Dec 27, 2009
I have been tossing around the ideal to stop using/abusing oxycontin for quite some time now, and have decided that it is time. I have read thru numerous entries here and must say I am scared as H*** of what I am about to experience. I have been using for almosst 3 years now. I am married and have 2 beautifull boys who have turned 3 and 5 this month. My husband has a rare degenerative neuromuscular disease. He is perscribed oxy 80's 3x a day and roxy 30mg every 4-6hrs (max 5 daily). This is how my addiction began... We lived in Virginia when he was initially perscribed oxy 20mg, and I was freaked out, his doctor talked with me and told me I had nothing to worry about so long as they were not abused. It worked out well, he did not abuse them and they were a great source of extra income seeing how my hubby is disabled and unable to work social security can only go so far and our life was wonderfull! All I used at that point was marijuna. Well about a year later we moved to Indiana, and was introduced to a group of people to get pot, and in turn we sold them oxys and of course they became our "best friends". Thier preference for using was snorting them and eventually they had my hubby doing that, and before too long with the peer pressure and wanting to fit in I began doing them as well. I used to think it was funny to see how people were addicted and would do anything for these pills, and could never understand why until I started using. In the begening it was great, I loved the energy and "happiness" I would feel. As the years passed it took more and more to reach that level of happiness until there was no energy or happiness it was just to get out of bed and go to work and care for my children. I would love to go to an inpatient rehab but I have no insurance becuz i was recently fired from my job because I was given a drug screen that showed oxycodone and was fired. My life has been on a downward spiral since I began using and I believe that I am at rock bottom. I tried to go the saboxone route but with my hubby still abusing them and due my lack of will I was fired from the program because I did not want to stop using. Anyway, tonight is my last night on oxycontin, and I plan to go cold turkey as of tommorrow morning and I am hoping that I will obtain some support and give someone the urge to quit themselves. Even on the pills nothing is getting done, i practically ignore my boys and they behave like maniacs because of this and it is time to save myself before I destroy my family because that is what is happening at this moment... I plan to eat a good dinner and take a nice hot shower tonight because I know that after tonight for only God knows how long I will not be able to do anything until I can get myself together. I am hoping that i will be able to record day to day my experience with quiting and hope that with helping myself I can help someone else too by doing so. I have my multivitamins and nausea meds and blood pressure meds that was given as a means to help with the withdrawal about 6months ago. I also have some xanax so that hopefully I will be able to sleep through most of this. I feel like such a loser for getting myself into this situation and bringin my familly down to the level we are at and I figure since i have no job, no car and no money that it is the perfect time to quit and regain control over my life. I just hope that my children will not have to see the really bad parts of the withdrawal process. I love them and my husband so much and cannot bear to hurt them any longer with my own selfish needs. My hubby has promised to stop snorting them and to only take them as perscribed, well actually less than perscribed because their are only x amount until his refill. They don't last long between the 2 of us. I know it will be hard knowing that they are right there for me to get but I will pray to God that I will stay away from them and have told my husband that no matter what not to let me have any more of them. tonight i feel fine but i know how fast that can change because we have ran oout before and I am not looking forward to my jumpy legs and sleepless nights but if theres going to be a change only I can make it happen, so wish me luck and keep me in your prayers and I will write again tom. and try and give details to my experience to all who wish to read!