Actually that was a lie, I have culinary on monday. Hooray... Not. I took Spanish yesterday, and my essays looked like "explain questions". I was pretty impressed with myself for putting together ten sectences for each, till that kid came up behind me with his four page answers. Oh well. Like moves on. I hope I didn't fail. That would just blow whale chunks. I took Biology today. I was up too late last night crying because I couldn't do my study guide because I can't find information on the computer, certainly not on firefox. And I couldn't copy it to my own computer. And I couldn't print it. And I was just so tired and stressed. I just cried. Went up an hour late, this morning I headed into finals drooling. Exhausted drooling. Of course last night I wet the bed. Because I was so ridiculously frusterated and upset that I got dehydrated and drank too much water and oh well. I'm done. I took my final, she accepted my unfinished study guide, Bona is great. I was actually looking forward to the fact that I had chemistry with her. I just couldn't do another science class this semester though. Not with Algebra and English. Anyways, I wrote the essays and used plenty of voab and actually had a basic understanding. I think I did okay, though I could be mistaken. I got out and was home just after 9. Sweet deal. Steve came over and we watched my movie, Babel. I love it. But he had to leave halfway through, and I won't lie, I fell asleep. Passed out. For hours. I was just so sleepy. Steve went to pick up and hang out with his friends. I say okay, what else would I say? No? But I did express my concern. I had a vague bad feeling, but that could just be those kids he was with. He comes back a few hours later with a concussion and scratched all over his face. He was sledding, but he won the race. =P I think it was funny, but I was ridiculously nervous. He was sleepy as well, I spent the entire day shaking him, telling him to "Open his damn eyes, because if he closed them again I was going to shove something large up his butt." I was only going to jab something near his butt, in reality, but it woke him up. We watched Superbad and Across The Universe. Love them as well. I was freezing.
I go out to my car, confident in my ability to get home on time, and it's covered in a thin layer of snowcrystally-iciness. Ok, I think. I'll turn the heat on. I do, and then sit there a minute. No difference. I go out with the scraper- but the ice is too thin too scrape. I just get distracting lines. I try more heat. Nothing. I'm out there scraping with my nails, getting more lines, but it's sorta-kinda working. I eventually scrape enough off to leave. Silly. I get home fine. Of course.
Now I'm still up but I am quite tired. I had an intense migraine today. Maybe it was all the bright lights. Maybe it was just because my back pain is getting worse, and today my neck hurt too. I lay with my head to either side and it begins to ache ridiculously. On my back it still all hurts. The only good way is to lie on my stomach with my face down in the pillow. Which makes my nose a bit sore, but we all have to make sacrifices :P. Nah not really. I've been lying like that a lot today. I took 3 motrin, and it's not completely better. I have no hope anymore. Devra was supposed to call me today, I missed her call yesterday and I wasn't home today to get it. Hope I didn't miss it. I'll call again tomarrow. I'm a bit annoying.
Shei was supposed to text me today. And it really doesn't bother me, I mean, how many times have I lost track of time and forget to call or text someone? I'm just a bit confused recently about everything. About how she feels and how I seem to be upsetting important people in her life. I don't care if they hate me though, she is one of my best friends and I will not be leaving. But I could back off. I would back off, if it helped. I wouldn't enjoy it, but I could do that.
I went snowboarding yesterday! It was quite cold out. A little powder, mostly pact snow though. I went with Steve, but it was ski club so a lot of other people were there. I boarded with Alex for a while! I've been saying I would all winter and haven't been able to follow through. I felt like a burden though because I've been very revved up and talkative recently. It's just me starting to feel better, I'm not worried about it. At all. It's actually good. But I don't know what's important or not, and I am not a fun conversation to be in. Also, she likes to go to the top of the mountain and fly down. Obviously it's a bit steep. I know Steve won't leave me, he'd be too nervous I would fall and he'd lose me or something. But Alex shouldn't have to babysit me. Unfortunately the snow wasn't the same at the top of the hill as the middle. Guess I should have known, but I fell a few times. I couldn't really beathe, especially in the cold air. I had to stop to relieve the pressure in my knees. Just a silly habit in the way I board. I always stop a lot, but this was getting a little ridiculous. I stopped twice as much as I used to. Because my lungs aren't inflating. I feel like I have a belt around my lungs. And I can't seem to inhale all the way. Or breathe while I'm doing any sort if anything. Even just sitting there. I just can't get enough air. It feels like an anxiety thing, to me. I need to try. I've been getting neurotic and I can't deal with this. I just want an explanation. Anxiety isn't something that comes up on physical exams and xrays. That would explain it all. I have anxiety already. We all know that. But maybe it's the cause of my constant chest pain and heavy heart, and maybe it's been causing my back pain and now neck pain and severe headaches.
I think I wrote too much.