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Why is love so scary?

Jan 08, 2010 - 17 comments

I am so in love with Richie, I don't know how someone can love someone else so much that the thought of not being with them is frightening.  I know how much I love and adore my son, because that is just a given.  If anything were to happen to him, I would never be the same.  But how is it that we can love another human being so much when they aren't even born of you or are not of your blood?  Why is it that we click with some people and we don't with others?  Do you think that it's a chemical reaction?  Do you believe in past lives and that the person was in your life in another time?  What exactly is it that draws us to one person over another?  How is it that we love and lose and can then love again?  

I know this is deep for a Friday afternoon...lol.  Just thinking of things since things are slow.

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by adgal, Jan 08, 2010
Well, love is scary because it gives someone the power to hurt us.  For some of us (I am included in this) that is a terrifying thought.  I think the things that make us love another human change as we grow and mature.  For example, when I was younger I had a very idealistic view of what love should be.  It was the knight on horseback there to protect me and take care of me.  The whole "fight for your honor" thing.  Ok, I was a very romantic kid..lol.  In those day's love at first sight happened frequently, so yes I would think it was chemical.   With my husband it was definately not love at first sight.  It came after getting to know him.  His value system, our common goals.  A wonderful friendship that grew into so much more.  I can't even picture my life without him, but part of what he gives me is a belief in myself.  I know that although I would be devestated I could go forward if something were to happen to him.  I could take care of myself and our son because he makes me feel strong.  I think we can love and lose, then love again because each person we love gives us something.....even if it ended badly.  They leave us with a bit of themselves that becomes part of what we expect from another or from ourselves.  Did that make sense?  Have you ever read that poem..."A reason, A season or A Lifetime?"  I think it's like that.  Everyone that touches our lives is there for a reason.  

This was deep for a friday...lol.  But I like journals like this....very thought provoking.

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by Princessa745, Jan 08, 2010
Awww, thats so sweet. You are in a great place compared to a long time ago.

I don't know, i think its part a chemical reaction and yes sometimes you meet that significant other and it feels like you've know them forever. I also think its like a spiritual connection too, which does make me wonder if their is such a thing as past lives. I love Randy so very much. Didn't think i would fall in love this way, but i did and im at a point in my life where i can't see myself without him. All i evision for my future is with him. Who really knows, i guess its a combination of everything.


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by Princessa745, Jan 08, 2010
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person..

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.




Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience o f peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.




LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson,

love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant




Thank you for being a part of my life,

whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.


I had it in my email....

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by mami1323, Jan 08, 2010
I haven't read that poem.  I guess what got me thinking is because Richie was running errands today and stopped into my job to say hi, then text me a few minutes after he left saying "i love u".  I started thinking, gosh I love this man so much.  I've put up with so much, I've forgiven him for so much and at the end of the day, I can still say, I love him the same, if not more today than I did years before.  How can you love someone even after they've hurt you?  But I can say that he is now a much better man than he was before.  He treats me so much better and communicates a lot better also.  

Funny cause my first love was not based on looks.  I thought he was quite unattractive when I first saw him.  It's when I got to know him, that's when I liked him.  My other attractions for the men in my life were definitely superficial.  Except for the guy I dated at my last job, he was hysterical and that's why I liked him.  I fell for Richie because of his personality but he was initially attracted to him physically....lol.

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by raquelplus2, Jan 08, 2010
uhh you guys are depressing me :(  i hate being alone. freakn s u c k s.  you guys are lucky

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by Princessa745, Jan 08, 2010
Awww, that is soo sweet. And there's your answer as to why you could possibly love him more than ever. "But I can say that he is now a much better man than he was before.  He treats me so much better and communicates a lot better also."

Plus the small detail of stopping by and then something as simple as texting you he loves you after. I'm sure he learned his lesson and knows what a wonderful woman and a great family he has. This made him mature.... Making your relationship so much stronger.



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by mami1323, Jan 08, 2010
Thanks Rossie....aaawww Raquel don't be depressed at all.  Believe me, I went through a year and a half of pure hell.  You will have your day when you are happy again.  It will probably not be Anthony but you will meet someone who cares about you and your kids.  You'll see!

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by adgal, Jan 08, 2010
You have been through a great deal of hurt with Ritchie.  The fact that you love him more is because of how it was dealt with.  Another favorite saying of mine...."If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger" seems to apply here.  I think when you overcome obstacles like you two did, and both of you really worked hard to get through it, it brings you closer together.  Would you accept that behaviour again?  Probably not, but both of you learned a great deal from it I have no doubt.  And you used it as a tool to strengthen what you have.  That is commitment, and that is love.  

Princessa, thank you for posting that poem.  I was going to google it.  It had been a long time since I read it, and it always has an impact on me.  

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by raquelplus2, Jan 08, 2010
ya its ok lol.  just thinking back to those feelings you guys are talking bout  i had only had those with anth.. its soo crazy cause i actually did think we were meant for eachother. we did things exactly alike when we met weird things  that i wont mention lol. right before he left i member he showed up to my work too dressed all nice  we ate lunch had a good time   we took alil walk even  he met my work friends too  i was sooo happy that day.  but things change i guess.  but im fine lol

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by mami1323, Jan 08, 2010
"Would you accept that behaviour again?"  Heck no!!!!!!!  It has made me a much stronger woman and I could not or would not want to go through the forgiving again.  I don't think I would be able to.  That would prove to me that this process meant nothing to him and him seeing me hurt meant nothing.  Plus, it would show that he didn't care about how our son would feel either.  This was a learning process for the both of us and I learned a lot, if he did it again, it would mean he learned nothing.  

I think that's why once we hit our 40's and 50's we know a heck of a lot and don't tolerate as much.

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by mami1323, Jan 08, 2010
Raquel, you never know what path your life leads you down....Richie could decide tomorrow that he wanted to leave.  Things change in a blink of an eye.  That's why they say don't ever take anything for granted.

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by raquelplus2, Jan 08, 2010
that is true i heard this somewhere recently on a movie or sumin " life changes in the blink of an eye and you have to let go of whats alredy gone..." its crazy!!!! cause its true thats what i keep telling myself ever since i heard it lol... i dont really know all what you went thru wit rich but it seems like alot so i can relate. thank god hes a changed man an grew up alot for your hearts sake and jayden too.  i wonder now if im gonna be soo scared and be like a madd woman when it comes to men now ?? i cant even see myself sexually wit another man ehhh makes me sick lol   love is crazy  cause when women love we love hard.

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by mami1323, Jan 08, 2010
Yes we do, I thought you knew about me and Rich?  He had the 2 year affair?  I think I recall talking to you about.  I've had journal entries written for awhile but I locked them after some time.  If you want to read them I can set them on Private instead.  Just let me know.

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by adgal, Jan 08, 2010
Raquel, we may love hard, but we are also incredibly strong.  You can move forward.  Sadly, all of us get our hearts broken at least once...it's almost one of those guaranteed things in life.  And it takes time to work through it but you can.  Mami, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you are a perfect example of that.  I have read many of your old journals and you were deeply deeply hurt by what happened.  You may have forgiven, which takes incredible strength in itself by the way, but you still moved forward.  So yes, you two worked it out, but you have made it clear you would never, ever accept that behaviour again.  So, as much as you love Richie, if you had too, you would survive and be able to take care of yourself and Jayden.  And you would be happy again, and probably even love again.  You can do that too Raquel.  You have that strength, you just have to dig in and find it.  It's there.

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by raquelplus2, Jan 08, 2010
you told me that he cheated but i thought it wwas like a 1 or a few times thing. i didnt no it was for 2 years!!!!!!!!!!!! cause i meber you talkn bout that girl being ugly and new years an whn jaydens birth so i though maybe a few times or even like a few months but not that long...wow i didnt no that.. but thats all you ever told me bout him and you??

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by mami1323, Jan 08, 2010
adgal, I don't mind...I was deeply hurt and it took a long time to move past it.  Yes, I would probably love again, most likely would.  I could take care of myself and my son, he would be the one more hurt in the end if he were to do it again and lose more than I would.  

Yeah Raquel, 2 years.  It was a long term affair and basically it was another relationship.  It was horrible.  I would've rather he dumped me than cheat on me.  I wouldn't have lost so much respect for him.

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by raquelplus2, Jan 08, 2010
d a m n  2 years  i cant believe that...that is really long time... well thank god its over  and you two have moved passed it and strengthen your relationship from it...whats funny is in the beg of june  i went and got my tarot cards read  just to do it. the lady tol me i was hurting and all this crap she also said that someone very close that i love alot was away for awhile and barely got home and lng story short said that not anytime soon but in a few months or sooner he and i would split for good and his passion for me that was soo deep isnt soo strong for me and that she sees a brunette in the future  hence that ugly girl hes wt now.  i even told him and you know what he said thats stupid thats it. crazy cause evertime ive gottn them read thyve been true.   you no what girl i cant believe how men are.  now that that happened  wt rich awhile back now do you still have that feeling he will cheat again?? or just get gutsy???  when you find out how did he get you to stay??

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