day 16..

Yesterday was a awesome day probably due to the amount of sun I got I felt great, stress was under control..awesome..

Today not so much probably due to stupid drama that occurred everywhere in my life..and lack of sleep which never helps..I am fighting the urge to have a cigarette (i have quite now for at least 5 months..) Also I am very frustrated with the doctors here...I went in to get results from the clinic doctor and they didn't even do the vitamin D test to see if maybe i was just lacking that like he said they would..and pretty much shoved me out the door..I asked for a pap test and I guess they don't do those at night ..soo I have to find a doctor hopefully female that will actually help me and so far all i have found is places that i have to take work off for and have to call them during the week and day which means i have to leave my office to call because I dont want all my coworkers to hear me requesting one which they always make me say pap..

All this is a problem because I have HPV which i am suppose to go in for tests every 6 months and haven't for probably for two years..Five years ago when I was diagnosed and i was told there was no point in treating them by a specialist..and that i was pretty much ****** but it was low risk hpv so as long as i keep going in for test every now and then to make sure its not cancerouse that I should be fine but i have to live with it and that I would spread it to anyone I had sex with..and now find I found out i should have at least have got them treated...anyhow extra stress I dont need .

If any one reads this please don't comment about the HPV..I have heard other opinions of what i should do and about the virus how it can magically could go away, which pisses me off because I have to live with it and I hate how people go around pretending to be a expert on this because the know certain terms and read a whole bunch of posts on the internet and obviously pick out what they want to read; somehow think they can go around acting like they know it all and are superior and could not be wrong at all you know with all that medical education they dont have even if they could be misleading people but I am sure they got there information from some reliable web site because that stuff is for sure..you know they are professionals lol..I am posting this partly to vent and partly for a record for my self and anyone else that can get passed my bitterness and maybe find something informative so when I do get them treated and we will see if it just goes away..because after 5 years they haven't cleared them selves and well hopefully I dont have cancer, which I have had 2 pap test both have come back negative for cancerous cells but yes I  know I will l book another appoinment as soon as possible.

Any way its a bad day today..I am feeling overwhelmed by my shittyness and everyone else's..pretty negative i know I try not to be but some times it is pretty hard..Maybe I should and have to, go back on something (pills for anxiety/depression) but I haven't given diet and enough sleep a good enough try to help with my stability...