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My turn to vent

Nov 25, 2009 - 14 comments

I recently saw someone's journal that I wish I hadn't.  Had I known what was going to be said I would not have read it.  I have kept my mouth shut on alot of topics for quite some time but this really _ issed me off.
I understand this person needed to vent.  And I completely understand how she is feeling. I tried for 7 yrs to have a baby (almost 8)  as frustrated as I was etc etc.  I would never ever say this, "I am sick and tired of seeing everyone else's bfp's"  What the ____?  I understand her feeling that way because I did to however, I was mature enough to keep it to myself as to not upset the wonderful women who had struggled for so long who did get their BFP'S.
With that being said I feel much better.
Happy Thanksgiving to all and CONGRATULATIONS to all those who have gotten their bfp's!
to all the ladies still trying....as much as you feel like it don't ever give up.
Lots of love

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212720 tn?1304379015
by Quinns momma, Nov 25, 2009
I agree. No matter how long I tried to get pregnant I would always be one of the first to congratulate people on this forum.  We are all in this together and the announcement of a BFP should be celebrated and embraced. It is unfortunate that so many women struggle with infertility but I sure am never sick of seeing everyone else post their BFP's and pics of positive preg tests. I am truly happy for them.

Gobble-Gobble my friends.
As jjsh44 said congrats on all of the BFP's.. :) Shout it from the rooftops!  
I am almost 30 weeks preggers and so thankful that Gavin will be here in just a matter of 10 weeks to join us and his big sister.

127124 tn?1326739035
by have 2 kids, Nov 25, 2009
I know exactly which journal you are talking about.   It upset me too.  I refrained from responding to it but it wasn't easy.
We went through 7 years of ttc.   All of our friends were having babies.  It was hard but I can honestly say I wasn't anger or unhappy that they were having children.  



145992 tn?1341348674
by mami1323, Nov 25, 2009
I think that she is hurt and sad and frustrated.  We've all been there and some handle it in different ways.  I don't think she meant to offend anyone.  She dealt with it in her own way.  She did say that it is hard to see people who don't know how to be parents being parents.  Try to be understanding.

582963 tn?1483456120
by LIL_LADY24, Nov 25, 2009
First of all, it was not said to try and be negative..I think you read into it too much......I meant it saying everyone around me is getting BFP not only on MEDHELP but my friends...so if you took it that way then that is you...but I have been trying for many many many years....I had a freaking miscarriage when  18....didnt know I had miscarried and  found out about 3yrs later that I may not be able to have kids. .... they took out one of my tubes and now I have one tube left that is barely functioning......so I have to depend on GOD not meds...........so I am not apologizing for my OPINION AND MY VENTING BECAUSE You do not know my story neither do you know all my stress that has happened.............................

377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Nov 25, 2009
I read that journal, and although I wasn't really offended, I was a bit hurt.  I am one who has gone through hell and back to have this baby, and yes, I now journal about him regularly.  I wanted to share my pregnancy and experiences with all the wonderful women here who have been so supportive in my journey even while they struggled themselves.  I also always congratulated those who had successful pregnancies even when it hurt.  On the other hand, I understand where she is coming from.  It can be painful when it feels like you are the only one not having success.  I guess I have mixed feelings....

582963 tn?1483456120
by LIL_LADY24, Nov 25, 2009
I dont care what yall are saying that yall didnt respond...thanks MAMI1323 for understanding what I meant........it had nothing to do with what they are talking about..........I am just as scorn and hurt as these women that dont understand my pain nor my story.........so next time instead of writing this come to me and leave me a note and ask me what I meant because I am the person that wouldnt hurt a fly but I feel like a child with someone waving a sucker at me and never giving it to me.............so once again thanks for those who understand me!!!!!!!!!!!!  

582963 tn?1483456120
by LIL_LADY24, Nov 25, 2009
Well the some of the ones who got BFP somehow have forgotten about us and I hardly see them on medhelp anymore or in the baby dust and infertility forums anymore......Im just hurt reading these postings and yall thinking that I am such a bad person for being upset that I havent gotten my BFP..........wow

413852 tn?1317312312
by Savanha, Nov 25, 2009
I read the comment & I understand what you are trying to convey.

To Others: sometimes in frustration, I don't always word things "perfectly" correctly, part of being a human being...but I know I'm the only person this happens to. We are talking hormones, etc. ladies.  There have been MANY statements posted on MH...some very recently (not just in a journal either), that are worded more harshley then this, but it is amazing how many came to support the person...dont' think there were any neg replies.

I don't think "LL" was saying that she isn't happy for the Ladies that get a BFP...I didn't get that, because she has been more then supportive & I am definitely sure happy for the ladies who've gotten BFPs. You can go back & check ALL the "Happy for Your BFP" replies she has made since joining MH...they speak volumes.

If I recall, someone said they felt the same way, but kept it to themselves. People experience things differently and she didn't name any names...she just vented. She did apologize if she offended anyone, but I can see that wasn't enough.

I completly understand what you are talking about LL and if it helps, feel free to vent to me personally anytime...wouldn't want to upset the perfect balance of MH, because it's obvious, you are the ONLY one venting.

PLease READ this Clearly...I'm not trying to OFFEND ANYONE either.  Thanks.

Mounds of RSSBD to ALL!

134578 tn?1483549754
by AnnieBrooke, Nov 25, 2009
I didn't see the original post that made you upset, maybe it was extreme.  But if it was in a journal, not on the forum, I'd try to give the poster a little leeway.  A journal is, generally speaking, meant for the poster and maybe her friends...it does pop up in the left-hand column, but then goes away pretty fast and is not searchable.  So it's intended to be a little more private, even if the person has not marked it as "friends only."  

In my experience it can be hard at times to be ttc and to read everyone's cheerful posts about their pregnancies.  It's not always hard, but it is if you are reading at a time when you have just had particularly bad news such as a miscarriage.   I had to pull away from the forum when I miscarried twins, and when the second and third round of our IVF tries failed.  By then we had spent multi-thousands of dollars trying to have a second child and I felt timed out by my age and by the monetary angle, and yet I wanted another child so much that I was crying every day.  To read "Guess what!  I got my BFP!  or "My pregnancy is going so great!" posts then was simply too hard.  I didn't blame the posters or think they were taking a happy tone to be hurtful or anything irrational like that, but had to stay off the forum even so, since the wound was just too raw.  If I had commented then, nobody who posted should have taken offense that I was saying they were sounding smug or whatever, it would just have been a remark that I was temporarily at the end of my rope emotionally.

Again, did not see the original post, don't know what tone was taken.  Presumably it was not a slap directly to someone on their happy post about their pregnancy.  It probably was just a vent about their own frustrating situation and not meant as a criticism of the pregnant women on the forum.

377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Nov 25, 2009
Reading all the comments through, I guess this is a good reminder that it can be very difficult to read someones "tone" or completely understand their intent in a post or a journal.  LL, if I misread or misunderstood, I apologize to you.  I did take it as "I am sick of reading about other peoples happiness", even though I know you know that many of us have had a very difficult time having our babies.  Again, I was not offended, just a bit hurt.  Savanha and Annie are right...we have to look at the whole situation and try to be more understanding before assuming something is a negative.  Hope I made sense there, I know what I meant anyway.

393893 tn?1283554830
by jjsh44, Nov 25, 2009
I agree 100%  I may have taken it the wrong way and LL is right, then that is me.  I was just venting myself.  That's all

229760 tn?1291471470
by rdh1981, Nov 25, 2009
Well the first time I read it I found it kind of offensive too, then I reread and realized that she was just stressed. Believe me I have undergone serious pain myself. After trying for two years I finally got pregnant with my son Cooper only to loose him when he was 7wks old due to a heart condition. He passed away in my arms, that was third and final time I got to hold me.

Believe me it hurt to see people celebrating their good news but I would never wish anything bad on them. I had to leave the forum for awhile too, but I always came back to check on those who stood by my side. If the news of others is too hard to handle then simply take a break from MH.

The the first thing that I thought when I saw this post was, "Wow how would she feel if someone said that about her when she got her BFP?!". I know ttc is stressful and it is hard to be happy all the time for others but we must keep in mind that we want others to be happy for us when our time finally comes.  

393893 tn?1283554830
by jjsh44, Nov 25, 2009
Yes, I felt it was offensive.  I wasn't looking for an apology.  LL is absolutely entitled to her opinion as I am too and that's what I was doing here, voicing my opinion.

LL-I do hope the very best for you and that your little miracle will be here soon


Avatar universal
by foxy68, Mar 30, 2010
i just joined this forum anf though i am not how u say 'ttc' i can understand what that lady was feeling.  it's not only with having babies (children) it's with all things in life. we are first and foremost humans. the feeling of 'why me' always prevails---ur mates seem to be doing things right on time (college, great job immiediately, marriage, kids etc) and u just seem to be left behind......it hurts!!! no matter how u look at it , it hurts like bloddy hell!!!

one does feel better when u let off some steam----this is bound to rub off negatively on others and some will understand where u r coming from ----it's why we are humans (different). take a look at the fingers on ur hands---they are not equal in length or size neither are the markings on ur palms.

My dearest LL, your babies will come with just ur one fallopian tube, ur already on the right path --trusting God.....i want u to listen to ur body, relax, eat right and it will come when u r not expecting it at all! And i want you to hug that very patient man who thru all ur tantrums(women!!!) LOVES U STILL and a God who never never fails!!!!!

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