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I have a deep "family paranoia"

Nov 26, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

huge sketchball

,

family paranoia

,

concentration

,

ugly faces

,

skype

,

cousins

,

virginia

,

ohio

,

nostrils

,

squinting

,

pretty smile

,

Braces

,

dimples

,

peter griffin laugh

,

mom

,

Dave

,

dave's girlfriend Sara

,

truffles

,

Dave's exgirlfriend Jen

,

apples vs. avocados

,

cheese fight

,

arguements

,

memere and grampy

,

blueberry pie

,

aunts and uncles

,

turkey dinner

,

Thanksgiving

,

parents

,

dad

,

zoo tycoon

,

ferrets

,

Infection

,

steve

,

auntie donna

,

apple pie

,

Pride

,

talking

,

morale

,

faith in life



But the day could have been a lot worse. I mostly just come off as a huge sketchball around family I don't see very often. I start to watch everyone too closely, I concentrate too hard, and then my face gets very unattractive and twitches. Then they're giving me odd looks and I don't know why. I just realized this this morning while Skyping my cousins in Virginia, then family in Ohio. And seeing myself and noticing I make sour faces when thinking of things to say. It's not really important, I just wonder why I do it. My nostrils flare and I try to overcompensate and my left eye squints and then my mouth gets tight and I crunch up then my eyes get big, while the left one stays squinted. I make a lot of super unattractive faces, basically. Without sounding like a butthole, I know I have a pretty smile. I mean, a year of braces, I smile with my eyes without thinking about it, and I have dimples. Come on, I'm precious. And I laugh like Peter Griffin. It's the rest of my responses that lose me. I can make ANYONE smile by laughing.

I woke up today to my mom RUNNING through the house screaming "THEY'RE HEEEEERE" IT's all she's been talking about all week, and they are here. My brother and Sara are here. I am sleeping, goddamnit. I leap up as well and hop in the shower and try to look nice for the day. Sara made truffles and they are wonderful and I've had like forty. She's nice. I hate people comparing her to Jen though, becuase they are two very completely different people. It's like holding an apple and an avocado next to each other. There is no, oh, this trait is better than this one. I want my brother to be happy. How's that.

Memere was over, and she loves her pie. So does Grampy! I'm excited. My Grampy hugged me. I don't think he's ever hugged me before in my sixteen years. I love my family. My aunt, uncle, aunt, uncle, uncle, cousin, her boyfriend, cousin, cousin, cousin, and cousin came over for dinner as well. We ate a lot. My parents had a HUGE arguement. About cheese. I mean screaming, tantrums, "I LIKE CHEESE" "YOU'RE AN *******" "WELL IF LIKING CHEESE MAKES ME AN *******" "I HATE YOU". I mean, they were mad. My mom was stressed, and my dad wanted some cheese, and they were both ready to duel to the death for there causes.

I don't really like turkey. At all. I didn't have that much dinner, but a lot of pie. Mmmm. I played zoo tycoon. I still have five ferrets chillin around. I think my infection has not been obliterated. I am feeling a little tragity struck, to be honest. I guess I'll just hold out hope.

Steve says his Auntie Donna didn't believe I made that pie I sent home with them :D. It just makes me so happy, I can't even put it to words. I'm proud. Maybe my pies aren't perfect, but they look nice.

Oh yeah, don't read this I guess. But the rash on my face is bright red and it's not just redness like blushing. It's a huge splotch on just the left side of my face. Well, it was. It's spread a lot and stuff. But it's a lot worse on the left, and now my chin, neck, next to my right eye. What could it possibly be? All that googles supplied me with is the fact that shingles is only usually on one side of your body. Thank you, that was very interesting, but it's not really possible that I have something completely undocumented or anything. Why can't I find any information?  This looks nothing like anything I've found. They aren't huge pustule/ hives. They're very small, raised bumps with a lot of redness and itching. It basically just looks like I have bad or very dry skin from far away. Well, when it's even I guess. When it's just on the left I just feel a bit strange. Go pet a lizard, that's what it feels like. I just wonder. If I knew, I wouldn't be so curious, right?

We talked. I'm trying, ok? I'm not at 100% morale recently, I'm lagging a bit. And I'm losing faith in a lot of things, but really all it takes is a word from someone else and I could take it all back. I could take it all.

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