Been There

Still not feeling physically well but I am motivated to get better.  Once I am through this, I plan on making some lifestyle changes once again.  I have always been a work in progress and mostly I get stuck in places of the mind and environment.  I drove through the neighborhood I grew up in yesterday.  I can't for the life of me understand why or how I am soo stuck there.  I dream about it constantly.  Experience it on a lucid level.  I take good hard looks around and I realize its not that great.  That I wouldn't choose to live there unless someone or something was keeping there.  I don't live near my hometown now but work close to it.  When I returned from FL, it was traumatic to get re-aquainted with the community.  Today I feel like an outcast.  Its so hard to identify with people, places and things.  They are all reminders of my using days. Remnants of what formed me, inspired me, held me.  There is no home for me now where I once lived.  That was taken from me long ago.  Now, the places I sleep, the things I surround myself with seem so transient.  Ironic that I spent most of my youth trying to escape it and now ponder what keeps me knee deep in it.  Its not a unique situation, but one I have learned to push away from the forefront of my mind.  Only to experience it in clips and waves of recognition.   Happier times, nicer weather, postcard memories of where I used to live.