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Trapped
Jun 21, 2008 12:21PM
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I despise cancer. Almost everyone I love who has died has been its victim including my father. Our longtime and good friend Mr. C- is dying of brain cancer. Glioblastoma to be perfectly frank. Same thing that Ted Kennedy is dealing with. I have witnessed some horrific things happen to cancer patients, but Mr. C- is breaking my heart.
For many years Mr. C- was a lonely man in his personal life, but being a Harley rider and a genuinely friendly and open kind of guy, he surrounded himself with friends. Divorcing after a short marriage many years ago, he swore he would never remarry. Then he met the future Mrs. C-. They were married in Hawaii on July 7 last year, and were granted two months of normal married life before the shoe dropped.
Last September Mr. C- started getting dizzy spells. Late one night he started seizing and they couldn't stop it. Within a few days, a surgeon was digging around in his brain trying to fish out as much of the mass as he could get. It was impossible to remove it all.
Then came the inevitable radiation and chemo. The cancer laughed at it and continued on its merry way. More and more chemo and radiation resulted in more growth. Now we're into "experimental" treatment which is DoctorSpeak for, "Get your affairs in order."
Mr. and Mrs. C- had planned on having a wedding reception here at home last year. For obvious reasons, that never happened. They held it yesterday evening. Frankly, it was the saddest party I've ever attended. Mr. C- can't walk without a walker, and even with that he can't go very far or unattended. The cancer has robbed him of speech and he can barely get out "yes" or "no", and even that is said with effort. The horror of it all is that he is still in there. His knowledge and personality are locked in a body that he can no longer control. Communication with the world is nearly impossible.
For the first time, I saw awareness and acknowledgment of the coming death in Mr. C-'s eyes. Mrs. C- appears to be in some kind of denial and still maintains that there is some as-yet-undiscovered treatment that will save him. Bless her soul, she still believes in doctors and medicine. It's one of the most heartbeaking situations I've ever known. So there sat Mr. C- with everyone eating, drinking and partying all around him and he can't participate. He's always loved a party and was always one of the last to leave. Last night, it seemed like the guests were dancing on his grave. Call it a wedding reception if you will, but that party was a Farewell event.
We are all helpless in the face of terminal illness of any kind, whether we're the patient or the observer. King Cancer will soon claim another victim and there isn't a darn thing that can be done about it. So we surround Mr. C- with our love and help out with the mundane tasks of life as best we can. There's nothing else we can do.
For many years Mr. C- was a lonely man in his personal life, but being a Harley rider and a genuinely friendly and open kind of guy, he surrounded himself with friends. Divorcing after a short marriage many years ago, he swore he would never remarry. Then he met the future Mrs. C-. They were married in Hawaii on July 7 last year, and were granted two months of normal married life before the shoe dropped.
Last September Mr. C- started getting dizzy spells. Late one night he started seizing and they couldn't stop it. Within a few days, a surgeon was digging around in his brain trying to fish out as much of the mass as he could get. It was impossible to remove it all.
Then came the inevitable radiation and chemo. The cancer laughed at it and continued on its merry way. More and more chemo and radiation resulted in more growth. Now we're into "experimental" treatment which is DoctorSpeak for, "Get your affairs in order."
Mr. and Mrs. C- had planned on having a wedding reception here at home last year. For obvious reasons, that never happened. They held it yesterday evening. Frankly, it was the saddest party I've ever attended. Mr. C- can't walk without a walker, and even with that he can't go very far or unattended. The cancer has robbed him of speech and he can barely get out "yes" or "no", and even that is said with effort. The horror of it all is that he is still in there. His knowledge and personality are locked in a body that he can no longer control. Communication with the world is nearly impossible.
For the first time, I saw awareness and acknowledgment of the coming death in Mr. C-'s eyes. Mrs. C- appears to be in some kind of denial and still maintains that there is some as-yet-undiscovered treatment that will save him. Bless her soul, she still believes in doctors and medicine. It's one of the most heartbeaking situations I've ever known. So there sat Mr. C- with everyone eating, drinking and partying all around him and he can't participate. He's always loved a party and was always one of the last to leave. Last night, it seemed like the guests were dancing on his grave. Call it a wedding reception if you will, but that party was a Farewell event.
We are all helpless in the face of terminal illness of any kind, whether we're the patient or the observer. King Cancer will soon claim another victim and there isn't a darn thing that can be done about it. So we surround Mr. C- with our love and help out with the mundane tasks of life as best we can. There's nothing else we can do.
Wow! well said. My mother has survived so far, seven bouts of cancer, each a different kind. She now refuses chemo or radiation. She says her quality of life is nothing when she fights the monster. She is doing great right now, but we live each day waiting . . . . Her siblings (eight in fact) have fought and lost to this monster who cannot be stopped. Well Said, Jaybay, WELL SAID. Aggie
Aggie - thanks for both reading and understanding what I was trying to say. :-)
I am so sorry for your friend and his loved ones/friends. It is very sad to watch someone die right before your eyes and know there is not a darn thing you can do except leave it in God's hands. Sometimes it is difficult to do that as we want to be able to help. I will keep you and your friends in my prayers!
I just wanted to say thank you for writting your story.
I just found out yesterday that my Aunts Mother has 4-6 weeks because the cancer has now traveled to her brain.6 months at the most if she decides to do treatment. How is having to makethat decision even fair?
We are all devestated by the news and feel absolutly helpless. My poor Aunt is beside herself. My cousin(her step daughter) was diagnosed with Lymphoma about 6 months ago and is staying strong. But our family is going through alot right now. It's nice to know were not alone.
I will keep you and your loved ones in my thoughts and prayers.
TMA
I just found out yesterday that my Aunts Mother has 4-6 weeks because the cancer has now traveled to her brain.6 months at the most if she decides to do treatment. How is having to makethat decision even fair?
We are all devestated by the news and feel absolutly helpless. My poor Aunt is beside herself. My cousin(her step daughter) was diagnosed with Lymphoma about 6 months ago and is staying strong. But our family is going through alot right now. It's nice to know were not alone.
I will keep you and your loved ones in my thoughts and prayers.
TMA
I'm really saddened about Mr. C after reading your story. He's a brave man. Maybe he prefers to see people "dancing on his grave" and celebrating his life rather than surrounding him with tears and sorrow. That will come after Mr. C passes on.
Too many of us are touched by this awful disease. It really is a monster = (
Too many of us are touched by this awful disease. It really is a monster = (
Thanks wolf. Yes, a month ago I would have agreed that the party was a celebration of Mr. C-'s life because he could still participate at that point. No doubt at the time the plans were being made he was still capable of it, but by the time the party rolled around he wasn't. Bless his heart, he tried to appear like he was enjoying himself, but too many times we caught the painful facial grimaces and body language that told us differently.
To make matters worse, his in-laws parked themselves at his table and refused to move to let anyone else near him. Trust me, that wasn't a protective move because they ignored him like he was a table centerpiece. Much as I hate to say it, the in-laws are nothing more than trash who were more than happy to get fed and drunk on Mr. C-'s dime. They weren't interested in getting to anyone else present.
Hubby finally elbowed them out of the way and asked Mr. C-, "Yes or no, do you want to get away from these people?" "Yeeesssss." He is so weak it took 10 minutes to get him to another table. The in-laws tried to follow but Hubby told them to stand down as he had some private things to discuss. Next question: "Do you want to go home now?" "Yeessss." Another 15 minutes to get him loaded in the car and that was the end of that. It's just so dam sad....
To make matters worse, his in-laws parked themselves at his table and refused to move to let anyone else near him. Trust me, that wasn't a protective move because they ignored him like he was a table centerpiece. Much as I hate to say it, the in-laws are nothing more than trash who were more than happy to get fed and drunk on Mr. C-'s dime. They weren't interested in getting to anyone else present.
Hubby finally elbowed them out of the way and asked Mr. C-, "Yes or no, do you want to get away from these people?" "Yeeesssss." He is so weak it took 10 minutes to get him to another table. The in-laws tried to follow but Hubby told them to stand down as he had some private things to discuss. Next question: "Do you want to go home now?" "Yeessss." Another 15 minutes to get him loaded in the car and that was the end of that. It's just so dam sad....
Thanks for sharing that Jaybay. I am watching my mother in law die of terminal small cell lung cancer. It has spread to her bones, liver, pancreas, brain, and today she is having an MRI because she can't use her legs and her dr. thinks the cancer is in her spine now. She is going steadily downhill and I don't think she has long to live....it's heartbreaking to watch. I hate cancer.....
Tina
Tina
I am so sorry about Mr. C. I too have lost loved ones to cancer and it *****! I have lost so many people, including my oldest son who was shot and killed in 1997. I have come to hate death but as a Christian, my faith keeps me going....I hope that Mr. C. will have successfull chemo but I know that with brain cancer, the prognosis is usually not good. One of my co workers has had it for almost 2 years now and is slowly going downhill. He has been in assisted living the last year.... You are in my prayers as are Mr. and Mrs. C....Sue
I see I am not at all alone in witnessing death to cancer. :-( I lost my father to gallbladder cancer because he was too hardheaded to tell the doctor about his gallstone symptoms. He was convinced they would make him have a barium enema so he resorted to drinking Maalox all day, every day, for over 20 years and remained silent. The cancer was all over his abdomen and went undiscovered until he experienced a complete bowel obstruction. The surgeons just opened him up, looked around, and closed him up. Six months later he was gone.
A couple years later I started having similar symptoms to Dad's. Six months of tests and doctors who told me it was either IBS or all in my head taught me more about medicine than I ever cared to know. Ultimately, I had to demand an exploratory surgery. I had no gallstones, but a really rotten gallbladder that was ready to rupture, and a ton of adhesions on my small intestines. The pathology report verifed the beginnings of a tumor on my gallbladder. Yeah, there were a couple of docs with very red faces after that little fiasco.
All I can say is this: when you know something doesn't feel right, go to the doctor! Either that, or don't make a friend of me. Your odds of getting cancer will go up exponentially.
A couple years later I started having similar symptoms to Dad's. Six months of tests and doctors who told me it was either IBS or all in my head taught me more about medicine than I ever cared to know. Ultimately, I had to demand an exploratory surgery. I had no gallstones, but a really rotten gallbladder that was ready to rupture, and a ton of adhesions on my small intestines. The pathology report verifed the beginnings of a tumor on my gallbladder. Yeah, there were a couple of docs with very red faces after that little fiasco.
All I can say is this: when you know something doesn't feel right, go to the doctor! Either that, or don't make a friend of me. Your odds of getting cancer will go up exponentially.
Good for your hubby for being so perceptive and protective of Mr. C. I know from experience that relatives can be real vultures when it comes to "inheritances".
I can't even stand the word cancer. It makes me feel not just anxious but scared. A friend of mine had it years ago, she found out about it in Feb and died in Aug of the same year. She was in a therapy group that I was in. Most of the other group members didn't go to see her when she was dying and always had an excuse. It wasn't easy seeing her in such pain. I don't regret going to the hospital to see her and just hold her hand even if the morphine made her fall asleep. The last time I saw her in her home, her priest was there and it was the first time I took Communion but my friend, Elizabeth, wanted me to. She was a Christian woman, very intelligent and caring. She died when we - my family - went to California. Why am I even writing this? It's your story and I don't want to detract from it.
One good thing to come out of all this, is that they named a formal reception room in the Toronto Reference Library after her. Her children were very, very proud of that.
Regarding your own experience, I'm rather surprised that nothing showed up on your tests. It makes me wonder why drs send us to have all these tests if they aren't accurate. I guess it's true - listen to your body and trust your instincts.
Hugs and good thoughts to you and Mr. C and his family ....
I can't even stand the word cancer. It makes me feel not just anxious but scared. A friend of mine had it years ago, she found out about it in Feb and died in Aug of the same year. She was in a therapy group that I was in. Most of the other group members didn't go to see her when she was dying and always had an excuse. It wasn't easy seeing her in such pain. I don't regret going to the hospital to see her and just hold her hand even if the morphine made her fall asleep. The last time I saw her in her home, her priest was there and it was the first time I took Communion but my friend, Elizabeth, wanted me to. She was a Christian woman, very intelligent and caring. She died when we - my family - went to California. Why am I even writing this? It's your story and I don't want to detract from it.
One good thing to come out of all this, is that they named a formal reception room in the Toronto Reference Library after her. Her children were very, very proud of that.
Regarding your own experience, I'm rather surprised that nothing showed up on your tests. It makes me wonder why drs send us to have all these tests if they aren't accurate. I guess it's true - listen to your body and trust your instincts.
Hugs and good thoughts to you and Mr. C and his family ....
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