Shot#28 Things may never be the same
Jul 03, 2008 09:41PM
- 1 comments
Tags:
Tags:
So as I think about shot 28 I ponder the point of vanity, and why its looked upon as such a bad thing. Today I had some close friends visiting with my family. Through out the afternoon I began wondering when they were leaving and what time I would get my shot in. At 7:30 I knew there was no putting this off. I went inside and got my stuff out for the shot, and brought everything out back. My husband seemed surprised to see me come out with my shot stuff, he looked at me and said "were doing this here and now?" I said "yes we may as well get this over with". My friends had their 6 year old son with them, he saw the needle and began getting nervous, he climbed into his mothers lap, and wanted to know who the shot was for, he seemed happy when he heard it wasnt for him. My friends began asking questions about where the shot goes, and what we do each week, I answered them as I iced up my leg and then Vanity struck. I always get vain around Dr's and friends, I would never let them see me scared, and certainly not their child, who I would never want to see me afraid. He would never forget it if i cried or became unglued, he still remembers details of a trip we took three years ago.
My Tina was swiming in our pool and she looked over at me and said "Do you need me mom?" I said "No honey I can do this, its ok you swim" Tina said "thats ok mom I am done anyway" and got out of the pool and put on dry clothes. And while I waited for her return, I kept telling myself it would be over soon.
The moment of truth arrived and Tina took a seat next to me. I was on display as my friends sat around the table and looked on as my husband got ready. I grabbed Tina and I felt a moment of panic I told my husband to wait I felt how tense I was and I needed a second to relax my leg. I whispered into Tina's ear and asked her to sing to me. so she began to sing Jesus Loves Me This I Know, and I said o.k My husband said here we go. I was praying to God that it would be a good shot, "please don't let anyone see me cry, or panic, please don't let me cry in front of that little boy".
I felt the p***k of the needle as it hit the muscle and I grabbed Tina really tight as we sang softly together. My husband said were done. I breathed a sigh of relief. I looked over at my friend and smiled, and she said did it hurt, I said not really its just my fear of it possibly hurting. She then asked Tina if she does this every week and Tina said "yes, and this was a good week, it usually takes a half hour before we can be calm enough to do it". my friend told Tina that she had a special gift and that she should use it , that she could be a nurse or a caretaker one day. Tina informed her about her work as a volunteer at the nursing home, and she sat there looking so proud. I was proud of her, she is so good about this. The moment was over, and my friends were getting ready to go home, we all hugged and kissed each other goodbye, Trica (my best friend) came back for another hug, and said "come here you I want another hug" and she gave me a big tight hug and whispered in my ear " I love you honey" I know she is very scared about my MS and she worries about me, I was touched by her second hug.
After they left my daughter and I went out back to watch the fireworks show that my town put on tonight, and I thought about how easy the shot went how blessed I am to have good friends who stuck around to see it through, my daughter who gives up her fun to hold onto me, my husband who faithfully does this, and as I stared off into the sky and watched the night light up with all the colors and said the oohs and ahhs with Tina, I thought Who ever said that vanity was a bad thing, it got me through today, without tears or fuss. That can never be a bad thing. If vanity helps us through the hard moments, to face things that seem so impossible to face. And gives us courage even when we don't feel so brave. That can never be bad.
Tina looked at the fireworks and said "they were better last year mommy" I thought about how last year this was not yet my reality, and asked myself did the colors seem brighter? was the fireworks prettier ? was everything better before this came into my life? would moments like this with my daughter ever be the same as before I got the MS ?
I looked up and thought to myself, they still look the same to me, and yet I have had so many blessing come my way despite this ugly disease. I've seen a glimpse of the women my daughter will one day be. I see the man that rose up and became my rock and best friend. I have met and made so many friends with other people who are fighting this illness and many other illnesses. Things may never be the same, and some of it I wouldn't trade for anything. I looked at Tina as the finale came, and told her they weren't better last year just different. She smiled and agreed.
Shot #28 is finally over and although things may never be the same, I realize I am ok with that.
Until next week
Be Blessed
Cindi
My Tina was swiming in our pool and she looked over at me and said "Do you need me mom?" I said "No honey I can do this, its ok you swim" Tina said "thats ok mom I am done anyway" and got out of the pool and put on dry clothes. And while I waited for her return, I kept telling myself it would be over soon.
The moment of truth arrived and Tina took a seat next to me. I was on display as my friends sat around the table and looked on as my husband got ready. I grabbed Tina and I felt a moment of panic I told my husband to wait I felt how tense I was and I needed a second to relax my leg. I whispered into Tina's ear and asked her to sing to me. so she began to sing Jesus Loves Me This I Know, and I said o.k My husband said here we go. I was praying to God that it would be a good shot, "please don't let anyone see me cry, or panic, please don't let me cry in front of that little boy".
I felt the p***k of the needle as it hit the muscle and I grabbed Tina really tight as we sang softly together. My husband said were done. I breathed a sigh of relief. I looked over at my friend and smiled, and she said did it hurt, I said not really its just my fear of it possibly hurting. She then asked Tina if she does this every week and Tina said "yes, and this was a good week, it usually takes a half hour before we can be calm enough to do it". my friend told Tina that she had a special gift and that she should use it , that she could be a nurse or a caretaker one day. Tina informed her about her work as a volunteer at the nursing home, and she sat there looking so proud. I was proud of her, she is so good about this. The moment was over, and my friends were getting ready to go home, we all hugged and kissed each other goodbye, Trica (my best friend) came back for another hug, and said "come here you I want another hug" and she gave me a big tight hug and whispered in my ear " I love you honey" I know she is very scared about my MS and she worries about me, I was touched by her second hug.
After they left my daughter and I went out back to watch the fireworks show that my town put on tonight, and I thought about how easy the shot went how blessed I am to have good friends who stuck around to see it through, my daughter who gives up her fun to hold onto me, my husband who faithfully does this, and as I stared off into the sky and watched the night light up with all the colors and said the oohs and ahhs with Tina, I thought Who ever said that vanity was a bad thing, it got me through today, without tears or fuss. That can never be a bad thing. If vanity helps us through the hard moments, to face things that seem so impossible to face. And gives us courage even when we don't feel so brave. That can never be bad.
Tina looked at the fireworks and said "they were better last year mommy" I thought about how last year this was not yet my reality, and asked myself did the colors seem brighter? was the fireworks prettier ? was everything better before this came into my life? would moments like this with my daughter ever be the same as before I got the MS ?
I looked up and thought to myself, they still look the same to me, and yet I have had so many blessing come my way despite this ugly disease. I've seen a glimpse of the women my daughter will one day be. I see the man that rose up and became my rock and best friend. I have met and made so many friends with other people who are fighting this illness and many other illnesses. Things may never be the same, and some of it I wouldn't trade for anything. I looked at Tina as the finale came, and told her they weren't better last year just different. She smiled and agreed.
Shot #28 is finally over and although things may never be the same, I realize I am ok with that.
Until next week
Be Blessed
Cindi
Thank you. Quix
Post a Comment