Here I am T3's! tylenol 3 with codeine

It must be a sign that it's time I admit I have a problem and address it.I found this site while browsing the net for ways to kick withdrawl symptoms for T3's and it is so helpful.I am 29 yrs old and ashamed of myself.I grew up watching my oldest sister abuse Heroinethen eventually everything else she coudl get her hands on.I could never figure out why she would do that to herself and why she couldn't kick the habit.Even with professional help and family support she has not done it and its been over 20 years.Infact my father raised her 2 girls and my brother adopted her son a year ago who is only about 4 yrs old now.Here I stand with my secret addiction - habit with tylenol 3 codeine I get them prescribed but found a way to sneak some in.I am not ready to share that part yet.I just wanted to get some things off my mind cuz I just cant believe how much bad stuff is happening at once and Christmas is a few days away.This is the first year of my life I havent bought a single gift and no decorations are up.I am so depressed, angry and lost.I have no friends and my family is all scattered.All I have is my boyfirend of 12 years.My dog is dying and here I am trying to kick a stupid pill habit I dont even know how I got addicted to this.All I can say is Doctors have not helped, they prescribed this to me and have continued to do so for the last 4-5 years.I have 7 pills left till Wednesday when i get my new prescription.I just got 40 on last Tuesday and 20 the wednesday after that so I had 60 and now I have 7 in less then 1 week.Typing this out feels more scarey then ever.I just realized how bad this is.I do have real pain so this is nto easy.I cant tell anyone either plus I dont really have anyone to tell as I am alone in this life.I got my b/f but he has enough of his own stresses.I want to kick this soon with the least of withdrawl symptoms.My problem is I bounce up and down from what i take.There is no exact number of pills a day I take.I take what i have till i run low or almost out then i suffer a few days till i can get more.I think i either came close or did beat withdrawl symptoms but got my pills again and right back to the start.I cant handle reality so I think this is why I am abusing.I had these pills for the first 2 years n never took em then  soemhow here i am.I hope I can do this cuz my head is in other places and its hard to control.I dont want no more doctors no more meds for meds.Well thats my first journal entry TYPOS and all!