My article "The invisible girl"

Well, I said I would post my article up here, so here it is. It's really long, though.

Ignorance most definitely is not bliss. Not if you are young and troubled, and all you wish for is some love, affection, and acceptance.
They pay no mind to us and go about their daily lives as if they never had kids. My step dad and my mom have been having terrible habits for years now. Among others, buying themselves fast-food almost daily after being out all day is one of those that irk me the most. Leaving us at home loathing the next time we have to eat canned ravioli, cereal, poptarts or frozen pizzas because we "have no money". For some reason that I could never understand, they always paid little to no attention to any of their 4 children. But these are the smallest of the effects of their uncaring and neglectful ways.

When I think about my earlier years, at the ages of 12 and 13, a hurt and angry adolescent, I recall all of the extensively erratic behavior. My cries for help, and how they were ignored. I think about the crying -- almost screaming -- to loud music in my room on an almost daily basis. I think of the cuts that began to find themselves across my wrists. I think of the times I would not eat. I think of eating and immediately puking. Of hating myself, my image, my mind, and everything I stood for. I think of sneaking out at night, barely 13, with my best friend wondering the cold, dark streets of the lower-end of town in the middle of the night. I remember the drinking, the drugs. I think of all of my problems.. Where they stemmed from... And most of all, how they were ignored.

No one noticed a single cut on my wrist, I bared them loudly on my arms as a constant reminder of my internal agony and a bright red flag, dying for some attention. They were not concealed all of the time. And yet, no one noticed. That hurt more than the blade that pierced the skin. The times I would sit in my room and bawl my eyes out just wishing someone would come and comfort me and truly ask, with concern rather than frustration, what was really wrong with me. Was it the step dad that treated us all like dirt? The new step-sibling appearing out of nowhere that I was forced to accept and get used to? My father running out of my life for years, with my then-baby brother who I adored, just to avoid paying a little child support? Or was it the simple emotional neglect I experienced on a day-to-day basis?
Who knows. Probably a mixture of all of these, and more.

They got me into counseling, but I saw it more of... so that they didn't have to deal with my depression and fits of rage. They ranted on to the Dr. about how bad I was all of the time.. They didn't look to themselves for my behavior... They didn't try to find the cause, just the cure. They threw me on some medication and figured suppressing my emotions with pills would fix their own problem. Me.
But one day, for no real reason, I had a revelation and appreciated the world. I stopped the fighting. I straightened up, for the most part. I matured. I made an effort to change. Unfortunately in that effort, I left everyone else behind. Everyone still has the same old problems. The same poor, unhealthy lifestyle and habits. And even today I see it effecting my autistic brother and my step brother, who are both now 13. Both of them effected in different ways, neither in a positive way.

I believe what I want you all to take from this article is to not be how I was for so long. I am proof that you cannot force someone to change, no matter how much you beg, scream, plead, and argue. But I rose above all of that in the end and, although I still battle depression, I didn't let it ruin me. I stopped the drugs, the alcohol, and the self-abusive behavior. I realized that I have only myself to rely on. My story is a little different. Unfortunate in most people's eyes, and most likely could have been prevented, had I had more caring and attentive parents. I now have a son at the age of 16 who also relies on me, 100%. Although it may not be a direct result of my up-bringing, I don't want to see other teenagers end up like me. Living the life I've set for myself now, is not fun. It's not easy. And it isn't what I want to see happen to others. But this is where I break the cycle. To be a better person, a better parent.

If you are a parent, be it young, or older, don't ever fall into the hole my parents did and stop caring somewhere along the way. You have no idea the profound impact it could have on your child for the rest of their life. I will likely suffer some form of low self-esteem and low confidence for many years to come. I will remember what I went through, forever. And this leads me to my next point; although I went through it, and it was hell, it made me who I am today. I am a stronger person now because of it. I developed my own ways to cope with the world and whatever it could possibly throw at me. I am not exactly thankful that I grew up this way, but I do know that it isn't all bad, in the end.

So if you are a victim of emotional neglect, don't let it control you. Don't let it make you feel worthless. The ones neglecting you are the ones with the problem. They don't know what a wonderful person's life they are missing out on. What you need to do is seek help on your own, in the forms of trusted friends, adults, counselors, family, or maybe just anyone who is caring, and willing to listen. Sometimes that's all it takes. You may not be able to change the ones doing it to you, but you can change how you choose to handle it. It doesn't have to be such a long road of misery before you reach the light at the end of the tunnel. You don't need to punish yourself and fear you're not good enough to be treated right. Sometimes just talking to someone and realizing your feelings really are justified and that you're not the one with all the problems, is all it takes. Please don't keep everything bottled inside. Don't wage a war against yourself, it is one you cannot win. You may end up doing something that you cannot recover from.