 31 and 25 months old (just like twins)
the older one is a boy and the second one is a girl. One problem that i have constantly faced is thatNameer does not want to share any of his books , toys or bicycles with her sister . sometimes he becomes very cranky, cries and starts hitting evry one who is around (also its the age for temper tantrums ) but still would like to know ho me and his nannies should handle him?
also is this abehavioral problem or is it normal???
Naveeda
the older one is a boy and the second one is a girl. One problem that i have constantly faced is thatNameer does not want to share any of his books , toys or bicycles with her sister . sometimes he becomes very cranky, cries and starts hitting evry one who is around (also its the age for temper tantrums ) but still would like to know ho me and his nannies should handle him?
also is this abehavioral problem or is it normal???
Naveeda
i have a daughter who is 13 yrs old almost 14 with a genetic rare syndrome called goldberg and shprintzen not to be confused with shprintzen and goldberg. i myself have researched with no help off any "specialist" that behavioural problems will more than likely occur regarding this syndrome. i know they have already and because her syndrome is so rare it basically isnt discussed,well at least not to me,becaused there isnt anything to compare her to. i understand what your saying but maybe if a parent had the help they needed they would not react in the spur of the momment as this could be the only way they know. i myself am probably guilty of that but also i know that there are reasons behind these problems.living with these circumstances day after day is hard though.especially when all you want is answers and no one can give you them. too many doctors are pencil pushing.maybe thats harsh i know.. but in my opion i feel thats the case
Is there a proven way to help a toddler learn to handle the inevitable emotional upset (which might lead to behavior problems) as a result of having severe and limiting food allergies? My 22-month cannot eat dairy, gluten, eggs, beef, pork, peas, peanut butter, nuts due to the hives and stomach upset that results when an offending food is ingested. He is just starting to notice (and get a little visibly upset) when he doesn't get served the food his older brother and parents eat or is denied foods at parties or restaurants. It is impossible to elimate all of these foods from the rest of the family's diet so telling him he can't eat certain foods even when they are present is an inevitability. I want to know when to start explaining why he isn't allowed these foods and how best to explain what that means to him--ie. you will itch and be uncomfortable. Also, my son is starting to say "itchy" when hives do appear so should I start explaining his allergies to him or just be sympathetic? Some articles about skin disorders and food sensitivities suggest that these young kids grow into behavioral problems and I'd like to avoid that--he currently displays very normal toddler temperment.
Naveeda, you deserve lots of praise for adopting not one but two children, same age, at the same time. Their age appropriate problems will occur at the same time, so you will have to have double amount of patience, double understanding. But with lots of love it is doable, as a lot of parents of twins will tell you.
The sharing problem is very normal for that age, it may last up to about age four, unless he will manage to figure out sooner what sharing is all about. Here are a few good links to help you:
http://www.babycenter.com/404_how-can-i-teach-my-toddler-to-share_6823.bc
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/toddlers/48196
http://www.toddlerstoday.com/articles/socializing/thats-mine-2245/
You can find tons more info if you put "toddlers+sharing" in the search engine.
The sharing problem is very normal for that age, it may last up to about age four, unless he will manage to figure out sooner what sharing is all about. Here are a few good links to help you:
http://www.babycenter.com/404_how-can-i-teach-my-toddler-to-share_6823.bc
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/toddlers/48196
http://www.toddlerstoday.com/articles/socializing/thats-mine-2245/
You can find tons more info if you put "toddlers+sharing" in the search engine.
could you please give me some advise on how to handle my 14 year old daughter who has a rare genetic syndrome Goldberg and Shprintzen.with this she has a centronuclear myopathy and a 9mm syrinx inside her spinal cord T6-T11,she has megacolon,ophthamolplegia,learning difficulties and behavioural problems,and my god the list goes on you wouldnt believe.her older sister died 12 years ago aged 4 with complications relating to this extremely syndrome.my daughter is well aware of the problems her sister had and knows of her problems she faces everyday.she is my everything and it kills me to see her worry and suffer with problems doctors dont even know answers to.so tell me please doctor.wot approach should i take 1 or 2
put that in your textbook.
put that in your textbook.
by kate165
Several months ago I asked for help for my 9 year old grandson. Sets fires, killed, by cutting up, a turtle, attacks his parents, sisters. Was hospitalized 3 times, for about 5 days. Knows how to manipulate the system. Because he never stays there long, they only see what he wants them to see. Cannot take him to stores, if you don't buy him what he wants, he curses, throws things around. When Mom removes him and goes home, he kicks at the car windows, back of seat.Strong, big for his age. Violence is getting worse. Has been diagnosed: BiPolar, Asbergers, type of Autism. ADHD, you name it. On many meds, changed according to new diagnosis. Goes into rages when denied what he wants. Punched holes in bedroom wall after parents were told to strip his room. Beat up another child in school last week, Mom was never called. His psychiatrist said he doesn't know what is wrong with him. Parents are married, do not drink or run around, has 2 sisters, one is ADHD, on meds, doing well, older sister has no problems. Your response to my first comment was that he needs to be placed immediately. Okay....how, and where? He was in KidsPeace supposedly for 2 weeks, they kept him 5 days, said he had Asbergers. Looked on the other two stays at Pottsville Hospital as vacations. Meds are not helping. He has told his TSS that his father beats him, not true, lies about other family members treatment of him. But since we all know now, we tell the parents exactly what happens when he is with us. I am his one grandmother, he attacked the other one, knocking her to the floor. I have seen the beginning of a rage while in the store with him, but he controlled it. However, as he turned away, I could see the tensing of his body. Thought that if he raged against me, I am 71, I would have the manager call the police. They have been at the house several times, but only talk to him. His TSS at home saw the latest rage for the first time, for no reason, and she was in tears. What do the parents have to do to get him placed? Dad works, Mom is not at the time, as she had a back injury, surgery that didn't work, he has threatened to break her back. When Mom did work, the children were always with family, not day care or child care. Please get back to me, tell me what steps need to be taken, and if there are any facilities in Pennsylvania for him. Thank You, Grandmom
Several months ago I asked for help for my 9 year old grandson. Sets fires, killed, by cutting up, a turtle, attacks his parents, sisters. Was hospitalized 3 times, for about 5 days. Knows how to manipulate the system. Because he never stays there long, they only see what he wants them to see. Cannot take him to stores, if you don't buy him what he wants, he curses, throws things around. When Mom removes him and goes home, he kicks at the car windows, back of seat.Strong, big for his age. Violence is getting worse. Has been diagnosed: BiPolar, Asbergers, type of Autism. ADHD, you name it. On many meds, changed according to new diagnosis. Goes into rages when denied what he wants. Punched holes in bedroom wall after parents were told to strip his room. Beat up another child in school last week, Mom was never called. His psychiatrist said he doesn't know what is wrong with him. Parents are married, do not drink or run around, has 2 sisters, one is ADHD, on meds, doing well, older sister has no problems. Your response to my first comment was that he needs to be placed immediately. Okay....how, and where? He was in KidsPeace supposedly for 2 weeks, they kept him 5 days, said he had Asbergers. Looked on the other two stays at Pottsville Hospital as vacations. Meds are not helping. He has told his TSS that his father beats him, not true, lies about other family members treatment of him. But since we all know now, we tell the parents exactly what happens when he is with us. I am his one grandmother, he attacked the other one, knocking her to the floor. I have seen the beginning of a rage while in the store with him, but he controlled it. However, as he turned away, I could see the tensing of his body. Thought that if he raged against me, I am 71, I would have the manager call the police. They have been at the house several times, but only talk to him. His TSS at home saw the latest rage for the first time, for no reason, and she was in tears. What do the parents have to do to get him placed? Dad works, Mom is not at the time, as she had a back injury, surgery that didn't work, he has threatened to break her back. When Mom did work, the children were always with family, not day care or child care. Please get back to me, tell me what steps need to be taken, and if there are any facilities in Pennsylvania for him. Thank You, Grandmom
hello,
I have and 11 year old boy who for the most part is a very well behaved boy. If you tell him to clean his room or do anyother chore he doesn't feel like doing he get very angry. He yells and destroys property of his fathers and mine.
Is this normal behavior or not.
I have and 11 year old boy who for the most part is a very well behaved boy. If you tell him to clean his room or do anyother chore he doesn't feel like doing he get very angry. He yells and destroys property of his fathers and mine.
Is this normal behavior or not.
I have a 12yrs. old daughter with autism. Since last 2-3 mos. she is getting very angry and Violent with no aparent reason. She had her 1st period in Sept. bur that is the only one she has till now. I don't know how to control her . Please help me.
i live at home with my mum and younger brother, he is 12 years old. his behavior is really hard to deal with for my mum and me. he's ben this way for many years and was originaly brought up by his father. i would like to discuss this with you or someone who will listen and offer advice, we are our wits end, really. thank you.
Im 34, single mom of 3 yr old son. My husband lost his life in a auto accident when our son was only 9 mths old. After almost 2 yrs, I began to date. I've been seriously involved with a wonderful man for about 5 mths. We are experiencing problems where my son's behavior is concerned. I admit to being a bit laxed with him & I've made my share of mistakes from not following through.....maybe out of pitty, of because of guilt. I work and go to school...so, what little time I spend with my son....I tend to give in to him. Recognizing this makes me feel like a failure & I'm working on that. My boyfriend has really made a possitive infuence on my son & wants to help me out with him, but he feels it's not his place. We're both puzzled about what's next. I'm trying to figure out how to balance being the nurturer and the disiplinary to my son. What advice can you give?
My daughter has been spitting all the time for the past year but now she is doing it all day and night. She is 5 yrs old. She carries around a towel now when we are home and continues to spit in it because she was using tons of paper towels, toilet tissue,etc. She says she cant swallow her spit because it makes her feel like she is going to throw up. Have you heard of this before?
hi there, this is the first time I've every used this sort of thing before. But after trying most other things I thought that I might give it a go! My son will be 5 in August and I was a single parent up until a year ago when I meet someone and we now live together. My son is a very affectionate little man and has very good language and communication skills. In the last few months though he seems to have changed and has these what I would call little episodes where if he doesn't get his own way he turns he starts kicking and screaming very very loudly and what ever I say he wants to do the opposite. I have tried to ignore this I have gotten angry I have smacked and I have stayed calm and unfortunaitly onthing seems to make a differance. I still make time where he and I do things together by ourselves but that doesn't even seem to make a diffenace. Does anyone have any other suggestions as to what might be wrong and what I can try to understand whats going on with him when this happens
I have a nephew who is verbalizing that he wants to become a girl. He is 14 and has been acting very feminine for the past 7 years. He plays out the role of a girl. He walks and talks like a girl. His Mom died when he was 3 and he has 2 natural older brothers. His father is very controlling, strict discipline and believes in spanking. My brother is in a new marriage of one year and now he is in a blended family. He was the youngest of 3 in his natural family and now he has become the oldest of three boys. His 2 older brothers are out of the house and his 2 new brothers can't stand him as he plays out this role. He tries to get them into trouble all the time by acting out his role.
He has been overprotected by his Dad ever since his mother died. He always wants attention and is a master manipulator. I believe he is dealing with issues of abandonment and wanting to get his Dad's attention. Now that his Dad has re-married he wants to divide the family and create a wedge between his 2 new brothers and his Dad by having them hate him.
Does anyone have any suggestions about the type of expertise I need to convince my brother to seek? ( He is in denial and feels it is a phase that he will out grow.)
He has been overprotected by his Dad ever since his mother died. He always wants attention and is a master manipulator. I believe he is dealing with issues of abandonment and wanting to get his Dad's attention. Now that his Dad has re-married he wants to divide the family and create a wedge between his 2 new brothers and his Dad by having them hate him.
Does anyone have any suggestions about the type of expertise I need to convince my brother to seek? ( He is in denial and feels it is a phase that he will out grow.)
Hi Dr. Kennedy,
This is the letter I sent the mom who, on Aug 29th, reported her ex-boyfriend's 7 yr old son trying the have sex w/ her 4 yr old son. Do you have any similar concerns???????(jpayne51486, Aug 29, 2009 09:44PM)
I am very sorry to hear about what happened to your 4 year old son. I will pray that he will get the quidance he needs to recover from this tragedy. I have 3 children of my own ages 10,8,and 6. I can understand how difficult this must have been to address.I know that your inital reaction was to help your son by removing him from the 7yr old "Perpetrator" however I see this 7yr old as the VICTIM as well!!!!!! I have a serious concern for this 7 yr old boy who was the son of your ex boyfriend. There must be a reason why he would be acting out in this way. Children do what they are taught to do. Are you not concern that the boy is being molested or raped by his mother, father, or another care-giver or relative. My initial response to your letter was WOW how much more of a cry for help does this poor 7 year boy have to make. HE IS SCREAMING OUT HELP ME!!!!!! I understand that you have broken up with your boyfriend but what about calling CPS????? Please do not let this boys cries go unheard and ignored. GOD BLESS...a concerned mother
This is the letter I sent the mom who, on Aug 29th, reported her ex-boyfriend's 7 yr old son trying the have sex w/ her 4 yr old son. Do you have any similar concerns???????(jpayne51486, Aug 29, 2009 09:44PM)
I am very sorry to hear about what happened to your 4 year old son. I will pray that he will get the quidance he needs to recover from this tragedy. I have 3 children of my own ages 10,8,and 6. I can understand how difficult this must have been to address.I know that your inital reaction was to help your son by removing him from the 7yr old "Perpetrator" however I see this 7yr old as the VICTIM as well!!!!!! I have a serious concern for this 7 yr old boy who was the son of your ex boyfriend. There must be a reason why he would be acting out in this way. Children do what they are taught to do. Are you not concern that the boy is being molested or raped by his mother, father, or another care-giver or relative. My initial response to your letter was WOW how much more of a cry for help does this poor 7 year boy have to make. HE IS SCREAMING OUT HELP ME!!!!!! I understand that you have broken up with your boyfriend but what about calling CPS????? Please do not let this boys cries go unheard and ignored. GOD BLESS...a concerned mother
Hi
I am the mom of 4 boys 12/8/5/1 I am having problems with my 8 yr old he does not listen and I do not mean sometimes all the time. His teachers are not able to handle him he gets notes home from school about being disruptive in class(4 in the last 4 days) it is like he does his work in class then gets out of his seat and starts to talk to the other children. At home you have to tell him atleast 10 times to do something , you can take away one of his privledges for him not listening and the next day he is not listening again kind of like he forgot about losing something he enjoys from the day before .. He has almost been kicked off his baseball team b/c no one seems to be able to get him to listen. I have tried hallering , grounding, removing objects he enjoys ( computer,psp, xbox) I have tried everything the teachers have tried every thing I am lost and do not know what else to do. I was reading an article about a child being an over achiever I guess you could call it and it sounds like my son, the parent stated they are getting the child checked for ADD but I do not feel he has this problem can someone give me some advice I am scared he is going to get expelled from school.
Also I am so frustrated and feel my frustration is adding to the problem
I am the mom of 4 boys 12/8/5/1 I am having problems with my 8 yr old he does not listen and I do not mean sometimes all the time. His teachers are not able to handle him he gets notes home from school about being disruptive in class(4 in the last 4 days) it is like he does his work in class then gets out of his seat and starts to talk to the other children. At home you have to tell him atleast 10 times to do something , you can take away one of his privledges for him not listening and the next day he is not listening again kind of like he forgot about losing something he enjoys from the day before .. He has almost been kicked off his baseball team b/c no one seems to be able to get him to listen. I have tried hallering , grounding, removing objects he enjoys ( computer,psp, xbox) I have tried everything the teachers have tried every thing I am lost and do not know what else to do. I was reading an article about a child being an over achiever I guess you could call it and it sounds like my son, the parent stated they are getting the child checked for ADD but I do not feel he has this problem can someone give me some advice I am scared he is going to get expelled from school.
Also I am so frustrated and feel my frustration is adding to the problem
My grand-daughter is now 8 1/2 and still sleeps with her mother every night. The father is forced to sleep in another room. Now there is a new baby who is another little girl 2 weeks old. The two girls and the Mom sleep in the same bed. The father still sleeps in another room. This does not seem healthy. Any comments?
Just the grandparents.
Just the grandparents.
AS A CHILD i BANGED MY HEAD UP AND DOWN ALL NIGHT. MY PARENTS NEVER BROUGHT IT UP OUT OF EMBARASSMENT I GUESS. THEY JUST LOCKED ME AWAY IN A ROOM. THEY DIED SINCE BUT I AM RUINED. EVEN THIOUGH I TRY TO GET OVER IT, I CAN'T. A MILLION SELF HELP BOOKS LATER I STILL HATE MYSELF AND AM SELF DISTRUCTIVE. I KNOW I AM PROOF THAT NEGLECT IN THE EARLY YEARS OF LIFE DETERMINES THE REST OF YOUR' LIFE. MY E.MAIL IS ***@**** I KNOW YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TIME TO GIVE ME ADVICE, WITH ALL THE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE YOU HAVE WRITING YOU, PLUS YOUR' PRACTICE, BUT SOME TIMES EVEN A SHOT IN THE DARK HITS SOMETHING. THANKYOU .
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