It's been quite a while

My ultrasound was good. Just cystic fibrosis something. Prolly caffeine and whatever I hope. Of course I worry myself like crazy and thank God it was fine. As far as my pain, I guess it is just one of those things I will have to live with. Some days are better than others. I just imagine though, the day I become a grandmother, I can't even hold a baby for very long at a time.There has got to be a solution to this. Your body hurts to tell u something. I have went days and well, months without getting on here at all. Thinking maybe I need to not be looking up and sitting here in this chair but i have had every kind of chair and I  have tried everything. My body is hurting for some reason. Now, I can't hardly ever sleep due to my legs hurting and my neck, shoulder, and left arm. I do notice when I am stressed it gets worse in my arm. I don't know. I am a my wits end. I have cried all night. My husband worries over it all the time. He doesn't want me to do laundry or anything but I have to. I am a wife and mom and have things that can not be neglected especially when you are me. A clean freak and I am one that wants everything just like I want it. I get really down when it's not. Maybe I am just plain crazy.I think that often. My children help me out a lot but I feel so worthless. I am sitting here some days thinking I am just missing their little lives and am I just making myself feel bad??Am I making this pain myself?? I man, it's here. IT's real. But can i mentally control it?? I analyze and analyze and feel like such a let down. I used to be so strong! I was great!!! I want that back!!!!!! I want it back so much. If only I had a doctor, one I felt truly cared. I mean, My chiro, oh my gosh, he's awesome but I can't always have the money for that. I mean, with 3 kids and a husband who works 7 days a week, and talking about getting a  3rd shift job too. I am just so weak. I feel like I have done this and if I could just undo it. I love to work. I could work if this would just GO AWAY!!! We've had a lot on both sides of the family going on and I have been running back and forth trying to help everyone. I ran myself so down and due to female issues my husband made me put a halt to it all til yesterday. His Mom was in the hospital. Rushed there thinking she was having a  stroke. So, I mean, How can I stop. I was so weak last week from running around and I have very abnormal times of the month and the stress just added to it. Then my daughter had to go to the doctor and I just feel so overwhelmed at times. My mind races at speeds I can't even keep up with. My bother has some issues and I want to be there for him. I can't let my family know how critical I feel at times. I don't answer the phone when I am really down. I just wait, pick myself up and call them back. He needs someone who "gets" him. He's been diagnosed with post traumatic syndrome and a few other personalty disorders so I want to be there for him. i can not let him know how weak I am. He and I have never gotten along that well until these last few months. i can not let him down!!! Our other siblings are pretty judgemental and I myself, going through my own issues knows what help maybe just one person can be. Especially if it is one in your family. I want to make up for so much time lost that he and I acted like we didn't have to have one another. Funny thinking about it now. The last person I would think he'd call and he told me I was the first person he thought to call. Anyway, I will continue later. It's time to get the food out for he 4th. Thanks for listening and I will back.