Jan 30, 2010
Really for my age, I am falling apart. My back is so sore these days. My lower back and across my shoulder blades. I take whatever I can get my hands on for the pain. I don't feel like I am an addict, but I take a lot of pills, from pain pills to stomach pills, anti-inflammatories... really whatever I can get my hands on. I don't mean to, I just find that I work better that way. If I am out of prescriptions, I just take otc. I have muscle relaxers, and sleeping pills and take them at night. But if I am out of those I will take anything else. However, I really do need them to function.
I have a job, and a life and I somehow manage to pull it together when I am in public (like the crying etc I save for at home when the children and man are not around), but when I am alone, I feel it... I cry and have horrible thoughts of how everyone around me would be better off without me. I don't know why I am like this. I feel sometimes like I want to cut my skin, and I know it is crazy so I don't, but I want to so bad. It is so hard not to but I can't have the people find out what I am really like inside. I just know that if my man knew how I was inside my own head, he would leave, and I would really be all alone. WTF is the matter with me.
I have to take something for this pain, in my head and in my back. I really wish I had something more then the usual, because it is not working, I just to make up for the pain, had to take 5 tylenol muscle aches, and 5 robaxicet, and 5 motrin. I hope it works soon.